Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous
by DefyGravity18
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks has just become an Auror while Remus Lupin finds himself unemployed after a year of teaching. Their journey of falling in love during OOTP to their tragic deaths in DH. RLNT
1. Life Goes On

**June 1994**

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so proud of you!" Andromeda Tonks exlaimed, draping her arm around her twenty-one year old daughter Nymphadora's slim shoulders. She had just been given her badge and robes after completing her Auror training and her parents had come to see the graduation ceremony and congratulate their only child.

"Thanks, Mum." Nymphadora, or Tonks as she preferred to be called, said, watching as her father wielded a camera.

"Show your badge 'Dora!" Ted Tonks exclaimed, beaming at her. She could not suppress a grin as she humored her proud father, holding it up so that he could get a good picture of it.

"Honestly Dad…" She muttered, but the proud smile betrayed her true feelings. Tonks had worked hard since she graduated from school, studying for Auror exams, training both physically and in magic defense spells. It had been a hard three years and she had busted her arse to get that badge. She let Ted take the picture.

"Tonks!" A nearby voice called. 'Dora grinned at the familiar growl of her mentor, Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, and turned to watch as he hobbled over, glaring at the people who stood in his way. Extending his gnarled hand to her father, he looked up at Ted Tonks to introduce himself. "Alastor Moody…your girl here was my prodigy in training…real talent…bit clumsy as hell." Andromeda winced slightly at his rough language, but managed a polite smile.

"That's our 'Dora…she's always been less than graceful." Andromeda squeezed Tonks's shoulders and kissed her daughter on the cheek.

"Mum…" Tonks groaned in humiliation, closing her eyes. She felt her father pat her shoulder supportively.

"The poor dear gets it from my side." Ted added with a chuckle. Mad-Eye merely grunted in response before brightening up, (As much as Mad-Eye Moody could _brighten._)

"I tell you what though, that Metamorphmagus thing has its advantages in this business." Moody said, waving his wand carelessly and knocking into a young man walking by. He gave the boy a scathing look, sending him walking rather quickly in the other direction. Tonks shook her head.

"I can imagine. I just hope this business about a new war coming is just a rumour." Andromeda replied, frowning down at her daughter and biting her lip as if she were thinking that she might not want her only child being a Dark Wizard catcher anymore.

"Mum…don't worry…" Tonks assured her mother, "Harry Potter defeated You-Know-Who years ago." A flash of darkness crossed Andromeda's dark eyes and she shared a look with her husband, smoothing her daughter's pink hair.

"You're right…of course." Andromeda responded, her gray eyes sparkling all of a sudden. "I just can't forget the day they put Sirius in Azkaban…and now that he's escaped, I have to wonder…what if Bellatrix can get out too?" Ted reached over and pulled his wife into a tight embrace.

"Best not worry about that now Mrs. Tonks." Moody said, moving to stand beside Tonks. "Besides…your sister is in the highest level of the prison…she'll never make it out without receiving the kiss."

"What about Sirius though?" Andromeda sniffed. "They say he killed all of those Muggles…I still can't bring myself to believe it…he was good. He was a _good_ person!" Tonks looked away, feeling uncomfortable. She barely remembered Sirius Black. She had been six the last time she'd seen him. It had been just before Halloween and they had seen him shopping with a friend.

_October 28, 1981_

"_Don't let go of my hand, Dora…" Her mother told her gently. She looked up at her Mum and sighed. _

"_Can we please go into the ice cream parlour?" She asked hopefully. Andromeda smiled affectionately, touching her tiny daughter's little button nose. Dora made a face. _

"_If you're very good and stay close to Mummy, we can go in a get __**one**__scoop, Nymphadora." She told her. The little dark haired girl smiled contently until her mary-jane shoe got caught in between two cobblestones and she tumbled away from her mother straight into two young men. _

"_Sorry!" She cried, looking up at the two faces, full of youthful mischief. _

"_Sirius?" Her mother said, catching up to them and crouching to inspect Dora's state of disrepair._

"_Andromeda!" One of the young men cried happily. "It's been ages. How've you been?" _

"_Busy…Dora keeps us busy." Andromeda replied, smoothing her daughter's long hair. _

"_Mum, stop…" Dora said, trying to worm out of her mother's grip. _

"_S'good to see you." Sirius told her as Andromeda straightened up. "This is my friend, Remus." He said, gesturing to his friend, who had short hair that was falling into his eyes. Dora gave him a scrutinizing look, tilting her head. _

"_You're tall." She said, staring up at the stranger. Sirius chuckled, coming down to crouch beside her. _

"_She's adorable, Dromeda. Hey Nymphadora…remember me?" He said. She glared at him. _

"_Don't call me Nymphadora!" She told him indignantly, sending the two boys into laughter. Sirius's eyes widened, impressed. _

"_Merlin!" He exclaimed. "Look at her hair…it's gone bright red…she's so cute!" Dora watched her older cousin with a blank expression on her face. She decided he was handsome. His hair was black and long and he had the same eyes as her mother…as her. His friend was handsome too, though it was hard to see his eyes under that mop of dark hair. _

"_I'm surprised she left it dark for as long as she did today." Her mother told Sirius. "Usually, she prefers bubble gum pink!"_

"_Blimey…" Sirius said, standing again. _

"_I'm a metamorphmagus." Dora said perfectly. _

"_You certainly are." Sirius told her, patting her head. She sighed, looking impatiently up at her Mum. _

"_Mummy, the ice cream parlour?" She implored. _

"_In a minute, sweetie." Andromeda said patiently. _

"_Sirius, have you heard anything new? Do you know where she is? I saw Narcissa briefly in September, but I haven't seen Bella." She said quietly. _

"_Dunno." Sirius said, looking grim. "I heard they've been targeting muggle-borns." He looked her mother in the eye. "Keep her inside, Andromeda. It's not safe. Especially for you with Bellatrix on the loose." Dora stared again at Sirius's friend. He looked down at her for a moment and brushed his hair out of his eyes. She could see his scarred face and his dark blue eyes. _

"_I like your eyes. They're pretty." She dared to tell him. The young man smiled in surprise, sharing a look with his friend. Sirius chuckled. _

" _I like your hair. It's pretty." He replied in a sweet sounding voice. _

"_I think she fancies you, Remus!" Sirius joked, elbowing him. "See…you aren't hopeless with women!" _

"_Oh yes, Sirius. I've caught the eye of a six year old—"_

"_Six and a __**half**__." She inserted adamantly, making Sirius laugh even harder. _

"_A six and a __**half**__ year old." Remus remedied with a sigh. "My luck certainly has changed." He met little Dora's eyes. "Not that I don't appreciate the compliment." He assured her._

"_Well, we must be going." Andromeda said. "It's getting dark and I promised Dora an ice cream. Good seeing you, Sirius. Nice seeing you again, Remus…Sirius, do come by around the holidays. We are, after all, the only members of the Blacks who are in good standing with each other." Sirius nodded. _

"_See you soon. Goodbye Nymphadora." Dora sighed. _

Moody elbowed Tonks sharply, causing her to cry out.

"I need a word, Nymphadora." He told her, nodding away from her parents. Ted nodded, waving her off. She followed her mentor to stand behind a statue so that they could speak privately.

"Please call me Tonks." Nymphadora pleaded when her parents were out of earshot. Moody did not smile, however, he was stony faced and solemn.

"We found Sirius Black." He informed her quietly, waiting for a reaction. She stared back at him, flabbergasted.

"Is he going back to Azkaban?" She whispered, looking at her Mum. Moody shook his head.

"He was innocent." Moody told her in a hushed voice. Tonks's eyes narrowed suspiciously, not believing him.

"How do you know?"

"Dumbledore told me." He replied, challenging her to question Dumbledore. Her old headmaster was probably the most brilliant wizard of all time. If he believed Sirius Black was innocent, then so did she.

"What's to be done about it?" She asked, interested.

"Nothing to be done, Tonks. No one can know." Moody said.

"Why not?" She asked, frowning in confusion. "If he's innocent, I mean…surely there's some way—"

"Dumbledore says to keep him safe, he needs to stay out of sight. And he's Harry Potter's godfather." Tonks's eyes widened.

Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Every person in the wizarding world knew the name. He was the only person ever to survive the Killing Curse.

"Albus Dumbledore contacted me to teach at Hogwarts next year in the Defense Against the Dark Arts position." Moody added, watching her expression closely. She gasped, shaking her head.

"Don't do it Mad-Eye…it's cursed you know that!" She implored him. He nodded, but didn't look discouraged.

"Don't I know it…Remus Lupin just resigned from the position this month."

"Remus Lupin…" Tonks tried to remember how she knew the name before it hit her. "Sirius's old friend?" Moody nodded.

"Severus Snape blurted that he's a werewolf, so he resigned before the parents could complain to the school. Nice boy." He said. Tonks felt herself stiffen in surprise.

"I never knew he was a werewolf." She said, feeling completely naïve and out of the loop. Of course, the only time she'd ever met him, she'd been six. Just before Sirius had been taken…when he was twenty-one. That would make him…thirty-four years old. Which meant that Sirius was thirty-four as well. Moody went on.

"Dumbledore seems to think that You-Know-Who is going to come back soon…and since Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament this year…"

"They are?" She interrupted, excitedly. Moody gave her a stern look, quieting her immediately.

"Yes." He snapped. " Albus thought it might be good to have me near to look after the boy…"

"Harry." She said to which he nodded in the affirmative. "How old is he now?"

"He'll be fourteen next month." Moody answered, making her sigh.

"Poor kid…" Moody nodded, his eyes growing dark.

"I just wanted to let you know what was going on, so you can be on the alert. Something's coming Tonks…and it's going to be ugly." He patted her shoulder before stalking away.

"Everything alright, love?" Andromeda asked when she returned. Tonks nodded, smiling and trying to look as though she weren't worried.

"I'm hungry…why don't we go eat?" She suggested, looking at her dad.

"That's the best idea I've heard today." Ted said, putting his arms around both women and leading them off.

* * *

**December 1994**

"So…you resigned as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor?" As stout wizard asked as Remus Lupin sat in his sixth interview this month alone. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes." Remus replied, wringing his hands and trying to ignore the soreness in his chest and the throbbing pain of the fresh cuts on his back.

"It says here you are a registered werewolf." The man went on. Remus nodded, swallowing. He'd decided that honesty had to be the best policy.

"That's correct. I was bitten as a child." He said, dreading the next bit. It always ended the same way.

"And how do you handle this…affliction?" The man asked, though he didn't look as if he really cared to hear the answer.

"Well, generally, I seclude myself somewhere that I can't get out of. Usually, my home, or a werewolf community."

"I see." The man said replied, not looking at him as he scribbled notes on a piece of parchment before looking up. He sighed. "Well, Mr. Lupin…though your credentials are good, and I see here that you have a reference from Albus Dumbledore himself, I'm afraid we cannot hire you." Remus's eyes fell to look down at his scarred hands, but he nodded tiredly.

"I understand." Remus said, standing before the man could say anything else. "Well, thank you anyway." He said, extending his hand to the man, who stared at it as if he'd offered him bogey flavored jelly bean. "Good day to you Mr. Riggs."

As he walked out of the library, Remus sighed, checking off another disappointment. He'd been out of Hogwarts for six months now…and it was looking to be bleaker that he could have imagined. He was running out of money. If it hadn't been for Sirius these past months, Remus would have been homeless as well. He'd been forced to leave the job he loved, lack of money had gotten him evicted from his flat. Dejected, he apparated back to Grimmauld Place and quietly walked inside the old house, careful not to wake the sleeping portrait of Mrs. Black. Sirius was not there of course, he was somewhere in the Mediterranean recovering from thirteen years of being locked away for a crime he did not commit. Things were looking down for Remus. His parents had been dead for years now, and the idea of joining a werewolf community was beginning to have its appeal. Though they were filthy, horrid people, at least he wouldn't be alone…condemned a freak by society.

He sorely wished James and Lily were still alive. James, through all of his arrogance had always been there for him when Remus was down and Lily was probably the kindest person he'd ever met. She'd had to have been if she married James Potter…he thought with a grin, despite his misery. A small package sat on the table, a note on it.

_Remus,_

_I thought you might need this…some food would do you well.  
All our love,_

_Molly and Arthur_

He smiled at the kind gesture and opened the package. Molly Weasley had packed enough food to last a few weeks. Ever since he'd left Hogwarts, Molly had been sending him care packages after Dumbledore had explained what had happened when he'd decided to resign.

"Engorgio." He muttered and the food suddenly filled the table. He chose a stew and repacked the rest of the food before heating it on the stove. The only sound in the house was the ticking of the clock. Even Kreacher hadn't been seen for days. To think that, at this time last year, he had been a teacher. At Hogwarts. He'd had students who loved him and respected him. Now, he was likely being ridiculed by the children he'd loved teaching so dearly.

His mind wandered to Harry. Peter Pettigrew had been missing since that night in early June, and had no doubt had rejoined his master. Remus had no doubt that Voldemort would return, and soon, if Dumbledore was correct. No one had hoped more than Remus that Voldemort had died that night thirteen years ago. He ate his food in silence as he read the _Daily Prophet_ headline: "RUBEUS HAGRID: WIZARD OR GIANT?" Remus nearly choked as he read Rita Skeeter's article about Hagrid's real mother. How could she? How could that nosy woman hurt an innocent like Hagrid who did nothing but care for others with no regard for himself? Just because he was different!

"It isn't right!" He said aloud, slamming his fist on the table in anger and dropping the paper on the table. _Control your temper Remus…_He reminded himself.

"Remus?" A woman's voice came from behind him, startling him. He grabbed his wand and whirled to see Molly and Arthur Weasley standing in the kitchen.

"Molly!" Remus exclaimed in surprise. The flame haired witch stepped forward, smiling fondly at him.

"We were just stopping by to check on you…have you heard from Sirius?" She asked. "Don't worry…we've been filled in by Dumbledore. He came to us just after the school year." Remus shook his head.

"Not for a while now." He paused, embarrassed. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean for anyone to see my outburst juat then." Arthur Weasley looked at the headline.

"So you've read it too." Arthur said quietly, taking off his glasses and cleaning them.

"It's the most disgusting thing I've ever read." Remus replied quietly. Molly was staring at him.

"Merlin Remus, what is the matter? Have you been eating?" She asked. He sighed, sitting down.

"Yes…I…had another interview today." He said.

"Well that's good, did it go well?"She asked, sounding thoroughly like his mother. He did not answer her question, instead letting her deduce from his lack of reaction what had happened. "I'm sorry, dear." She said earnestly.


	2. The First Meeting

**June 25, 1995**

"He can't be back…" Sirius said, his head in his hands as Dumbledore calmly waited for the initial shock to subside.

"You knew it was coming Sirius. We all did." He said gently.

"It's all happening so fast." Remus said quietly, patting his friend on the back. "How is Harry?"

"How do you think?" Dumbledore said quietly. "He's just witnessed the murder of Cedric Diggory…he fought the Dark Lord himself. He's traumatized."

"I think he should be staying here." Sirius said.

"No. Sirius…he needs to stay at his Aunt and Uncle's home until his birthday at least."

"I'm his Godfather! He should be with me!" Sirius cried in frustration. "He has to stay with those hideous…ugh! You should have heard the things Lily told me about her!"

"Petunia has her faults as all of us do…but there must be some good in her heart if she's dealt with Harry's living there all this time."

"Where do we go from here?" Remus asked, looking to Dumbledore for guidance in a world that had gone chaotic. Dumbledore sighed.

"Cornelius Fudge is refusing to acknowledge the Dark Lord's return. I'm glad Harry is in Little Whinging right now because the _Daily Prophet _has begun to stain Harry's reputation so that people don't realize Voldemort has come back." Anger flashed in Sirius's eyes while sympathy filled Remus. Dumbledore went on. "I am reviving the Order of the Phoenix."

"Really?" Sirius said, perhaps a bit too excited.

"Yes…I've invited some of the remaining members as well as some new. Molly and Arthur have agreed, Bill Weasley, Hagrid, Hestia Jones, Minerva, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Sturgis Podmore, Emmeline Vance, Charlie Weasley, Alastor Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, she's an Auror, and Severus."

"You're letting _Snape_ in?" Sirius asked, horrified. "But he was a Death Eater…what if he turns on us?"

"I would place my very life in his hands Sirius…you of all people should know not to judge people by their reputation." Dumbledore replied, a twinkle in his eye.

"Nymphadora Tonks…" Remus repeated, recognizing the name. Dumbledore nodded.

"Very highly recommended by Alastor." He added. Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

"My baby cousin…you're allowing my baby cousin to do this…" Dumbledore chuckled.

"Oh Sirius…you're protectiveness is admirable. She's an adult…twenty-two to be precise and she's been an Auror for a year now."

"She's a child!" He insisted. "Hardly older than Harry!"

"Oh come off it Sirius…" Remus laughed. "We were in the Order when we were younger."

"It was different." Sirius grumbled.

"I've sent Hagrid and Olympe on a mission." Dumbledore continued. "I've sent them to find the giants and attempt to persuade them to our side."

"Maybe I should try the same with the werewolves." Remus offered. Dumbledore smiled at him appreciatively.

"It's not necessary yet Remus, though I am grateful for your bravery." He folded his hands into his lap. "No, our mission this summer is to keep Harry safe from all of this madness. This year is going to be pivotal and Voldemort is no doubt after the Prophecy."

"Have you told Harry yet?" Sirius asked. Dumbledore shook his head.

"I just couldn't bring myself to it…he's still so young." He replied.

"Harry is smarter than you'd think Dumbledore…give him some credit. He produced a corporeal patronus at the age of thirteen." Remus said proudly. The old wizard smiled.

"Be that as it may…I could not put him through the shock of it all when he was still so traumatized by his experience with the Dark Lord. And now…no one will believe him." Sirius looked disgusted.

"James must be spinning in his grave."

"I have one more request before I leave you Sirius." Dumbledore said. "I would like to use Grimmauld Place as headquarters for the new Order."

"Of course." Sirius said tiredly.

"And…of course, I want you to remain concealed inside for now. The search continues for you…and after everything Harry and Hermione went through to save you…"

"I know." Sirius said moodily. "Of course I'll stay." After Dumbledore had gone, Sirius turned to his friend.

"Are you ready for this mate?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded solemnly.

"This is for James and Lily…and if I see Peter Pettigrew…he'd better pray someone kills him before I do, because I'll make him suffer."

* * *

**June 27, 1995**

A knock on her door, startled Nymphadora Tonks and she did a quick 'reparo' spell to fix the vase she'd knocked off of her table. She opened the door and grinned at Mad-Eye Moody.

"First meeting of the new Order of the Phoenix. Are you ready for this Tonks?" He asked. A grin spread over her lips.

"I am more ready than ever." She said excitedly and apparated with her mentor to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. She made a face at the grimy appearance of her mother's family home.

"It's a bit different from the inside." Moody chuckled and rapped on the door, which opened.

"Quiet now…" He cautioned. "You don't want to wake Mrs. Black…"

"I thought she was dead." Tonks replied. Moody nodded.

"She is." The portrait lay beneath the red curtain just ahead. Along the walls were mounted heads of house elves. It was so quiet, she could scarcely believe there were others here. "The kitchen is in the basement." He said, heading down the stairs. She followed hesitantly, trying not to make any sounds. She was successful nearly the entire way into the kitchen until she tripped on a table off to the side through the door and into someone's arms.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!" She said in horror as the man helped her to her feet. Upstairs she could hear a horrid screeching sound, as the portrait of Mrs. Black had been disturbed.

"No need to apologize, it was all my fault, I..." He stopped, and she dared to open her eyes and face him. He was vaguely familiar; standing quite taller than her with brown hair streaked with gray, though not enough to make him look old. He was tired looking and thin with a few scars across his face. He was strangely attractive to her. She pulled away from him and offered her hand.

"Tonks…er…Nymphadora…but call me Tonks." She said, hating the way she was babbling.

"Remus Lupin." He replied, shaking her hand. "But I do believe we've already met. Though, you were hardly more than a baby then."

"'Dora?" Another voice asked. She forced herself to look away from Remus Lupin's kind eyes to eyes nearly identical to her Mum's.

"Sirius?" She asked. He smiled at her, but her surprise was evident. She had seen pictures of Sirius and this wasn't Sirius…this was…someone older…abused…his eyes were dark.

"You're all grown up." He observed, making her feel like an idiot kid.

"Yep…it happens to the best of us." She replied awkwardly. Luckily the silence was interrupted by the voice of Albus Dumbledore.

"May I call the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix to order. First order of business. Introduction." As each member introduced themselves, Tonks felt extremely inadequate. She was the youngest person present, and least experienced. Even Bill Weasley had been to Egypt and back already. Charlie was off in Romania, trying to recruit new members.

"Nymphadora?" Dumbledore's voice was kind, and brought her out of her thoughts. She stood quickly, and nearly fell over onto Bill Weasley.

"Sorry…" She muttered. He grinned at her. "Er…I'm Tonks…I'm twenty-two years old. I became an Auror last year and well, I'm a metamorphmagus." She explained. "I'm very honored to be a part of this operation. Thanks." She sat down, hating everything she'd said. Bill patted her shoulder.

"S'okay Tonks…we're all friends here. No one's judging." He whispered. "You can turn your hair back to pink now." He added. Her eyes widened as she returned her hair to her favored color.

The rest of the meeting went quickly. They discussed the return of Voldemort and some strategies. Then, rather as fast as it had begun, it was finished and everyone began to apparate to their respective homes.

"Tonks! Wait a minute!" Sirius called, waving her over. She sat beside him and sighed.

"How are you Sirius?" She asked. He shrugged.

"Not too bad considering. It's Harry I'm worried for, naturally."

"Of course." It was awkward, but he was family.

"So, you're an Auror?" He asked. She nodded, a proud blush coming to her cheeks.

"Not bad…how's your Mum and Dad?" He asked.

"Well…thanks. I just moved out on my own this past year actually." There was a distinct pride in her voice.

"You remember Remus then?" He asked, indicating his friend who was sitting beside him but talking with Bill Weasley. She nodded at him, smiling. He smiled back and her eyes widened in surprise. She was attracted to Sirius's friend! Laughing at herself she knew he would never go for a girl thirteen years his junior. She'd be better off dating Bill…who was completely her type and good looking…and one of her best friends. Kissing Bill would be like kissing her brother. She cringed at the thought. Besides, Bill was dating a co-worker.

"Ah well…come on Tonks…I'll take you home." Bill said, pulling her by the shoulders.

"Bill, I'm an Auror…I am completely capable…"

"Actually Tonks, I don't think it's a bad idea." Remus said politely. "I think every wizard or witch should have someone with them when they travel."

"Really?" She asked dumbly. Bill chuckled, tossing her a broom.

"Tonks, if I didn't know better I'd say you were swooning." He quipped. She shot him a look of death.

"I don't swoon Weasley. I have a headache." She snapped.

"Right…" He teased.

"Aren't you dating some Veela?" She shot back and his face went white.

"No one knows yet…we've only been on three dates and I don't want Mum to start knitting baby booties for her grandchildren."

Tonks laughed.

"Lucky for me, my Mum is content to wait for grandchildren." She looked back at Sirius and Remus. "It was wonderful talking with you Sirius…er…nice to meet you again Remus."

"Always a pleasure Miss Tonks." He said sincerely. She laughed.

"Just Tonks…please…" He nodded and she walked out with Bill to fly home instead of apparate. The night air might feel nice.

* * *

Nymphadora Tonks was quite the surprise, Remus decided as he readied for bed. He'd been expecting some skinny little thing with long hair tied up. He'd expected one of his students to walk through that door and instead a grown woman had stumbled straight into his arms…and had scared him to death. Not only a grown woman, but an _attractive _grown woman. She was little, that was for sure, but she was filled out in all the right places and though she was delicate, it was obvious she was tough. Her eyes were big and wide set, a mischievous dark and her lips…were full and lush. Pink hair complimented her features surprisingly and was short, with layers that made it flip out and look almost spiky.

"All set then Moony?"

Remus nearly leapt out of his skin as Sirius came into his room.

"Yes…I'm just getting ready for bed." He replied, his hand shaking.

"Can you believe little 'Dora? Remember how little she was the last time we saw her?" Sirius laughed. Remus let out a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah…she was a baby practically…" He wanted to hit his head against his wall. _A baby…_Merlin, she was twenty-two! Hardly out of Hogwarts!

"Well, if it were up to me she'd have no place in this war." Sirius said. Remus laughed.

"But you're alright with Harry coming in?" He asked. Sirius looked indignant.

"It's different. Harry is James's son…"

"Who is seven years younger than Nymphadora." He replied.

"I don't care…if someone so much as _looks _at her funny, I'll curse him when he least expects it…" Sirius sighed. "Well, G'night Moony." Remus smiled weakly.

"Night Padfoot." He replied. As soon as the door closed, he hit his head on the wall, savoring the feel of cool wood on his hot forehead. "I'm lusting after Sirius's baby cousin…she's thirteen years younger than me…oh God…I think I'm going to be sick." He fell into bed, tossing and turning as he imagined Sirius's reaction to him snogging little 'Dora Tonks.


	3. Why Are You Still Single?

**July 1, 1995**

'_Dora, _

_Just wanted to see how you've been…haven't heard from you in a while…I hope your big glamorous Auror lifestyle isn't too time consuming and you can come visit us soon. _

_Much Love, _

_Mum and Dad_

Tonks laughed as she folded her Mother's note and scrawled a quick reply. It was entirely too hard to keep things from her parents and since the Order was secret, she'd been avoiding them. Especially since she knew of Sirius's location and innocence. The next meeting was in two days and she was hoping to talk to her cousin more in that time. Something in the room growled…her stomach? With a sheepish grin, she realized she hadn't eaten since breakfast and quickly heated up some meat and vegetables. She thought of Bill, who was seeing that Veela girl again tonight and had told his parents that he would be with Tonks. She'd offered him the cover because he wasn't ready to tell his mother that he really liked the girl.

Tonks tried to remember her last boyfriend. Well, there was Charlie Weasley…but that was years ago in her sixth year for a month. They decided it was too weird and just opted to remain good friends. Then, at the beginning of Auror training there had been a boy named Thad, which had been a bust since he'd only been interested in getting in her pants. A grin came to her face as she remembered the bloody lip she'd given him when he tried to put his hand up her shirt. She sighed. Other than those two, she really hadn't dated. Unlike most girls, she'd never even had sex, which was rare for most girls her age. Some stupid sentimental piece of her wanted to wait until marriage.

She cracked open a bottle of Butterbeer and sat reading _Witch Weekly, _which was unusual for her. She usually headed straight for the _Prophet. _This week's featured article was a love quiz. _WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE? _With a shrug she decided to take it. Her final results read,

_The fact is, you are too into your work to put effort into a relationship. You should try to go out more and make time for friends. _

She ran a hand through her hair, which had become bland, brown and shoulder length. _I'm pretty…aren't I? _She looked like her mother a bit, and she'd always thought her mother was a pretty woman. The fact that she was even reading _Witch Weekly _ disgusted her. A short rap at her window made her jump so severely, her knees buckled and she crumpled to the floor. It was only an owl, of course. She let the bird in and untied the note from its leg. The handwriting was a messy masculine scrawl.

_Nymphadora, _

_Or is it just 'Dora? I can't seem to remember. My friend Remus and I were going to have a big dinner and there's probably too much, so if you don't have any plans, you should join us. We can catch up on old times and I'll fill you in on Harry…my Godson. _

_Hopefully we'll see you tonight, _

_Sirius (and Remus)_

She laughed at how young he still seemed in his writing and replied that she would be there as she eyed the hideous food she'd already heated. And it would be nice to get to know her cousin, since she'd barely known him before he'd been a convicted murderer. She caught a glimpse in the mirror and sighed. Her short hair was a mess, she didn't ever wear makeup, if it weren't for the pink in her hair and well, the fact she had breasts she thought she quite resembled a fourteen year old boy.

"Ugh! No wonder you don't date!" She muttered, thinking a moment. Grabbing the wretched magazine off the table she turned to the section with tips to make girls look better.

Hair…why not try long? She made her hair long, halfway down her back and turned it back to her natural brown color.

"Now I know why I change it…" She said, eyeing the mousy color. Within moments their were strands of blue throughout it. She nodded and pulled the front of her hair back and secured it with a barrette. Opening her cupboard, she eyed the makeup she'd never used. After three tries she managed to get mascara on, once poking herself in the eye. After a bit she was thoroughly satisfied and left her flat, disapparating onto the doorstep of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.

Sirius must have been near the door, because it opened almost instantly.

"Hello!" He said enthusiastically.

"Hello Nymphadora!" Came the faint voice of Remus Lupin from the basement. She cringed at the name but smiled at her mother's cousin, offering him the bottle of Firewhiskey from her house.

"I like your hair!" Sirius said as she stepped in and he closed the door.

"Thanks," She laughed. "So is the little woman cooking?" He looked a bit embarrassed.

"Remus? Yeah, he's…"

"I'm only teasing Sirius, but I had to. Two grown straight men living together. It's quite comedic." After a moment he grinned at her.

"You've inherited 'Dromeda's sense of humor."

Remus was setting the table as Sirius led Tonks into the kitchen. There was a large roasted chicken sitting in the middle of the table surrounded by various side dishes.

"Wotcher Remus!" She said cheerfully. "You must be quite a cook!" He chuckled, brushing off his old tweed jacket.

"Actually," He replied, "I cannot take credit. Molly was kind enough to provide us with food." She nodded with a grin.

"_Now _it makes sense." With a laugh, she said, "Not that I have room to talk. I've burnt soup!" Remus laughed as if he hadn't laughed in years.

"Stop babbling you two! Let's eat!" Sirius complained as the three sat around the end of the long table.

"So Nymphadora…" Sirius finally said after eating a whole leg off of the chicken. Giggling, she poured him some Firewhiskey.

"Sirius, it's Tonks…or 'Dora if you'd rather, but not that monstrosity!" There was a twinkle in his eyes as he said,

"'Dora then. Have you been dating much?" Remus choked then. Tonks raised her eyebrow at him and pushed his glass of water closer.

"Actually," She said, eating a piece of her chicken. "I don't date very much. I mean my last real boyfriend was Charlie Weasley and that was five years ago."

"Oh, Charlie? Really?" Sirius said teasingly. She gave him a look.

"Yes, for one awkward month until we both realized we'd rather be friends. And we still are, thank you!" Sirius had a mischievous look on his face.

"Oh, I don't know…you and Charlie's big brother looked pretty chummy at the Order meeting." Remus cleared his throat loudly before Sirius yelped, "Ouch!"

"_Bill?_" She laughed out loud. "It's not what you're thinking…" Sirius's eyes narrowed and he positively looked like her mother when she was trying to catch Tonks in a lie.

"What do you mean?" He asked. She shook her head.

"I promised him I wouldn't tell." An impatient snort came from Sirius.

"Who am _I _gonnatell?"

"Fine," She broke, "But if you say anything I'll beat the shit out of you…without the help of a wand." She winked at Remus, who was suddenly interested in his peas. With a sigh, she said, "Bill is seeing someone and he doesn't want anyone to know." Remus looked up again.

"Really? Who?" Tonks shrugged.

"Some Veela…" She replied. "But enough about my love life and Bill Weasley! What about the two of you? Married? Kids?" Sirius made a noise of disgust.

"Yes 'Dora, I managed to get married and conceive a child in Azkaban." Now her eyes narrowed.

"Technically, you've been out for a year, you git!" She laughed, turning her gaze to the other male. "What about you Remus? Wife? Kids?" A low uncomfortable chuckle came from him.

"No, nothing like that. I'm more worried about finding a job. As you know I'm infected with lycanthropy, so it makes things difficult." Tonks nodded sympathetically.

"I can't imagine…" Seeing it was hard for him to talk about, she changed the subject. "So, tell me about Harry!" With fatherly pride, Sirius took the lead.

"He looks just like his Dad…"

"But he has Lily's eyes." Remus reminded him. Sirius nodded.

"Right. He is a really good boy with a good heart. Of course, he's stuck in Little Whinging every summer with Lily's horrid sister and her husband." As she listened to them tell her about Harry, it became very clear to her just how dear James and Lily had been to them. She'd never had a friend that close to her. It was nice to see there was still some good in the world.

* * *

"Well, I think he's done for the night." Remus observed, as Sirius began to snore in the armchair he was sitting in. He'd downed half the bottle of Firewhiskey. She got up.

"Come on, I'll help you get him up to his room." She said, as they both put an arm around Sirius and carried him upstairs. After a small struggle they got him into his bed.

"Thanks." Remus said and she nodded, following him out of the room. As they were walking back downstairs, she stubbed her toe and fell, but luckily his reflexes were good and he managed to catch her.

"We really need to stop doing this," She said, turning pink at her clumsiness.

"I don't mind." He replied. "Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." His eyes were kind as she stepped away. A pang of emptiness gripped him as she stepped out of his arms. _She's your best friend's baby cousin, Remus…_His head said.

"Well," She said after a moment of silence. "I guess I should…you know…get going."

"Yeah! I mean yes! Of course…Well, it's been fun having you Nymphadora." She smiled despite the name.

"You know, somehow it doesn't bother me as much when you say it." He chuckled.

"I'll take that as a compliment. And I must say, I missed the pink hair." He added.

"Really?" She asked. He nodded.

"It flattered you." He said, looking away, embarrassed. _I cannot believe you just said that you dolt, _He thought, _No more Firewhiskey. Ever._ To his surprise, however, she pulled the barrette from her hair and it changed back into the bubblegum pink color that came just to the nape of her neck.

"I like it better too." She replied and shocking him even further, gave him a quick hug. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Well, it was really Sirius's idea…" Remus lied. It had actually been at his suggestion that Sirius had decided to invite her over.

"Oh..." She bit her lip invitingly. Did she sound disappointed? "Well, it was fun! But…I really do have to go now. Bye Remus."

"Goodbye Nymphadora." He watched her disapparate, and sighed once she'd gone, grabbing the _Prophet _to look for new job options.


	4. What You Need

**I just want to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing and faving and alerting. I LOVE reviews. They make my day. I just want to warn you that some of you may loathe this chapter. I am not jumping right into the relationship with Lupin and Tonks. It's going to be a slow, painful build. As it should be. Remember it took them two years to get together. Love to you all...**

**Syd  
**

* * *

**  
July 5, 1995**

Tonks reviewed herself in the mirror as she waited for Bill and the Veela to come and pick her up. Bill had set her up on a date with his friend Rowan. She was nervous, but determined to stick to her resolution to do something with herself other than work. Spending time with her thirty-five year old second cousin did _not_ count. After trying various colors and styles with her hair, she finally went back to the long brown with the blue streaks. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, there was a knock at the door. Trying not to seem desperate, she waited a moment before opening the door. Bill grinned down at her. Standing next to him was possibly the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen. _Veela…_Her mind reminded her.

"'Ello Tonks!" The girl cried, lunging forward to kiss Tonks on both cheeks. She tossed her hair back before introducing herself. "I am Fleur!" She looked sideways at Bill with such a look of pride, it made Tonks instantly like her.

"Nice to meet you." Tonks said kindly.

"Rowan is going to meet us at the restaurant." Bill explained. "Let's all apparate to Diagon Alley and go from there." Within seconds, they were standing in the middle of the crowded square. A young man with chestnut hair ran over to meet them.

"Bill!" Tonks smiled, relieved that he wasn't some creep. Of course, he was Bill's friend so he wouldn't be.

"Rowan…this is Tonks." Bill said, as Tonks offered her hand. Rowan smiled at her and took it. Was she _blushing?_

Dinner went well, Tonks found herself very comfortable with Rowan. She hadn't knocked one thing over the entire time! Once they'd paid their tab, they decided to head to the newest sports bar called Sid's Quidditch Pitch. She, Bill and Rowen all ordered ale while Fleur ordered some fruity drink. After a few drinks, Rowen asked if she wanted to dance.

"Sure!" She said, noticing that Fleur was already a bit tipsy. The music was upbeat and Tonks found it easy to let go. She'd definitely have to thank Bill for introducing her to Rowan.

"So…did you ever play Quidditch?" He asked.

"Yes actually," She replied. "I was a chaser for two years. How about you?" She asked as they returned to the bar.

"I was actually keeper. I'm surprised I don't remember you from school." He replied. She laughed.

"Well we _were_ in different houses and you were three years ahead of me so it would have been really hard for us to have noticed each other."

"That's true." He conceded. "So, what house were you in?" He asked.

"Hufflepuff…you?"

"Gryffindor. You know, with Bill." She blushed.

"Right. Of course…that was a stupid question." He beamed at her.

"Not at all. Not all friends are in the same house." Before she said anything else, Bill interrupted.

"Listen you two, sorry to butt in, but I have to take Fleur home. She's a little under the weather." Fleur let out a high pitched giggle and Tonks raised her eyebrow at Bill.

"She looks really sick Bill…" She said sarcastically. Bill gave her a look as Rowan laughed heartily.

"Shut up you…goodnight!" He said, with a smile.

"Au Revoir!" Fleur said in a sing song voice as they disapparated.

"I wonder what their getting up to." Rowan chuckled.

"Yeah…it must be nice to have…" He cut her off, however, because he had kissed her.

* * *

Remus Lupin had sunk to his lowest as he trudged through Diagon Alley. He'd been refused a job as a maintenance attendant in a storage warehouse. It was over. Maybe he should just give it up and join a werewolf community. _No,_ he thought, _Then I'm no better than them. _He yelped as his foot pricked with pain and knelt to discover that there was a hole between the shoe and sole. New shoes were a luxury he could not afford. He tried to repair the damage with his wand, but the shoes were simply too worn. Hell, he couldn't even afford to drink his sorrows away. Wistfully, he looked at the sign for the new bar he was standing in front of. _Sid's Quidditch Pitch._

With a sigh, he walked past the open door and looked in to see people laughing and enjoying themselves. He sorely wished that Sirius was able to go out once in a while for a drink with him. The days of fun with Sirius, James and Lily were long gone. A smile came to his face as he remembered the last time they'd all gone out together. Harry had just recently been born and to celebrate, they'd all gone to a nice restaurant for drinks and dinner. Of course, Peter had beent here too, but that was before anyone could have ever dreamed he would betray them. Lily had brought little Harry along with his scrunched face and thick mop of James's messy black hair.

Now, as Remus watched these people enjoy themselves, oblivious to anything but themselves, he envied them for that. The two friends arm wrestling in the corner. The girls dancing with each other. The young couple at the bar kissing…_Wait!_ As the girl pulled away in surprise, Remus recognized her. Nymphadora Tonks looked thoroughly shocked as she eyed the young man. Remus smiled in earnest for the first time that night.

"Good for her." He said aloud, almost relieved for an excuse to stop thinking about her. He disapparated back to Grimmauld Place to fall into bed.

* * *

"Wow…" Tonks replied, taking a swig of her ale.

"Yeah. Sorry." Rowan said breathlessly.

"Don't apologize!" She said, reaching out take his hand and instead knocking over her bottle of ale. He laughed and took her hand anyway. He picked up the tab and decided to see her home.

"I've had a wonderful time Tonks." He said, standing taller than her though he was not a tall man.

"Yes, I had fun! Thank you Rowan." She answered, feeling the anxiety build in the pit of her stomach. He kissed her again, this time with more passion.

"Can I come inside?" He asked, and his words splashed over her like a bucket of ice water.

"What?" She asked. He grinned.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" He repeated. Her smile faded.

"Oh…Rowan…I would, but…look…I like you, but I can't…" He nodded.

"I understand…but I was referring more to a cup of coffee than a shag."

"Oh!" She said, humiliated, "Of course!"

* * *

**July 6, 1995**

Remus sat at the kitchen table miserably, looking through the paper.

"Still looking for a job mate?" Sirius asked, coming in and pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Always…Sirius…I can't begin to express how grateful I am for you letting me stay." He replied embarrassed. Sirius sighed.

"Moony, this house will always be open for you. So stop thanking me…" Remus smiled uneasily.

"I'll try…but I'll never stop being grateful." Sirius made some comment under his breath, but Remus ignored it.

"Molly owled today, said they're going to get Hermione in a couple of weeks from her parents." Sirius said. Remus nodded.

"And then they're all coming here?" He asked. Sirius nodded in the affirmative.

"I wish we could just go get Harry." Sirius grumbled, making a face at the hot cereal Remus offered him.

"I do too…I hate to think of him there with those…people. I mean, Petunia is one thing…she's just a bit bitter, but that husband of hers is…"

"A pig." Sirius finished for his friend. "I haven't seen the nephew what's-his-face since I saw that picture when he was just a baby…was it Duffy?" Taking a bite of his own cereal, Remus laughed.

"I think Harry said it was Dudley." He responded, tossing the paper aside. "Why do I even look? Nothing will come of it!"

"Don't think like that…someone out there is going to see how qualified you are…I don't know why you don't just lie about being a werewolf." Sirius said casually.

"Easy for you to say Padfoot, but one day the boss gets a hold of the werewolf registry from the Ministry and not only will I be fired, but I'll never work again, no matter what."

"You know what you need Moony?" Sirius said with his mouth full before washing it down with pumpkin juice. "You need a good lay." Remus spit out his own juice.

"What?" He asked, hoping he'd heard wrong.

"You heard me…a good tumble in the sheets would do you good…and the ladies love scars." Sirius laughed, seeing the look on his friend's face. "Oh come off it…when was the last time you did the nasty?"

"Sirius!" Remus cried, his face completely red.

"Get over it," Sirius laughed unaffected. "How long? Six months? A year? Two years?" Remus sighed, realizing he was a thirty-five year old man.

"Six years." He replied blankly, staring into his cereal. Sirius dropped his spoon.

"_Six _years? Bloody Hell! You're joking! With who?" He asked. Remus shook his head.

"No one you would know. We were both very, very drunk and it was an experience I was glad to forget. She was not from around here. Never attended Hogwarts." The truth was, in his desperation, he'd once looked for a job in the Muggle world and had slept with a Muggle girl. Imagine the awkward explanation he'd have to give her if she'd been pregnant. But she'd been on something called a Pill.

"I knew it…you need a good shag." Sirius went on, irritating Remus.

"It seems like you're the one craving a shag Padfoot!" He said, surprised at how much he sounded like James when he spoke like that. "Trying to live vicariously through your old friend?" He teased. To his surprise, Sirius grinned.

"You're damn right I am…I'm not ashamed to say I could use a little time in the sack with a lady. I've got you beat! Fourteen years! Ugh! In that time I could have raised Harry and found him a nice Godmother…it makes me sick! I could have had kids of my own too."

"You still could Sirius." Remus added gently.

"Yeah I suppose…if I found the right girl…and you know, if Harry liked her. Because he comes first." Sirius said fiercely. Remus smiled.

"James would have been really proud of you just now." Remus said quietly.

"Yeah." Sirius said soberly. "But it wasn't for James. It was for Harry. I _hate _that he can't be here with us! _We're _his family not those…those…wankers!"

"Easy…" Remus said comfortingly. "I know Harry's been through a lot, but he's going to be fine…and we'll get to spend Christmas and Easter holidays with him."

"You're right…" Sirius said, "Well, I'm going upstairs to feed Buckbeak." He said at the sound of pounding from upstairs. Remus sighed and looked into the fireplace. He truly hoped Harry was alright.

* * *

**Same Day**

Tonks grinned as she opened her window and let the brown owl in. She was carrying a bundle and a note. Flowers…from Rowan? He'd stayed until nearly dawn talking to her before he left. Indeed, the note said,

_Tonks, _

_Thank you for the coffee. I still don't think it was awful despite what you think. I can't believe you said it was chewable…I enjoyed it all the same. Meet me for dinner this Saturday at the same restaurant? This time without Bill and his girlfriend? Let me know. _

_Rowan_

She unwrapped the flowers and put them into a vase before responding that she would go. A small twinge of disappointment tugged at her because Saturday was five days away, but he still wanted to see her again and that was something. Glancing at her clock she cursed and threw on her Auror robes before apparating to her Mum's to use the fireplace to floo to work.

"What are you smiling so much for Nymphadora Tonks?" Andromeda asked, when she heard her daughter apparate.

"Nothing…" Tonks replied. "Just having a good day." Grabbing for a muffin she added, "I met a boy."

"Oh?" 'Dromeda said, interested.

"Yeah…we're going on another date this Saturday…he's three years older than me. But…it's still early so I don't want to talk about it and jinx it."

Andromeda smiled and reached out to brush Tonks's blue hair back from her face.

"You know…when you were four years old, you told me you were going to marry Sirius's friend." She laughed then, remembering.

"_Remus?_" Tonks laughed. "I was quite the imaginative kid, huh?" Andromeda nodded fondly.

"I don't care who you end up with…as long as you're happy whether he be a Wizard, Squib, or even Muggle." Andromeda squeezed her daughter's hand. "Just…take it slow 'Dora. Don't rush into things…"

"I know Mum." She said, "It's been three years since I've been on a date…I'd say I'm way beyond taking things slow." Tonks kissed her mother on the cheek. "Well…I've got to get going…loads of paperwork." She said. "Love you Mum."

"I love you too 'Dora dear." Andromeda said, watching her daughter leave through the floo network.


	5. Unexpected Cancellation

**July 29, 1995**

Tonks grinned to herself as she got ready for yet another date with Rowan. They'd been going out a couple of times a week for the past few weeks. She was beginning to feel comfortable with him and though they hadn't done more than kiss, she felt a connection that she'd never felt with anyone. She felt like she was in a real relationship. It was good. Of course, there was the slight problem that she no longer looked forward to work because she couldn't wait to get home and owl Rowan or see him. It was a little pathetic actually. A rapping at the window sent butterflies through her stomach. Of course it was Rowan's owl. Unrolling the note, she sighed happily.

_Tonks, _

_Sorry to cancel babe, but I am sick... Maybe next Friday? Some things have come up and I'm swamped. _

_-Row_

She frowned. Next Friday? That was a week away. He'd never cancelled before and he certainly hadn't made her wait a week to see him. She frowned. Something must be wrong. And he was sick! Feeling horrible, she decided to run to the market and get him some tea. She could stop by his house and make it for him. He was always saying how much he liked to see a woman to take care of a man. Checking her hair, which was now a purplish color, she smiled and apparated into Diagon Alley to stop by the grocery.

_Might as well do a bit of shopping for home._ She decided, picking up a loaf of bread and some milk. Cheese…did she need cheese? She bent to inspect a big wedge of cheese, when she lost her balance, dropped the bottle of milk which shattered, fell onto the bread, and nearly cut her hand on the shattered glass until she felt someone's large hand secure around her arm.

"Merlin, are you alright Nymphadora?" She cringed at the sound of Remus Lupin's voice.

"Fine." She replied in a small voice. "Thank you." She said as he handed her the ruined loaf of bread. Hesitantly she met his eyes, which were a dark blue-gray color she noted. He repaired the bottle and did a quick cleaning spell.

"All fixed." He said pleasantly. She only nodded, mortified, making him laugh. "It's really not that bad…we all have days." A small sigh of disbelief left her.

"Remus, I nearly failed my Auror exam. Oh, Disguise and Concealment were easy for me, but Stealth? Tracking? A blind wizard could have found me. I mean, I almost didn't even become an Auror!" She exclaimed. He chuckled.

"But you did become an Auror. I'd give anything for my biggest problem to be clumsiness Nymphadora."

"Remus, it's _Tonks._" She laughed though, despite herself. "What brings you to the grocery?" He looked down at the bottle and small jar he was carrying.

"Pumpkin juice and butter for Molly. She's over tonight. You're welcome to join us…you know…if you want." He said. A smile came to her face. Did he sound nervous?

"Actually I would love that, I'm just…I'm going to stop by Rowan's house because he's sick and I was going to make him some tea. We've been dating for a few weeks now." She explained.

"Well that's great!" Remus said, although she thought his cheerfulness sounded a bit forced. They walked through the store together for a bit, she grabbed a new bottle of milk.

"So do you have brothers or sisters?" She asked as they walked. He shook his head.

"No, my parents tried, but I think my mother had trouble since she'd been sick for a bit when I was born. She had two miscarriages throughout my life." He explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She said, hoping she hadn't offended him.

"Oh Nympha-" He stopped himself. "Dora." He corrected, making her laugh. "I was so young…and it didn't really affect me then. Besides, I was in St. Mungo's on and off for a while after I was bitten."

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that." She said, lacing her arm through his affectionately. "You're a lot taller than me." She noted. He nodded.

"Or you're just really small." He offered.

"Hey!" She said, elbowing him lightly in the ribs. They paid for their items and walked out together. "You were so great to walk with me. I had a really nice time."

"It was my pleasure…I do hope you will stop by after you…do what you need to do." He added.

"I think I will." She smiled up at him. "Goodbye Remus." She squeezed his arm and disapparated.

* * *

"What took so long dear?" Molly asked when Remus apparated into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. Setting the pumpkin juice on the table and handing the butter to Molly, he said,

"I ran into Nymphadora Tonks. I invited her over here after she visits with her boyfriend. I hope that's alright with you." He felt like she could see what he was thinking as she looked at him, pondering.

"Boyfriend?" Molly asked, her eyebrow raised. "Who is it?" She began to knead dough as she spoke.

"Don't be nosy love." Arthur said gently, inspecting what was called a cassette tape.

"I'm not being nosy." She replied defensively, "Just want to know." Arthur looked up at Remus.

"She thinks Bill is dating someone is she's trying to figure out who." He reasoned. Remus chuckled as Molly snorted in irritation.

"Hmmph. I think Tonks would be good for Bill for your information Arthur Weasley." Her voice was haughtier than Remus had ever heard it.

"No…actually Dora's boyfriend is named Rowan." He replied, sitting down after pouring himself some pumpkin juice.

"Rowan? Rowan Janus? Bill's friend?" Molly stopped kneading the dough. "Well, who is our Bill dating then?" Remus looked into his drink uncomfortably, determined not to betray Nymphadora's trust.

"Molly…Bill is twenty-five years old. He's allowed to have some secrets. I'm just happy he stayed in England instead of returning to Egypt." Arthur replied. Molly turned on him.

"Well of course I'm happy too Bill! I just want him to be happy and I'd like to meet his girlfriend, whomever she is!" Molly added.

"No darling, I know you too well. You want to meet his girlfriend to not only assess if she's good enough for our eldest son, but to assess her ability to give you grandchildren. Molly my love, I see right through you." Arthur replied, getting up and kissing his wife on the cheek. She made some noise of protest but smiled despite herself. Remus smiled sadly too. It was easy to see how much the Weasleys loved each other, even when they were at each other's throats.

"Where is Sirius?" Remus asked. Molly looked up.

"I imagine he's upstairs with the kids. Hermione just got here today, so she'll want to see Buckbeak." She said resuming her task of kneading dough.

"Good, I'm glad he's got something to keep him busy. He's been so restless these past weeks." Remus remembered.

* * *

Tonks smiled, proud of herself as she stared at the door to Rowan's house holding the tea she'd made before apparating here. Checking her reflection in the window, she knocked on the door. She heard Rowan's laugh. A frown came to her face. Why was he laughing if he was sick? The door opened and Rowan stood there fully dressed, looking quite as healthy as always. Her eyes widened.

"Tonks!" He said, sounding quite surprised. She reddened.

"I…brought you some tea. You know…to make you feel better." She bit out at him. He reached for her.

"Thank you…but it's not really a good time sweetheart. I don't want to make you sick."

Is something wrong Rowan?" She asked, folding her arms uncomfortably. He shook his head.

"Of course not! I just…"

"Rowan…what are you _doing?_" A high pitched voice came from behind him. A look of panic came into his eyes as the brunette stepped into the room.

"What the _hell _is this?" Tonks asked, her chest feeling like he'd hit her with a blasting curse. Rowan sighed.

"Look Tonks…"

"I thought things were going well with us, I thought I was your girlfriend." She said in disbelief, her eyes welling with tears, her hair turning mousy brown.

"I never said that." He finished. "Estelle, go back in I'll join you in a minute." The brunette gave Tonks an annoyed look and flounced away.

"What?" Tonks said quietly. Rowan looked down at her without remorse on his face.

"I said, I never said you were my girlfriend. Look Tonks, you're great! But I'm not ready to commit to one girl. I thought you would understand." She could only stare at him.

"You're not the person I thought you were Rowan." Her voice was low. "Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly." She ground out, and with that she threw the tea on him and disapparated before he could say another word.

* * *

Everyone was just sitting down to dinner, including Bill who had just arrived, and Molly had hissed at Arthur that he smelled of strong women's perfume. Hermione and Ron looked strange, Remus thought, without Harry there to complete their trio. Fred and George were talking to Sirius animatedly though too quiet for their mother to hear. The doorbell rang, setting off Mrs. Black again. Molly looked up.

"Remus, could you get that?" She asked.

"Of course." He said, abandoning the table and running upstairs to see if it was Nymphadora. When he opened the door, the sight that met him was quite unsettling as it was indeed Nymphadora Tonks, but she looked nothing like the girl he'd walked through the grocery with. Her hair had gone quite a plain brown color and her face was white and wet with tears. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen.

"Nymphadora?" He asked, almost afraid. She looked up at him, her lip trembling and before he could say another word, she threw her arms around his middle and began to sob into his shirt. "What happened?" He asked, patting her on the back, unsure of how to handle a sobbing twenty-two year old girl.

"He wasn't even sick!" She cried. "He had some girl there! He said he never meant for us to be in a real relationship! He's not ready to commit to one girl!" She began to sob harder as Mrs. Black screeched louder. Remus, frustrated, turned to the portrait.

"_Shut up you!_" To his surprise, the painting was quiet and the curtains closed in a huff. Turning his attention back to Nymphadora, he put an arm around her shoulders and walked her into the living room, sitting her on the sofa.

"He didn't even feel bad at all!" She said, as he sat next to her.

"Oh Nymphadora…young men can be extremely selfish and cruel…I'm sorry that you had to find out that way…all men aren't like that." He offered. She nodded, sniffling.

"I know. You aren't like that." She said and he laughed uneasily.

"M-me? Well…no…" He agreed, "But…"

"Why is it you _aren't _married?" She asked curiously. He cleared his throat.

"Well…it's complicated and you know what is wrong with me, I just…"

"Hogwash." She said. "Any decent woman would accept your condition."

"Well, I haven't really ever met anyone I could spend the rest of my life with." He added lamely. This seemed to appease her.

"Well that makes sense. I just…" She sighed in frustration. "Why did he have to lie? He could have just said, I have other plans! Why did he have to say he was sick? I was totally humiliated!" She put her head in her hands. "I'm so stupid."

"Now stop that!" He said, sitting her up. "Listen to me Nymphadora Tonks! You are _not _stupid! That boy is for taking you for a fool! You deserve someone better…someone who will appreciate what a…a…treasure you are!" She looked at him in surprise.

"You think I'm a treasure?" She asked. He looked away.

"Well, I…I just think you deserve to be treated well…as all women do…and…and…" She kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you." Her voice calmed him and when he'd turned back to look at her, her hair was once again bright pink and shortened. He sighed, standing.

"Come on you…I'm sure everyone wants to see you." He said, as she took his arm and did a quick spell to fix her eyes.

"Thank you Remus." She said sincerely. "I think we'll be great friends."

"I hope so and as always, you're welcome." He replied.


	6. Rescuing Harry

"Bill, might I have a word?" Remus asked, once Nymphadora was seated beside Ginny Weasley.

"Of course Remus, what can I do for you?" Remus nodded for Bill to follow him outside the kitchen. "Is something wrong?" Bill asked, sighing. Remus shook his head.

"It's Nymphadora…er…Tonks, that is…" Bill followed his gaze through the door in the kitchen to where she was seated.

"She seems alright…what happened?"

"Your friend…this…this…Rowan?" Bill nodded. "He…well, she caught him with another girl and was extremely distraught. I managed to calm her down, but it was clear that she was devastated." Bill had gone white.

"Oh." He replied. "Oh no…I feel awful."

"Of course, it's not _your_ fault Bill." Remus tried to reassure him. "I just thought you deserved to know what happened with your friend." Remus eyed Bill's hands which had balled into fists. Remus decided he'd better tell Bill about Molly's earlier comments as well. "Also, your mother thought you were dating Nymphadora. She's going to pry. I don't know who you _are_ dating, but I would tell your mother if you are really serious about this girl." He paused. "Are you?" Bill met his eyes.

"It's so early Remus. I like her…I do…probably more than any girl I've ever dated, but I am not ready to share her with my family. They're overwhelming."

"I understand." Remus agreed. Bill had something of a gleam in his eyes, much like his younger twin brothers often had.

"Remus…would you come with me on a bit of an errand?" Remus nodded, suspecting.

"Don't do anything you'll regret later Bill." He warned. Bill laughed.

"Oh trust me mate, I won't regret it." They returned to the kitchen as Bill knelt beside his mother. "Mum," He said, as she turned to him. "Remus and I have to run out. I've forgotten something. We'll be back in a bit."

"Alright dear. Don't be long." Molly replied. Nymphadora looked up hopefully, but was distracted by someone calling her name.

"We're going to apparate to Gilded Lane." Bill explained as they left the room. With a crack, they both disapparated and moments later Remus was staring at a street sign. "He's in Number six." Bill said, starting down the street. Remus followed uneasily. Bill didn't even bother with the bell, he pounded on the door until the young man Remus recognized from Sid's Quidditch Pitch opened the door. He grinned at Bill.

"Bill! What are you doing here?"

"What's going on Rowan?" Bill asked, his voice low. Rowan looked confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked, as a sudden frightening rage bubbled in the pit of Remus's stomach.

"Is Tonks here?" Bill asked sardonically when they heard a feminine laugh. Rowan frowned.

"No…"

"No…she isn't, is she? Because she's been crying her eyes out over at _our_ place you tosspot!" Remus held Bill back, feeling the muscles in his arm straining to attack.

"Bill, violence is not the answer." He cautioned. Rowan eyed him.

"Look Bill…it isn't _my_ fault she thought she was my girlfriend!" He complained. "I mean, I never said I would date her exclusively! She should get over it already, instead of tattling like a little baby!" Bill lunged forward but Remus threw him back, he himself flying forward as his fist met with the boy's nose. Quickly, Remus pulled out his wand and aimed it at Rowan, who'd fallen to the floor.

"You were lucky she even _liked _you," He growled as the boy recoiled. "You despicable little…" Remus stopped himself, standing straight and calming himself. He sighed. "You aren't even worth it. She deserves someone better." He began to turn back to a thunderstruck Bill before Rowan threw out a retort.

"It's sounds to me like you'd like to be that someone old man!" Remus paled as Bill stepped forward.

"He'd treat her a damn sight better than you ever did Row." Bill shot, "You're not the man I thought you were." He added, pointing his wand at Rowan. "_Petrificus Totalus._ Have your girlfriend get you out of this…oh wait! You don't want a girlfriend. Too bad for you." He said before they both walked out and apparated back into Grimmauld Place.

* * *

Tonks had all but forgotten her misery while she'd been with the Weasleys, Sirius and Remus. Bill and Remus returned rather quickly after they'd gone, both of them flushed and a bit disheveled.

"Are you two alright?" She asked, worried they'd had a run in with Death Eaters. Bill made a gesture for her to follow them into the other room. "What's going on?" She asked. Remus was silent, but she noticed his jaw was set and there was a muscle twitching there.

"We…had a little talk with Rowan." Bill began as her eyes widened in realization.

"Y-you did." She said, looking at Remus. He nodded, but said nothing. "What did he say?" She asked. Bill sighed.

"He's a real arse. I'm sorry Tonks, I really thought he was a nice guy. He used to be…"

"No…it isn't your fault Bill…" She cut in. Bill patted Remus on the back.

"Lupin here took care of him though. Set him straight…with his fist."

"You did _what?_" She shrieked, surprised since it seemed so unlike him and strangely exhilarated for a reason she couldn't explain.

"It wasn't my best judgement, I'll admit…" Remus said finally, a tone of apology in his voice.

"He's being modest. He was bloody brilliant!" Bill said, kissing Tonks's cheek. "I'm going to tell Mum what happened." He said, leaving them alone. Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry." He said after a moment. She grinned.

"Well I'm not! I can't believe you did that!" She cried excitedly, before looking at him a bit differently. Her voice became quiet. "For me."

"I can't believe I punched someone ten years younger than myself." He replied. "He insulted you and I…well, lost it." Remus laughed nervously. "He accused me of being jealous. Like _I_…wanted to be with you!" Another short laugh. "I mean it's preposterous! Like you would ever want to be with a thirty-five year old werewolf! It's laughable!" She did not smile.

"Why is that laughable, Remus?" She was serious. "Why would that ever matter to me? You are a good person, not to mention…a very handsome man." She was almost surprised to say it as if she'd just seen him for the first time. "Stop being so down on yourself." Tonks stopped in horror at what she'd said. "Not…that you would ever be interested in me that way anyway…right?" He was quiet, as they stared each other down before smiling.

"Right! Of course!" He said before turning and practically fleeing into the kitchen, leaving her in confusion. What had just happened between them? He _was _attractive…and kind…smart. Merlin, did _she _have feelings for Remus? _No…_She laughed aloud. Absurd! She shook her head as she too rejoined the group inside.

Instead of going home to her flat that night, she went to her parents' house. Her mother looked up as she apparated into the sitting room.

"Dora! This is a surprise!" Andromeda said, getting up to kiss her on the cheek. Tonks hugged her mother tightly.

"Mum, could I sleep in my old room tonight?" She asked against her Mum's shoulder. Andromeda pulled away, looking down at her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Well…Rowan and I broke up…he…doesn't understand the concept of dating exclusively. I caught him with another girl." A dark flash went through her mother's eyes, which were exactly like Tonks's eyes.

"I see…" She said. "Of course you can stay as long as you'd like. I miss having you here. Dad is upstairs reading…would you like me to make you some cocoa?" Tonks smiled, feeling better than she had in weeks. She thought of Remus again, biting her lip against the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I'd love some cocoa, Mum."

* * *

**August 2, 1995**

"Sirius! Remus!" Remus vaguely heard Arthur Weasley's voice from the drawing room. Sirius came into the room frantically as the silvery weasel glided in. It was, of course, Arthur's patronus.

"Harry and muggle cousin were attacked by dementors in Little Whinging and Harry used his patronus. Ministry expelled him, but Dumbledore convinced them to give him a trial. I told him not to leave his Aunt's or use magic. Don't worry, I will be in touch!" The patronus disappeared as Sirius began to rummage through the desk drawers.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, his heart pounding with worry.

"I'm owling Harry. Poor boy must be sick with worry. James would be furious…just fucking furious!"

"Calm down Sirius…don't do anything rash. Dumbledore is taking care of it." Sirius glared at him.

"He is my _Godson!_" His voice was strained and Remus could see he was fighting his emotions.

"I understand…" Remus comforted, patting his friend on the shoulder. "I just want _you _to stay safe too. For Harry…we know his situation is complicated."

A few hours later, Harry's owl Hedwig brought a message back to them. There were three notes attached to her leg. One for Sirius and one each for Ron and Hermione. Sirius practically ripped the notes off of Hedwig's leg as the bird gave an agitated squawk. Remus rubbed the top of her head affectionately and she seemed appeased. Sirius flung the note at Remus once he'd done with it.

_I've just been attacked by dementors and I might be expelled from Hogwarts. I want to know what's going on and when I'm going to get out of here._

Harry hadn't signed it, but Remus knew it was his handwriting. Arthur, having just arrived at Grimmauld Place from work, walked into the room.

"Dumbledore is here too. He persuaded Fudge to give Harry a trial. What is that?" He asked, noticing Harry's owl and note.

"Harry let us know what's going on and he wants to be filled in. There's one for Ron and Hermione too." Sirius replied, handing Arthur the note. Sighing, Arthur called for Ron and Hermione to come into the living room.

"Molly will have kittens if she finds out Ron and Hermione know what is going on." He said as Ron and Hermione bounded into the room out of breath.

"What is it Dad?" Ron asked, looking over at Hermione. Arthur handed them their notes, allowing them enough time to read them.

"I need you both not to tell Harry anything about the Order or the things in the _Prophet _yet." Arthur explained.

"But Harry deserves to know!" Hermione protested. Arthur nodded.

"I know dear. I agree…but he should find out in person. Where we can explain everything to him. We'll fill him in when he arrives."

"Well, when is that?" Ron asked irritably. Arthur gave his youngest son a look.

"In the next couple of days. We want to get him here safely, so Dumbledore is gathering a few people to go and get him." Arthur said gently. "Do not tell your Mum anything about this Ron. She'll kill me for filling you in." They both nodded and left. Sirius mirrored their unhappiness.

"It should be _me_ that gets him out of there." He grumbled.

"I can't take that risk Sirius." Dumbledore's gentle voice came from the doorway. "What's best for Harry and for you is for you to stay safe." He turned to Remus. "I need one more on the Advance Guard Remus. The group to pick up Harry. Are you willing?" Remus nodded, honored.

"Of course. Anything for Harry." There was a twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes.

"So you and Nymphadora are the final two then!" He replied cheerfully, before walking away, humming merrily. Remus reddened.

* * *

**August 6, 1995**

Tonks had never seen so many houses that looked exactly the same before, so it was quite amusing for her to see Vernon and Petunia Dursley's home. Everything about it was meticulously neat from the flower beds to the blinds in the windows.

"Come on you lot, in through the doorwall." Moody growled as they landed in the backyard. "Try to be quiet about it." He added, looking straight at Tonks, who looked at her feet embarrassed.

"Nice kitchen." Emmeline Vance said dryly, laughing at the automatic can opener on the counter.

"I can't stand neat freaks." Moody said, kicking over the trash can, which made a loud crash. "There…damned obsessive muggles…" Tonks hit the corner of the counter, yelping as her elbow knocked over a vase.

"Shit! Sorry…" She whispered. Moody made some grunt of acknowledgement. Finally, they had made their way to the foot of the stairs leading to the second floor. A quick creak of a door upstairs before the post pubescent voice of Harry Potter.

"Professor Moody?" Harry's voice was uneasy.

"I don't know so much about Professor…" Moody muttered. "Never got round to much teaching, did I? Get down her, we want to see you properly." When the boy didn't move, Tonks felt Remus move up beside her.

"It's all right Harry. We've come to take you away." His voice was soothing as it had been when he'd comforted her that day with Rowan.

"P-Professor Lupin? Is that you?" He sounded surprised. Tonks squinted to see Harry as he inched forward. Frustrated she said,

"Why are we all standing in the dark? _Lumos._" The tip of her wand lit and his face became clear. Harry Potter was a very handsome, very thin young man and Tonks liked him instantly. "Oooh! He looks just like I thought he would." She said with a smile at the boy. "Wotcher Harry!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean Remus." Kingsley Shacklebolt said after a minute. "He looks exactly like James."

"Except the eyes. Lily's eyes." Elphias Doge added.

* * *

"You were right. Harry is wonderful." Tonks said to Remus as he walked her out after the meeting. "I thought Sirius was going to kill Severus." She laughed. Remus nodded.

"They've never gotten on well." He replied, as they reached the door.

"It's been a really nice time though…" Tonks said, folding her arms.

"Always…it's always a nice time with you Nymphadora…"

"Remus…" She pleaded, referring to the name. He smiled tiredly.

"I rather like the name." He said. "It gives you character and I think it fits."

"Why is that?" She asked, blushing furiously.

"Well…a nymph in Greek mythology was a young pretty being…sometimes being able to change at will…I don't know…I'd say that describes you in a nutshell." He said, reluctantly, wondering why he'd said anything at all. Her eyes were wide with surprise.

"I…I need to go home…" She said quietly. He nodded.

"I have to get some sleep. I'm so tired, I'm babbling like an idiot." He said, wishing he could undo what he'd said.

"Goodbye Remus." She said, pulling out her broom and running out the door. He wasn't tired though, he lay awake for the better part of the night, staring at the ceiling and trying to sort out his thoughts.

"You are such an idiot, Remus Lupin…" He thought aloud.


	7. Halloween

**October 31, 1995**

"This is ridiculous!" Remus cried in a rare outburst of anger, "That horrid…_bitch._" He tossed the _Prophet _aside in disgust. Sirius picked it up, eyeing his friend.

"_More _anti-werewolf demands?" He asked, reading aloud. "Not only must the werewolf in question register with the Ministry of Magic but must also submit to random testing before and after the full moon and agree to be concealed in a Ministry approved place while in transformation. We strive to keep wizards safe…"

"I _hate _her." Remus said, running his hand through his wild, long hair. "As if it wasn't hard enough to get a job since that woman began running a crusade against werewolves two years ago, we now have to subject ourselves to voluntary torture."

"It's that Umbridge woman, isn't it?" Sirius said. "The one who is messing with Harry. There's a very special word for people like her Moony. It starts with 'C' and ends with 'unt.'" Remus let out a surprised laugh, despite himself.

"I can _not_ believe she cut his hand open for punishment. Minerva told me. Do you realize Lily would have had her head on a platter?"

"James too." Sirius agreed. "Then again, if James and Lily were still here, Harry wouldn't be the one in all this mess with Voldemort." Remus suddenly had a pang of grief as he noticed the date on the newest _Prophet. _

"Padfoot." He said painfully, "It's Halloween." Sirius looked at the calendar and seemed to reel back as if he had been hit in the stomach.

"I'd…forgotten." He replied, swallowing hard. "I want to go." Remus knew exactly what he meant. Sirius wanted to go to Godric's Hallow to Lily and James's grave.

"We can't." He said. "Malfoy recognized you on the Platform that day. They could be waiting there for you to show up tonight."

"I _hate_ this!" Sirius said, sitting at the table and laying his head in his arms.

"So do I." Remus said miserably.

"How was your little mission?" Sirius asked, changing the subject, referring to the fact that Remus had been away from Grimmauld Place since the first week of September on Order Business. Dumbledore had asked him to find the werewolf Fenrir Greyback and report on his whereabouts. He'd found him lurking in an unknown werewolf community, trying to convince others to join the Dark Lord and had come home with nothing accomplished other than he knew his whereabouts.

"It was a success I suppose." He replied, answering Sirius's question. "What did _you_ do?" He asked as Sirius grunted.

"Exactly what I am doing now. Nothing. Although, Tonks did visit. She is a really great girl if not a bit mischievous." He added.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, attempting to sound nonchalant.

"She told me all about the pranks she used to pull on her friends. She was a Hufflepuff you know."

"Oh, I didn't know that." Remus replied, biting into an apple.

"She said they used to switch the Slytherins' ink with pitch." Sirius began to laugh, "And…and their quills would get stuck in the ink jars. She said the Gryffindors were all in on it too! She and Charlie Weasley were like partners in crime!" He suddenly gave Remus a meaningful look. "She asked about you." His voice was full of teasing.

"So what?" Remus said defensively and perhaps a bit quickly. "We're friends." His heart was beginning to beat against his ribs.

"She also told me what you and Bill did to that git who cheated on her." Sirius prodded. "You _never_ lost your temper in school…what the hell is going on with you?" Reluctantly, Remus met his eyes.

"N-Nothing. What do you mean?"

"Do you like Tonks?" Sirius asked bluntly.

"Of course I like her! Though, I'm not liking you much at the moment. What is this nonsense?" Remus replied, trying to get his friend off the subject.

"You _know_ what I meant Moony." Sirius said, eyeing him closely. Remus set down the remains of his half eaten apple.

"Sirius." He said firmly, "She is thirteen years younger than me! We were in our _third _year at Hogwarts when she was _born._"

"That wasn't an answer. Do you _like_ her?" Remus glared at Sirius, angry that he was so readable.

"That is ridiculous! Of course I don't!" He began to stutter. "I don't…you know…think about her all the time…or…or anything." He shut up, seeing Sirius's grin.

"What a shame." He responded cheekily, "Since she's coming over at any moment." Panic filled Remus as he stood quickly, knocking his chair over as he did so.

"You are a right bastard." He stated before leaving the room to run a brush through his hair which was too long as Sirius howled behind him. He hadn't shaved in days. "Bloody brilliant," He muttered checking his reflection as he ripped through his hair with a comb. The inevitable knock on the front door downstairs, followed by Mrs. Black's shrieking startled him as he finished and ran down to the kitchen again.

They were waiting for him, laughing and talking like two friends that had known each other forever. Certainly, they had more in common with each other than either of them had in common with Remus. Tonks's hair was bright pink once again, which for some reason always looked so natural on her.

"Remus!" She cried, noticing him. Sirius wink, infuriating Remus.

"Hello Tonks." He said kindly, shaking her hand.

"How was the mission?" She asked excitedly. He shrugged.

"A waste. I would say." This made her laugh out loud before her eyes became dark with anger.

"Can you believe that Umbridge? She won't teach the students Defense Against the Dark Arts! How are they supposed to defend themselves?"

"Maybe that's the whole plan…" Remus said quietly. "She's sadistic. A couple of years ago, she was able to get a lot of anti-werewolf legislation passed. It's why I can't get a job."

"You _know_ she's bad when Remus Lupin calls her a bitch!" Sirius added, as Tonks gasped.

"You _didn't_!" She cheered as he looked at her curiously.

"I did actually…it felt quite good." She grinned at him and he had to look away because his heart was pounding again.

"You alright Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Moony?" Tonks inquired.

"A nickname," Remus clarified. "Given to me by my mates." Sirius grinned at him, but there was sadness in his eyes. Tonks seemed to understand.

"Well, I think I might feed Buckbeak." Sirius declared, "I leave you two alone." He threw in. Remus shook his head menacingly and mouthed, _I am going to kill you, _as Sirius walked away, chuckling to himself.

"What was that all about?" Tonks asked, watching the exchange. Remus gulped. Hard.

"Oh, it's nothing…Sirius had been giving me a hard time about you." He revealed, attempting to laugh it off.

"What do you mean?" She asked. He looked at her in horror.

"Well…he's…gotten it into his thick skull that I have…feelings…for you." He chuckled nervously, but she didn't laugh. In fact, her face was stone serious, quite reminding him of Lily Evans at that moment, which was very uncharacteristic for Nymphadora Tonks.

"Do you?" She whispered, a tremor in her voice which sounded nothing like her own.

"I…"

"Sorry about that!" Sirius said jovially, returning. "Beaky is a bit antsy since he's been here locked up. A bit like me I suppose." Remus sighed in relief, but she was still somber. "Tonks? You all right?" Sirius asked. She looked up at him as if she hadn't noticed he'd ever come into the room.

"Who, me?" She asked, clearing her throat. A wry smile came to his face.

"No, the other witch with bright pink hair behind you." He quipped as she turned almost as pink as her hair.

"M'fine." She replied, but she did not sound fine to Remus. The look in her eyes told him it was far from over and he could almost hear her thinking, _I want to discuss this later._

She seemed back to normal after that, but every so often, he would notice her giving him a furtive look. As she was preparing to leave later that night, she made a point to embrace him and thrust a piece of folded parchment into his hand before she said goodbye to Sirius. Remus excused himself to read the note in the privacy of the drawing room.

_Remus-_

_I want you to apparate into my flat_

_after Sirius goes to bed. _

_27 Snow St. _

_I'll wait as long as you need. _

_-Tonks_

_I'll wait as long as you need…_Remus reread the note, studying her handwriting, which was not neat, yet it was still elegant somehow. Just like she was. Sighing he put the note into his back pocket.

* * *

**November 1, 1995 1:14 a.m.**

Tonks was sitting at the table in her pajamas, waiting for him as she watched the clock. After what seemed like three days, she heard the faint crack. He appeared before her in the same clothes he had worn all night. His hair was long and wild almost to his shoulders and his clothes were rumpled. And he was _handsome._ How was it that she hadn't noticed it before. The scars on his face added a ruggedness to him that made it hard to look away from him. His lips, she noticed were a very pale pink and were very full for being a man's lips. He was clean shaven, but for his moustache.

"Remus." She said finally.

"Nymphadora." His voice was husky. She didn't even bother to complain about the name.

"You never answered my question Remus." She asserted, watching his expression go from fear to panic as it had earlier. "Do you have feelings for me?" She repeated. He stared at her a long moment, his face unreadable, before answering her.

"I…yes." He admitted, looking at his feet. She stood, not moving toward him.

"Why didn't you _tell _me?" She asked, agonized. He shook his head.

"No. It's not simple Nymphadora. I couldn't be with you."

"But _why?_" She asked. "What if I had feelings for you too?"

"First of all, you are thirteen years younger than I." He responded lamely.

"And?" She asked, frustrated.

"I am a werewolf. I couldn't let you…it's dangerous."

"I don't care about that!" She replied shortly.

"I care." He said just above a whisper. "I care _too_ much. Please Tonks, it's hard enough to see you all the time…and I don't want to lose the friendship we have now. Can't it just stay like it is?" He pleaded, piercing her for suddenly she found she wanted nothing more than to be with him. It hit her like a bucket of ice water. Still, she saw how hard this was for him and she didn't want to rush him into things he wasn't ready for. That's how things had gone wrong with Rowan. So she nodded.

"Of course…of course Remus. Our friendship is more important." She agreed, swallowing the lump in her throat. His eyes were full of remorse.

"Dora…your hair." He said sadly. She looked at her reflection in the window. Her hair had gone to it's natural dark brown.

"I…I must be tired." She said, blinking rapidly. "So confused." She muttered.

"I should go." He said.

"Remus!" She cried before he had a chance to leave. "Lunch tomorrow? Mrs. Weasley invited me over and told me to invite you."

"I'd like that…" He said, nodding.

"Well…goodbye then." She said, looking away.

"Goodbye." He said quietly, disapparating. As soon as he left her sight, she fell to her knees and began to sob.

* * *

**1:47 a.m.**

He'd made her cry. He knew he had because he'd seen her fall just before he'd returned to Grimmauld Place. He tried to control the anger he was feeling, since his head was trying to blame Sirius for this mess, but his heart knew better. He shouldn't have let himself become so vulnerable because now there were two of them involved. And she'd just as much admitted she felt the same way, which made things worse. At least they weren't in _love _with each other which would be another disaster all together. He fell into bed and thankfully, into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Being Friends

**November 1, 1995 1:17p.m.**

"Well _there_ you are!" Molly cried, stepping aside so that Remus could enter the house. Tonks was already seated at the table, her hair restored to the pink hue she seemed to adore. Her face was sunny and cheerful.

"Wotcher Remus!" She said brightly, gesturing for him to sit across from her.

"Getting a bit chilly out isn't it?" He observed, taking off his threadbare scarf.

"Sure is." Arthur agreed, sitting beside Remus with a mug of steaming tea. "You know Molly, your cooking smells like Heaven dear." He added, winking at his wife, who turned a deep pink. Tonks snickered.

"I'm sure your intentions are less than pure when you compliment me like that, Arthur love, but thank you."

"Bill owled just now." Arthur said, as Remus moved to allow Molly to set a cup of tea in front of him.

"Oh?" Came Molly's reply as she moved to stir what smelled like stew.

"Yes, he actually said he would like to eat dinner here tonight…" Arthur eyed her. "He's bringing a guest."

"Oh!" A loud clang rang out as Molly dropped the large spoon on the floor. "A girl?" She asked, cleaning the utensil with a quick charm.

"I'm not sure…it could be one of his friends. For all we know, he isn't even dating anyone now." Arthur concluded as Molly turned a sly gaze on Tonks, who was destroying a dinner roll.

"What about _you_ Tonks dear? Anyone special in your life?" Tonks's eyes grew wide as saucers as Remus's windpipe closed.

"N-no! 'Course not!" She stuttered, not daring to look at him. _Not that Molly and Arthur would know, _Remus assured himself, studying Tonks. She was making it a point not to look at him now. Molly set a bowl in front of each of them, smiling affectionately.

"I'm only teasing dear…though if I didn't know better, I would say you were hiding something. I sorely wish our Remus here would find someone." Molly gave him an impish grin, looking very much like her twin sons at that moment. He stared intensely into his food.

"Well…I am not willing to put another person at risk by being with me. You know the complications." He felt the heat of dark eyes on him, but refused to fall into their trap.

"That's a load of dung Remus. The right girl wouldn't care." Molly said, but seemed to drop the subject once they were all seated and eating. "Maybe the two of you should stay for dinner, I don't like how thin you are Remus and Bill would _love _to see you Tonks dear."

"Are you trying to marry me off with your son Mrs. Weasley?" Tonks asked with a laugh. Arthur chuckled.

"Of course she is. She's going to attempt to orchestrate all of our children's marriages." Molly gave her husband a look of death. "Who's going to marry our Ronnie?" Arthur went on, "Perhaps one of his classmates? Girard Brown's girl…or…or…" He could barely contain his laughter now. "Or _Parkinson's_ daughter?" Molly leaned over the table and whacked his shoulder.

"Of course not! You bloody _git!_" She began to butter a roll furiously, before saying calmly, "Ronnie likes Hermione." Arthur raised a skeptical eyebrow at her.

"They're best friends…did he say so?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Oh no…he doesn't_know_ yet, but I can just _tell._ Those two will end up married. Mark my words. They fight like we did, bless them." Arthur suddenly looked at her with such affection in his eyes, it made her blush. Feeling like an intruder, Remus looked away as Tonks did the same. How unfathomable, that after countless years together and seven children, two people could remain so in love with each other.

In the end, Remus and Tonks stayed at The Burrow for dinner. Both offered to help Molly clean and prepare dinner, but she wouldn't hear of it, so they ended up sitting on the sofa in the living room together awkwardly.

"Well…this was nice." Tonks said after a long silence.

"Yes…wonderful." Remus agreed with forced cheer.

"Yep." She sai again, looking into the fireplace. He could take this no more.

"You don't have to pretend yesterday never happened you know." He insisted. Her eyes moved up, flickering with surprise.

"I'm not…but I don't really want to talk about it. I'm still really confused about my feelings. I mean, I'm not sure if I _really_ have feelings for you or if it was just a reaction to what you said. I mean I do _like_ you but I'm not sure in what way yet…you know?"

"Sure." He replied, breathing again. "I know _exactly_ what you mean." He sighed. "Maybe I was just feeling like that because you're the first girl I've been around in a very long time." She nodded.

"Yeah…that was probably it." Her voice was calm, but he suspected there was some underlying emotion she wasn't showing. "Besides," She added, "It takes a lot longer to fall in love. I mean, we really don't know each other _that_ well."

"Right." He agreed.

By the time Bill arrived, they'd become much more talkative with each other as they usually were. Arthur show Bill and his girlfriend in, the same French Veela from the summer. The girl was simply breathtaking, her long silvery hair pulled back by a ribbon and flowing silkily down her back. She wore a blue dress, the exact shade of her eyes. Her skin was porcelain white, but her cheeks were a pale pink. She wore no makeup. Tonks dared to glance over at Remus, who surprisingly seemed unaffected by her beauty.

"I am so veery 'appy to meet you!" The girl cooed to Mr. Weasley, who was a bit dumbstruck until his wife cleared her throat in irritation, stepping forward.

"Hello dear. I am Bill's Mum, Molly, and this is my husband Arthur…"

"Eet ees a pleazure..." The girl replied, smiling brightly. Mrs. Weasley gave her a strange look as if trying to place her, before gesturing them all into the kitchen.

"Well," Remus said dryly, looking down at Tonks with half a smile. "This should be fun." He offered her his arm, which she took.

"Yeah…oh! Wait!" Quickly, she made her appearance identical to that of the Veela. "Merci Monsieur, I am so veery 'appy to be dining with you…" She giggled girlishly before changing back. "It will be like walking into a snake pit you know." He threw his head back and laughed heartily before they too joined the others.

It took about ten minutes to become very clear to Tonks that Molly Weasley was not a fan of Fleur.

"I take after my Muzzer…" She was saying, "My Grandmuzzer was a Veela. All ze women in our family look alike." Tonks turned to look up at Remus and mouthed, _Kill me Remus…_A wry smile came to his lips as he quickly took a swig of water to hide his laugh. They excused themselves as soon as dinner was over, leaving to the sounds of Bill whispering heatedly at his mother.

"Well that was awkward." Remus said, sounding thoroughly relieved as they shut the door behind them. He looked up at the night sky for a moment, a look of panic running through his eyes. Tonks understood.

"Tomorrow is the full moon…isn't it?" She asked, touching his arm. He looked down at her in surprise.

"Yes…I'm afraid so." He sighed, bending to pick up his broom and handing hers to her. "But…we might as well enjoy the brightness of it tonight…whileI can at least." He said, as they both mounted their brooms.

"I feel bad for Bill." Tonks said as they rode side by side. "He really likes Fleur…I mean, she's a bit off, but she's harmless and she really seems to like him."

"Yes, unfortunately beauty can be deceiving in more ways than one. I think Molly is thinking the worst of Fleur because she is so pretty…and young." Remus said rationally. Tonks looked over at him, noticing the way the moonlight accented the scars on his face. _It's odd how attractive those scars make him…_She thought, her eyes widening,_I do not like him like that…I do not like him like that…_

"Yeah." She said lamely after a minute. They reached her flat after a few minutes and impulsively, she blurted, "Would you like some coffee or tea or something?" He looked a bit shocked, but smiled.

"Sure…" He said uneasily, following her into her flat. Exactly one day before he'd followed her here and they'd fought about their feelings…now they were like old friends again? It was a bit strange, she admitted to herself.

"So…any job news Remus?" She asked, going through her nearly bare cupboards.

"No…I have an interview in a week…but I'm having doubts. It's at a law firm and I doubt they'll hire someone who can't even afford a decent suit." He motioned to his old looking shoes, which were nearly all detached from the sole.

"Remus! How can you be thinking of going through the winter with those?" She asked, setting about putting water on the stove.

"I don't really have a choice Dora…" He said sadly. She shook her head.

"No. You know what? Come here in the morning as soon as you get up. It's Sunday and I'm not on Duty." She said. He eyed her.

"Alright…but I can't be out too long. Remember, I need to be home before dark. I'm going out to the Shrieking Shack tomorrow night." He replied.

"Wonderful! Here." She said, setting a cup of tea in front of him. "Not as good as Mrs. Weasley's, but it serves its purpose."

"Thanks." He said, taking a sip. Bless him, he didn't even wince. "It's actually quite good." He encouraged. She laughed, pouring her own.

"You're lying, but thank you."

* * *

**November 2, 1995 9:35a.m.**

Remus took a long breath before knocking on Tonks's door. He felt tired as he always did the day of a full moon, but he was anxious to see what she was up to. Sirius, of course, had picked at him about Tonks the night before when he'd returned home. She opened the door quickly, looking vibrant and adorable.

"Wotcher!" She said, grinning. He had to smile at her, since she was all bundled up. It was a bitterly cold day for this early in the month. Her old Hufflepuff scarf was wrapped around her neck and her over coat was lined with wool. She wore a knitted hat on her head, and a bit of her pink hair flipped out from under it.

"Where are we going?" He asked as she grabbed his arm and began to walk him down the stairs of her flat.

"Diagon Alley silly!" She replied, getting on her broom. He followed, wincing against the cold. He wore a scarf but no hat and his ears were screaming. They finally landed in the middle of the busy square, to his relief. "Follow me Remus." She said, taking his cold hand in her gloved one. He recognized the shop as Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.

"What are you doing Nymphadora?" He asked suspiciously. She grinned and pulled him into the shop.

"Can I help you?" The short heavyset witch asked.

"Yes…I flooed you this morning Madame Malkin. I'm Dora Tonks." Tonks explained. The woman smiled brightly.

"Ah yes! About the young man! And here he is…quite the looker isn't he?" She asked, fussing about Remus, pulling a tape measure seemingly from nowhere. "I have just the thing!" The woman cried happily, disappearing behind a curtain. She returned a moment later with a new pair of black shoes, two pairs of pants, an overcoat and the nicest set of robes Remus had ever seen. They weren't dress robes, but they were professional looking and clean. "Here Dear…try these things on…go on…just in there. We won't peek." Remus looked at Tonks, who was beaming at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes proud.

Everything fit perfectly and Remus had to admit, Madame Malkin, odd as she was, was very adept at her job. He walked out of the fitting room quietly, unable to look Tonks in the eyes.

"Do they fit love?" Madame Malkin inquired. He nodded.

"Everything perfectly, but there's no way I can…"

"We'll take it all." Tonks interrupted, handing the witch a sack of Galleons.

"No…please…Tonks…I can't…"

"This is my treat Remus." She said, holding her hands up. "If it makes you feel better, don't think of it as a gift, think of it as a payment for your kindness. You stood up for me with Rowan…you've been a friend and you don't treat me like a child. Now, do me a favor, take off those horrible shoes and burn them." She also pulled out a new scarf with a matching hat and gloves. "These are yours too. It's winter Remus."

"I don't know what to say Dora." He said quietly. She smiled at him kindly.

"You don't have to say anything. This is what friend's do for each other. We're friends…aren't we?" She asked sincerely. He looked at her, pain stabbing his beating heart.

"This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." He said.

"You deserve it." She said. "Plain and simple. Now let's go get some lunch so you can get home early enough to rest before tonight!"

"It's so nice to see people in love!" Madame Malkin said with a sigh as they both looked at her.

"Oh, we're not…" Tonks said frantically.

"Eyes don't lie dear…" The woman said, winking at Remus. Thanking her, Tonks quickly handed Remus some of his new things to carry as she grabbed the receipt and left the shop.

"Could you believe that?" Tonks laughed nervously. "She thought we were…together or something!"

"I know…it's…hilarious." He said with an uneasy smile.


	9. What Goes Around

**December 18, 1995 2:12a.m.**

A knock at her door made Tonks jump so violently that she fell out of bed.

"C-coming…" She cried, pulling on a robe and stumbling through her dark flat to the door. It opened, revealing Remus's worried face. "Remus!" She exclaimed, pulling her robe tighter around herself. He turned a bit pink before swallowing.

"Could I come in? I have some bad news." He said, as she allowed him in.

"What is it?" She asked. He turned to look at her.

"Arthur has been attacked…by a snake." He sighed. "He was on duty tonight, guarding the Department of Mysteries and the snake bit him. It was_his…_"

"Merlin…"

"Harry saw everything." Remus added quietly. She frowned.

"How?" She asked and he explained how Harry had dreamed he was the snake. Running a hand through her rumpled pink hair, she shook her head. "Like a prophecy type thing?" Remus's eyes were dark.

"I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I think it's something to do with You-Know-Who." He folded his arms uneasily.

"Is Mr. Weasley…er…Arthur…going to be alright?" She asked, trying to read the look on Remus's face.

"I don't know. He's still alive…and that's something. Molly's gone to St. Mungo's and the children have just arrived at Grimmauld Place. Bill is at the hospital as well and is taking the morning off work."

"Things just keep getting worse." Tonks said quietly. "Why the Ministry won't just admit that Harry is telling the truth is beyond me…idiots."

"They'll regret it." He agreed.

* * *

**December 25, 1995 1:08 p.m.**

As Remus walked into Arthur's hospital room, he was anxious to see the young man who was sharing his room with him. Tonks had informed him that Arthur was rooming with a new werewolf who was quite unhappy, and understandably so. She'd also said that Arthur had told the young man about Remus and that it might help him to talk to someone with the same problem. As Molly and Arthur bickered about something called "stitches", Remus made his way over to the young man who pretended like he hadn't been watching and picked up an old copy of _The Quibbler._

"Merry Christmas." Remus said kindly, sitting near the young man's bed. He could have barely been graduated from Hogwarts.

"Go away." The young man groused. Remus smiled.

"It's a pain in the arse isn't it?" Remus said quietly. "Trust me…I've been there." He said, indicating his scars. The young man's eyes flickered for a moment, but he turned away again. The bite had been on the side of his torso and he was bandaged.

"When did it happen?" He asked gently.

"The beginning of the month." Came the quiet response from behind the magazine.

"I was five." Remus said finally. The sound of rustling paper came from the bed as the young man put down his magazine.

"You're one too?" He asked. Remus nodded.

"I'm not going to lie to you…" He leaned to read the young man's name, "Corbin…life will not be easy…employment will be few and far between…but you mustn't let that stop you."

"What is the point?" The man asked testily.

"The point is you're still alive…so keep on living." Remus said. The boy looked bitterly into his hands.

"My parents disowned me…my fiancée wanted nothing to do with me when she found out…" He began to cry. Remus patted his shoulder.

"Then she wasn't much of a fiancée was she?" He asked sincerely. Corbin looked at him with such hurt in his eyes Remus had to look away.

* * *

**December 26, 1995 1:01 a.m. **

As Remus watched the fire die down to nothing but flickering embers, he felt a pang of emptiness. Everyone had gone to bed after Christmas dinner. Even spending an evening with so many wonderful people could not help his loneliness. All night, he'd felt like a child looking through the frosted window of a candy shop. He could see it, but he couldn't touch it or have it. Tonks, of course, had been at her parents' house for dinner, so even though there had been numerous people, the meal had seemed strangely empty. Arthur's absence had put Molly into a depression as well, and she had gone off to bed early. Remus, however, didn't feel the least bit tired and in fact, could not get his mind off of Corbin. The boy had lost everything…his family…his fiancée. Remus had never realized how fortunate he had been to have loving parents and supportive friends. Friends who care for him so much, that they had become Animagi for him.

Harry was so like his father in the way that he would do anything for his friends. The way he'd stepped up to teach his fellow students, James would have been bursting with pride the way that he and Sirius were. Of course, Harry would soon be learning Occlumency, thank goodness. Even though Remus had his reasons for being angry with Severus, he could think of no one better to teach Harry how to close his mind. After all, Severus had barely smiled since their fifth year in school when he and Lily had been friends. Naturally, Harry had no idea that his mother's dearest friend was his least favorite teacher, and it was neither Remus's nor Sirius's place to tell him. In fact, Remus had been truly surprised when they were seventeen to hear that Lily had finally agreed to go out with James since she had confessed to Remus when they were prefects that she'd had feelings for Severus and any fool could see that Severus was mad for her. She had said she'd waited and waited and he never asked her out, and ultimately blew their friendship when he'd called her a "Mudblood" after their O.W.L.s.

Remus had hardly had a date himself in school. All of his friends were so very different when it came to girls. There was Sirius, who was handsome and had three girlfriends at once not to mention countless admirers. James, who only had eyes for Lily, but definitely had dated his share. Peter, who had kissed a girl once and had fainted right there. That left Remus, who had dated one girl in the whole seven years he'd been at Hogwarts. A Ravenclaw girl named Carrie. They'd gone on two dates before she'd grown bored with him and had moved on. Not that he would have blamed her. He wasn't much for romance on his best day. Sometimes, he dared to wonder how different his life may have been if he'd never been bitten. Would he be married by now and have children? Would he have been popular in school? Had a real job? Or would he still be sitting in the parlor of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place watching the fire die out on Christmas night?

A distant pop made his head turn and standing there, faintly illuminated by the fire and a single burning candle was Tonks's face which was pink from the cold. A small smile was on her face and she held a small wrapped package in her hand.

"Wotcher." She said just above a whisper. He swallowed, frowning in confusion. Had he fallen asleep? Was this another dream?

"What are you doing here?" He finally said, his voice weary. She simply smiled mischievously.

"I thought I ought to check on you…you seemed a bit peaky after St. Mungo's."

"Not really…I was just thinking is all. I've been where that boy Corbin is…it's terrible." He hated the way his voice sounded.

"Yeah." She agreed, stepping forward and looking around. "Anyone awake?"

"No." He looked back into the fire.

"Good." She said brightly, sitting beside him and placing the package in his lap. "Merry Christmas Remus."

"Tonks, you've already given me far too much…" He thought of the clothes she'd bought him.

"Just open it…" She urged eagerly. He did so and found a small framed mirror wrapped in tissue.

"What is it?" He asked, seeing her grin. Gently, she took the mirror from him.

"It's a bit like the Mirror of Erised, only you can ask it to show anything in existence that you want to see. Watch." She looked into it. "Sirius Black." The image of a snoring Sirius appeared. Remus took it from her as the mirror went blank.

"Tonks, I don't know what to say…" He started, looking into the mirror.

"You don't have to say anything. It might come in handy one day." He stared at her for a moment, taking in the warmth of her smile and her eyes.

"I don't have anything for you…" He said, feeling like a dolt.

"Your friendship is enough." She assured him, taking his hand. Without thinking, he pulled her forward and kissed her as he'd done in his dreams since the day they'd met. He savored the silky feel of her lips and the smell of her hair which was the lovely aroma of apples. To his relief, she responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck enthusiastically. Drunk with elation, he let his arms wrap around her as well, one of his hands straying to the base of her neck and twining into her thick pink hair. His eyes shot open, however, as he realized that more of him had come back to life. Pulling away in horror, he began to apologize profusely.

"I'm sorry…that should have never happened, I'm an idiot, I…"

"Remus." She stopped him, touching his cheek tenderly. "You have no idea how I've wished you would do that."

"We can't…I couldn't do that to you Dora, it's too much….it's too hard. You think you don't care but you don't know. You have no idea what it's like…the burden…" His voice cracked with emotion. She shook her head, bringing her other hand to hold his face.

"Look at me Remus, and _hear_ me. You are _not_ your affliction! It's _you_ I want…your lycanthropy is part of _you,_ and I can accept that…why can't _you_?" She kissed him again and he began to feel dizzy once more. "I think I'm in love with you Remus…I have been for a long time." She gasped between kissing him and trying to get air. Against his will, he pulled away again, wounded by her words.

"I'm too old for you." He choked out.

"No."

"I could never support you…" He protested.

"I have money."

"I could hurt you…"

"We both know you won't." She responded quick as fire.

"It isn't fair to you." He said, unable to look her in the eyes.

"Life isn't fair." She replied, staring at him intensely as she had the night he'd admitted to having feelings for her. "I've learned that…but life could be a hell of a lot better if we were together. Don't you think you deserve better?"

"No. I can't risk someone else's life. Too many people have put up with me…I won't burden another person." He stated firmly, standing up and crossing his arms. She did the same, mirroring his stance.

"You know what Remus? I'm not buying it…what are you running from? Really? Why are you so afraid to be happy?" Her voice was harsh. He backed away from her defensively.

"_Afraid_ to be happy? I _wish _I could be normal and have a wife and children! I wish I could offer you that, but I have nothing to offer you Dora! Why can't _you_ see that you deserve better?" He was pleading and he hated it.

"Because I deserve you…and you deserve me…and even though you won't admit it, you love me too. I know you do…who else but a man who loves me would have punched my ex in the nose? Who else would treat me like an equal instead of the dumb kid in the Order? You know what?" She became angry, "You can push me away all you want, but you'll never be rid of me…no matter how hard you try, I'll never give up on you. And if you're going to be a stubborn arse for the rest of our lives then I'll just live alone because I know now that you're the only person I was ever meant to be with." Before he could say anything, she moved forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Think about that tonight when you're lying in bed, Remus. I love you…Merry Christmas." She disapparated before he could even think straight. Once she was out of his sight, he sunk back to the sofa and eyed Sirius's bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Bloody Hell…Merlin help me James!" He lamented to his deceased friend. In the back of his mind, he could picture James laughing. "Shut up you…" He grumbled, reaching for the alcohol and wincing as it tingled going down his throat.

* * *

**December 26, 1995 2:01 a.m. **

Tonks stumbled as she apparated into her flat, weary from exhaustion and emotion, but she wasn't discouraged as she'd been the first time. She was ready to fight for Remus and she wasn't going to lose easily. With renewed vigor, she threw open her cupboard and took out a bottle of Butterbeer, flipping the switch of her radio to listen to the late-night talk programs. Something under the table caught her eye and as she bent down, she realized it was an old copy of _Witch Weekly, _still opened to the quiz that read, _Why Are You Still Single? _Only now she knew why…she'd been waiting all her life…for Remus. And she would wait forever if that's what it took. Why hadn't she realized it before? Oh, true…she'd know for some time that she loved him, but why hadn't she noticed how her heart raced whenever she was around him during the summer…during her short time with Rowan.

She'd seen Rowan earlier today when she'd stopped in Diagon Alley for her Mum. He was with the same girl from his house in the summer, only her middle was slightly rounded and they wore wedding rings on their fingers._What goes around comes around…_She'd thought as she nodded to them. He'd watched her leave longingly before his new wife had pulled his arm around and dragged him away. That's when she'd seen the mirror in the window of the trinket shop and thought of Remus. For some reason, she felt he had to have it, even if she didn't quite know why yet…Drinking her Butterbeer, she smiled slightly to herself as she listened to the men on the radio talking about everything from Quidditch to sex. Yes indeed…what goes around comes around…


	10. Happy New Year

**January 1, 1996 12:02 a.m.**

"Remus? What's the matter dear?" Molly asked as she came into the room where he was sitting at the table with an open book staring at the wall. "You look positively catatonic." She added. He shook his head.

"It's nothing…don't worry." He replied blankly.

"Sirius was wondering where you'd gotten to." She said, sitting beside him. "What's going on?" He turned to look into her warm brown eyes and frowned.

"I can't." He finally said.

"It's Nymphadora, isn't it?" She asked as his cheeks felt hot. He heard her sigh. "I can't say I haven't suspected that you have feelings for her Remus. Every time she walks into the room, your eyes light up like Christmas lights and you look about the same age as Ron and Harry."

"Nonsense. Dora and I are just good friends." He denied. She made a noise between a hiss and a grunt.

"Bollocks. You stark raving mad for her. I've raised six boys. I know…it's the same way Bill looks at that…that…_girl_ he brought home." She added with a shudder.

"Tonks says she's quite a good person when you get past the initial self centeredness." He replied calmly. Molly's eyes blazed, and she looked quite like her daughter then.

"She's not right for Bill." Molly argued. "She's got something stuck up her nose. Just like Narcissa Malfoy. Why doesn't she go bother _her_ son?"

"Draco is alright, if not a bit misunderstood. With Lucius as a father, anyone would be a bit out of it. Besides, Fleur is three years older than Draco."

"Well she's six years younger than Bill!" Molly interjected.

"Yes, but they're both adults and out of school." He replied. She grumbled in agreement, making him laugh as he rubbed her back in comfort.

"Anyway…Tonks is on her way over." She threw in for good measure. He stiffened but nodded.

"Great." He said unenthusiastically. Molly looked up with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You are so in love with her, you're dreading seeing her." She observed. He panicked. Was he really that easy to read? "You should give her a chance. You might be happy."

"It's not that I doubt being happy with her…I'm afraid to hurt her…and possibly infect innocent children through heredity." He stopped himself as Molly looked triumphant.

"So you _do_ love her." She mused. "How does she feel?"

"She's pretty much admitted that she's in love with me." He said as Molly nodded. "But, I'm hardly much younger than her own father!"

"Love knows no bounds Remus. Arthur and I married at the age of eighteen, almost immediately after graduation. Not many know this but Arthur and I were so in love then, that we'd already been…" She looked around before whispering. "_Intimate._ Well, I was unknowingly expecting Bill before we even married. But I didn't find out until after the wedding that I was pregnant, so that had nothing to do with our decision to marry. Arthur is the best thing that ever happened to me." Remus smiled despite himself.

"I see…but I still refuse to put someone else's life at risk." He said and she made a noise of irritation.

"You're impossible!" She exclaimed as Ginny appeared in the doorway.

"Mum, Dad's looking for you." She said, and Remus thought she sounded a bit off. Molly rose, giving Remus one more look before kissing her daughter's forehead and leaving the room. Ginny walked over to Remus and he could hear her stop behind his chair.

"How are you Ginny?" He asked tiredly, watching the fire crackle.

"I've come to wish you a happy New Year Remus…" She replied in a completely different husky voice. A bit of confused apprehension went through him as Ginny was only fourteen and had been his student two years before. Before he could say anything else, her hands were on his face and she was kissing him. Of course his eyes opened during the kiss to flash of pink and sparkling dark eyes. A sigh of relief went through him as he realized it was Tonks and his arms went around her. His relief was short lived as he remembered his resolution to not get involved with her. She seemed to read his mind.

"Just for tonight. Just this once don't think about tomorrow. Just think about tonight." She pleaded. He kissed her this time, forgetting his reservations. The champagne that everyone had been drinking may have had a bit to do with his decision. She tasted bloody brilliant. Her skin felt silky smooth against his uneven, scarred skin which was a bit grainy with stubble. "I love you Remus…I can't help it." She said against his lips. He could only moan in response. "Maybe we should go up to your room." She whispered raggedly. He pulled away abruptly.

"_No._ We are not going upstairs! Dora…do you realize what you're even saying?" He asked, ignoring the aching arousal she'd caused him. She nodded.

"Of course Remus. I'm not an idiot. I know how it works." She said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "All it takes is a little _muffliato._" Winking at him she began to pull her shirt up jokingly. He averted his eyes.

"No." He said firmly. "I won't do it. There are…children here." She eyed him.

"Hardly children anymore…it's what charms are for. I take a contraceptive potion. I have since I graduated…you know…just in case. Constant Vigilance." She added with a laugh.

"You've been drinking." He said quietly, looking at his folded hands moodily. She looked hurt.

"Not enough to impair my judgment. I'm not some lush! This isn't something I take lightly. Remus, I love you and I _know_ you feel the same. You can either admit it or delay the inevitable. You and I were meant to be together. I only hope you can realize it before something happens to one of us. It's a war Remus. People die." She left the room and the thought of her lying dead as a result of an Avada Kedavra hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted nothing more than to run into the next room, grab her by the arm and drag her up to his bed for the next week, but he knew it wasn't possible. If he could, he would propose to her right now…if things were different they could conceive a child and look forward to his or her birth together as couples in love should. As James and Lily had done sixteen years before. The thought of leaving a child an orphan bothered him as well. Poor Harry had had no one until he was old enough to come to school and his Aunt hadn't even bothered to tell him who he really was.

And then there was his bed…warm and inviting upstairs. Empty and big and…no! He couldn't believe he was actually considering. He eyed his empty glass of champagne longingly. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

**January 1, 1996 1:04 a.m. **

Tonks could not believe her own audacity as she waited for Remus in his room, but some other worldly force had compelled her to come up here. Or maybe that was Sirius…

"_Just go up to his room…he'll be up shortly and you two can…er…talk." _

She knew she shouldn't listen to Sirius sober, much less when he was drunk. Yet here she was, sitting in the middle of Remus's rather large bed with her legs crossed, reading an old copy of _The Daily Prophet_. She noticed that Remus liked to keep articles that had anything to do with werewolves or discrimination. It made her sad to think he surrounded himself with that misery. A while after she'd gone to his room, the door opened and Remus stumbled in. It was a bit funny to see him in such a state of drunkenness, as he was always so composed and level headed. He noticed her sitting there and his eyes went wide as saucers.

"You were s'posed to go home…" He said walking to the bed and falling onto it. She sat up.

"I couldn't…" She said bringing her knees to her chest. He was sitting with his back to her.

"You have to go…" He said, obviously struggling for control. "I don't wanna take advantage of you…"

"You couldn't…I know you Remus." She said, reaching out to touch the back of his brown hair which was nearly to his shoulders. He jumped at her touch, and turned around, nearly falling over. "What were you drinking?" She asked as if talking to a very small child.

"Firewhiskey." He replied. "With S-Sirius…we did shots."

"Lovely." She said dryly, thinking of the wry smile on her cousin's face. Her mouth dropped in surprise as he leaned over to press a warm kiss to her neck. She touched his cheek and turned her head to kiss him again.

"Don' ever leave me Dora…" He slurred. She shook her head.

"Never…I'll never give up on you." She said, resting her cheek against his head.

"You have the smoothes' skin in the world. I want to feel all of it." He murmured against her neck again. She closed her eyes to the sensation of being so close to him.

"Oh Remus…I want to be with you more than anything, but not like this…you don't know what you're saying." She whispered to him. He looked up at her. Pulling out her wand, she sighed and did a quick sobriety charm. He seemed to see her for the first time and notice he was lying against her chest.

"What's going on?" He asked in horror, but made no attempt to move.

"I couldn't do it." She said quietly. "You were drunk…I want it to be real. I don't want you to want to be with me only because you're drunk." He turned toward her, his eyes sincere as he cupped her cheek tenderly.

"Oh sweetheart…you deserve so much better than me…I only wish you would see it." He pleaded, kissing her forehead.

"There's no one else…you're the only one." She said, holding back a sob.

"Don't cry…please Dora…don't cry…you're breaking my heart." He said quietly. She'd never seen him so open with her.

"I don't want to go home…I don't want to be alone…" She choked out, thinking of her cold, empty flat. "Don't make me leave." She whispered desperately. "I want to stay with you."

"Shh…" He comforted, moving so that he was holding her. "You can stay…but nothing can happen…you must understand Nymphadora…I could _never_forgive myself." She nodded, clinging to him.

"I just want to be with you." She replied, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He let out a long breath and for a minute she thought she heard him say,

"Me too."

* * *

**January 1, 1996 10:09 a.m. **

Remus awoke with his arm draped over a small female body. Both of them were fully clothed and she was lying on her side facing him with her head against his chest. Her pink hair was spread over his chest and shoulder in a brilliant fan. She looked positively angelic in slumber. Unable to resist, he touched her nose lovingly.

"I wish it could always be this way…" He whispered to her. She didn't stir, but it almost seemed like her lips twitched into a smile. Leaning over to check the clock, he panicked.

"Dora…wake up." He said soothingly as she grumbled. "It's late." It was already after ten. All of the children had left for Hogwarts already. She sighed.

"What time?" She asked. When he told her, she bolted upright in bed.

"Shit! I'm on duty in twenty minutes!" She leapt out of the bed and turned apologetically.

"Oh Remus…I'm sorry about everything. I've got to go…catch up with you later?" She asked, pulling on her coat and scarf. He nodded patiently.

"Sure." He said, almost relieved she was leaving since lying in such close proximity with her was sheer torture. Before he could stand to show her out, she flew toward him and kissed him soundly on the lips.

"You're not getting off that easy Lupin." She said with a wink and disapparated within moments. He was actively ignoring the fact that he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and realized that he could no longer allow her to think there could ever be something between them. It had already gone too far.

**January 1, 1996 8:00 p.m.**

"You're certainly quiet tonight." Andromeda Tonks said to her daughter, who was chopping vegetables for her mother's roast. A discreet smile came to her lips.

"Just tired is all…" She replied. Ted looked up from his paper and raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you and what have you done with Dora Tonks? Usually, you're talking our ears off." He mused.

"Come to think of it…you're acting the same way I did when I started dating your fath-oh my goodness! You've met a boy haven't you?" She asked. Tonks laughed.

"Not quite a boy Mum." She replied. Andromeda's eyes narrowed.

"A girl?" She asked quietly, sending Tonks into a fit of giggles.

"Good God no!" She choked. "Yes, I've met someone, but I'm not quite ready to talk about it. We're still in the…well…early stages."

"What do you mean?" Her mother asked. Tonks shrugged, fumbling for the knife when she nearly dropped it.

"He's in denial about his feelings for me. He keeps making excuses because he's afraid to become involved." She sighed wistfully as she thought of Remus's eyes whenever he tried to push her away. "Mum…he's a bit older than me." She said, uncertain as to how her parents would react.

"How much older?" Her father asked, reaching into the pot to steal a carrot and in turn having his hand hit by his wife.

"Well…thirteen years older to be exact." She said. Her parents looked at each other in surprise, but neither frowned.

"Is he a good person?" Ted asked. Without hesitation she answered.

"Yes."

"Is he intelligent? Responsible?" Andromeda threw in. Tonks nodded.

"Oh yes…he was a teacher a Hogwarts." She said, bringing confusion to her parents' eyes.

"Recently?" Andromeda inquired.

"Yes…Mum, it's Remus Lupin."


	11. So Much More Than a Dream

**Warning: Sexual Content!!!! Hope you all aren't easily shocked. Enjoy...**

* * *

**January 25, 1996 10:30 p.m. **

Tonks staggered into her flat in exhaustion after a long night of trouble. There had been a possible Death Eater sighting outside Hogsmeade and an alert had been sent to every Auror. The Ministry had forced the Aurors to sign a contract of silence. Cornelius Fudge was working very hard to make Harry look like he was mental, which was really starting to piss her off. She hadn't seen any of her friends from the Order in days and had hardly slept in weeks. In fact, she was feeling a bit under the weather if truth be told. Her head hurt, her body ached and she was so congested, she could barely breathe. Opting to take a bath, she started running the water as she discarded her filthy Auror robes.

Truthfully, she felt detached from her friends. Caught between work and her own beliefs. It was disgusting what the Ministry was doing, denying the truth and putting thousands of people at risk. As she began to climb into her tub, her foot slipped on a puddle and she hit her head against the side of the tub. Slowly, her bathroom faded out of her vision as she heard the sound of a child crying. It wasn't a baby, but it couldn't have been older than five or six. She turned and found a little boy sitting on his bed, crying. She sat beside him.

"Are you alright? Where are your Mum and Dad?" She asked kindly. He looked up at her with scared brown eyes.

"I don't have no Mum or Dad…they're dead." He answered quietly.

"I'm sorry. What is your name?" She inquired.

"Teddy." He replied. She smiled.

"I like that name. You know…my Daddy's name is Ted." His eyes lit up.

"Really? What's your name?" He asked.

"I'm Tonks…" She said. He reached out and touched her hair hesitantly.

"I like your hair. It's pretty." He said. "I can make mine turn too!" His brown hair turned the same vivid shade of pink as hers as her eyes widened in surprise.

"I've never met anyone else who can do that!" She cried, impressed. "I think you and I are going to be great friends Teddy." This seemed to make him happy for a moment, but sadness flickered in his eyes.

"You have to go now Tonks…someone is looking for you." He said, throwing his arms around her. "I'll see you someday soon. I promise!" He cried running out the door as the bathroom came back into focus.

"Merlin, you gave us a scare!" Mad-Eye was crouched over her as she realized in horror, that she had been naked. Someone had wrapped her in her robe.

"Who's all here and how did you find me?" She asked groggily.

"Molly heard you weren't feeling well and made soup for you, but when you didn't answer the door, we panicked. And a good thing we did. Poor Remus had to drag you out of the tub. You could have drowned!" Mad-Eye's voice was gruff and her head was throbbing, but she suddenly realized that her head was cradled in someone's lap. She swallowed hard as she realized who it was.

"Did you put my robe on me?" She asked weakly. Remus nodded silently. He seemed to be fighting his own emotions.

"You're very lucky." He said in a voice that was calmer than he looked. She wanted to smile, but she was too tired.

"Can't stay awake…" She mumbled, but Remus shook his head.

"You have to sweetheart," He replied, causing Mad-Eye to look at him suspiciously. "You might have a concussion…just for a bit longer, I promise."

* * *

**Fifteen minutes earlier**

Remus stood with Mad-Eye as they rang the bell of Tonks's flat. He'd known she was sick, she owled he and Sirius every day. It had been strange, not seeing her very often since the New Year and life was dull without her. Not that he would ever admit that. In fact, that would go against the very thing he was trying to do: Discourage her. Still, nothing could compare to the terror he felt when she hadn't answered. Images had gone through his mind of her being killed by Death Eaters, or something else. Sure enough, once they'd got the door opened, the sound of running water came from the bathroom and they'd found her lying in the tub under the water with one leg draped over the side. She'd looked positively white. Thankfully, she had responded quickly and was revived without a problem, which meant it had just happened. He dared not even think of what could have happened had they not come. He'd ignored her nakedness, the task at hand being more important and managed to lift her out easily and wrap her robe around her. She'd lost weight in the past month, yet it didn't detract from her attractiveness.

He hadn't meant to use the endearment with her, but it had slipped and Mad-Eye had noticed. Thankfully, he made no mention of it as he left.

"You coming Lupin?" He barked. Remus shook his head.

"Someone needs to stay with her." He replied. Mad-Eye raised his eyebrow.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" He asked. Remus laughed nervously.

"Of course not! She's thirteen years younger! She's very dear to Sirius and myself. We feel responsible to watch over her." Remus's voice didn't sound like his own.

"Hmmpf." Mad-Eye grunted. "Make sure to give her some of Molly's concoction and a potion for congestion." Nodding, Remus turned his attention back to Tonks as the retired Auror left. It was a bit strange to see how much Mad-Eye cared for the girl. He treated her as any man would treat his own daughter. Tonks was looking at Remus, he noticed, her eyes red with exhaustion.

"You can go if you want." She whispered. He smiled and poured a bit of potion into a cup for her to drink.

"Here. For your cold. And then you need to eat. You're too thin." He replied, ignoring her.

"Remus…you don't have to stay." She said again. He gave her a stern look.

"Quiet. Of course I have to stay. You may have a concussion and I can't leave you alone on good conscience."

"I'm fine…" She protested, sitting up now. He quickly warmed up Molly's soup and placed two bowls on the table. "How is Harry doing with Snape?" She asked, taking a ravenous bite.

"I'm not sure…Sirius hasn't said anything." He said. "We've miss you around the house." He admitted, hating himself for saying it. The surprise in her eyes made him smile.

"Thank you…work has been hard. The Ministry is working really hard to make the Order look like the bad guys. It's getting harder to hide the fact that I'm in the Order." Her mouth was full as she talked, making her all the more adorable. Panic struck him. It was getting harder for him to stay away from her. Soon, it would be impossible if this kept up. He'd ask Dumbledore as soon as possible to send him on another mission.

"Really Remus…you don't have to stay." Tonks repeated. "You've gone sickeningly pale!" She quickly reached across the table to feel his forehead. He flinched at her touch as if she'd burned him. In truth, she had. She'd burned his soul.

"I'm not going anywhere…tonight." He said quietly finishing his food. She hugged her arms around herself.

"So you're still going to run from me." She said, a tone of anguish in her voice that pierced his heart like a knife.

"I'm not running from you!" He said desperately. "I can't be with you and you know that! We've discussed this!"

"No Remus, _you've_ discussed this!" She stood up, flushed and moved around the table. "_I _don't even get a say in this! You've made the choice for both of us."

"I didn't want this!" He replied, his heart beating against his chest as he stood up.

"You think I did? If I could just turn it off I would!" She cried, getting into his face. "But I can't." Her voice had become quiet and sad. "Tell me you don't want me and I'll never bring up the subject again." She challenged. He stared down at her, unable to speak.

"I…this is ridiculous!" He protested, looking away.

"Say it…it should be simple for you." Crossing her arms, she stared at him.

"I…I can't! I can't say it alright?" He sighed. "Are you happy?"

"No." She whispered, her dark eyes glistening with tears. "I'll never be happy until you admit that we should be together."

"Tonks…Dora…" He said, feeling horrible as he wiped away the traitorous tear that had begun to fall. "Don't cry." He whispered and before he could stop himself, he'd kissed her. Remus wasn't sure what he was doing, but the kiss quickly progressed from soft to urgent. Straying from her lips, he let himself move on to her neck, but only long enough for her to catch a breath before he returned to her lips.

"I can't control myself when I'm with you." He gasped, pulling away and turning from her. She stood confused, watching the rise and fall of his back as he struggled for breath. His hair was wild and to his shoulders. He hadn't shaved in days and he had never looked more attractive to her.

"Then don't…Remus! I don't want you to." She begged, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He jumped at her touch, trying to keep her from seeing the front of him. "Remus…what's the matter?" She asked, worried that something was really wrong with him.

"You don't know what you do to me…what I could do to you. What I _wish _I could do to you!" He shook his head. "Oh Merlin…" She still had no idea what he meant until he turned back toward her. She noticed. Merlin, did she ever notice.

"Oh." She replied. "Oh my." Tonks had known she had been in love with Remus for a bit now, but she'd never known real desire until this night. To see his obvious arousal made her burn with a raw need to possess him. She had no idea how to do it, but she wanted to seduce him.

"You see? Do you see how I want you? But I can't have you! Find someone else…_please_…and do it soon or I'll go mad." He begged. She shook her head.

"Never. You're the only one." In one step she had his shirt clutched in her hands. "I want to make love with you Remus."

"No. I won't…as much as I want to, I won't." His mind was set and he was stubborn, but she was more determined.

"Remus. I am an adult. A fully grown woman…" He looked desperate, but did not try to stop her as she pulled at his coat and began to unbutton his shirt. She stopped and stared intensely at him. Taking his hand, she brought it to the tie of her robe and made him pull it loose. He wasn't looking at her as she let the soft terry cloth fall away from her body. "Look at me Remus." She said, feeling too confident for someone who had never done this. Slowly, his eyes for their way back to her body and he stared at her in a mix of despair and need with his shirt hanging open. With a gulp, she took his hand and led him, dazed into the bedroom.

"I can't make any promises to you." He said after a long moment. She nodded.

"I just want to be with you. Trust me Remus." There was a tenderness in her voice that she couldn't hold back. He shrugged off his shirt and reached for her.

"It's been so long since I've been with a woman…I hardly remember how." He said huskily.

"I've never been with anyone…" She offered. To her surprise, he reached up and took her face into his hands and guided her to his lips.

"You taste like perfection." He murmured against her lips, his hands roaming down her naked back and over her bottom.

"Yeah right." She replied dryly, a smirk crossing her lips and she couldn't hold back a laugh.

"This is not even close to funny Nymphadora, and if you think…"

"Remus?" She interrupted.

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"Shut up and help me pull off your knickers." A huge grin spread over her face as he lifted his hips to pull both his pants and underwear down. His cheeks turned a deep pink as he was finally fully naked. Knowing she shouldn't stare, she tried to avoid looking down but was unsuccessful.

"Oh my goodness." She heard herself say. His eyes were worried.

"Do you want to stop?" Leaning forward, he touched her bare shoulder. "I won't do this if you don't want to." Looking straight into his pale eyes, she shook her head.

"I want this. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything Remus. This is _right._" Standing between his legs, she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and brought his hand to her hip. "Do _you_ want this?" He looked pained as he lightly squeezed her hip looking up at her.

"More than anything." He admitted, and within seconds, he'd pulled her down onto the bed and was lying beside her.

"I don't know how to do…anything." She admitted.

"I'm not very skilled either, I'm afraid." He said with a small nervous smile. "Sirius was the ladies man." She rolled her eyes.

"No thank you…I find you much more appealing. And besides, Sirius is my cousin. That's just…wrong…" She giggled, eyeing a small shadow of a scar beneath his ear. In fact, his whole body was marked with scars, but it only made him more attractive to her. He seemed embarrassed of it and tried to cover a few of them with his hands. "Don't." She said, stopping him from covering himself. "They're nothing to be ashamed of Remus, they're you."

"I don't want to be this." He said, a tone of devastation in his voice.

"We can't change who we are…don't you think some kids thought I was a bit of a freak? I mean, look at me Remus…I'm not exactly the most normal person in the world…but I don't care. Fuck all of them." She watched a small smile twitch at his lips. A wicked thought came to her mind as she leaned forward and licked the spot under his ear that had fascinated her so. He let out a surprised groan. "Do you like that?" She whispered. He only nodded. This time, she kissed his earlobe, feeling the stubble from his jaw against her cheek. He moaned again.

"Yes…" He managed to get out, his eyes closed. Feeling rather adventurous, finally looked down at his throbbing desire. With a gulp, she reached down and wrapped her fingers around him. His eyes flew open as a loud sound of half need, half surprise left him. She did not get a chance to keep doing it, however, for he turned and set about kissing her collarbone lightly.

"I had to stop you…it would have been over before it began." Her eyes widened at the sensations coming from him just touching her skin with his lips. One of his hands cupped her breast, tentatively touching her nipple. She'd always been a bit embarrassed of her body. She was not a tall woman and she was voluptuous to say the least. Hardly anyone knew though, as she always hid it under her robes. Rowan had stared at her breasts longingly while they were together, but she'd ignored what that meant. A gasp emerged from her lips as his tongue circled her hardened nipple. She could feel him laugh low against her skin as his hand explored her free breast before roaming down her stomach and lower into the dark curls.

"Remus!" She cried, jerking as his finger touched something she hadn't known was there.

"It's alright love, it's what will make this enjoyable…of course, I'm sure my hands are like sandpaper." Quickly, he wetted his finger with his mouth and repeated what he'd done before, moving in soft, light circles. Unexpectedly, her head lolled back and her eyes closed as she whimpered in pleasure. Her hand gripped his arm as her abdomen tightened. Another thrill of surprise went through her as she felt one of his fingers enter her. Her head began to move back and forth and her breath slowly digressed to panting.

"Remus! Oh! I can't…I have to…"

"Let it come." He whispered, kissing her forehead soothingly as her body relaxed with the release of her climax. She lay in bliss for a moment before opening her eyes.

"Are…are we done?" She asked, looking up at him. He smiled, a distant wicked gleam in his serious eyes.

"Hardly…sweetheart, open your legs for me…" She did so as he moved so that he was between them, poised at her entrance. "This will hurt." She arched in desire as he touched her again where he had before.

"J-just do it…please…" She begged, as he slowly began to fill her. He stopped again, propping himself on his elbows above her so that his face was just above hers.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Kiss me." He said and as he kissed her, he pressed forward quickly breaking her barrier. Her eyes opened in shock and pain as tears filled her eyes. He soothed her kissing her forehead, brushing a few strands of pink hair that were molded to her forehead with sweat back. After her body had begun to relax and her breathing had returned to normal, he moved again within her, reaching between them to rub her again. As he took one of her nipples into his mouth, she arching in pleasure again, forgetting the pain as he worked on her. Within moments, she felt herself tensing with orgasm again and, crushing his lips to hers, he too released inside of her before falling against her and laying his head against her chest. She entwined her fingers in his long hair.

"Where do we go from here?" She asked, after a minute. Feeling him sigh against her, he moved to her side. "Are you willing to try with me?" Reluctantly, he nodded.

"I will…but I won't put you at risk. If anything at all happens…"

"It won't." She replied and again. "It won't." He kissed her again before studying her for a moment. She yawned deeply, remembering her exhaustion.

"Dora…you need to sleep and…damn!" He looked down frantically. "We didn't cast the contraceptive charm!" She smiled lazily.

"I take a potion Remus…I have for a long time. You know…Constant Vigilance. You never know what could happen." He relaxed, falling against the pillow and taking one of her hands.

"Let's sleep." He begged her. She nodded, her eyes already half closed, a smile on her face.

* * *

**January 26, 1996 2:43 a.m.**

He was walking through the orchard at the Burrow. It was summer again and the sky was blue. Looking around, he realized he was alone. With a sigh, he reached out to touch one of the flowers on the tree and nearly fell over as a young boy swung down from one of the branches.

"Sorry Mister!' The child said as he fell rather less than gracefully to the ground.

"Careful there." Remus said, kneeling to help the boy up. He looked to be around seven or eight years old with shaggy brown hair and a charmingly mischievous smile.

"Thanks!" The boy said cheerfully.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" Remus asked, thinking of his former students.

"Just looking at the sky." The boy replied. Remus frowned.

"Where are your parents?" He asked. The boy shrugged.

"They died when I was a baby." He said quietly. "I live with my grandmother!"

"Do you know the Weasleys?" Remus asked, wondering if the poor grandmother of this boy was worried that her small grandson was missing.

"Of course!" The little boy said as if it were common knowledge. "My name is Teddy, what's yours?"

"Remus." He replied. The boy raised an eyebrow.

"I've heard that name before." He said, but didn't say where. Remus knelt down to look into the boys face. "Want to see what I can do Remus?" He asked.

"Sure." Remus replied. To his astonishment, Teddy's hair turned the exact color of the sky. "How did you do that?"

"My grandma says I'm a meta-something…a…um…" Remus was almost afraid to say it.

"Metamorphmagus." He answered. The boy nodded enthusiastically.

"That's the one!" Teddy cried excitedly. "Well, I better get inside, Granny Weasley is cooking dinner and the babies are probably waking up from their naps!"

"Wait, I'll take you inside…" He said but for some reason was unable to keep up with the child.

"I'll see you soon Remus!" Teddy cried, disappearing into the trees.

Remus's eyes shot open as he gasped for breath. He looked to his left, seeing Tonks curled up under the covers, a content smile still on her face. It took him a moment to realize that it had only been a dream. Nothing more than a dream.

** And yes, I know Remus and Tonks don't REALLY end up together until 1997, but the depression stems from somewhere and I'm going my own route. Bear with me. **


	12. Hard Headed

**So this is infinitely not great, and I apologize. School and work and writer's block have been horrible, and I am sooo sorry for waiting so long to update. **

** Syd  
****  
**

* * *

**January 26, 12:00 P.M. **

Tonks woke reluctantly with a pounding headache and looked at the clock. Noon. She shivered and pulled the covers tighter around herself, realizing with a start that she was naked. The faint sound of movement came from the kitchen as she remembered slowly that she was not alone in her flat. Quickly, she pulled on her pajamas and ran a hand through her hair before venturing into the kitchen. Her breath caught when she saw him sitting there reading the paper and sipping tea. His hair was wild, he was unshaven and shirtless. Never had Remus seemed more comfortable, more natural. Obviously, he'd heard her because he looked up, noticing her.

"Good morning." She said, trying to sound bright and casual.

"Good _afternoon…_" He corrected gently with a small grin. "You don't have a concussion. I made sure before I let you sleep." He added. Nodding, she sat beside him.

"Good." She replied, studying his bare chest, which was quite broad and more muscular than it seemed when he was clothed. Faint scars covered various places, some newer looking than others. Though some were minimal, some were quite severe, jarring her.

"Remus…" Her voice was quiet. He smiled sadly at her.

"The very thing I intend you never to witness, Dora, is how I got these scars." He said firmly. "And I want it understood that if any danger comes to you because of me, this relationship will have to cease. I won't have it on my conscience." Her chin tilted in a slight nod.

"Do you take wolfsbane, Remus?" She dared to ask. With a surprised look of amusement, he nodded.

"When I can find it. It's still very new." An unexpected yawn escaped her as she realized how sore her body was. Her head fell to rest against his shoulder. His lightly stubbled cheek rested upon her forehead. "Will you come to Grimmauld Place with me today?" He asked.

"To stay?" She tried not to sound too hopeful.

"If you wish." He replied with a nod.

"I need a shower." She said, standing. "I had the strangest dream wile I was out cold last night…I was in this bedroom, and…well, I suppose it doesn't matter now." Kissing his cheek, she yawned again. "Do you want to…um…come with me?" She asked shyly. A slow smile came to his face as he rose to come to her.

"Not so soon after the first time, love." He whispered, kissing her forehead. "Go and take your shower. I'll still be here when you get out." She sighed in relief and kissed him quickly before running toward the bathroom.

"And do be careful this time!" He added.

* * *

**4:00 P.M. **

"Remus? Is that you, I'm going mad here, I…" Sirius's voice stopped as Remus stepped into the kitchen with his arm around Dora. "What's going on?" He asked, eyeing the both of them.

"We're trying it out." He answered, looking down at the vivid pink hair. She was smiling so wide, he was sure her cheeks hurt. Sirius broke into a raffish grin as well.

"About time too!" He said, "Molly will go wild."

"Oh…my goodness!" Tonks cried. Remus looked down at her expectantly.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"Bill! He'll die of shock! And Charlie too!" She chortled. "Well, Charlie is in Romania, so it doesn't matter, but Bill…" Sirius laughed with her, but Remus bit his lip uncomfortably, thinking of the fact that Tonks and Charlie had once dated. True, it had been brief and not to mention, a few years before, but he felt oddly jealous. Shaking his head to rid himself of the thought, he sat down, taking a drink of the cocoa Sirius had slid to him.

"Arthur dropped by this morning." Sirius said excitedly. Remus felt sorry for him, being locked up in this house.

"Oh?" He replied, noticing that Dora's hair had started to curl at the nape of her neck and he was trying to ignore the urge to reach out and touch it.

"Yeah…he said Bill came to he and Molly to ask for his grandmother's wedding ring."

"Why would he…" Remus began, stopping in surprise and looking at his closest friend. Tonk gasped.

"He's proposing?" She asked in surprise.

"Yes. Molly told him to come to her when he found the right girl, but Arthur told me she flat out refused!"

"She _what?_" Remus cried, incredulously. He'd yet to see Molly Weasley deny any of her children something.

"She said she doesn't feel right about giving her mother's ring to 'that Veela.'"

"Bill must be furious." Dora replied, sitting with one of her knees up, while the other hung lazily off the chair.

"Arthur said he said that she was going back on her word and that she'd better learn to like 'that Veela' because he was going to marry her with or without the ring." Sirius's eyes were gleaming. "Arthur, of course, trusts Bill's judgement…"

"But he's Molly's first…it's probably hard for her."

"Fleur is actually a lovely person, once you get past all of that…Veela." Tonks said, twisting a short lock of pink hair around her small finger. Both Sirius and Remus laughed as Tonks made herself look exactly like the French girl. "_Oui_…Beel and I weel be married…zis summer!"

Sirius threw his head back and roared with laughter as Remus just shook his head.

"You two are too much…" He replied, sipping the cocoa.

"Madame Weasley…pleaze let me marry your beautiful son…I weel make him so veery 'appy!" She changed back then, though her hair remained long and blonde for a moment before she shook her head and the pink returned.

"Bill's no idiot…if I had a Veela in love with me, I'd marry her too…"

"As I recall Sirius, you had your share of beautiful girls in school…even after…I mean, you and Eleanor Craven were quite serious until…" Remus trailed off, not wanting to say it as he noticed Sirius wince.

"No. Ellie was wrong for me." He said, his voice completely different than it had been a minute before.

"Who is Eleanor Craven?"

"Well, her name is Eleanor Brown now…" Sirius spat bitterly.

"Ellie ditched him after he was framed for killing those thirteen Muggles when Peter…" Remus began to explain.

"Peter Pettigrew?" She asked. They nodded.

"He was going to ask her…"

"Moony…" Sirius cut in pleadingly. "_Stop._" Remus nodded and met Dora's eyes. She nodded slightly as well, telling him that she understood. Standing quickly, she walked toward the fireplace.

"I'll floo Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Let's see if we can't get some company here." She said. "Perhaps, I'll floo Bill too." She added wickedly.

* * *

**5:00 PM**

An hour later, Molly and Arthur apparated into the kitchen.

"Tonks dear, I brought a roast, I hope that's…" She trailed off, noticing Remus's arm hanging lazily around her. Tonks felt herself blush, but she rose, meeting Molly.

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley." She said quietly.

"Have you finally brought the boy to his senses?" Molly discreetly asked as they set it on the table. Tonks shrugged.

"He's agreed to try. I'm not sure what that means, but I'll take it." She replied. "You can't help who you fall in love with." Molly's eyes darkened for a moment, before the woman looked at her husband, who was talking about some new object he'd encountered.

"No…you can't I suppose." Molly sighed. "Oh dear…" She said and Tonks hid a smile. A faint pop came from the other side of the room. Everyone looked up to see Bill standing there, his hair pulled neatly back, still in his work clothes.

"Mum." He said quietly, glaring at her as he moved to kiss Tonks's cheek.

"Bill?" Tonks cut in. "Could we talk alone?" Taking his hand, she noticed a slightly alarmed look on Remus's face before she winked at him and dragged her friend from the room.

"Did she tell you what she did?" He said loudly. She shushed him and shook her head.

"No…Sirius told me." She replied. "Bill, give her time…you're her first child. She's having trouble letting go."

"No she isn't! She insists if it was _you_ was marrying that she would give me the ring without question!" He cried.

"That's rich!" Tonks laughed. "Could you imagine…us being married?" He shook his head. "No." She sobered. "Not funny…" A sigh escaped her. "Oh Bill…your mum says that she would be happy to give up the ring if it were me, but I am willing to bet she would be just as reluctant to let her little boy grow up. She has seven children…you know…you're the first to really become an adult…you're getting married, soon you'll have kids of your own."

"You're probably right, but she's still stubborn!"

"Just like her children…" Tonks soothed, linking her arm into Bill's and pulling him into a friendly hug. "Be nice to your mum…she loves you." Suddenly, while her head was against his chest, he let out a small chuckle.

"You're right Tonks…and who knows; maybe one day your kid will marry mine." They pulled apart, looking at each other and began to laugh. "Thanks Tonks."

"No problem…by the way Remus and I are finally trying…"

"To have kids?" Bill asked, confused. Tonks choked.

"N-no! To have a relationship!"

"Oh." Bill said, nodding. "You've been in love so long, I wasn't sure where you all were. Oh, don't look at me like that." He teased. "I've known he loved you since that day we went to Rowan's. Come on," He added, taking her hand. "I need to go and talk some sense into that Mum of mine." She followed him, rolling her eyes.


	13. Within the Beast

**Sorry for the wait. I am quite proud of this chapter. **

* * *

**April 15, 1995**

12:00 PM

Tonks threw open the door to Grimmauld Place, messing her hair wildly in anger. She was in a foul mood and wanted nothing more than a shot of Firewhisky at the moment. A door above her opened as she looked up to see the dark face of Sirius.

"Dora? Why are you home?" His concerned voice called out. She shook her head.

"Booze first." She growled while he quickly moved down the stairs to meet her.

"Shots?" He asked and she nodded, following him down the narrow stairs to the basement where the kitchen sat unoccupied.

"Where is Remus?" She asked. Sirius paused for a moment as he pulled out the bottle of Firewhisky.

"Not quite sure actually. He went out earlier, seemed kind of desperate." Tonks thought a moment before raising her eyebrows.

"Tonight's full moon Sirius." She said aloud. Sirius's eyes darkened.

"Ah, damn. He'll be looking for wolfsbane." He said, pouring out a double shot for each of them. Sitting down, he slid the glass to her and waited expectantly. "Let's have it then, Nymphadora." With a groan she stared into the amber liquid.

"I was taken in for questioning today by the minister himself. Said someone had tipped him off that I was in the Order."

"Who?" Sirius asked impatiently. She shrugged.

"I think it was Malfoy." She said quietly. "He doesn't know anything, but he made something out no doubt. He knows how tight I am with Mad-Eye and Remus."

"What did you tell them?"

"I didn't deny it." She admitted. "I simply told them to prove it." Appreciation came into his aged black eyes.

"Well done!" He said enthusiastically. She smiled weakly at him.

"I think I'll go lie down for a bit if you don't mind." Getting up, she patted his shoulder and left the basement, running up the vast stairs to the room she currently shared with Remus. Since January, more of her things had found a home at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. She fell presently into the bed and from the moment her eyes closed a familiar feeling of content crept into her as she turned and buried her face in the pillow, which was heavy with Remus's scent. Her thoughts returned to the night before when he'd broken down in frustration about his inability to control his lycanthropy. She'd been sitting beside him on the bed and he had sobbed. After she had managed to console him, he'd made desperate love to her and as was customary at this time of month, he was positively primal. It was a good contrast to the sensitive lover he was just after a full moon. The only thing that was chewing away at her conscience was that he still had not told her he loved her. She was certain that he did love her because of the little things he did. The way he kissed the nape of her neck when she was turned away from him. In the tender way he handled her, she _knew._ She allowed herself to fall asleep with this thought.

As the sun began to set, casting shadows over the room, the door opened and Remus rushed into the room, waking Tonks. His eyes were bloodshot as he climbed into the bed beside her. She was worried and took his thin face into her small hands.

"Dora." He gasped. "Don't feel well…tonight…"

"I know, Remus." She said, pulling his arms around her.

"Don't want to…I don't want…" Shushing him, she smoothed his hair.

"I know, love…I know. Did you find the wolfsbane?" He shook his head, sniffing and she realized in horror that he was crying.

"No one is making it…You go to your Mum's tonight…"

"No." She said firmly. "I'm not leaving you. You may be locked in here, but I still need to be near you…do you hear me?"

"Stay away…" He growled, rolling so that his upper body pinned her down. His eyes were so intense she couldn't speak. "_Promise _me Nymphadora…stay away…for me." Nodding numbly, she managed to speak.

"I…I…promise."

"I love you…" He mumbled before falling asleep beside her as her heart began to leap.

"I love you too Remus…" She whispered to his sleeping form, kissing his cheek tenderly. "More than you know." Gently, she eased up off the bed and left the room, locking the door behind her just as the house became enveloped in the gloam.

* * *

**8:26 P.M.**

It was like someone was ripping him apart from the inside out. As the last golden rays of light disappeared over the distant horizon and the first silvery shards of moonlight touched the wooden floor, he could feel it creeping up on him like death. He watched his body transform from the bottom up. His feet elongated and became paws while his nails sharpened along with his teeth. His eyes began to change along with his vision as the room became shrouded in shades of gray and he could smell everything from the dying aroma of the steaks that Sirius had eaten for dinner to the smell of hand lotion on the bed side table. His body gave a final painful jerk and he ceased to be Remus Lupin. Instead, he was no more than a beast. It was worse even though, because he was still there. He had no control of himself, but he was _still _there. He knew who he was…and he longed for the graceful deer and the scruffy dog to run through the woods with him again. He was starving…and the desire to hunt was overwhelming.

_But I'm still here! _He screamed silently from the hidden depths of the beast's mind, which pulsed with _prey…kill…hunt…_

_I don't want to be this!_ Remus felt the despair and the beast hit the wall violently, flying back from the protective spells on the room. Another voice began to speak to him.

_I'm here Moony…I'm with you. _It was James.

_It hurts Prongs…it hurts so badly…_He cried, trying to envision the beautiful deer.

_I know it…but you're strong. I'm here…I won't leave you until it's over…_

_Kill me, Prongs…_He pleaded with James and could practically hear his chuckle.

_Don't be mental. Try thinking of that sweet girl…the one who makes you feel…_

_I finally know how you felt with Lily…_He responded as the beast gave a violent kick at the door, searching for prey. _No! Stop it!_ Remus screamed at the beast which gave a loud roar in anger.

_Focus Moony…_James urged, _I'm here…I'm not going anywhere. _

_You should see Harry, Prongs…he's wonderful. _Remus said, fighting the pain as the beast clawed a new scar across his face.

_I know…_James said, full of pride. _It wasn't in vain…_

_I miss you…we both do._ Remus said, wishing wholeheartedly that he could see his distant friend.

_One day…the Marauders will be complete again…_

_Only three…_Remus reminded him. James chuckled.

_No…four._ He said quietly.

_I don't understand…_Remus said as a distinctly female voice joined James.

_Remember me? _

_Lily. _Remus said, fighting emotion as the beast lashed out against the door to his room.

_It was no picnic becoming an animagus, but it was worth it…and you have to admit…James and I made one hell of a deer couple. _

_I had nice antlers, didn't I Evans? _James teased and Remus felt a slight lift of pain hearing the two of them talk.

_Oh, it's Evans again then, Potter? _She retorted and Remus wanted to laugh, but the beast apparently disagreed since it hit against the door again. A growl left him as Remus tried to regain control to no avail.

_Easy Moony…_Prongs soothed. _We're here. _

_Not going anywhere Remus…we're here to stay…_

_Don't leave me…_Remus sobbed in his mind.

_Never…_James agreed.

* * *

**9:26 P.M.**

Tonks cringed as the crashing sounds from overhead became more violent. A painful roar vibrated throughout the house. Sirius sat across from her awkwardly as they listened to Remus endure something that he'd never chosen.

"I wish James were here." Sirius muttered miserably. "He'd help him…always could. Prongs and I…we helped him." Another growl made him bury his head in his arms. "It hurts him…he told us. He said it's like someone set fire to his body when he transforms."

"Stop!" Tonks cried, unable to listen. "Stop it! I can't think of it…" Loud crashing noises came again and it sounded like Remus was trying to escape.

"Good thing you did the protection charms on his room, Tonks." Sirius said sadly.

"I couldn't bear his pain if he broke something he loved." She said. "With the Shrieking Shack being unsecured these days, it's good to have this place." A huge crash, followed by a thud scared both of them to their feet.

"Fuck." Sirius said, looking toward the stairs. "Something's wrong."

"How d'you know?" She asked, drawing her wand.

"Instinct…my canine instinct." He half joked, taking his own wand out and starting toward the stairs. They cautiously inched up the stairs to the floor where Remus's room lay. A jarring sight greeted the two of them as they encountered the first shard of his door on the stairs. The second had been hurled down the hall. The question was, where was Remus? A distant growl could have come from anywhere.

"Stay with me, Tonks…" Sirius said quietly, no longer joking. She heard him, but she was already halfway up the stairs to the next floor. "Tonks?" He whispered.

"Shh…" She interrupted, trying to listen for movement. She inched up further again. A loud grunt echoed through the house but it was still unclear as to the location of the animal.

"Tonks get back here." Sirius hissed, but Tonks didn't hear. She sprinted down the hallway, getting to the end with no luck, and stopped.

"Damn." She muttered. "Sirius, he's not up…" She was cut off, however, because a loud breathing noise came from behind her. "Sirius…have you transformed?" She asked, hoping he had gone to Animagus form. She could feel the warm breath down her neck. Slowly, she turned.

* * *

**9:35 P.M. **

_Stop! _Remus screamed inside his head. _Go back into the room. _James and Lily's voices had vanished. The beast was thirsty. It's mouth was watering and it was looking for blood. _Please let her be gone…please…_

The beast continued up the stairs stealthily until the sound of voices came from below.

"Fuck. Something's wrong." _Sirius._ Remus thought.

"How d'you know?" The female voice asked and Remus's heart fell out of his chest. She was still here. She'd promised to leave and she was _still _here. And he was loose.

"Instinct…my canine instinct." Sirius replied. _No…_Remus felt the beast perk up at the prospective prey. He heard them coming up the stairs and stop on the level below.

"Stay with me Tonks…" Small footsteps began up toward him. _No…oh Dora no…_Remus cried silently. _Not Dora…_ "Tonks?" Sirius asked again.

"Shh…" She shushed him, pausing.

"Tonks get back here." And then she ran directly in front of the beast down the hall to the inevitable dead end. Bloodthirsty, it pursued relentlessly, ignoring Remus's protests.

_Stop it! Stop it! _

"Damn. Sirius, he's not up—" She stopped, realizing that she was not alone. "Sirius…have you transformed?" She turned.

* * *

**9:37 P.M.**

"Remus…" She whispered, staring up the long snout into the foreign yet familiar eyes of the beast. She could almost hear Remus crying out to her from within the animal. It snorted, baring its teeth. This was not Remus. Remus was trapped _inside _this animal.

"Dora. Don't. Move." Sirius said from behind the animal. She was completely cornered as she still stared into its eyes.

"He won't hurt me." She said, trying to breathe. "Remus…it's okay…I'm here…I'm not going anywhere."

"Dora…I'll try to divert him…" Sirius began.

"No…he's not going to do anything." She said steadily, still staring into the eyes. It growled so loudly then, that her ears began to ring. "I'm here Remus…I'm here." She repeated.

* * *

**9:38 P.M.**

"Remus…" Her voice hurt him, but he began to think clearly again and James's voice, though vague reappeared. _Listen to her Moony…_

"Dora. Don't Move." Sirius was behind him.

"He won't hurt me." She replied, looking straight into the beast's eyes, only she wasn't looking at the beast. She was looking at Remus. She saw through the beast to Remus. "Remus…it's okay…I'm here…I'm not going anywhere."

_Listen to her. _James said again. _Focus._

_Prongs…help me. _He pleaded.

_Look into her eyes…you don't need my help. It's her you need. _James's voice became clearer.

"Dora…I'll try to divert him." Sirius whispered.

"No…he's not going to do anything." Her voice was confident and full of love. "I'm here, Remus…I'm here.

_I can't need her…I could kill her. _The beast let out a painful growl. _No! _Remus fought it with all of his might. _I love her. I love her…I love you! _

Recognition shown in her eyes as if she'd heard him.

"I love you Remus…I'm not leaving." The beast tried to lunge, but Remus stopped it again. _No! I love her…_Her hand began to rise and it touched the wet tip of the beast's nose. Remus felt it.

"Dora don't!" Sirius cried. "Are you crazy?"

"No." She said softly, still staring into his eyes.

* * *

**9:40 P.M. **

"I love you Remus…I'm not leaving." She felt him calm when she touched him. And the eyes changed. She saw Remus again.

"Dora don't! Are you crazy?"

"No." She replied. "It's you in there isn't it?" She asked, stroking the snout. It snorted, but knelt down, surrendering. Her heart did a small flip. Remus's eyes spoke to her.

_It hurts…_She heard him.

"I know…" She soothed.

_I'm afraid of what I can do to you…_

"I'm not afraid…my love is upon you. We're in this together."

_You were supposed to leave…you promised!_

"People do crazy things…when they're in love." She answered with a smile, still stroking the animal.

"Are you conversing with the deadly beast?" Sirius asked in amazement.

"All I see is Remus." She said adoringly.

_I love you Dora. _She could only smile.

"He could turn on you." Sirius said cautiously.

"He won't." She answered quickly. The animal, exhausted fell to the ground and she sat as it put its head in her lap. "Relax Remus…it may hurt less if you relax."

"I've never seen anything like this before…this is fucking crazy." Sirius replied, running a hand through his hair.

"Love is the most powerful thing in the world." She said quietly as Remus's breathing became even. She noticed a raw wound on his middle and cringed, touching it. The animal whimpered. "Shh…I'll take care of you."

The beast, still fighting for control of its instincts jerked but she could clearly see Remus in his eyes.

* * *

**9:45 P.M. **

"It's you in there, isn't it?" She asked, as Remus forced the beast to it's knees.

_It hurts…_He told her, even though she couldn't hear him, but somehow she heard.

"I know." Her voice was soft and smooth.

_I'm afraid of what I can do to you…_He said desperately.

"I'm not afraid…my love is upon you…We're in this together." Anger agitated him.

_You were supposed to leave…you promised!_

"People do crazy things…when they're in love." Again with the love. He couldn't bear it.

"Are you conversing with the deadly beast?" Sirius asked cynically. Remus could hear James's snort of annoyance. _Smooth Padfoot, you tosser…real smooth. _

"All I see is Remus." She said, her voice full with emotion. _Marry her Moony. Tomorrow. _James said quickly.

_I love you, Dora. _He implored her to hear. She heard. He knew it because of her smile.

"He could turn on you." Sirius warned. _Shut up Padfoot! _James scolded.

"He won't." Tonks said without hesitation. Remus began to fight the beast again as it made to go at her. "Relax Remus…it may hurt less if you relax."

"I've never seen anything like this before…it's fucking crazy." Sirius exclaimed. _What a dolt. _Lily's voice interjected fondly.

"Love is the most powerful thing in the world." Tonks said and Remus could feel Lily smile. _True. _Remus was able to breathe almost normally until she tenderly touched the new wound on his chest. He growled in frustration, feeling it. "Shh…I'll take care of you."

_Moony…don't let her go…_James became distant again, but Remus remained calm, looking into Tonks's eyes.

* * *

**6:53 A.M. **

She was there when the first rays of sunlight shone as the full moon sank below the horizon for another month. She was there when the animal's eyes opened again and saw her, assessing her. And then it happened. It started with the eyes…The pupils became round and perfect again. Then the feet changed with the hands and slowly, the matted fur disappeared and finally the face wretched in pain as the transformation completed itself. The growl of pain became a groan as Remus fell forward, breathing heavily. After a moment, he looked up at her from his fetal position on the floor. He was, of course, completely nude and the new wound on his chest was bloody. He fell at her feet and she gathered him up.

"You heard me…" He whispered raggedly against her lips.

"I'll always hear you, Remus." She said tiredly, but he stared at her with something like horror in his eyes.

"I could have killed you…I could have killed you." He gasped.

"No you couldn't have. Never." He shook his head, his eyes pained.

"Oh Merlin…" He turned from her.


	14. A Little Misunderstanding

"Remus…" Tonks began, but he could only look at her in horror.

"Bloody hell…I can't…no…" He stammered, looking into her eyes thoroughly haunted.

"Listen to me, damn you." She said, taking him by the shoulders and steadying him. "You didn't hurt me…you _wouldn't._"

"You don't know that!" He cried. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to control it?"

"But you did…I can _help_ you, Remus. I love you." She said. "It doesn't matter to me."

"No." He said firmly. "You know the terms I made with you when we started this."

"What do you…" She trailed off, her eyes widening. "Remus, no."

"You have to go. _Now._" He said looking away.

"No. I won't…I can't…"

"You promised to leave!" He said, angrier with himself than with her.

"I was going to, honest I was…but I was talking with Sirius and then you…I couldn't…" Remus tried to ignore the tears building in her dark eyes as he stared intensely at her, numbed by fear and exhaustion.

"It's over. We agreed. If any danger came to you because of me…" He began, but she desperately threw herself toward him.

"No danger came to me! Look!" She stood, "Not a scratch!"

"Stop it, Dora!" He cried, reaching for something, _anything_ to cover himself with. He picked a hanging tapestry off of the nearby window. "Just go!"

"I'll never give up…" She said quietly, tears running down her face.

"_Stop it!_" He screamed, covering his ears.

"Never!" She shouted back as Sirius rejoined them.

"What's going on?" He asked from the stairs, looking between the two of them.

"Tonks is leaving." Remus said, loathing himself as he stared at the wall. Sirius looked confused.

"Why?" He asked and Dora just shook her head.

"If you would give up this easily, then you are a coward. And if you think I am going to give up that easily, you are a fool." She spat.

"I am a coward _and_ a fool." Remus agreed quietly, staring ahead. A small sound of frustration left her as she disapparated with a slight pop.

"What the hell just happened?" Sirius asked after a moment.

"I don't know…" Remus whispered, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I can't believe you just let her go after what she went through with you last night."

"That's _why_ I let her go! She deserves someone who won't be a risk for her." He said vehemently.

"She deserves _you,_ Moony." Sirius said.

"I heard him last night Sirius." Remus changed the subject.

"Who?"

"James." His voice shook. "He was with me…they both were…"

"Moony…of course they're always with us, but…"

"_No._ They were _there._ James helped me…Lily too. They talked to me." Remus said, feeling like an idiot. "Believe me or not. I don't care, but…"

"I believe you." Sirius said, his voice husky with unshed tears. "I miss him." He said, biting a sob back.

"I miss them both." Remus said. "Lily would know what to do…she always knew what to do."

"You have to get her back, Remus." Sirius said, alarming Remus since he hardly ever called him by his first name. It was either Moony or Lupin.

"She's better off." He answered in monotone.

"Is she?" Sirius asked sincerely before Remus heard him walk away.

* * *

**April 27, 1995**

_We regret to inform you that we are unable to hire you at this time. We will keep your information for future…_

"Sirius?" The young voice made Remus look up from the fifth rejection letter he'd received that month with a start. Turning to the fireplace, he saw Harry's face in the fire.

"Harry! What are you…what's happened, is everything all right?" He asked, worried. Harry looked glum.

"Yeah." The boy replied, looking downward. "I just wondered – I mean, I just fancied a – a chat with Sirius." Remus nodded, confused. His insides begin to twist at the thought of what Umbridge was doing to the children now. He could barely show his face in public because of her now.

"I'll call him." He said quickly, rising. "He went upstairs to look for Kreacher, he seems to be hiding in the attic again…" Leaving the kitchen, he called up the stairs. "Sirius! Sirius!"

"What?" Sirius's faint voice came from above.

"It's Harry…he's flooed. Come quick!" No sooner had Remus said it than he heard an object fall and the rush of footsteps. Sirius appeared, looking pale.

"Is he…? Is everything—"

"I don't know." Remus interjected. "He doesn't look well."

"Shit." Sirius said as they ran back to the basement. "What is it?" Sirius asked as soon as Harry came into sight. "Are you all right? Do you need help?"

"No." Harry said a bit too quickly. "It's nothing like that…I just wanted to talk…about my dad…" Surprised, Remus look at Sirius, who seemed more than pleased at the subject of James.

"What brought this on?" Sirius asked.

"I saw something. Snape's been giving me Occlumency lessons and well…I was early and he…I looked into his Pensieve."

"Oh Merlin." Sirius muttered.

"I…I saw a day in your fifth year. When you were taking your O.W.L.s. You and Dad ganged up on him and…and…showed his underpants…and my mom…"

"Stood up for Snape and he called her a Mudblood." Remus finished.

"Yeah." Harry said, obviously upset.

"I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen—" Remus said soothingly.

"I'm fifteen!" Harry said defensively.

"Look Harry," Said Sirius, sounding more grown up than he had in a long time. "James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other, it was just one of those things, you can understand that, can't you? I think James was everything Snape wanted to be – he was popular, he was good at Quidditch, good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts and James – whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry – always hated the Dark Arts." Remus bit his lip, thinking that maybe Sirius had exaggerated in favor of their late friend. He'd always had the suspicion that Snape couldn't have wanted to be less like James.

"Yeah," Harry finally answered, "but he just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because – well, just because you said you were bored." He seemed uncomfortable as though he were betraying Sirius.

"I'm not proud of it." Sirius said, looking down. Remus noticed he looked like he was in pain and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Look, Harry, what you've got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in school at whatever they did – everyone thought they were the height of cool – if they sometimes got carried away –"

"If we were sometimes arrogant little berks, you mean." Sirius quipped with an impish grin. Remus couldn't help it, he smiled for the first time in almost two weeks.

"He kept messing up his hair." Harry said quietly, and unexpectedly, both Sirus and Remus chuckled.

"I'd forgotten he used to do that." Sirius said longingly.

"Was he playing with the Snitch?" Remus asked excitedly, remembering that day.

"Yeah." Harry said in irritation. "Well…I thought he was a bit of an idiot."

"Of course he was a bit of an idiot!" Sirius said proudly. "We were all idiots! Well – not Moony so much." He shot Remus a look and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?"

"Yeah, well...you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes…that was something…" Sirius teased.

"And," Harry cut in, sounding more annoyed than ever, "he kept looking over at the girls by the lake, hoping they were watching him!" Remus chuckled affectionately.

"Oh, well, he always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around." Sirius said with a dismissive shrug. "He couldn't stop himself showing off whenever he got near her."

"How come she married him? She hated him!" Harry cried, clearly more upset than Remus had originally thought.

"Nah, she didn't." Sirius assured his godson.

"She started going out with him in seventh year." Remus added.

"Once James had deflated his head a bit." Sirius went on.

"And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it." Remus said, finishing the thought.

"Even Snape?" Harry asked. Remus swallowed.

"Well…" He began, "Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?"

"And my mum was okay with that?" Harry asked disbelievingly. Even he seemed to be able to tell Lily had little tolerance for immaturity.

"She didn't know much about it, to tell you the truth." Sirius admitted sheepishly. "I mean, James didn't take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?"

Harry seemed unmoved. Sirius sighed, frustrated.

"Look, your father was the best friend I ever had, and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew _out _of it."

"Yeah, okay." Harry conceded finally. "I just never thought I'd feel sorry for Snape." Remus frowned, leaning forward.

"Now you mention it…how _did_ Snape react when he found you'd seen all this?"

"He told me he'd never teach me Occlumency again." Harry said, sounding as if he didn't care much at all. "Like that's a big disappoint—"

"He WHAT?" Sirius cried angrily as Remus's heart began to pound as well. Without Occlumency…Harry was so very vulnerable. Snape couldn't do that…not to Lily's son.

"Are you serious Harry? He's stopped giving you lessons?" Remus asked inquiringly.

"Yeah." Harry said looking back and forth between them. "But it's okay! I don't care, it's a bit of a relief to tell you the—"

"I'm coming up there to have a word with Snape!" Sirius said, trying to get up. Forcefully, Remus pulled him back down.

"If anyone's going to tell Snape, it will be me!" He said sternly to Sirius. "But Harry, first of all, you're to go back to Snape and tell him that on no account is he to stop giving you lessons – when Dumbledore hears—" Harry looked horrified.

"I can't tell him that, he'd _kill_ me!" He cried. "You didn't see him when we got out of the Pensieve—"

"Harry," Remus interrupted, concerned. "There is _nothing_ so important as you learning Occlumency! Do you understand me? Nothing!"

"Okay, okay," Harry said meekly, obviously shocked at the rare display of anger from his former teacher. "I'll…I'll try and say something to him…But it won't be…" Harry trailed off, looking scared. "Is Kreacher coming downstairs?" He whispered. Remus looked at Sirius who turned to see.

"No." He replied. "It must be somebody your end…"

"I'd better go!" Harry said and abruptly disappeared.

"Harry, wait!" Sirius cried, but it was too late. Quickly, he rose and began to pace furiously. "Fuck!" He screamed, pounding his fist on the table.

"Sirius, calm down." Remus said cautiously. "Remember, the only floo that's open in Hogwarts is Umbridge's. He probably heard her coming."

"Snape isn't going to give Harry lessons any more is he?"

"Unfortunately, even if he agreed to, I don't think it would be successful since Harry is extremely uncomfortable with him." Remus said with a sigh.

"When this is all over…we'll be a family, me and him. D'you think we'll all make it?" Sirius asked, sounding no more than fifteen himself at that moment.

"I don't know…" Remus said slowly. "I'd like to think so…but then again, we thought for sure James and Lily would make it." He added.

"I changed my will." Sirius said quietly. Remus looked up in surprise.

"Oh?"

"I made Harry my benefactor. If I…if I go…this house is his." Sirius looked a bit catatonic.

"I think that was very smart of you Padfoot." Remus said, getting a smile from Sirius.

"Thanks. I hope we all make it though." He added.

"But I suppose it's easier for people without children." Remus said sadly. "I mean, I don't see myself fathering any little wizards or witches in the near future, d'you?"

"You _could _have a future with Nymphadora if you tried, you arse."

"Please…" Remus begged, not wanting to discuss Tonks. It tore at him every day. She'd tried to contact him, she'd even come over, but he'd made sure that he was locked in his room. Sirius was getting irritated and Remus seemed to loathe himself more over each passing day. Yet, when he thought back to that night not so long ago, he become more resigned to stay away from her.

"Sirius! Remus!" A distinctly female voice interrupted this. Again, the fire was emerald and Molly was looking at them.

"Molly!" Sirius said, surprised.

"Charlie is home for a visit and we are having some people over. Sirius, I want you to take some Polyjuice Potion with Percy's hair that we left you and come over. You too, Remus…we're having dinner."

"Should we bring anything?" Remus asked, ignoring the excitement Sirius was obviously feeling.

"No dear…just bring yourselves." Molly smiled.

"We'll be there in a bit." Sirius said, already rummaging through the cupboard for the pre-brewed potion with the small bag of Percy Weasley's hair. Remus smiled to himself as he moved to gather his cloak.

* * *

**5:00 P.M.**

Tonks waited patiently at the back door of the Burrow with a yawn. Her heart pounded at the thought that Remus might be here tonight and she was determined to talk to him.

"Nymphadora!" Molly Weasley grinned at her as she opened the door and pulled her inside. "Charlie is just bursting to see you!" Tonks grinned at the thought of her old friend.

"Where is he?" She asked.

"In the living room with Bill and…" Her voice dropped, "That _girl_…" Tonks laughed.

"You mean Fleur?"

"That's the one." Molly muttered, returning to the potatoes which were peeling themselves.

"Well, I'll just go see him then." Tonks said, nodding to Arthur Weasley as she passed him. She grinned as she saw Mrs. Weasley jump when her husband's arms went around her from behind. Charlie's bright red hair came into view as she came into the living room.

"So Weasley, played any Quidditch lately?" She asked jokingly. Charlie jumped up so quickly and turned to her that she squealed as he hopped over the sofa and spun her around.

"Hey beautiful." He said with half a charming smile.

"Hi." She said, turning bright red.

"How have you been?" He asked, pulling her to sit beside him.

"Good. Work is…well, work is work." She said with a shrug as the doorbell rang again. "How are your dragons?" He grinned, pulling out a wallet of pictures. A laugh left her.

"One would think these are your children…" She said, looking at the pictures.

"He's as bad as Mum." Bill added with a wink.

"They are my children. I've raised these little darlings from infancy." Charlie said with a note of pride in his voice.

"They're…precious." Tonks said with a laugh.

"Look who's here!" Molly said pulling in a pale Remus and what appeared to be Percy Weasley.

"Prat." Bill muttered, seeing his brother.

"Back off William, it's just me, Sirius." Sirius as Percy said. Bill softened.

"Oh, good." He said with a scowl.

"Our baby brother isn't in the best of graces with us all right now." Charlie explained to Tonks, who nodded.

"I gathered that. I ran into him at work today and he didn't even respond to my hello." She said, looking pointedly at Remus, who would not meet her eyes. "Hello Remus." She added dryly.

"Nymphadora." He said cordially with a nod as he had when they first met. Her cheeks flushed with anger. Fleur, being more perceptive than people gave her credit for, stood, looking as though she might throw up what little lunch she had eaten earlier.

"Tonks…weel you come wiz me? I need your 'elp." She said. When Tonks looked up, there was a bit of apprehension in her eyes. Frowning, Tonks nodded and touched Charlie's arm as she got up and followed the Veela up the stairs into the loo.

"Fleur…are you alright?"

"I don' like seeing ev'ryone fighting…" She said. "Anyway…I really did need your 'elp…you see…I theenk I may be _enceinte._"

"I…what?" Tonks said, not understanding her French.

"_Pregnant._ Wiz child…Bill and I forget to use a contraceptive charm once…I missed my period…" She burst into tears. Tonks stared at her wide-eyed.

"Oh…it's okay…" She comforted the French girl, who was a good four inches taller than she. Fleur pulled a small box from her purse. "What's that?" She whispered.

"A Muggle pregnancy test…I stop at a pharmacy in London zis morning when I wake up…I could not show my face in Diagon Alley…not wiz Gringotts so close."

"Alright…" Tonks said, taking the box and reading the directions.

_Step 1: Take the Test_

_When you are ready to test, remove the Test Stick from foil wrapper. _

_Take off blue cap and use Test Stick right away._

_Make sure to hold tip downwards. _

"So…you're going to have to…to pee on this Fleur." Tonks whispered, unwrapping the test as Fleur sat on the toilet.

"Good 'zing I drank a glass of water before zis." Fleur muttered, taking the test. When she was finished, she held it out to study it. "Now what?"

_Step 2: Wait 3 Minutes_

"We have to wait three minutes." Tonks said, perching on the edge of the bathtub as Fleur pulled her underwear back up under her skirt. Both girls jumped as Molly's voice came from outside the door.

"Is everything alright dears?" She called.

"Yes!" Tonks said, trying to come up with a good lie. "I…had a bit of a female problem Mrs. Weasley. Not to worry. Fleur is helping me!"

"Oh…alright dear." Molly, said and the sound of her footsteps moving away made them both sigh in relief.

"_Merci_ Tonks…I could not live wiz myself if she knew…"

"I understand." Tonks said, looking at the ceiling.

"You are a good friend, Tonks." Fleur looked a bit close to either tears again, or heaving. "It is done!" Fleur cried out suddenly. She jumped up and they peered at the test together.

"It's negative." Tonks said, noticing the minus sign. Fleur began to cry again.

"Oh _merci! Remerciez la qualité ! Je suis sauvé !_" She cried.

"Yeah…whatever that means!" Tonks added happily, hugging the girl. For the first time, she felt close to the Veela. "Come on Fleur, let's flush this thing and get down to our…back to everyone."

"_Oui…_Bill weel be so relieved!"

"He knew?" Tonks asked.

"Oh yes…he was nearly in knots all ze way 'ere." Fleur replied, flushing the toilet and washing her hands before pulling Tonks out of the restroom.

"Feeling okay Tonks?" Charlie asked with a grin.

"Never better, Weasley." She said with a nervous grin, punching his arm as she sank onto the sofa beside him. A bloodcurdling scream of anger came from the kitchen.

"Arthur!" Molly cried.

"Bloody hell." Arthur muttered, rising. Molly came into the room, dragging her two identical twin sons into the room. "What…what are you two doing home?" He asked in shock.

"We're done." Fred announced. "I'm bloody done with that school!"

"You got expelled didn't you?" Arthur asked, rubbing his temples.

"Nope." George replied proudly. "Left of our own accord and put that horrid toad in her place."

"Oh Merlin!" Molly wailed. "What did you do to Umbridge?"

"We just set off some fireworks…" Fred said.

"And left a little water in the hall." George finished with a smirk.

"_What?_" Molly screeched as Arthur, went to her to calm her.

"Besides Mum," Fred added. "We're opening our own shop. We don't need to graduate to do that!"

"You can't be serious! Frederick Anthony! George Benedict! Upstairs until I figure out how to deal with you…"

"We're of age Mum…and you…" Fred stopped then, seeing the murderous look in his mother's eyes as the two of them skulked upstairs without another word.

"Oh Arthur…" Molly sobbed, burying her head in her husband's chest. He held her comfortingly.

"Molly…have a little faith in your sons." He said quietly. Tonks met Remus's eyes but he quickly averted them to talk to Bill. Sirius was having an animated conversation with Charlie about Hungarian Horntails.

"Mum!" A voice called from up the stairs as Fred appeared with George hot on his tail with a leap.

"Fred, I thought I told you two…" He brandished a cardboard box.

"Are you trying to tell us something Mum?" He asked, with an eyebrow raised.

"What? I…" Molly began squinting as she moved to inspect it. Tonks's insides began to coil. _Oh damn…_ "What _is _this?" She asked, reading it. Her eyes became wide as she looked suspiciously at her oldest son and Fleur. "A muggle _pregnancy_ test?"

"Oh dear." Fleur said, looking desperately at Tonks.

"William Arthur, do you know the meaning of this?" She asked waving it in her son's face. He looked ready to be sick.

"I…" He began, holding Fleur's hand so tightly, his knuckles turned white.

"I can explain…" Fleur said quickly.

"It's mine." Tonks said finally, ending it. Eight pairs of eyes were suddenly on Tonks, one of them looking even more horrified than the others.

"Yours?" Molly asked in confusion, before glancing at Remus.

"I…yes." She said, as Bill mouthed _Thank You…_Charlie was staring at her as if they'd never met.

"Female problems…" Molly murmured before rushing to Tonks and pulling her into the kitchen. "Come here dear, we need to feed you! And oh, oh dear, why didn't you _tell _me instead of buying a muggle test?"

"It's not what you—" Tonks said, now avoiding Remus's pained look.

"An unexpected pregnancy…oh, darling…no wonder you look sick as a cat! Imagine! A baby…"

* * *

"What just happened?" Sirius asked, but Remus didn't hear him. All that could be heard was the pounding of his blood in his ears. Tonks was pregnant. With his child. He was going to be a father…

"Moony?" Sirius asked, but Remus remained catatonic.

"No!" Tonks finally cried. "I…listen! I did take the test, but it was negative!" She looked at Remus, who seemed to be able to breathe again for the moment. "It was negative." She said more to him than to anyone.

"Oh." Molly said, sounding almost disappointed. Tonks's eyes filled with tears, breaking his heart.

"You can breathe a sigh of relief now." She said to him. "I know you wouldn't have wanted it anyway." She added. "I have to go Charlie." She said apologetically to her friend.

"Wait Tonks…" Charlie said, moving toward her as he looked confused between she and Remus. Remus, however, still couldn't move or speak. He watched as she left, mortified while he sat like an idiot in the armchair.

"Well, I hope you're proud of yourself Remus." Molly chastised him. "She's devastated…and you didn't comfort her."

"Molly, we've broken up…I could have killed her."

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked, eyeing him. Remus looked at Sirius, who nodded.

"She came upon me when I transformed a couple weeks ago. I told her when we started dating that if anything ever happened because of me…it was over for my own conscience." He said. Arthur seemed appeased by this, but Molly was simply blazing.

"Typical man! Fools…" She stormed into the kitchen and began banging pots around. Remus finally stood, knowing in the pit of his stomach what he had to do.

"I have to go make sure she's alright…"

* * *

Tonks was crying into her couch as she heard a knock on the door.

"Go away!" She cried, not caring who it was.

"Dora, it's me. It's Remus…" He called softly. With a sigh, she wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve and went to open the door. He was standing there with his hair falling into his eyes.

"What do you want?" She asked coldly.

"Why didn't you tell me you thought you were pregnant?" He asked quietly, stepping into the flat, shutting the door and putting his hands on her shoulders.

"It was Fleur's, Remus." She said quietly.

"I…what?" He asked,

"The test was Fleur's…it wasn't mine." She explained. "I said it was mine to save her the shame. She's trying to get on Molly's good side. Remember, I take a contraceptive potion."

"Oh." He said, looking upset. "I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about Remus." She said, but she could tell he didn't believe her. His pale eyes bore into hers. "I miss you." She said, touching his scarred cheek.

"I can't…" He said, sounding almost as if he were in pain. Somehow his forehead moved down to rest against hers.

"But you do, don't you? You miss me?" She asked. He shook his head, vehemently, his eyes closed. "Yes, you do. Deny it."

"I…can't." He said. "I miss you...but don't you see why I can't be with you?"

"We could just be together when it's not the full moon. We can just live separately, and then be together when it's not the full moon." She knew she sounded like she was begging.

"That isn't fair to you." He said, holding her arms now.

"I just want you, Remus…I want to be with you forever."

"If I were normal, I'd have married you ages ago and we'd have six kids…" He said sadly.

"We can _still _do those things, Remus." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you."

"I love you…" He breathed, and suddenly, they were kissing with their arms entwined. She felt herself being lifted and carried, never taking her lips from his. They made it somehow to the couch and he fell with her under him as they pulled at each other's clothes. Both had a relentless need to relieve themselves. He entered her swiftly, and within moments, each had reached their own climax before collapsing against each other. As she caught her reflection in a nearby picture frame, she noticed her hair was pink once more. Finally she smiled, but when she looked at him, he was not smiling.

* * *

**A/N: As you may have noticed some of the dialogue in this chapter is EXACTLY the same as in OOTP. Indeed it is the very same dialogue that the brilliant JKR wrote in Chapter 29 of OOTP "Career Advice." Pgs 669-672 US. I can't take credit. It was all the creator. **

* * *


	15. Through the archway

"You know I can't stay…don't you?" Remus said, turning on his side to look at her. And she did. She knew.

"Yes." She said. "But you know I will never give up, don't you?"

"You should marry Charlie, Dora. He loves you. It's obvious. And he could give you a normal life." She knew he didn't really want that though.

"I don't love Charlie, Remus. I love you." She touched his face, brushing a strand of long hair from his cheek. "Besides…Charlie is married to his work. I could never ask him to settle down with me even if I did feel that way for him. Which I do not."

Remus sat, up, facing away from her and pulled on his clothes.

"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like this." He said quietly.

"I wanted it." She replied, sitting up and letting the sheets fall around her waist. He turned to look at her, lust still in his eyes. He kissed her lips and sighed.

"I have to go. Goodnight Nymphadora." With that he disapparated. Tonks sank back into her pillows and thought a moment before pulling on some clothes.

* * *

**April 28****, 1995**

"You have got to be joking me." Sirius said in disbelief as he read the note sent by Molly.

_Remus, _

_What is the meaning of this? Tonks and Charlie are going to dinner with Bill and Fleur. If you were smart, you would let go of your idiotic male pride and just accept that you love the girl. Do the right thing, you dolt!_

_  
All my love, _

_Molly_

_P.S. I sent some cinnamon buns for you and Sirius, dear. Enjoy._

Sirius took a large bite of one of the still warm desserts.

"You better come to your senses Moony. You're losing her." He said with his mouth full.

"I'm sorry Padfoot, I just can't take you seriously with icing on your upper lip." Remus replied acidly, trying not to think about Tonks and Charlie.

"Don't change the subject, Remus. You're going to lose your chance with her."

"A chance I never had!" He cried. "I can't, as a responsible person, endanger someone else's life because I want to be happy. That's selfish!"

"_You're_ selfish!" Sirius said, forgetting his cinnamon roll. "You're _denying _someone else happiness because you're too damned stubborn to think about all the options. Don't make the same mistakes that I…" Sirius stopped, his eyes wide. "Don't do this." He amended. "I let the girl I loved go, and she's married to someone else now."

"Ellie didn't know what really happened, Sirius. None of us did. She loved you…"

"I guess I couldn't really expect her to wait for me, could I?" He replied bitterly.

"No…and wouldn't you rather see her happy with children?"

"Yes…and her daughter looks exactly like her…but…"

"Let it go, Padfoot." Remus sighed. "Let it go…you don't want to end up like Severus, do you?"

"That's different." Sirius snapped. "Snape is a git." Remus hid a smirk, but returned to reading the _Prophet._ "Do you want tea, or what?"

"Actually a nice shot of Firewhiskey might just hit the spot. And some black coffee." Remus tartly replied, glimpsing Sirius's pale, surprised face.

"Are you going to be with her or not, Moony?" Sirius asked finally. "Snape missed his chance with Lily, I missed mine with Ellie and now…please don't make the same mistake."

"I'm thinking about it, Sirius." Remus replied calmly. "I'm not ready to rule anything out completely yet."

"You do that." Sirius let out a long yawn. "I'm going to bed." He got up and left the room, but Remus knew he wasn't going to bed. It was barely eight. He was going up to look at old pictures of Ellie. Remus thought of Ellie's daughter, Lavender. She was a pretty, blonde girl the very image of her mother. The only difference was that she seemed to be far more insecure than Ellie ever was. Lavender Brown was always trying to impress her peers, while Ellie had never felt that need. Then again, Remus knew her father and he knew that Girard was never home. How Ellie had married someone like him, Remus would never know. And then it dawned on him. If he was lucky enough to have someone who really cared about him…he should hold on to her with both hands.

"That's bloody it!" He said, downing his shot of Firewhiskey and setting the glass on the table.

* * *

"Thanks Charlie…" Tonks said, holding his arm. "I needed a night out with friends."

"Mum nearly had another child when I told her we were going out tonight." He laughed. She looked up at him and smiled. He looked so like his brothers, especially the twins. Tall, well everyone was taller than she was…his red hair was shaggy, yet not as long as Bill's. It was thicker than Bill's hair and curly, like Percy's. He had a square jaw and full well shaped lips. Any sane girl would have gone weak at the knees for him, but there was something missing for her, and she already knew what it was. _He's not Remus._

"Look Charlie, I think we need to talk…"

"You're right, Dora." He said and her eyes widened. Dora? Charlie had never called her anything but Tonks. He stopped walking and turned to face her "We do need to talk," he went on, "I've regretting breaking up with you since sixth year."

"Wait…_What?_" She cried, backing away. Charlie's chocolaty eyes were kind.

"I know…it's stupid, but I thought I should tell you." He said. Wiping her face with her hand to think, she cringed.

"Oh Charlie…" She said softly, looking at him. "I can't…" Biting her lip, she stepped forward and took his hand.

"I thought you'd say that." He said with a sad smile.

"It's not that I wouldn't be lucky to have you, Charlie. You're handsome, successful and a wonderful person. But…"

"But." He interrupted with a grin, and she loved him for not making her uncomfortable.

"You need someone who has a common interest in you. Namely, dragons…and I…"

"You love Remus Lupin." Charlie nodded. "I know, sweetheart." Tearing up, she nodded and allowed Charlie to pull her against his chest. Against her ear, he murmured, "But I also know, that if anything happens with him…if it doesn't work out…or…well, anyway…you know where to find me. And I'd happily give up dragons for a life with you."

"Where were you a year ago?" She cried, both laughing and crying into his chest. She felt him chuckle. She pulled away. "Why didn't you tell me you still had feelings for me before?"

"I guess because I never had faced losing you for real…now that I know there's someone else, I thought I should tell you before it got lost and you never knew."

She sprung up on her toes and kissed him presently on the lips.

"I have to go, Charlie."

"I know." He grinned at her, running a hand through his mane of thick red hair. "Love you baby girl."

"Love you too…" She winked at him and disapparated to her flat. A spread of warmth filled her as she lovingly eyed her raggedy doormat. _Home._

"I'm an idiot." A voice came from behind her. She didn't even jump; She knew precisely who it was.

"I know." She said, surprised at how calm she felt. "But I love you anyway." His warmth enveloped her from behind as she stood, staring at the flat.

"Let's go inside and I can show you just how sorry I am." He said with his lips against her ear. She shivered, and turned to look at him. His eyes were slightly aglow and his cheeks were flushed. The distinct smell of Firewhiskey was on his lips and it smelled delicious.

"You've been drinking." She observed, touching his mouth. Her eyes widened as the tip of his tongue flicked over her finger.

"Just a little." He whispered. A devilish smile came over his face, positively eliminating all of the pain from his usual expression. It was completely out of character, and it was irresistibly sexy. Without another word, he swept her tiny body up and carried her inside to her room. Needless to say, they did not emerge for nearly twelve hours.

* * *

**June 5, 1996**

"Remus, I need your help." Bill Weasley stood before him, a man falling apart.

"Anything Bill," Remus said with a smile. "Name it."

"I need you to hold onto this for me." He said, thrusting a small velvet box forward. Remus took it gingerly, noting it was most likely an antique.

"Alright. Can I inquire as to what…"

"I'm asking Fleur to marry me." Bill replied fluidly. "Her parents want her to come home to France, but I don't think I can live without her now. And she's hinted at wanted to get married, and…Remus!" Bill sat down, his long hair a mess. "I'm lost as to what to say…or how to do it…or…"

"Just tell her what's in your heart." Remus offered. Bill laughed maniacally.

"She's a bloody Veela," He said, standing and pacing furiously. "She'll want something spectacular."

"I think a lot of people underestimate Fleur, Bill. It's obvious she loves you." He comforted. "You are reminding me a lot of your brother right now." Remus chuckled.

"Charlie?" Bill asked. Remus shook his head. "Fred, George…you can't possibly mean Percy…" His eyes narrowed. "That sodding git…"

"No, I meant Ron actually." Remus replied and Bill looked genuinely surprised. "It's incredible how alike you two look. Aside from the longer hair of course."

"Ron's never been cut up over a girl." Bill said dismissively. Remus shrugged.

"Oh…I don't know about that…" He said, "I was only his teacher for one year…and the way he looks at…well, he's fifteen. They're all so innocent."

"Ron wrote to me." Bill said, calming. "Said he could produce a patronus…a dog."

"How about that…" Remus said, beaming with pride at the thought of his former students. He knew all about Dumbledore's Army, but he doubted Bill knew.

"Hermione's is an otter, I believe." Bill went on, "Ginny…my little baby sister Ginny…hers is a horse! And of course Harry's is a…"

"Stag." Remus finished for him. "Just like James…and Lily for that matter. What is Fleur's?"

"A lioness." He said with a smirk.

"Isn't that funny…" Remus said.

"Yeah." Bill answered, with a blush.

"Bill! Remus, dear!" Molly's voice came from the kitchen.

"Mum." Bill said with a clandestine smile. "Fleur will be with them."

"Remember Bill," Remus said, patting his chest. "From here."

"Thanks Remus." They made their way into the kitchen, where Fleur sat chattering excitedly to Tonks, who, bless her had managed to actually become a genuine friend to the Veela girl.

"And zen, my seester Gabrielle, she say, 'Non Non, Papa! I 'ave changed my mind. I will get married! To 'Arry Potter!" The two girls giggled as Sirius leaned over to Remus.

"If Gabrielle looks anything like her sister, I'd tell him to go for it." Sirius nudged Remus's arm. He laughed softly and smiled at Dora. She shook her head, obviously having heard.

"Fleur, can we talk?" Bill blurted, sounding entirely like Ron. Every head in the room snapped to him. Molly tried to conceal her curiosity, but Remus rather knew how the wheels in her head were turning. Bill and Fleur were either done, which would have been to Molly's liking…or…they were going to get married…Arthur gently took his wife's hand as they watched their oldest son leave the room with the French girl. Remus felt a swell of happiness for Bill. That is, until the fire turned green and Severus stepped out. Sirius tensed, but made no move. Severus looked grim.

"Damn." He growled.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, glancing at Dora.

"Potter…he…saw something. He said that they have Padfoot at the place where it's hidden." Snape's eyes twitched toward Sirius. "Now, I have a feeling that I know what "it" is…but if you would be so kind…does anyone know what the hell he meant by Padfoot?" Sirius sprung to his feet.

"He needs me." He said. Remus rose as well, holding him back. "I'm Padfoot."

"Easy, Sirius." Sirius's eyes blazed at him.

"Remus…you know Harry…and if he thinks they've got…me…trapped in the Department of Bloody Mysteries…he's just like James, Remus! Voldemort's lured him to the fucking Ministry! You _know _he'll go."

"Shit." Remus let slip.

"We have to go." Dora said, standing with her wand at the ready.

"She's right!" Molly cried. "Because if _Harry _goes, then Merlin knows Hermione will go and Ron…" She cried out in horror. "Ronnie! Arthur! What'll we do."

"Molly, you should wait here…" Remus said soothingly. "In case they come through." In truth, he thought she would be better off away. Arthur, knowing this, nodded.

"I agree." He said, his face pale. Moments later, Minerva flooed in as well, frantic looking, her dark hair coming undone.

"What now?" Severus asked tartly. Eyes wild, she looked at Molly and Arthur.

"They've all gone to the Ministry!" She cried. "Dumbledore has gone after them, but there was no stopping them."

"Slow down, Minerva." Remus said rationally, trying to think. "Who's all gone."

"Harry, Ron and Hermione…" Molly let out a shriek. Minerva hesitated before going on, "Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom and…" She looked down. "Ginny."

"_What?_" Arthur and Molly cried together at once.

"No!" Molly said, turning into Arthur and clutching his lapels. "She's so young! So innocent…her magic is no good against the Death Eaters, she'll be…"

"Actually Molly," Remus stepped in, "Ginny proved herself far more powerful than I would have thought the year I taught her. And it was only her second year in school. Don't underestimate her."

"She's _fourteen_ Remus!" Molly sobbed. "What would you have me do? Send her into battle?"

"Of course not…" He soothed. "And we're all going down to find out what's going on."

"My baby…my girl…my Ronnie…" Arthur guided his wife to sit in a chair. Remus met his teary eyes and nodded.

"Let's go then." He said, turning to Sirius. "All of us." Sirius smiled for the first time in weeks.

"Right."

* * *

"What's going on Tonks?" Moody asked, waiting with Kingsley as they flooed into the Ministry. She explained what had happened with Harry and he cursed.

"Come on then. I thought something was wrong here. Too quiet." Moody replied hobbling in the lead. Her heart was beating so fast it hurt, but she only thought of finding the kids. Remus's jaw was set and his eyes were hard. Sirius looked positively maniacal. She loved them both dearly for their fierce loyalty to Harry.

"They're in here." Kingsley said knowingly. Moody pushed the door open and the five of them sprinted into the room. Lucius Malfoy noticed her and being an Auror, she had been taught to think ahead of the criminal and sent a Stunning Spell at him before he could do anything. Chaos ensued and Tonks concentrated on nothing but what was in front of her. There was no multitasking in a battle. Bellatrix caught sight of her as well and lunged forward, but Tonks managed to throw a blasting curse toward her, making her duck. Furious, Bellatrix retaliated with her predictable _Avada Kedavra, _and Tonks rolled her eyes as she dodged it, rolling on the floor. Pulling herself up, she hit Bella with an _Incarcerous. _Wildly, Bella fought the ropes until Malfoy released her. Tonks saw Harry and Neville Longbottom on the floor as did Dolohov, and he threw a _Reducto_ at the teens. Unseen, Tonks was able to stun him.

Unfortunately, another Death Eater caught her by surprise and knocked the wind out of her. As she gasped for air, she heard Moody's steps behind her as well as his voice. He Banished the man across the room and pulled her roughly to her feet.

"Damn it Tonks. Constant Vigilence." She smiled weakly.

"Thanks Mad-Eye."

"Don't mention—" He began but a blasting curse got too close to him and he fell to the ground, his head bleeding from the impact.

"Moody!" She cried, turning on the perpetrator. Goyle. Scowling at him, she slashed her wand to try a _Sectumsempra._ "Sometimes," She grunted, moving after the Death Eater. "I wish we could use Unforgiveables!"

"Hey now pretty girl…" Goyle sneered, "Hey Crabbe, don't you think she'd make an excellent toy for us?"

"Oh yeah…I'd like to tie her little arms up above her…"

"If you touch her, I'll snap your neck like a twig, you bastard!" Remus had walked up beside her, and was positively seething at the goons.

"She your _lover_? Eh, Lupin?" Crabbe taunted. Remus hit him with a _Relashio._ Both of them screamed and began clawing at themselves. As she moved up the stone steps, Tonks saw Macnair fall to the ground as Harry Stunned him. He then slipped on something which she realized in horror, was Moody's eye.

"_Accio_ Eye!" She cried as it came toward her. She pocketed it, and turned to Remus, but he was already fighting with Malfoy. Dolohov hit Neville with a _Tarantellegra_, making him to dance wildly and fall.

"Now Potter—" Dolohov snarled, turning to Harry, but he was too quick. Harry shielded himself with a _Protego._ Dolohov's curse, however had been too forceful and Harry's face was cut, albeit less brutally than it would have been. Dolohov grinned and raised his wand again. "_Accio Proph—"_

Sirius interrupted him, however, running into him with his shoulder, and sending him falling to the ground. Harry kept hold of the Prophecy and Tonks realized she had been holding her breath. She realized too late, however, that she was being targeted because she saw her mother's sister standing behind her with evil in her eyes.

"Say hi to Auntie Bella sweetie…ickle Nymphadora…" She said, surprising Tonks. She whirled to face her aunt, and Bellatrix hit her with a blasting curse, causing her to fall down the steps and hit her head. Unable to stop herself, she hit her head and fell unconscious.

* * *

Remus had just seen Tonks fall and was making his way toward her, when Dolohov appeared before him, leering.

"Trying to get to your little girlfriend?" He asked mockingly.

"Antonin, back off." Remus seethed as Lucius Malfoy pointed his wand at Neville Longbottom, who had the Prophecy. Harry caught him with _Impedimenta._ Remus felt a surge of pride as he hit Dolohov with a Jelly-Legs Jinx followed by a Stunning Spell. Malfoy hit the dais on which Bellatrix was now dueling Sirius, who looked far too happy to be fighting. Malfoy, recuperating quickly, made to lift his wand again at the boys when Remus leapt between them.

"_Flipendo! Immobulus!"_ He cried, turning to Harry. "Harry, round up the others and GO!"

The boys took off as Remus watched Sirius battle his cousin. He turned and saw Macnair had come out of his stupor and was sprinting toward him, but everything seemed to stop when the Brain Room door burst open and everyone turned to see Dumbledore standing there, calculating. The remaining Death Eaters, but for Bellatrix who was still dueling Sirius, fled.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius cried from above, giddy. She blasted him with an _Impedimenta _ and Remus watched in horror as his only remaining best friend fell through the Veil in the center of the room. Remus's eyes flicked to Harry, who looked as through he had been hit in the face. Bellatrix let out a shriek of elation. A moment passed before he lunged toward the archway.

"SIRIUS!" Harry screamed, tears falling down his youthful face. "SIRIUS!" He reached the floor and ran toward the Veil, and Remus realized with horror that Harry intended to run through the Veil to Sirius. Instinct took over as he flew toward the boy and grabbed him around the chest, holding him as he thought his father might have done.

"There's nothing you can do Harry—"

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" Harry sobbed, breathing heavily. Remus's heart broke.

"It's too late Harry." He said, choking up.

"We can still reach him—" This time he sounded like a lost child of no more than five. Remus held onto him steadily as he fought.

"There's nothing you can do Harry…nothing…" He sighed as the boy struggled more. "He's gone." He whispered.

"He _hasn't _gone!" Harry cried, his voice cracking. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!"

"He can't come back, Harry." Remus said, feeling his own tears begin to fall. "He can't come back because he's d—"

"HE—IS—NOT—DEAD!" Harry cried, though he had stilled some. "SIRIUS!" He wasn't breathing right. He was wheezing with exhaustion. Some remaining Death Eaters still fought Kingsley and Dumbledore. Mad-Eye had sat up and was sending wordless hexes at them as well. Remus pulled Harry away from the dais, trying to turn him away from the archway. Slow realization seemed to seep into Harry as he stilled completely, holding his breath. His thin face pale, green eyes dark. Remus kept hold on him, trying to comfort, wishing fervently that James were here to comfort his son.

"Harry?" Neville Longbottom joined them, looking pale. "Harry I'b really sorry…Was dat man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?"

"Here." Remus said, realizing the boy had his legs were bound by a spell. "_Finite." _ Neville sighed in relief. "Lets—" He thought of what to say, "Let's find the others. Where are they all Neville?" He turned away from the boys as his tears caught up with him. His eyes searched restlessly for Dora, who had to be nearby. Hopefully, she hadn't—and Sirius…

"Dey're all back dere." Neville said, sniffing. "A brain addacked Ron bud I dink he's all righd—and Herbione's unconscious, bud we could feel a bulse—" A loud bang, caused them to whirl around. Instinctively, Remus put himself in front of the boys. Kingsley fell, yelling in agony. Dumbledore turned to look and aimed a spell at the fleeing Bellatrix, who was halfway up the steps. Remus realized with a jolt, that she was returning to finish off Tonks! In his moment of horror, he'd slackened his grip on Harry's arm and the boy broke free, flying toward her.

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS! SHE KILLED HIM! I'LL KILL HER!"

"Harry no!" He screamed, but he knew that Harry hadn't heard him. Dumbledore had managed to ward off the rest of the Death Eaters, and the room quieted. Remus left Neville's side, dashing to the spot where Tonks lay unconscious..

* * *

**Some dialogue from Chapters 35 and 36 of OOTP US Edition. Can't take credit. Wish I could though. Syd.**

* * *


	16. Things Lost

**June 8, 1996**

Tonks was not dead. She was sure of it. The throbbing in her head made it clear that she was not dead. Her eyelids were heavy as she tried to open them. A man's voice was vaguely in the background.

"She's waking up!"

"Get Remus." Another voice, female this time said. Molly.

"She looks so tiny in that bed." Tonks recognized Charlie's voice. She felt someone brush her matted hair off of her forehead.

"Poor Remus. He hasn't left her side and the moment we finally convince him to eat, she's stirring."

"She isn't awake yet." Arthur Weasley pointed out.

"What's going on?" Remus's voice came into the room. He sounded exhausted.

"She's trying to wake up." Molly said. Tonks tried to open her eyes and it was still difficult.

"Shhh…" She heard Remus say. He touched her cheek. "Relax, Nymphadora."

"Don' call me Nymphadora…" She slurred in protest, opening her eyes and watching the blurry room spin for a moment. Wincing she cried out, "Sick! Sick…"

Less than a second later, a basin was provided and Tonks threw up into it, not even having the strength to feel embarrassed. When she opened her eyes again, the room was clear.

"Wha' happened?" She asked tiredly. Remus put his arm around her shoulder and supported her body.

"Bellatrix got you with a blasting curse and you hit your head. You're very lucky." He said, sighing. "She was heading back to finish you off and Harry went after her."

"What?" Tonks was wrought with worry now. "Why would Harry…?"

"Dora, Bellatrix killed Sirius." Remus looked down at his lap. "He's gone."

"Sirius?" She echoed, a new feeling of dread spreading through her. "Gone?"

"It was…so fast." Remus sounded choked. "He fell through the veil."

"Gone." Tonks whispered.

"I knew she was going to take this hard." Molly said, moving to her other side. Charlie stood at the foot of the bed watching her worriedly. One of his arms was folded over his chest and the other was rubbing his temple.

"My fault…" Tonks said. Every head in the room turned to look at her in disbelief.

"Tonks, sweetheart…" Molly soothed. "How can it possibly be your fault?"

"Shoulda finished off Bell'trix."

"Dora, you fell. You were unconscious." Remus said quickly.

"Sirius was taunting her, Tonks." Charlie added. "They were going at each other."

"There was nothing you could have done darling." Molly agreed, squeezing her hand. Tonks closed her eyes to hold back the tears welling up. Her lower lip quivered.

"How are the kids?" She managed to squeak out.

"Ron's a bit scarred up and Hermione's now in stable condition…" Molly said. "Harry is in shock…"

"Poor Harry…" Tonks said, thinking of the boy. "Hermione…is she going to be okay?"

Remus nodded.

"When do I get to go home?" Tonks asked.

"Tomorrow." Molly said. "Your parents are on their way down. They were here all night with you, but I sent them home to change their clothes."

"Voldemort?" Tonks asked, wondering if anything had come of the confrontation.

"Still alive." Remus said sadly. "There was a duel with Dumbledore though. I heard it was horrifying."

"Dumbledore…"

"Alive and well." Charlie replied for her. He was staring at her with an intense look of extreme worry and relief. Molly set a tray in front of her filled to the brim with food. A middle aged blonde witch rushed into the room.

"Molly?" She whispered.

"Ellie! What are you doing here?" Molly asked, running to hug the woman, who dissolved into tears before moving into Remus's waiting arms.

"Ellie…I was wondering when we would hear from you." He said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Tonks felt a pang of jealousy run through her heart. The woman looked up at him.

"Is it true?" She asked and he nodded. "Sirius is…" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Dead."

"It's true, Ellie." He said, pulling away and moving back to sit beside Tonks, who weakly gripped his hand.

"Girard doesn't know I came…he thinks I am at Diagon Alley. I just…I had to know."

"He didn't kill those Muggles, Eleanor." Remus said grimly.

"I never believed he did." She said tearfully. "I never stopped loving him, I married Girard to give my daughter—" She stopped. "I loved Sirius Black. I always will." Before Remus could get another word out, she fled.

"What did she mean; she married Girard so she could give Lavender something?" Molly asked with her hands on her hips.

"Let it go, love." Arthur said burying himself in his newspaper. Remus let out a small gasp.

"Lavender." He said quietly. Molly looked up in surprise.

"What?"

"Lavender Brown…I can't believe I never thought of this before. She was born even before Harry…before Ellie even married Girard!" Remus shook his head and Tonks filled with a cold feeling. "Sirius left Ellie almost two years before, when James and Lily went into hiding right after they found out Lily was pregnant with Harry…"

"Merlin…" Molly said in a hushed voice.

"Are you saying…" Arthur said and Remus nodded.

"Oh God…the eyes! I never put it together before…Lavender is Sirius's daughter!"

Tonks and Charlie met eyes and both cringed. She could almost hear Sirius laughing in triumph. Lavender Brown had big slate gray eyes with long black lashes. It was blatantly obvious who she belonged to. And Ellie had lied, to protect her. Tonks thought of the cruelty Lavender would have had to endure if the public had known she was Sirius Black's child.

"It all makes sense," Remus said, stroking Tonks's hair back. "Ellie was a Ravenclaw and Girard was a Hufflepuff…and Lavender is a Gryffindor."

"It's usually an inherited trait…which house you end up in." Molly said, dazed. "Oh, that poor child…it's better she doesn't know."

"This information never leaves this room." Remus said solemnly. "Yeah?"

All of them nodded as Tonks felt herself drifting off again.

"So…tired…" She murmured, feeling his warmth beside her.

"Rest, sweetheart." He said, kissing her forehead.

* * *

"Remus, I have a task for you." Dumbledore said later that night at Grimmauld Place. Bleakly, Remus watched the great wizard pace.

"What is it?" He asked, making it a point not to look at the empty chair in which Sirius usually occupied.

"I hear Greyback has joined the Death Eaters and is now trying to rally the werewolf community against us."

Remus closed his eyes, not wanting to hear the next part and yet, knowing exactly what was coming.

"I want you—"

"To go underground as one of them." Remus finished for him. Dumbledore nodded calmly.

"It's dangerous, but I think you can handle it…" Dumbledore sighed. "I know it's hard for you…with Sirius gone, but we must press forward, yes?" Remus nodded, thinking of Dora. He was going to have to leave her. For her own good.

"At that, I shall owl you the location and you can leave on Monday." Dumbledore said, moving to leave.

"Professor?" Remus asked, reverting to his old habit of calling Dumbledore, "Professor."

"Yes, Remus?" Dumbledore's eyes were sad, but they were still twinkling.

"Did you know about Lavender Brown?" He heard himself ask. Dumbledore pursed his lips expectantly.

"You mean about Eleanor and Sirius…Lavender is in fact, a Black and not a Brown?"

Remus nodded, almost hearing Sirius's voice. _It wasn't in vain…my daughter is still alive._

"Yes," Dumbledore sighed, removing his glasses and wiping them. "Eleanor told me when she became pregnant. She said Sirius had left her and a couple of months later, had realized she was expecting his child. She went away, to Italy, to visit some family during her pregnancy and after she had the baby, she married Girard to make her legitimate."

"Why didn't Ellie tell him?" Remus asked, hurting for both of them.

"Remember, Remus. When James and Lily went into hiding, Sirius was their Secret Keeper. He was unreachable…" The old wizard looked sad. "She'll never know how lucky she was, the girl."

"Or the fact that she is heir to Grimmauld Place and the Black fortune?" Remus said, feeling ill.

"Harry is the named heir." Dumbledore replied, "Sirius never knew he had a daughter…but even so, it would have been split between the two children. Harry had been made beneficiary when Sirius was named Godfather."

"Doesn't she deserve to know?" Remus wondered aloud.

"Why push the hurt on her, Remus?" Dumbledore shook his head. "She has a father, who has accepted her as his own. Why tell her the truth and ruin her life? Now she'll never know that she lost her father."

"I have to end it with Nymphadora." Remus murmured quietly. Dumbledore frowned.

"The harder you try to protect her, Remus, the more danger she'll be in." He touched Remus's shoulder. "I know you will make the right choice." With that, he disapparated with the slightest pop.

Staring around the empty house, Remus angrily summoned a piece of parchment and a quill.

* * *

"There we are, love." Andromeda said, helping Tonks into her bed at home. "Safe and sound." Ted stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, frowning as he observed her.

"Dad…what's going on in that brain of yours?" Tonks asked, trying to laugh. Her head throbbed as she did though.

"I don't think we should leave you alone tonight Dora. It doesn't settle well with me."

"Ted…" Andromeda said gently. "Dora is old enough to make her own choices now. She's twenty-three." Turning to Tonks, she smoothed back her daughter's hair. "Are you sure you don't want us to stay tonight, baby?"

"Mum…go home. Get some sleep. I am going to be fine. All I need is some rest." She slumped tiredly against her pillows. Ted did not smile as he leaned to kiss her forehead.

"You send for us if you need anything, okay?" He said. She nodded.

"Promise. Night Mum. Dad." They lingered a few more moments before disappearing. She felt herself begin to drift off when she heard a tapping at the bedroom window. Using her wand, she opened it and in flew an owl with a piece of parchment attached to its leg. Worn out, she weakly removed it and unrolled it to read.

_Nymphadora-_

_There is no easy way to say this, so I shall make it brief. I am severing ties between us for your own good. I have been given a task, which I will likely not live through. I have been fooling myself with you and perhaps, even deluding myself in this relationship. I have been so lonely that I took advantage of your willingness. It was not right for me to lead you on when we will never have a future together. Find someone else, love someone else. Forget you ever knew me._

_Be happy. _

_I'm sorry it had to end this way. _

_Your friend, _

_Remus_

_

* * *

  
_

Remus hated himself as he signed his name to the parchment, but the owl had taken it to her before the tears from his eyes had betrayed him on the paper.

She had to believe he didn't love her.

It was the only way she would be safe.

The only way.

* * *

**So this is kind of short. But it's a start. I finally have some time. And I know I've gone in an odd direction. Really, but it IS fan fiction and if it's cliche, oh well. It's just a hobby and it's free. lol **


	17. Chaos

**July 1, 1996**

"Glad to have you back, Tonks." Gawain Robards said as cheerily as he could when Tonks returned to work a few weeks after her injury. Managing a quick, false smile, she nodded, surprised to see Robards heading the Auror meeting.

"Thanks."

Robards frowned, surveying her, obviously seeing her dull, brown hair hanging limp to her shoulders. Shaking his head, Gawain turned back to the team of various Aurors who were waiting for orders. Tonks noticed that he was holding what looked like a newspaper in his hand.

"The Brockdale Bridge." He said in his gruff voice. "Thirty-three Muggles dead." Robards tossed the paper aside in disgust. "Fudge has been forced to resign and they're bringing in Scrimgeour to take his place. They asked me to come in and take his place, so here I am. Now," He went on, running a hand through his wild, gray hair. "As you know, Emmeline Vance was found dead on Downing Street last week. It was found that there was no Killing Curse used on her, in fact, she was brutally murdered. Which means, the Death Eaters are sending a message here. They aren't just killing, they are enjoying watching the person die." Robards sighed, rubbing his temples. "Not only that, but the Muggle Junior Minister, Herbert Chorley," He checked the paper to affirm that he was correct, "was a victim of the Imperius Curse and now believes that he is a…" He sighed, "A duck."

A few snickers came from the crowd, but Tonks didn't find it amusing. In fact, the thought of someone using the Imperius curse on a Muggle…someone who possessed no magic, had no defense or knowledge of what was being used on them. It was disgusting.

"As you can see," Gawain went on, "Shacklebolt isn't with us today. In fact, he has been assigned to be a secretary to the Muggle Prime Minister for further protection so that none of this happens to _him._ Because if You-Know-Who gains control of the Muggle world, there's no telling what else will happen…" Robards shook his head disdainfully. "Scrimgeour is going to the Prime Minister today to introduce himself and explain our situation. In the meantime, there are measures that we, as Aurors of this community have to take. First, I will be assigning each of you a station to protect." He withdrew a list he'd made and began to read it.

"Angler, Thompkins, and Cheritan, you will be assigned to Diagon Alley. Revkins, Perkiss and Sudekis, you will be at St. Mungo's. Dawlish, Proudfoot, Savage and Tonks, you will be at Hogwarts. Williamson--" Tonks quit listening, realizing that she would be finally utilizing her Auror duties after an easy first couple of years. It frightened her, yet she was excited that she finally would be able to do what she had been trained for. And Hogwarts had always been a place of comfort for her. Not to mention, Dumbledore was there. It would help keep her mind off of…she wouldn't even let herself think his name. Even the thought of his face hurt her badly. "…You will be reporting to your stations immediately, except for those assigned to Hogwarts. You four will report to Dumbledore on August the sixteenth as he is not available at the moment. In the meantime, rest up." His eyes darkened, "It's going to be a long year."

The group began to disperse as Tonks stayed put where she was, unsure of what to do or how to react to this news.

"Tonks." A male voice said. She looked over to see Drew Savage, a young Auror standing there looking at her. He'd been a Ravenclaw when she'd been in school and had graduated a couple of years before her. He'd recently gotten married to a girl she'd had a few classes with back then. Elissa.

"Drew," She sighed, shaking his hand tiredly. "Are you ready for this?"

"No." He admitted, running a hand through his short, brown hair. He had light blue green eyes and was a very handsome boy. He looked very much like his late cousin, Cedric Diggory, Tonks noted sadly. Drew's mother and Amos Diggory were siblings, and from what Tonks knew of them, they had all been quite close. "Liss is having kittens." He said, and she saw that he too had dark circles under his eyes. Looking around, he made sure no one was within earshot. "We've just found out she's pregnant." He said quietly, his eyes dark with fear. Tonks felt her heart ache for him.

"Congratulations…" She said, trying to sound sincere. She truly was happy for him, but for some reason these days, she just couldn't feel any happiness.

"Hell of a time to have a kid." Savage replied with a rueful grin. "Ah well, you fancy a fire whiskey?" Tonks nodded.

"Sounds great, actually." She agreed. "Where to?"

"Sid's." Drew replied. "Proudfoot and Dawlish are up there too."

"Awesome." Tonks replied, disapparating. She smiled despite herself at the sight of the familiar old pub, but as she looked down Diagon Alley and saw the destruction that Death Eaters had caused, she felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. Savage appeared beside her, looking down at her inquiringly.

"Everything all right?" He asked. Swallowing, Tonks shrugged in defeat.

"I'm lost, Drew." She replied. "I don't know who I am anymore."

"It's this fucking war." Savage said in agreement. "It's going to get really ugly Tonks…it all started with Cedric-" She saw the pained look in his eyes. "Well, you know."

"Yeah." She said miserably, following him through the swinging doors of the bar, finding it virtually empty but for a few tables. Proudfoot and Dawlish were in a booth to the side. They were talking quietly as John Dawlish looked up and saw them. He was a tall, tough man with short coarse black hair and a beard. Kaden Proudfoot turned to look too and Tonks noted that he also looked a bit worse for the wear. Sliding into the booth beside Dawlish, a waitress was at their table within seconds.

"What can I get for you?" She asked, flipping her long ponytail back and flashing a wide grin at Savage, obviously flirting with him. He met Tonks's eyes with a sigh. Smirking to herself, Tonks slid out of the booth and disappeared behind the door to the girls' loo, changing her appearance.

She walked back out of the bathroom and grinned when they all looked up at her.

"Liss?" Drew asked in shock and Tonks took his hand, sitting across from him again.

"Surprised, Sugar?" She asked, tilting her head. Hearing Tonks's voice come out of his wife, made Drew laugh as he looked up at the waitress, who was leaning over him as she took Kaden's order.

"This is my wife, Elissa." He explained, smiling lovingly at Tonks and winking at her. She could barely contain her laughter. The waitress took Tonks's order and pouted as she flounced away. "Brilliant, Tonks." Drew chuckled.

"It must be horrible for you, being so bloody attractive to girls." Dawlish quipped, sipping his beer. A moment later, the waitress reappeared with Tonks and Savage's drinks and set them down. Taking a quick gulp of the Firewhiskey, Tonks savored the way it burned on the way down.

A distant howl, however, made her skin crawl. Her head snapped to look out the window of the pub.

"Damn…werewolves…" Proudfoot said with a shudder.

"Werewolves?" She asked in confusion, her eyes flicking up to the sky and seeing the perfectly spherical moon. "Shit." She muttered, as another howl came closer.

"Wands at the ready, mates." Dawlish said, standing. Tonks swiftly pulled her wand out of her waistband and followed him out the door past the panicking patrons. To her horror, she saw a pack of about twenty large wolves bounding toward them, teeth bared and foaming at the mouths. She recognized the mangy one leading the way as Greyback immediately. A jolt of cold fear seized her, not at all like the time she'd been cornered by Remus in his wolf form. Quickly, the four of them cast a shield charm on the pub and began throwing spells at the large animals. Their eyes were bloodshot with anger.

As Tonks hit one with a stupefy, they all backed off when it fell to its side on the ground and began to filter away, seeing that she was not going to hesitate to do worse next time. Proudfoot was trembling beside her and Savage was helping Dawlish, who had been knocked over but thankfully not bitten. As the pack began to flee, one large gray wolf with a leather satchel around it's neck lingered for a moment, staring at her. Tonks felt her eyes well up again as she pointed her wand at it, angrily.

"Go!" She sobbed as the animal tilted its head, half recognizing her. A moment later, it was gone. Tonks fell to her knees and began to wretch with painful aching sobs. Savage crouched beside her and lifted her gently.

"She's terrified, Dawlish." She heard him say. "She's shaking like a damn leaf."

"Let's get her home. She just got out of the hospital." John replied. Somehow, Tonks ended up at her own flat, alone with a cup of hot tea and a blanket over her legs.

* * *

Remus awoke on the ground, hunched naked on his side with a host of new cuts and bruises on his body. Thankfully, his satchel was laying close by and he reached for it, pulling his clean clothing out of it. Quickly, he dressed and went to meet where the other werewolves had gathered around a fire pit. He had a vague recollection of Diagon Alley and a group of Aurors that had been protecting Sid's Quidditch Pitch. Luckily, he'd found some Wolfsbane and had taken it, so he had kept his head during the transformation. Three men and a female had been there. He'd recognized John Dawlish and Kaden Proudfoot, and the boy who looked like Cedric Diggory, but he did not recall the girl. She had been beside the Cedric look alike, and she'd had long dark hair, but then she'd shifted. He closed his eyes, trying to remember the moment that he'd vaguely thought she knew him and as he'd turned to leave, he saw her fall to her knees and then her appearance had definitely changed.

Remus's heart sank as he realized exactly who he'd seen. She'd been disguised, but why? Quietly, Remus moved throughout the werewolf camp as the men talked about their various crimes the night before. How they'd killed this many people or hurt that many…or tore down so and so's house. It made Remus sick to his stomach.

He stole away from the camp, carrying his things under his arm as he was careful not to draw attention to himself. Another man noticed, however and stood.

"Where in the bloody 'ell do ya think yer goin'?" He asked, spitting. Remus winced.

"Just fancy a walk. Need to stretch after last night." He told the burly man, who nodded.

"Ferst day after's always 'ardest." He replied gruffly. Remus nodded, disappearing into the brush and drawing out his wand. He quickly Apparated and found himself precisely where he needed to be. He was at her doorstep. All he needed was one look at her. He began to lift his hand to knock when he heard a deep sigh behind him.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked. Turning, Remus saw her standing there with a bag of groceries.

"I saw you last night." He said, "I was making sure you were all right." Tonks glared at him, her once vibrant pink hair now hanging in dark, limp tendrils around her thin face.

"I thought you never cared for me." She said mockingly, brushing past him to open the door by magic.

"You know I didn't mean it like that. I did care for you Nymphadora…"

"Oh, we're back to formalities." Tonks said bitterly. "Well then, Lupin…you've done your duty. I'm fine as you can see--"

"Dora, you are not fine." He said, moving into the house and closing her door behind him.

"What do you want from me?" She cried, looking desperately at him. "Do you want to see me like this? There! Are you happy? I'm fucking miserable! All I do is cry out at night for you and when I see my bed empty, I want to Avada Kedavra myself! Are you happy?" Her eyes were filled with tears.

"I'm going on assignment in August…I'm stationed at Hogsmeade and Hogwarts." She said, sniffling. "Why were you with those awful creatures last night?"

"It's my task." Remus answered hollowly. "I've infiltrated the werewolf community. Dumbledore is supplying me with Wolfsbane so I can keep my head to find out their plans."

"Oh Merlin." She whispered, setting her groceries down with a resounding thud and falling into a chair.

"If Wizards hated werewolves before, they hate them even more now." Remus said. "The Ministry policy has changed to kill upon sighting."

"Yeah." Tonks vaguely recalled hearing that.

"I cannot condemn you to an outcast's life, Tonks…Dora."

"Admirable…but shouldn't I get a say?" She asked, running a hand through her mangy hair. Remus shook his head, staring firmly down at her.

"I won't…can't do it to you." He said. "I lo--" Stopping, he shook his head. "I respect you too much."

"I know you love me, Remus." She whispered, standing and walking toward him. "And I would rather live a life of isolation with you than a life full of friends without you. You're all I need."

"It's not enough. You would resent me…"

"How could I ever? After everything we've been through together?" She asked angrily. "I lost my virginity to you!" Remus cringed.

"I'm too old for you." He said.

"No." Her eyes were blazing.

"Too poor…"

"I have money." She said easily.

"Too dangerous."

"No you're not." She insisted. "You wouldn't hurt me."

"You don't _know_, Dora!" He cried. "You can't know that! You don't know how it can turn on you."

"I. Don't. Care." Tonks said very fiercely, separating the words. "I love you, Remus. And I _know_ you feel the same. You wouldn't be here! You keep saying you don't care, yet you always end up back here! Doesn't that mean something?" Remus stayed silent, staring at her sadly. "_Doesn't it?_"

"It means everything to me." He replied earnestly, after a moment. "I would die for you, Dora." Tears came unbidden into his eyes, "But I'm not willing to have you hurt or killed on my behalf."

"It's not your choice!" She asserted. "It isn't fair! You are allowed to give and love as much as you want, but I can't because you have some idiotic notion about protecting me! Like it or not, Remus, I am an Auror! It is highly likely that I am going to die before this war is through!"

"Stop it!" He yelled, unable to listen to her speak that way. Unable to imagine her lying pale and dead on the floor, the life gone from her eyes. Unwilling to think it. Before Remus could stop himself, he moved forward and cradled her against him, taking her lips with his and kissing her as if they'd never kissed before. Immediately, her arms went around his neck and he pick her up, placing her on the kitchen table and shakily removing her Auror robes while she worked at the fastenings of his pants. He managed to pull the red fabric away from her body and remove her jeans all in one swift movement. She took of her own underwear and laid back as he entered her with hot need, ripping her shirt upwards to bare her chest. Savagely, he pulled down one cup of her bra and pressed his mouth to the soft flesh there, causing her to cry out in pleasure. As soon as he'd begun, he felt her quiver around him and let himself release into her, trembling even as he held her hunched over that table.

Self loathing filled him as he pulled back out again and adjusted his clothing again. She did the same and he heard her sigh.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" She said resignedly. He nodded.

"I have to. They're expecting me back there." Her dark eyes widened as her bottom lip began to shake. One of her tiny hands came up to cup his unshaven face. Tenderly, she pulled him to her and kissed him softly on the lips.

"You _will_ come back to me, Remus." She said. "When this is all over, we're going to be together."

"Dora," Remus sighed in defeat. "One bridge at a time. First, let's get through these assignments…and then Voldemort…I can't think about it right now. It's too much. I can't…" Kissing her forehead, he forced himself away from her and disapparated.

* * *

**One week later**

"It's a mess." Bill said agonized as he sat in Tonks's kitchen. "Mum _hates_ her."

"Why?"

"I don't know! I can't figure the bloody woman out!" Bill cried. "She's nothing but rude to poor Fleur, who is having a near nervous breakdown every day since she's come there because she's trying so hard to impress my mother. Ginny hates her too!"

"D'you suppose it's because she's so pretty?" Tonks asked Bill, setting a cup of strong coffee in front of him.

"Probably doesn't help! All Mum keeps saying is, 'It should have been Tonks, William.' 'She only loves your looks, William.'" Bill mimicked Mrs. Weasley. Tonks gave a weak chuckle, trying very hard to hide her depression. Bill noticed though, she could see the glance he gave her. "You're not well, Tonks."

"Not really, no." She agreed, sipping her own coffee, which tasted like dirt to her. Another thing to add to her list of don'ts.

"It's Remus." Bill observed keenly. Nodding, she shrugged.

"I don't know what else I can do, Bill…he won't listen." She lamented. Bill's blue eyes softened.

"Merlin, Tonks…I'm sorry. Here I am talking about my own problems when you've got your own." He sighed. "Can I help?"

"No." Tonks replied, managing a smile. "Not unless you can convince Remus that all I need is him! He has this silly notion that I am going to be an outcast if I marry him."

"You will be." Bill said realistically, making her skin prickle with frustration.

"I _know_, but I don't care!" She insisted.

"But he cares, because he's going to blame himself." Bill replied, reaching out for her shoulder. "You are skin and bones, Tonks. You'd better stop by Mum's this week so she can feed you."

"I love him, Bill." She said, her voice cracking. He pulled her into a tight, brotherly hug and kissed the top of her head.

"I know, Dora." He swayed soothingly with her. "I've always known since the first meeting of the Order." She looked up into his impossibly handsome face.

"Fleur is so lucky, Bill." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm the lucky one." He replied. "Mum just doesn't see it yet."


	18. Life, But Not Living

Two bloody years it took me to update this? UGHHH...well, I haven't given up on it. And I'm SO sorry!

Enjoy. I hope.

* * *

**July 13, 1996**

Something was genuinely wrong, Tonks noted with a twinge of panic in her gut. For the life of her, she couldn't change her hair color. She'd been standing in front of her mirror for half an hour now and nothing was happening. Her hair was hanging in limp, dark waves and was shoulder length. Her eyes were dark gray and, truth be told she looked a lot like her Mum. It had been so long since Tonks had been forced to stare at her true self, that she'd almost forgotten what color her hair really was. Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes as she sat on the toilet in defeat. Deep down, she knew what this was all about. She hadn't heard from Remus in almost two weeks, though she knew he was still around because Mad-Eye and Kingsley were still in touch. Apparently, his mission for Dumbledore was to find out if Greyback knew any of Voldemort's plans, such as reaching out to other supernatural creatures. More and more people had been bitten lately and it definitely seemed as though they were purposely trying to change people to build up their numbers. Not to mention, Fenrir Greyback was wanted for at least four rapes in just the last month. It was a terrifying thought. She heard Mad-Eye telling Kingsley that he had a taste for young girls…not children, but thin post-pubescent teenage girls. Girls like Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley.

A constant fear had settled itself into the pit of her stomach and even at work, under the watchful eye of Robards and the Auror Department, she didn't feel safe. Dolores Umbridge was back to work after her ordeal with centaurs in the Forbidden Forest and she was seeking revenge against all creatures who were not pure blooded wizards. She had never made it a secret that she despised Muggle-borns and was even disapproving of half bloods, which meant that she had never been a fan of Tonks since her father was a Muggle-born. In just a few weeks, she would be leaving for Hogwarts with Savage, Proudfoot and Dawlish. Though they would technically be stationed in Hogsmeade, Dumbledore had made specific orders that they would need to be available to patrol the school while he was on business throughout the year. Tonks had to wonder what kind of business would be keeping him away from the school all year long, but she trusted Albus Dumbledore.

She slumped miserably against the back of the toilet and willed her fingernails to turn pink. Her thumbnail flashed bright pink for a moment, but ultimately returned to her plain, bitten to the nub nail. Vaguely, she remembered that she was supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes. The piles of paperwork on her desk were calling her name. She shuddered at the thought of it. Sure, she loved being an Auror, but it wasn't all saving the world. There were reports to fill out and sign and file and…ugh. She quickly threw the limp brown waves of her natural hair into a low ponytail and disapparated.

The Ministry was bustling with people as it had been since the fight in the Department of Mysteries just a few weeks before. Tonks kept her head low, not making eye contact with anyone as she made her way into the elevator. She was just about to get in when she heard a small sound behind her.

"_Hem hem._"

She closed her eyes in irritation before she could bring herself to turn and face the woman. Forcing a smile on her face, she attempted to be polite.

"Madam Under-Secretary." She acknowledged Dolores Umbridge. The woman was covered from head to toe in the color pink. Even her tights were pink. It was revolting enough to make Tonks think twice about having pink hair for a while…assuming she even could anymore.

"Fine morning, Auror Tonks, isn't it?" She said, grinning cheerily and looking every bit like a toad. Tonks had to swallow the bile in the back of her throat.

"Sure." She replied dryly, eyeing the short woman.

"I thought you may be interested to know that as of this morning, a new law is being presented to the Minister for Approval."

"Oh?" Tonks said, wishing Umbridge would curl up and die already instead of following her into the elevator. The flowery scent of the woman's perfume made her want to vomit.

"Any Ministry employee who is found to belong to an organization other than the Ministry of Magic will not only be sacked, but sent to Azkaban without a trial." Tonks willed her eyes not to widen as the severity of what Umbridge was saying sunk into the pit of her stomach.

"A bit harsh, don't you think Dolores?" She responded, trying to seem casual. Umbridge's smile only widened.

"That's Madam Under-Secretary to you…" She said sweetly, getting ready to leave the elevator.

"Rufus Scrimgeour isn't Fudge, _Madam._" Tonks said scathingly. "He turned down your submission to have any centaur killed on sighting…what makes you think he'll approve this?"

"We don't want corruption in the Ministry." Umbridge stated. "This will ensure that any Death Eater who is a Ministry official will get the punishment necessary." The woman's eyes narrowed. "Unless there's another organization you're thinking of, Auror Tonks." She giggled slightly and nodded. "Good day." The elevator ambled away from her floor and Tonks muttered under her breath.

"Good day you disgusting hag."

Robards was standing in the doorway to the Auror Department and his eyes lit up when he saw Tonks.

"Good!" He said. "Tonks, I'm sending a group of Aurors to Diagon Alley to investigate a disappearance." Tonks met Savage's eyes across the room.

"Who's gone now?" She asked, afraid of the answer. Robards turned grim.

"Ollivander." He said quietly. Her heart sank.

"No…" She whispered, bringing her hand to her mouth and feeling certain disgust. It was one thing to harm people who defied you…but it was quite another to rip a decent old man out of his home. Memories flooded her of her first trip to Ollivander's twelve years before.

"And who is this delightful little cherub?" Mr. Ollivander had said, peering over the counter at little Dora, whose mother had mercilessly put her in a dress and forced her to wear a bow in her hair, which she constantly pulled and poked at.

"M'name's Dora. My real name's Nymphadora…but don't call me that." She added, giving her mother a pointed look. Andromeda remained quiet, but did not hide the look of amusement on her face. She'd ended up with a wand made from oak and embedded with a unicorn hair. Mr. Ollivander had told her it was a beautiful fit because unicorns were enigmatic and full of surprises. She hadn't known what it meant at the time, but now she truly appreciated the sentiment. Her mum would be heartsick to know what had happened to the old wandmaker.

"The shop is deserted. No signs of struggle, nothing out of place." Robards was saying. "I'm willing to bet that he was Imperiused." He looked at Tonks. "I want Tonks, Sudekis, Savage and Perkiss to go and investigate. You'll report back at five. Clear?" He asked. The four Aurors nodded. Robards nodded toward the door.

"Go on then. As for the rest of you! Paperwork!" He turned away, leaving the four stunned wizards alone. Savage moved first, grabbing Tonks's sleeve and pulling her along with him.

"What d'you suppose happened?" He whispered, leaning slightly to talk to her.

"Dunno." She admitted, feeling sick to her stomach. "But obviously You-Know-Who wants to know something about wandlore if _he_ took him."

"I doubt You-Know-Who took him." Sudekis said, listening in. "If anything, Ollivander probably split like everyone else is doing. He's old…Voldemort has no use for him."

"Maybe his wand is broken." Perkiss offered, joining in.

"Doubt it." Savage said. Vaguely Tonks remembered something Dumbledore had said at the last Order meeting a while back. When Voldemort had returned and he had dueled poor Harry in the graveyard, their wands had connect because they were made from feathers of the same phoenix. Of course, Tonks could not offer up this piece of information since it would indicate that she had inside knowledge and would then tip off the evil toad that she was part of the Order. She kept the information to herself and apparated with the rest of them to Diagon Alley.

Ollivander's was dark and empty, no signs of life coming from within.

"_Homenum Revelio." _Tonks muttered as they cautiously entered the abandoned shop. "You know, we really should cast a protection charm on the store even though he's gone."

"Tonks is right." Savage agreed. "Any wizard could break in here and wreak havoc on the wands here. It's not safe. What if a little kid were to get a hold of one of these?"

"We'll put it in the report." Sudekis said, making a quick note on a piece of parchment.

"Oh, one more." Tonks said, thinking ahead and waving her wand. She wished she were as graceful as the beautiful wand Ollivander had sold her years ago. "_Specialis Revelio._" She said, looking at the three men she was with. "Any Death Eater could have cursed anything in here. Constant Vigilance."

"You're really a lot brighter than people give you credit for." Perkiss said, raising a pompous eyebrow.

"Everyone knows Tonks is clever as hell." Savage defended her. "She always was a step ahead of everyone."

"Thanks, Drew." She replied, blushing even though it didn't brighten her heavy mood much. They searched the rest of the store, including the living quarters, which were even more untouched than the rest of the building.

"What if he wasn't home when he was taken?" Savage asked, looking around. "What if they waited for him to leave?"

"I still say the old man skipped town." Sudekis said, jotting furious notes on his paper.

"I don't think so." Savage said uncertainly. "Something is not right here. I can't put my finger on it." Tonks crouched down, seeing something crumpled in the corner of the room and picked it up. It was a crumpled piece of parchment. Opening it, she hoped for something on it, but there was nothing but a symbol she did not recognize. A triangle with a circle and a vertical line down the center of it. It was crudely drawn, but it had to mean something.

"Do you guys know what this means?" She asked, holding up the crinkled parchment for the other three to see. Squinting, Perkiss was the first to shake his head.

"Never seen that before in my life." He told her.

"D'you think it could be a Rune, Tonks?" Savage asked, peering at it side by side with Sudekis.

"I wouldn't know." She admitted. "Never took Ancient Runes myself."

"It's not a Rune." Sudekis said certainly. "Or if it is, it's nothing I've ever seen before. You should submit it to Robards to give to the coding specialist."

"So all we have to go on is a crumpled up piece of paper with a symbol no one has ever seen before."

"Maybe it's a secret society…like Brothers of Romulus."

"What the bloody hell are the Brothers of Romulus?" Tonks asked, feeling like a moron.

"It's a group of werewolves who were plotting to overtake the wizarding community a few centuries back." Perkiss said darkly. Tonks felt like she had been punched in the face. "They were all addicted to fairy blood. It was said to give them super strength and heightened senses…" At their blank expressions, Perkiss straightened his robes nervously. "Honestly…we learned about it in Care of Magical Creatures seventh year with old Kettleburn."

"That's disgusting." Savage said.

"It's barbaric…" Tonks replied, thinking of the fairies who had to die for those creatures. "Are the Brothers of Romulus still around?" She heard herself ask. Perkiss shrugged.

"If they are, they haven't tried anything in a very long time. Although, you know Greyback? His great-grandfather was one of the founders. Pretty sick, yeah?" Tonks's eyes burned, terrified for Remus and yet, still so angry with him for deserting her without so much as a word. He was still meeting up with Dumbledore. Kingsley had told her recently that they'd had a drink at the Leaky Cauldron.

"Well come on, you lot." Savage said with a sigh. "We should go see if there were any witnesses." They made their way out of the abandoned wand shop, and almost immediately, Tonks's boot got caught on an uneven cobblestone. She fell directly on her knee, though the embarrassment was worse than the actual fall. Savage and Sudekis dragged her unceremoniously to her feet.

"Try not to kill yourself, eh?" Sudekis said, rolling his eyes at her. "Alright Perkiss, let's go over to Gringotts. You two, hit the robe shop next door." Perkiss and Sudekis walked down the street. Tonks looked at the shop next door, which was locked and closed.

"Looks like they've cleaned out." Savage said, peering through the glass. "Come on, let's at least go down and get an ice cream. We can question them over at Florean Fortescue's." Tonks didn't feel much like an ice cream, but she followed Savage quietly.

"How is your wife feeling?" She asked, crossing her arms and making conversation. Savage shrugged.

"Sick all the time. Tired. Scared…she's been begging me to quit the job and go with her to the United States to stay with her cousins."

"And you won't?" Tonks asked, hoping she wasn't prying too much. His talking kept her mind off of the bloody Brothers of Romulus and mutilating fairies.

"I'd never forgive myself, Tonks. Elissa knew what she was getting into when she married me. She told me she understood that I would be at risk. She was even proud that I was so brave…until she got pregnant that is. Now she's terrified that I'll be killed and the kid will grow up fatherless." He shook his head.

"I guess that's legitimate." Tonks said, swallowing hard. "A baby changes things."

"You aren't kidding, Tonks. Do yourself a favor and wait until this war is over to even _think_ about reproducing."

"Reproducing involves having someone to reproduce _with_." Tonks replied sourly. "And since I don't have _that, _I'd say I'll be fine."

"Hard to believe a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. Didn't you date Charlie Weasley a while back?" He asked. Tonks let out a sharp laugh of surprise.

"Yes Savage. In sixth year. Six years ago. For a month." She shook her head.

"I was friends with Bill Weasley, but I never knew Charlie well. Hell of a Quidditch player though."

"Yeah…he was." She agreed as they approached their destination. Her heart nearly stopped when she looked at the ice cream shop. Two of the windows were broken and the door was hanging off its hinges. A raggedy 'Closed' sign was put in the window.

"Him too?" Tonks said, feeling very small and helpless at the moment. A long sigh left Savage as he stepped forward.

"We'll have to report this too…" He said tiredly.

"I miss when Diagon Alley was full of laughter and children and fun…" Tonks said, wanting to cry more than anything. The bloody world was falling apart and she didn't even have anyone to go home to. She was twenty-three years old and she felt as young as Harry Potter. She felt like a joke…the resident 'kid' of the Order.

"Tonks, dear?" Molly Weasley was standing in front of her looking at her like she was a wounded fawn.

"Hello Molly." She said, trying to smile.

"Sweetheart!" Tonks was instantly pulled into a warm hug. It wasn't a strong pair of arms, but it beat being alone. "You look about as thin as a twig…please come over for dinner tonight."

"I don't know…" Tonks said, scratching her head.

"I was just bringing Arthur his lunch. He's been stationed here for extra security. Don't tell the kids, they're itching to come get their school things, but I don't want them to see the place looking like this." She looked around. "Poor Florean Fortescue…it looks like he was forced out, and no doubt you've been by Ollivander's?"

"That's actually what we're here investigation." Savage said, entering the conversation. Molly looked at him, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Drew Savage." He said, putting his hand out for her to shake.

"I could have sworn you were—"

"Cedric." Savage nodded. "Yeah. I get that a lot."

"Listen Molly, I would love to stop by for dinner, but—" Tonks began, but Molly clapped her hands.

"Wonderful! I have a roast and the kids are all there and I believe Harry should be arriving in the morning!"

"But, I—" Tonks attempted to protest again and Molly pulled her in for another hug.

"Dinner is at six, love. We'll see you then!" Turning away, Molly headed straight for the brand new shop that had opened nearby. _Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes._

"Blimey." Savage said, looking at the store, lit up like Christmas.

"Another time, Drew. We've got to find Perkiss and Sudekis and get back soon."

* * *

**6:00 P.M. **

Tonks could hear the Weasleys before she saw them. Fighting, laughing, talking over each other. It was a welcome sound after the constant negativity at her job. She knocked on the door, frowning at her calloused knuckle and dirty fingernails. The door was thrown open by Ginny.

"Tonks! Hey!" She said cheerily, her smile faltering when she saw Tonks's pale skin and dark eyes. The limp brown ponytail probably didn't do wonders for her either.

"Hey, Ginny!" She said, feigning cheerfulness. "Wotcher Ron. Hermione!" She called. The two who had been huddled together in conversation at the table pulled apart as if they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Oh, hey Tonks!" Ron said, turning a bright shade of red. Hermione just rolled her eyes, but smiled brightly, rising and coming to see her.

"How are you Tonks?" She asked, her brown eyes betraying her opinion. Everyone could see darn well how she was doing. Bloody awful. But she couldn't say, _'Oh fine…my heart feels like it's been cut into quarters, but other than that I'm just fucking peachy.' _

"Working a lot." She opted for. Make them think she was just working her arse off, get a little sympathy.

"You're too thin." Molly said, pulling the roast out of the oven. "Are your pants being held up by a rope?"

"Er…yeah." Tonks answered sheepishly. "My belt broke this morning."

"Ginny, give Tonks one of yours." Molly said, smiling at her while she cut the meat. Ginny nodded.

"No, really…" Tonks hated pity. "It's not a prob—"

"I've got loads." Ginny assured her. "We're close to the same size." She bounded up the stairs, her long, fiery colored pony flying behind her.

"Remus was just here Wednesday, helping Arthur with the garden…" Molly said. Tonks closed her eyes, willing herself not to hear it. "We've got to get this place into shape by next summer," She was saying, "I'm sure you've heard by now that Bill asked that _girl_ to marry him."

"I hate her." Ginny said, coming back into the room and tossing the belt to Tonks. She quickly removed the frayed rope that she had tied her pants on with and before she could stoop to pick it up, Molly had snatched it and thrown it in the trash. She put on the brown leather belt from Ginny and had to admit, it was more comfortable.

"She's not so bad…really." Tonks said, defending the poor French girl.

"She wanted to put me in _pink_ Tonks." Ginny lamented, dropping into a chair. _"Pink. _After bloody Umbridge last year, I never want to wear the color again." Tonks wished she could have her pink hair again. She wished she could do anything with her hair. "She finally settled on gold when Bill reasoned with her."

"Oh…" Tonks said blankly, staring at her as if she had no clue what was being said. In truth, her mind was wandering. Remus had been there three bloody days before. He couldn't let her know he was alive, but he could visit the Weasleys and have a drink with Kingsley? Tears began to sting the corners of her eyes. Molly must have noticed, because she told the kids to eat in the other room before setting a heaping plate in front of Tonks and sitting beside her.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Tonks asked, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

"I wait until everyone has their fill." Molly said, "Eat, Tonks. Before you waste away." Tonks sniffed, but took a bite of the tender, delicious meat. "It's Remus, isn't it?" Molly asked. Tonks nodded, letting her face fall into her hands and dropping her fork on the plate. Her shoulders shook.

"I've tried so hard…I told him it doesn't matter to me about him being a werewolf. He thinks he's doing what's right for me. Look at me, Molly," She looked up, accepting a hanky from the older woman. "Does this look like what's right for me?" Tonks lowered her voice. "I can't change my appearance. I think the stress of it all has my ability suppressed."

"There now…" Molly said, gathering Tonks into a hug. "You needn't hold things like this in. And believe me, Remus is going to get an earful—"

"No. He doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to force it on him. I know when to stop, Molly." Tonks said, pulling back when the back door opened and Bill walked in with Fleur. The two of them had that look between them. Bill had a blanket draped over his arm and Fleur was carrying a basket. A picnic in the orchard. How romantic. Tonks hoped she didn't look too pitiful. Molly stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"A picnic, William? After I slaved away over your favorite roast all night long?" Molly glared at Fleur. "Where have you been? You said you would be gone an hour! It's been three!"

"Mizzus Weazley, eet ees my fault." Fleur said, turning a beautiful shade of pink, which seemed to make her glow. "I surprised Beel wiz zis picneec." Molly didn't answer her, only stalked over to the roast and began to put it away.

"I'm still hungry, Mum, leave it out…we haven't spoiled our appetite." Bill said lamely, but Molly turned on him.

"No. You've eaten already so you can be done for the night." Molly said, quite obviously put out. She put the roast into the ice box and stormed out of the room near tears. Fleur looked helplessly at Tonks, bursting into tears.

"I do not know what to do!" She wailed. "I try so hard to make his muzzer love me and she 'ates me!"

"She doesn't hate you, love…" Bill soothed, drawing Fleur into his arms.

"Yes she does…I 'eard 'er talking wiz your fazzer! She say zat I am spoilt and vain…and no good for you!" Fleur sobbed into Bill's broad chest and Tonks was enthralled with the way he held her there, as if she were made out of porcelain. She certainly looked like porcelain. "When you ask me to marry you, I wuz so 'appy, but now, I don't know!" Fleur pulled away from him and darted gracefully up the stairs like a frightened doe.

"Oh Bloody Hell, Tonks." Bill said, sitting across from her and shaking his head. "I can't win. Mum is jealous of her…Ginny can't stand her…Ron can't speak in front of her…and Fleur is so worried, she can barely see straight."

"Do you love her?" Tonks asked sadly. Bill looked up, taking her in for the first time since she arrived.

"Merlin, Tonks…you look…"

"Bloody awful. I know." She said, trying to laugh, but it came out more as a wince. "Sorry."

"Isn't there anything we can do to make him come to his senses?" Bill asked.

"I'd like to take a silver bullet to him, myself." Tonks muttered dryly, spearing a potato with her fork. Bill laughed, despite himself. "You didn't answer my question. Do you love her?" Bill leaned forward and looked Tonks in the eyes. His eyes were blue and dark with truth.

"More than anything, Tonks. I'd die for her." Bill said. Tonks wanted to tear up again, but she held it back miraculously.

"Then what the devil are you doing sitting across from me at your mum's dinner table?" She asked, looking toward the stair. "Get your arse up there and reassure her." Bill grinned at her and Tonks was taken with how handsome he was when he was in love. Bill had always been good looking, but the two of them together…they were a miracle. When he was out of sight, Tonks let her tears fall again.

Molly returned a few minutes later, composed. She sighed, sitting again beside Tonks.

"Sorry dear…when you have seven children you'll understand how frustrating they can be sometimes." She said. Tonks managed to smile slightly.

"She's not so bad, Molly…really." Molly snorted at this. "She really loves Bill."

"She may love his handsome face and his broad shoulders, but believe me, all those type are the same. Look at Narcissa Malfoy…" Tonks hissed at the sound of her aunt's name. She'd never met Narcissa, but she'd seen her a few times. The woman was beautiful…she looked different than Tonks's mum and Bellatrix. You could tell she was full of shite though.

"Sorry dear…forgot the relation." Molly apologized, clearing off Tonks's empty plate and bringing her a glass of pumpkin juice.

For the remainder of the night, Tonks let Molly coddle her and feed her while Molly talked about her children. Tonks had always admired Charlie and Bill for their large family. She had begged her parents for another sibling when she was young and had always felt slightly lonely at holidays as they weren't on speaking terms with her mum's questionable family and dad's family were all gone. She'd never even had a close girl friend. It had always been Tonks and the boys, though her mum did make her take singing lessons as a young girl, but Tonks had always been more keen on playing Quidditch and wearing combat boots.

The kids all went to bed around ten while Bill and Fleur stayed out of sight. Molly settled at the table with Tonks for a late night cup of tea. She finally drew up some courage to ask what she'd been wondering all night.

"Molly, is Remus…how is he?" She asked, looking into her half drank tea. Molly look surprised for a moment, pursing her lips before she shrugged.

"I thought the other day that he was looking tired, myself, love. He's thin too…his hair is too long and the boy needs a good shave. He had a couple of bruises on his temple and his clothes were worse off than usual." Tonks shook her head, not wanting to hear it. It made her anger with him subside and worry settle in. It made her want to be with him all the more so she could nurse his wounds. She wanted him to look at her the way Bill looked at Fleur.

Three knocks at the door nearly startled Tonks out of her skin. Molly as well, it seemed because she jumped up and went to the back door, hesitating.

"Who's there?" She called quietly. "Declare yourself!"

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry." The soft reply came through. Tonks hadn't seen Harry, but if he looked at her the way the other ones had, she might burst into tears…again. Molly threw the back door open.

"Harry dear! Gracious Albus, you gave me a fright! You said not to expect you before morning!" She exclaimed, waving them in.

"We were lucky." Dumbledore guided the thin, dark haired boy inside. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing of course." Dumbledore looked over in her direction and smiled brightly at her. "Ah, hello, Nymphadora!" She didn't even have the strength to cringe at her given name. She managed a feeble wave.

"Hello, Professor. Wotcher Harry…" She hated how solemn her voice sounded. Harry began giving her that look…that pitying, wondering look and she could take it no more. Her eyes stung.

"I'd better be off." She said, rising abruptly and nearly falling off the chair as she tried to pull her cloak around her. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes kind. "I cannot stay. I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no…" She insisted, blinking rapidly. "I need to get going. Night—"

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend? Remus and Mad-Eye are coming—"

"No, really Molly…" Tonks cut her off, knowing the woman wanted nothing more than to make everyone happy again. "Thanks anyway…Good night, everyone." She stumbled past Dumbledore, who was watching her fascinated and quickly turned away, letting her tears fall as she disapparated to her flat. Before she could even reach for the key, however, she noticed that the door was lying open. Drawing her wand, she cautiously entered the flat and checked to see if there were any wizards there.

Nothing.

Her home was in ruins. Dishes were strewn about, furniture overturned. Pictures were lying broken on the floor. Picking one up, it was the photo of her with her parents at her Auror ceremony. The disturbing part was the slash through Tonks's face in the photo. The need to get away overcame her and she quickly disapparated to her parents' house, knocking on the door. She heard her dad's voice a second later.

"Who's there? What do you want with us?"

"Daddy?" She called in a small, tear soaked voice. The door flew open and she stared up at Ted with big, teary eyes.


	19. Molly's Attempt

Remus surveyed the camp. The faint smell of blood filled the air. A group of men were huddled around the half eaten carcass of a cow. They were fighting over who would get the last bit of meat off of the bones. It was nauseating and yet the need to eat made Remus weak. Greyback had been gone for over a week, leaving the werewolves to their own designs. If it hadn't been for the fact that he was one, Remus would probably have been all for the oppression that the Ministry was putting on them.

Of course, if he was not a werewolf, he would not be in this position. He'd probably be employed, living in a warm house with a warm, pink haired woman. The last time he'd seen her was when they had met Harry at the train station. When they had confronted his aunt and uncle.

_June 14, 1996_

_A knock at the door to Grimmauld Place, alerted Remus out of his thoughts. He was set to leave this place the following morning to find and join the werewolves. _

"_Who's there?" He asked, cautious as always. _

"_Kingsley Shacklebolt." The reply came. "We're ready to head to the station." Remus opened the door with a sigh, dreading the coming hour. He had to face Dora after the note he'd sent her breaking things off for good. It wasn't what he wanted, but he knew that he loved her enough to let her go. He would be happy knowing she was safe and that someone would eventually come to love her as much as he did. _

_The station was crowded, but the train had not arrived yet when he and Kingsley got there. Moody was waiting for them wearing a bowler hat with Tonks standing by. Her hair was pink and vibrant as it usually as, but her smile did not reach her currently blue eyes. She was wearing patched hip huggers and a torn 'Weird Sisters' T-Shirt. Her shirt was short, bearing the lower part of her midriff. It sent a quick thrill through Remus which he immediately suppressed, remaining collected. For Harry. _

_Molly and Arthur were standing nearby with the twins, waiting for their two children to return as well. Arthur was chatting with the Grangers. The twins must have been wearing some kind of animal skin, most likely dragon skin. _

_They had arrived just in time as kids started to filter through the barrier. Remus snuck a look at Dora, though she was making a pointed effort not to look at him. She was twirling a piece of pink bubblegum hair in her fingers and fiddling with her belt loop with the other. Her delicate wand was settled in the back pocket of her very well fitting jeans…STOP it Remus. He scolded himself. He was acting like a hormonal teen boy. Ginny emerged first, holding the hand of Dean Thomas. Arthur raised his eyebrows at this, but didn't say a word. Ron, Hermione and Harry were behind them, looking around. _

"_Ron, Ginny!" Molly called, bursting through the Order members and drawing them both into her arms. Ron looked a bit embarrassed, but Ginny smiled before waving at Dora. Letting go of them, she turned to Harry. "Oh, and Harry dear –" She pulled him close as well. "How are you?" _

"_Fine." Harry answered, looking anything but. Remus knew how sick Harry was over Sirius being gone. As sick as he was, for sure. _

"_What are __**they**__ supposed to be?" Ron asked, looking at his brothers._

"_Finest dragon skin, little bro." Fred grinned, tweaking his zipper. "Business is booming and we thought we'd treat ourselves." He and George exchanged satisfactory looks. _

"_Hello, Harry." Remus said, stepping forward to save Harry from Molly Weasley's bosom as she turned her love to Hermione. _

"_Hi." He said, trying to smile. "I didn't expect…" He surveyed the array of people who had come and raised an eyebrow. "What are you all doing here?" _

"_Well…" Remus said, smiling a bit, "We thought me might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home." (Dumbledore's idea.)_

"_I dunno if that's a good idea." Harry replied quickly, paling. _

"_Oh, I think it is." Moody cut in, shuffling closer to the boy. He nodded toward his back when Harry's eyes went wide at the sight of the sallow looking woman and gigantic man with the extrodinarily fat son. Remus could scarcely believe the woman had been Lily Evans's sister. "That'll be them, will it, Potter?" Remus watched as the three Dursleys looked alarmed. _

"_Ah, Harry!" Arthur grinned, turning from Mr. Granger and letting them greet their daughter. "Well – shall we do it then?" _

"_Yeah, I reckon so, Arthur." Moody agreed, sneering. They started toward the Dursleys, with the others falling in step behind. Remus ended up walking directly beside Dora. He wanted to say something to her…to apologize, but the words would not come. _

"_Good afternoon." Arthur said, holding his hand out to Harry's uncle. "You might remember me, my name's Arthur Weasley. We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry." He said kindly. Remus did not want to be gracious to these tossers, as Sirius would have called them. _

"_Yeah," Moody interrupted, pushing past Arthur and glaring at the fat man. "About how he's treat when he's at your place." Vernon Dursley huffed in Moody's face and rolled his eyes, irritated. _

"_I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house—"_

"_I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley." Moody spat, eyeing the man with venom in his voice. _

"_Anyway, that's not the point!" Dora said, hidden behind Moody's back. He and Arthur parted so that she could be seen and say her piece. It always amazed Remus how incredibly small she was. And how light…STOP it Remus. Dora stood on her toes and looked straight into Lily's sister's face with her arms folded, every inch the Auror now. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry—" _

"—_and make no mistake," Remus said, moving beside her and putting his hand on the small of her back. She jumped slightly, but stood her ground. "We'll hear about it." He said, looking straight into Dursley's watery eyes. _

"_Yes!" Arthur added, excited. "Even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone…"_

"_Telephone." Hermione leaned up and whispered to him. _

"_Yeah, if we get __**any**__ hint that Potter's been mistreated in any way…you'll have __**us**__to answer to." Mad-Eye said, bringing the subject back. Dursley glowered. _

"_Are you threatening me, sir?" He said loudly, obviously trying to get attention. _

"_Yes, I am." Moody replied casually. _

"_And do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?" Dursley hissed. Mad-Eye smiled, a sight to frighten even the strongest of men. _

"_Well…" He said, looking up so that Dursley could catch a good look at his eye. His wife gasped while her husband practically did a back flip to get away. Mad-Eye chortled, "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley." He abandoned the cowering Muggle to talk to Harry. "So, Potter. Give us a shout if you need us. If we don't hear from you for three days in a row, we'll send someone along…"_

"_Oh no…" Mrs. Dursley whispered, horrified. _

"_Bye then, Potter." Moody said, slapping Harry's shoulder and practically sending the slight boy onto his rear. _

"_Take care, Harry." Remus said, nodding at him. "Keep in touch." _

"_Harry, we'll have you away from there as soon as we can." A tearful Molly told Harry, pulling him in for another long hug. _

"_We'll see you soon, mate." Ron told him, shaking his best friend's hand. Harry just kept nodding, obviously touched. _

"_Really soon, Harry." Hermione added, looking up at Ron for a moment. "We promise."Harry nodded and then he was gone. Dora gave Remus a long, pained look before disapparating. _

"_You're being an idiot, Remus." Molly said under her breath so that the children would not hear. _

"_It's for her own good." He replied…feeling a heaviness in his chest. _

"_Tcach!" Molly scoffed._

Checking his pocket watch, he made sure no one was watching as he pulled out his wand and left the camp for a few hours.

* * *

**July 20, 1996**

Remus had barely raised his hand to knock on the door when it was flung open by Ginny Weasley, who was flushed and sweating and looking positively radiant.

"Wotcher, Professor!" She said, making his heart lurch in pain. He knew that Ginny idolized Dora, so that she was taking up her expressions was no surprise. Still, it did not make him feel any better. He managed a good smile at her anyway though.

"Hello, Ginny." He said, stepping aside as she ushered him in. She called out for her mother and grinned impishly.

"Sorry…we've just finished a Quidditch tournament. I was partnered with Harry…we beat the pants off Ron and Hermione." She snickered. "Ron wanted to be paired with her so it's his funeral." She shrugged. "Poor Hermione's is rubbish at Quidditch."

"Ah." Remus said, trying to sound interested as Molly entered the room and surveyed her daughter.

"Wash up, you!" She said, waving her out. "You can't sit at the dinner table like that. We have guests." Ginny shook her head, giggling and darted out of the room, calling out to Hermione. Molly smiled warmly, pulling Remus in for a hug.

"Good to see you, dear. Charlie's in town for the weekend to pick up a newly hatched dragon." She informed him. "Mad-Eye has been perched on my couch for an hour already." He saw the slight roll of her brown eyes and could just imagine the lovely stories the ex-Auror was regaling everyone with.

"Kingsley just arrived too." She added, pulling him into the living room where Bill, Fleur, Charlie and the two Aurors were sat having conversation.

"…the training has been intense for them this week…Perkiss lost a tooth on Wednesday and Proudfoot nearly busted his eye socket." Kingsley was telling Mad-Eye.

"Training for who?" Remus asked, wedging himself between Mad-Eye and Charlie Weasley.

"Aurors." Mad-Eye grunted, reaching for another pumpkin tart. "Robards and Shacklebolt have been killing them this week, eh Kingsley?" Kingsley grimaced, but shrugged.

"A necessary undertaking Alaster." He reminded the old man. "These are young men…and women." He remedied.

"I don't like the looks of Tonks." Kingsley said, destroying the treat within two bites. Remus stiffened visibly. He noticed Molly watching him like a hawk.

"Yeah…we saw her last Saturday…she looks…I don't know…" Bill said uncertainly, meeting Fleur's eyes.

"Sick?" Fleur offered. "Too theen?"

"Yeah." Bill agreed. Even Molly was nodding.

"D'you know that the child was holding her pants up with a bloody piece of frayed rope?" She asked, setting down a plate of cookies. Charlie immediately swiped two. "Ginny had to give her a belt." Remus looked very intensely at his folded, calloused hands. Molly's voice lowered. "She's having trouble morphing." She said very pointedly. Why did she keep looking at him?

"Morphing?" He managed to say, meeting her eyes.

"The poor thing has dark hair and looks about as young as Ginny." Mad-Eye made a severe noise of disapproval.

"Floo her flat right now." He growled. "I'll slap some sense into—"

"You haven't heard?" Bill said softly, pulling Fleur closer in to his side. "Her place was ransacked. They took a bloody picture of her and slashed through her face with a knife. It must have been cursed too because she can't put it back together. She's at her parents'." Remus felt a bolt of fear rumble through his gut. The sound of bounding teenagers came from the stairwell as four sets of bright eyes shone from the doorway. Harry lit up at the sight of Remus. It was a nice change from the extreme sadness he'd shown since Sirius had died just a few weeks earlier.

"Hello Professor Lupin!" He said, waving. Remus watched the small redheaded girl's eyes turn slightly up to look at him while he wasn't looking and he smiled, despite the emptiness he felt in his own heart.

"You look well, Harry." He said, smiling at the kids.

"I am, thanks."

"Ginny, Hermione dears, why don't you go on in and set the table for me?" Molly said, shooing them away.

"I will 'elp too." Fleur said, rising. Molly frowned immediately.

"I think they can manage." She said, sounding unnaturally cold toward the woman. Remus met Bill's eyes. He looked exasperated.

"All ze same, I will go." Fleur retorted and floated gracefully through the door to the kitchen. Molly made a face.

"Everything all right, Mum?" Charlie asked, smirking knowingly. Bill sighed loudly.

"Yes, I…" Molly began, caught. "Everything is fine love." Changing the subject quickly, she practically conjured a photo album off the shelf beside her and shoved it at Charlie. "I found your old school album…there is a picture that I simply adore." She added, pulling it off the page and displaying it to the group. Remus recognized the two oldest Weasley brothers instantly on either side of a young, dark haired girl. It was a close up of the three of them in a row with their chins propped up on their hands. The girl was grinning and looking up to the right while Charlie was looking at her and Bill was grinning rakishly at the camera. It dawned on Remus exactly who the pretty young girl was. Was Molly deliberately toying with him tonight?

Mad-Eye grunted and shuffled into the other room and out the back door for something while Kingsley sat with his legs crossed and helped himself to a cookie. The smell of cooking meat was wafting through the air, making Remus's mouth water. After nearly a month of smelling nothing but the tinny tinge of blood, it was a welcome aroma. He was so very tired of listening to the sound of people screaming and men fighting each other for food, he could scream. Why he had agreed to take on this ridiculous mission was now beyond him.

Mad-Eye returned and dropped unceremoniously back on the couch with a loud huff. He snatched another cookie and wolfed it down, mumbling something under his breath that sounded like, "Damn silly girl…"

Remus sat uncomfortably, turning to Charlie. He was leaning across and talking to his brother about their mum and how she was acting absolutely bonkers with Fleur. Remus was tending to agree that Molly was being rather inhospitable with the French girl, who was lovely.

The sound of muffled female voices coming from the kitchen along with Molly making a loud noise of excitement. Perhaps they'd all made up? Bill winced.

"I'd better go mediate." He ran a hand through his long hair. "I hope things calm down soon." Charlie gave him a sympathetic look.

"I don't envy you big brother." He said. "Why do you think I'm in no rush to get married?"

A loud female shriek of protest came from behind the closed kitchen door. Remus had to wonder which of the girls was unhappy and what the others had done to make her so. He'd never understood the inner workings of the female mind. In school, when he and Lily had been Prefects together, he'd listened to her rail about James and how he was a toerag. She'd been very unpredictable at that age. Sweet one moment and then angry the next. It had been better once she and James finally got together seventh year, but they still fought constantly. James used to claim the make-up sex was worth it after they'd been married. Sirius used to theorize that that had been their problem. Lack of sex. Once they'd starting shagging regularly, the fights were fewer.

"Look what I found in the kitchen!" Bill cried, bursting through the door with a small, angry dark haired witch wearing red Auror robes in his arms. She was beating at him with her tiny bruised and cut up fists and protesting loudly.

"Put me _down, _William!" She shrieked. Her wavy, dark hair was pulled back into a messy short French braid with tendrils flying around her face. Truth be told, she reminded Remus a bit of Hermione, but older and more…oh no. Bill laughed wickedly.

"Oi, Charlie! Catch!" With little to no effort, Tonks was tossed across the room, with Charlie catching her easily as if she were a little girl.

"Easy, love…I've got hold of you." Charlie told her, kissing her forehead before putting her down.

"Remus, you all right there?" Bill asked, eyeing him. Remus realized that he was standing in battle stance, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. Tonks stumbled backward into the brick wall that was Charlie Weasley's chest.

"Oh bloody fucking hell." She mumbled under her breath. Remus had never seen Dora without some alteration to her appearance. This was truly what she looked like. First of all, she really _was_ too thin. Her delicate, pale cheek was slightly swollen and bruised, a bit of the skin had broken and scabbed over. No doubt from the training. It made Remus's skin crawl with anger.

Her gray eyes bore into him for a moment, before she lunged at him, pushing him to sit on the sofa again. For a moment, he thought she was going to attack him out of anger at him. He certainly deserved no less, but it would not change his resolution to keep out of her life and keep her out of his world of darkness and blood. To his surprise, she yanked the collar of his shirt aside as if checking for something and pulled back, letting go of him. She said nothing to explain this before turning her attention to Moody with her arms crossed. Dora looked incredibly small and childlike.

"Well?" She asked irritably to him. "What was so important that you needed me to – how did you put it – 'get my arse here at once?'"

Moody stood, standing his ground and yanking her by the arm. She cringed in pain, but did not make a sound. Her gray eyes were flashing with pain and anger. It was so unlike her…she reminded him of Sirius.

"Yeh aren't taking care of yourself, damn you Tonks!" Mad-Eye roared. "Look at you. What the hell?"

"Moody—" Kingsley tried to come to her defense. Moody shook his head.

"Look I know Sirius was family to you, Tonks. But this is war…what did I always teach you—" Dora's eyes flashed with tears.

"I _hate_ that Sirius is dead, Mad-Eye. I _hate _that I was forced out of my home this week and I _hate_ that Dolores Umbridge is still welcome at the fucking Ministry…but none of that is the problem."

"Then shape up, damn you! Vulnerability will only have you killed. Bellatrix wants your head on a stick, Tonks." He told her, grabbing her by the shoulders. Remus wanted to intervene, but he did not want to give her false hope. He opted to stare at the worn toes of his boots. "Why are you walking round like this?"

"This is what I look like." She responded dryly.

"You _know_ what I mean." Moody said, letting go of her and stalking across the room. Tonks retreated hastily to sit where Bill and Fleur had been on the loveseat, looking down at her combat boots.

"I can't morph." She said quietly. "Is that what you want to hear? I went to a bloody healer…I've read through every medical book…what you see is what I am." She opened her arms, looking dead at Remus for a moment before scowling and folding her arms, looking out the window.

"When do you leave?" Charlie asked, referring to her mission for the coming months.

"Next week Friday night." She replied, sounding devoid of emotion. Remus barely recognized her, but his heart was still beating irregularly in his chest, needing her…wanting to smell her hair. To lie in bed with her and not care about anything but the feeling of holding her.

"You look…"

"Like shite. I know." She said, glaring at everyone. "Look Moody, I'll eat a sandwich okay? I'm on my game…I haven't tripped in nearly a week. Savage and I beat everyone in our trials during training this week." Drew Savage, Remus noted with a twinge of jealousy, who looked like Cedric Diggory and was the object of every young witch's affection.

"I'm worried about Savage." Kingsley said with a sigh. "His resolution is wearing down…with his wife being pregnant, his desire to do his job is waning."

"He's going to miss the birth of his kid." Dora said. "How would you feel?"

"Yes, but Tonks, we can't have him ditching you during duty…that's not fair to you." Kingsley pointed out.

"What about Proudfoot and Dawlish?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow and looking very like Sirius.

"It's still uneven." Kingsley said, trying to be gentle. "You know how important it is to have a partner."

"If they catch you off guard alone, it could be disastrous." Remus cut in without thinking. "You _know_ Bellatrix wants to get you as bad as Voldemort wants Harry." Her burning gray eyes turned on him then. She rose without a word before spinning on her heel and nearly toppling over the arm of the sofa. She began to storm out. Remus sighed, knowing they had to have it out. She threw the front door open and stomped onto the porch.

"Dora." He said, shutting the door behind him. She whirled to face him and they nearly collided over the rail. She began to beat at him with her fists.

"You're a fucking git, you know!" She hissed, careful not to alert anyone to what was occurring. "You may not want to sleep with me anymore, but I thought we were at the very least friends." Oh damn. She was crying. "No word for weeks? Not a hello, I'm alive Nymphadora?" Remus smiled despite himself, gently grabbing her fists.

"I thought you hated that name?"

"I'd deal with it if you would just give me a sodding chance!" She sniffed angrily. "Look at me! Do I _look_ better off? I can't morph…and you want to know why? It's because I'm so goddamned heartsick."

"I've told you…"

"And I've told _you…_to hell with your idiotic noble notions. To hell with your infiltrating the Brothers of fucking Romulus."

"The…the what?" He asked, his eyes widening.

"You heard me. What do you think I was checking you for when I arrived? Lice? I was looking for your brand. The permanent scar they give their members."

"Even if I knew what that was, I wouldn't actually join. My job is to gather _information_, Dora…I could never…"

"So, you're telling me you don't know then?" She asked, wiping her eyes. "Look at their collar bone. Left side. You'll see…" Her eyes flashed with sadness. "Did you hear about the new law? All werewolves must report to the Ministry and receive an identification mark. A serial number as it were on their hand. Umbridge's doing." Remus nodded.

"I had heard that." He informed her. "I have an appointment Monday morning." He sighed. "You're leaving soon."

"Yes." She agreed. "Friday…"

"Be safe." He said, putting his hand on her shoulder. To his surprise, she picked up his hand and turned it to rest on her cheek, holding it there. She closed her eyes as if committing it to memory. He could feel the wetness on her gaunt, bruised cheek from her tears.

"You as well…don't let them…don't let them change you." She said, nuzzling into his calloused palm. "I'll never stop loving you."

"You don't want my love, Nymphadora." He told her bleakly. "Everyone I have ever loved has died…"

"Not everyone." She replied bitterly, letting go of him. "And not because of you."

"There's so much against us. You deserve someone your own age…someone who will give you everything you deserve. Not some poor, pathetic, middle-aged werewolf—"

"_Stop."_ She growled, staring at him with hurt burning in her eyes. "Stop insulting yourself and stop insulting me by saying my judgment is poor. I've made my choice. There will be no one else. So you ditching me is pointless, because I'm getting nothing from it. There will be _no one_ else." She stared into his eyes, the gray a molten silvery now. "Ever." She turned away from him, looking over her shoulder.

"Goodbye Remus." A faint pop echoed through the air as she disapparated. His palm burned where he'd been cupping her cheek. His conscience…or was it Sirius - ? – screamed at him to go after her. To beg her to marry him tonight and take her out of the country to some remote location and live out their days together.

But Remus knew he couldn't do that to Dumbledore…and he certainly couldn't abandon Harry now. James and Lily would never forgive him. Especially now, that he had to be branded physically for life as a werewolf, to publicly endure shame and humiliation on a daily basis…it only strengthened his resolve to keep Nymphadora away from him and the beasts he was being forced to live amongst.

* * *

**Dialogue straight from OOTP pgs 867-870, US ed. Thanks! **


	20. Missions

**July 26, 1996**

Tonks had decided to stay at the Hog's Head after conferring with Dumbledore on the matter. Since she would be patrolling the halls of the school some nights, he wanted her close by so that she could be alerted easier. Not to mention, who better to stay with than Dumbledore's own brother? Aberforth was a quiet sort, nearly identical if one really looked, to his brother. They had the same, piercing blue eyes and nose and though Aberforth's hair was slightly more gray than silver, the expressions were very similar.

She had decided to spend as little time there as possible, as it was usually full of sloppy drunks and questionable figures. It was because of this that her mother had practically flown off the wall when she'd found out.

"Why not the Three Broomsticks?" Andromeda had asked. Her father had been nearby and had intervened.

"Love, Dora is twenty-three. She's old enough to make her own decisions."

"And an Auror." Tonks added for good measure, getting nothing more than an icy look from her Mum. She'd promised with an inch of her life that she would send a patronus nightly to let them know she was safe. Her first night had been lonely after a very uneventful night of patrolling Hogsmeade. Savage was staying at home with his wife and apparating in every morning. She didn't blame him. If she had someone at home, she wouldn't be wasting time in a dingy old room above the Hog's Head.

As soon as Savage had gone on home, she had sent her patronus to her parents and had nearly died of shock when she didn't recognize it. She had first learned a patronus charm in her fifth year and it had always, unwaveringly been a fox. Tonight, however, the sweet four legged animal was decidedly larger and furrier.

_Fuck_.

Not only had he affected her appearance and her ability to shift, but now everyone would see her patronus and know her secret. They would laugh in her face and call her a foolish, stupid twenty-three year old with an infatuation. It was bad enough that she spent a half an hour every morning scrunching her face in front of the mirror and willing her hair to turn pink, or blue or any other color than the awful dirty brown that was naturally hers. The gray eyes she could live with. They reminded her of Sirius…but the wavy, nondescript hair, she hated. _Hated._ She didn't know how to handle hair she couldn't control. And it seemed to grow of its own accord. She usually resorted to throwing it messily back into a tie or she plaited it.

She knew she was being a baby about it. Most other witches and wizards couldn't change their appearance at will and they seemed to get along fine. It just felt like she had lost a vital part of who she was. The pitying looks she had received were the worst part. She could read in the others' eyes.

_Poor Tonks. She's damaged. _

She decided to ask Dumbledore's advice on the matter and did so when he came to the Hog's Head that night to speak with the four Aurors. To her surprise, Snape was with him, looking as cranky and sour as he usually did. There was a new pallor to his skin, however, a darker twinge to the shadows under his eyes.

"Welcome all of you." Dumbledore began kindly. Tonks's eyes fell to that blackened hand again, wearing an odd ring on one of the fingers. He turned to Aberforth. "A round of Butterbeers for the Aurors, Aberforth." He said, smiling at them. Snape scowled in the background. Tonks and Snape had never had what could be called, a 'friendly' relationship. He'd been her potions teacher all through school and had, if truth be told, despised her. It was partially due to the fact that Tonks loved a good practical joke and had _possibly_ put belch powder into one of her fellow classmates' potion, causing the boy to burp every time he'd tried to speak. It also went without saying that Snape thought she was a slacker because she opted to have pink hair. He'd probably also hated her because, despite her goofing around and unnatural choice of hair color, she was exceptionally adept at potions. She'd mastered Amortentia on her own third year, a potion that was generally left alone till sixth year.

She suspected he'd been sour with her because he couldn't humiliate her in front of the class with sloppy work. She'd sold polyjuice potion straight out of her school bag to other students. She couldn't even recall how many times she had seen the inside of Professor Sprout's office nor how many Hufflepuff points were lost on her behalf. The others in her house never seemed to mind though. She'd been moderately popular and well liked while at school, though it was funny but her closest Hufflepuff friend in school had been a girl named Kristin Freasmore. She hadn't seen Kristin in years…since graduation in fact. She'd gone on to marry some Quidditch played on the Chudley Cannons.

Now that Tonks and Snape were both members of the order, there was still the awkward tension there left over from school. He tolerated her, but mostly he ignored her. She returned the favor. Her joking days were behind her, but she'd tried to maintain her sense of humor. Lately, however, nothing seemed funny to her. Not even when she'd visited Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes and George Weasley had jokingly asked her out on a date. She'd managed to smile and had politely declined him. He'd grinned at her and said the offer would stay on the table for her if she ever came to her senses. If she'd been her normal self, she'd have flirted back and had some sort of funny retort.

"I have chosen the four of you myself to protect Hogsmeade and Hogwarts." Dumbledore revealed, winking at Tonks. "Dawlish, though you were among those that tried to arrest me earlier this year. It is because of this that I know you will unfailingly do your job and do it well." He smiled at the surprised man and turned to Savage. "Drew, my congratulations on the impending birth of your little one. There is nothing more hopeful in times like these, than a new life. Don't you think?" Savage managed to nod, swallowing hard. Tonks knew how hard this was for him.

"Thank you sir. We are extremely excited."

"And nervous, no doubt." Dumbledore winked. "Kaden Proudfoot…you have repeatedly showed a knack for loyalty and strength. We are lucky to have you on our side." Dumbledore turned to Tonks, his blue eyes kind and warm. "Nymphadora…the youngest Auror and yet, so full of fire and heart." Tonks looked down at her clunky boots. She didn't feel like either of those things.

"The children will be arriving in just a few weeks," Dumbledore went on, "And we will need to have them watched at the train station. As we well know, the Death Eaters like to make public appearances as demonstrated by their demolition of the Brockdale bridge…and so I leave you all to yourselves." He smiled. "I am so very grateful to each of you." He began to turn away as the other three split and went their own separate ways, drinking their Butterbeer.

"Professor?" Tonks said in a small, but insistent voice. Dumbledore stopped, almost knowingly. He gestured for Snape to go on without him and turned to face her.

"Nymphadora, what can I do for you?" He asked, motioning for her to sit beside him at the bar. Her feet did not touch the ground on the tall bar stool, making her feel like a child.

"Professor," She began again, "I…I'm having trouble morphing, and I'm wondering if you could tell me why?" Dumbledore looked at Aberforth and the two shared a private look. A moment later, Dumbledore had his own Butterbeer.

"Metamorphmagi are extremely rare." Dumbledore said, taking a sip and sighing. "I am not entirely familiar with the phenomenon if I'm telling the truth."

"Oh." Tonks said, staring forlornly into her beverage. His hand on her arm, brought her head back up.

"That being said, if I am to share my own theory, I think that something in your life has caused you great emotional strain lately." He smiled. "I can see in your eyes that I'm right. And I think, if I'm not mistaken, that I know what that may be. Now, I'm no expert in these sorts of things, but I have seen great love do wonderful things…and I have seen love tear people apart." His hand covered hers. "My best advice would be to…be patient, Nymphadora. All good things in life are worth waiting for. I promise." He finished his drink and rose. "I must be getting back. I will see you soon." He left, making her feel more empty and confused than she had to begin with.

The following morning, a piece of parchment was shoved under her door when she woke. It was blank, but she knew what to do. She'd done it numerous other times throughout the year. Grabbing her wand off the table, she whispered,

"And from the ashes shall the phoenix rise." The words appeared, becoming clear within a few seconds. Only a date was written.

_Friday, August 2, 1996. _

At the sound of footsteps, she quickly folded the parchment and put her wand back to it.

"And when it does, shall take to the skies." Shoving it under her pillow, she sat up and waited for the knock. It came, and she padded across the room, tripping over her own feet on the way and stumbled to the door. When she opened it, nobody was there, but there was a tray of food on the ground there. Sticking her head in the hall, she saw Aberforth walking away from her, grumbling about something under his breath. Smiling despite herself, she gratefully picked up the food and brought it inside, shutting and locking the door. The food, though greasy, was filling and she was very happy with it. She'd paid Aberforth in advance for use of the room for the next nine months, but it must have been out of the kindness of his heart that he'd brought her food.

After a quick, albeit, cold shower, she pulled on a pair of comfortable jeans and a tank top before wrapping her red Auror robes around herself and planting her feet in front of the mirror in the bathroom. It was dirty and grimy, but her reflection was still clearly visible. Placing her hands on either side of the sink, she stared intently into her own gray eyes and took a long breath.

_Come on, Tonks. Just as easy as riding a broom._

Clenching her jaw, she willed with everything inside her for her hair to turn color, but it stayed the horrible washed out brown color that she was born with. Tears burned under her eyelids as she tried harder, crying out in frustration and punching the wall, which only served to give her a terrible bruise and cut on her knuckle. She pressed her mouth to the wound, letting her tears fall. She sat on the rim of the tub, putting a hand in her loose, wavy hair and tried to think.

Maybe hair color was too much for her…maybe she could change her eyes to something…anything else. She stared again into the mirror at her eyes – Sirius's eyes – and gritted her teeth. All that stared back at her were slate gray eyes framed with black eyelashes. She would just have to make do with the brown, shoulder length hair that was really hers.

* * *

**July 31, 1996**

"You there, Lupin!" A gruff voice barked, breaking Remus's attempt at relaxing after returning to camp from Harry's birthday party. He quickly re-folded the picture he had been staring at for the last few minutes and stuffed it into the pocket of his rucksack. Standing, he nodded cautiously at a man named Damien Mountain, a fellow werewolf and a good friend of Greyback's. The man had taken a strange liking to him, though Remus cringed at the thought of considering Damien a friend. He was not only a friend to Greyback, but was wanted for rape…of a teenage girl.

"If you want a taste, you're gonna have to act now." The man told him, wiping his bloody mouth with the back of his hairy hand. Remus shook his head, numbly, looking past the man where the gory body of some poor creature was lying, still half alive, but too far gone to struggle anymore. Every so often, Remus noticed the poor animal jolt. The tongue lolled out of its mouth and the eyes were blood shot, but glassy as it fought for its final breaths.

Remus felt his lungs constrict, making him pant slightly, not from hunger or desire, but disgust. Why Dumbledore would ever want any of these hideous men to come to his side was beyond him. After spending over a month with the wolves, he'd come to realize that Greyback was not truly fighting for Voldemort's cause, but rather, planned on infecting as many unsuspecting wizards as he could so that they could overtake the wizarding world and create a new race. It was filthy. One of the men had told him after he'd offered a raw steak to one of them that Greyback had recently gone after a Muggle little girl during the full moon just to see what would happen if he bit her. If he could infect Muggles too, then more than just the wizarding world was in trouble.

"Greyback should be around soon." Damien said, turning to look back at the dilapidated carcass and licking his lips.

"Oh?" Remus managed to say, swallowing hard. He wasn't really interested in the whereabouts of the man who had changed his life forever, but if Damien was offering information, he would listen.

"Yeah…he went off to meet some broad…what was her name…?" He grunted, thinking, "Beatrice or Beatrix…something like that." Remus's blood ran cold.

Bellatrix.

"D'you know what it was about?" He asked casually, watching as two ment fought over a piece of meat, both covered in blood. Remus was grateful for the care package from Molly that was safely concealed and reduced in size by magic in the bottom of his bag.

"No." Damien said, crossing his arms and turning back to face Remus. Something unusual caught his eye. Most of the werewolves did not wear shirts as it was inconvenient for them and constrict. Remus was not one of those men. However, on the left collarbone of this particular man, Remus noticed a scar. Actually, it looked more like a brand. It was a circular shape with what looked like a cross between an 'R' and a 'B'. Dora's words came crashing back to echo in his head.

"_Look at their collarbone. Left side…you'll see." _What had she called it? The Brothers of…something. He hadn't gotten a chance to ponder it though, because Greyback had appeared and was grinning like a fool.

"Oi, you lot!" He growled, gathering the miscellaneous wolves around himself. "Now, I'm going to choose one of you and only one for the next mission. We've a new target." Remus fell back into the shadows, not wanting to be a part of this and yet, watching so that he could report at the Order Meeting the following week. "The Dark Lord has tried to convince Girard Brown to join him and he refused." Remus's heart fell. He did not want to hear what the awful creature was going to say next. "Brown is an expert on old pagan magic and different international spells and legends. Voldemort wants access to that magic. However, since Brown is not complying with his wishes, he wants us to go after his daughter, Lavender." A sickening urge to vomit overcame Remus.

"Now," Greyback went on, "He gave specific instructions not to kill her, but to bite her." At this, Greyback grinned. "I am going to give _one_ of_ you _the chance to have her, though I'd gladly keep her for myself as she's quite delicious. The fact is, I've decided to accept one…and _only_ one of you to join the Brothers of Romulus."

The Brothers of Romulus. Remus remembered Dora's warning with alarming clarity. Greyback's brand was mostly covered by the matted hair on his chest, but was there, nonetheless. Hot tears trapped themselves in the corners of his eyes. Remus was tired of brands…and marks. The mark on his left hand still burned, permanently imprinted into his skin by magic. Umbridge herself had been in the room, watching with sick fascination as he'd cried out in agony while an agent in the Beast Division of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures performed the procedure. He'd been reduced to a number. As far as they were concerned, he wasn't worthy of having a name.

But he did have a name. Remus John Lupin. His father had been a good, deserving man who had made one mistake in his life. Saying no to Fenrir Greyback. Remus didn't remember in great detail the night he'd been bitten, but flashes came and went in dreams and memories. He'd been asleep and then there had been a howl and a pair of sparkling white animal eyes in the corner of his room…after that, he remembered waking up in St. Mungo's with his crying mother hovering over him. His father had been pale and quiet. They'd both been dead for years now.

"Who will volunteer?" Greyback barked, his smile widening when several men stepped forward. "What are you willing to do for this honor?" He said in such a low, sinister voice, it made Remus's skin crawl. He'd kept a low profile. Though Greyback had been the one to bite him, he hadn't said anything to him. He'd barely acknowledged Remus's existence. It was quite obvious, that Remus had tried to live a life around humans and that was frowned upon. It was sad to see, but many of these men had no choice but to live here, under the rule of Fenrir Greyback. They'd been abandoned and exiled from their families and jobs with nowhere else to go. Greyback had given them some semblance of a pack, granted it was a frightening and brutal joke of a family, but it was better than being alone. He watched these men fight for the chance to be included in something…anything. So desperate for companionship that they would kill for it.

"What are the Brothers of Romulus?" Remus asked Damien quietly. The man smiled.

"I was wondering when you would ask, Lupin. It's an old society of wolves…a superior pack." Damien indicated to his brand. "Invitation only…are you interested?"

"I don't think I'm cut out for it…" Remus answered him, looking away and trying not to cringe.

"Well of course not, _now._ You would be trained…" Damien told him. "Given supplements…a special elixir created by Apollo Greyback almost two centuries ago."

"Made of what?" Remus heard himself ask.

"Not sure entirely," Damien admitted. "I do know the main ingredient though…fairy blood." It happened. Remus felt his stomach turn and the urge to heave. Fairies were extremely delicate creatures, not to mention, highly endangered. They were filled with light and to extinguish that light was to curse you more. It explained much about Greyback's appearance and why he barely seemed human anymore. Why Damien looked somewhat prehistoric as well.

"Ah." Remus said, impressing himself with his composure. He wanted nothing more than to stun this man and apparate straight into Hogsmeade to speak with Dumbledore, but if he did that all would be lost. This was real information that he could pass on. This was the purpose he'd been given and if he abandoned it now, destroying Dora would have been completely in vain. Then again…he could simply go to her and beg forgiveness, fall at her feet…

No.

He couldn't do it. The longer he stayed away, the easier it would be for her to get over him…to find someone else. The thought made him want to join the Brother's of Romulus just to forget how miserable he was over her. He'd never do it though…as miserable as he was, he would never betray Dumbledore, or the Order. Or her. He didn't deserve her love, but he would never betray her.

"Oi, Lupin. Who's this?" Damien asked, bringing him out of thought. He turned quickly to see the man crouched over his sack, holding the photo he'd been looking at earlier.

"No one!" Remus cried, snatching the picture away and pocketing it before the man could get a better look at it. Damien's brows furrowed as he stood to his full height. Nearly six inches taller than Remus. "She's just someone I used to know. Before I was…exiled." He lied. Damien nodded knowingly, though his eyes were still hard.

"Forget her. She's probably forgotten you. They always do." Damien said, wounding him. "We're your family now…" Never, Remus thought. _Never…_

Lying in bed a few hours later, Remus opened his bag and withdrew something from it. He listened closely to make sure there was no movement nearby and held the object up in front of his face. In a whisper, he said,

"Nymphadora Tonks."

A moment later, he saw her lying on a bed in a room he did not recognize. Her dark hair was splayed over the pillow and her face was fretful even in sleep. A long sigh left her as her body shivered, pulling the meager covers around her. He touched the mirror with the tips of his fingers before tucking it back into his rucksack.

* * *

**Kind of short...sorry. But that's three in a week and not two years. I'm trying! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the favorites and story alerts and reviews. I love them. **


	21. For The Greater Good

**Friday, August 2, 1996**

Tonks apparated to number twelve Grimmauld Place for the Order meeting that night. She was not looking forward to it for two reasons. One: She knew Remus was going to give a report on the werewolves and, Two: That she was going to have to face Mad-Eye still in this state. Rolling her eyes, she knocked on the door.

"What was the gift I gave you the night you got your Auror badge?" Mad-Eye's grumpy voice came from within. He could obviously see her through the door. Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, she replied, "Combat boots." She heard a faint grunt as the door was opened. Mad-Eye shook his head, ushering her into the front hall. Her boot caught on the step up and she landed unceremoniously on her knees, effectively waking Mrs. Black.

"How _dare _you step foot into my house, daughter of my traitor niece—"

"Oh, shut it, you twat!" Tonks yelled, swiftly closing the curtains with a flick of her wand.

"That'll be Tonks." She heard Kingsley chuckle from the kitchen. It hurt being in this house, knowing that Sirius was not here. Would never be here…Buckbeak had been sent to live with Hagrid under the alias, 'Witherwings.' He was probably happier, not cooped up in the attic of the dusty old house. It hurt being in the house that she had shared a bedroom with Remus in for three months…and it definitely hurt that she would have to look him in his lovely expressive eyes and return alone to her sad little room over the Hog's Head.

Everyone looked up as she entered with Mad-Eye. She gave a tired little wave and settled on Kingsley's right. Remus was sitting diagonal from her, staring intently at his folded hands. Tonks fiddled with a tendril of hair that was hanging in her face while they waited for Dumbledore and Snape to arrive. It was very strange, but they seemed to be spending a lot of time together when Dumbledore wasn't off on some sort of secret business. Bill was not present, though his parents were there.

"How is it going, Tonks?" Kingsley asked quietly, smiling down at her. She shrugged.

"So far, we're bored out of our minds, but I suspect that's all going to change once school starts term." She replied, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "If Aberforth's cooking doesn't do me in first, that is…" Kingsley smirked, but said nothing. Tonks's eyes fell to the chair that Sirius usually occupied. It was left empty as if everyone was afraid to sit there…

Though the house had been left to Harry, he'd graciously given his permission for them to keep it as Headquarters. It was unnaturally silent in the room, Molly was bustling about, setting food on the table while Arthur stared into the fire. The obvious sound of apparition came from just outside the door as the final two members appeared.

"I apologize for the delay." Dumbledore said, sweeping in and taking his place at the head of the table. Snape took the seat beside him to Remus's right, scowling. "Let us get started." He turned to Remus and nodded, looking over his glasses at him. Remus stood, straightening his tattered coat. Tonks winced at the condition of his clothes and his face. He looked tired, pale, withdrawn…

"I know who Greyback is going to attack next. He's planning on attacking Lavender Brown next full moon. As most of you know, her father, Girard, is an expert on foreign, ancient magic. Spells Voldemort wants to get his hands on. Powerful pagan magic…Celtic magic. Brown refused Voldemort's invitation and therefore, Greyback has given the chance to bite her to several men. The man he picks will be inducted into his…" He met Tonks's eyes with a dark nod. "Into his pack."

"Fuck." She said aloud, causing everyone to look at her.

"It was Nymphadora who told me about it first." He managed a smile in her direction. She did not return the favor.

"Don't call me that." She sighed, rubbing her temple.

"Greyback has been running an invitation only pack of werewolves that has been around for almost two centuries. They ensure their superiority by, forgive me," He ran a hand through his long layers of hair. "They drink an elixir made from a main ingredient of fairy blood—" A loud gasp from Molly Weasley came out at this. Tonks closed her eyes, not wanting to hear more.

"The sick thing is, most of these werewolves are nearly giddy with the thought of joining. It's all many of them have left. I believe if we were to give these men…and women, other options, _better _options, then they will come to our side. If they know that they don't _have_ to live in fear…under Greyback's command…"

"I quite agree, Remus." Dumbledore said, gesturing for him to go on.

"The fact remains, that many of these men are feral…they don't remember what it's like to be accepted among humans. They've forgotten how to be…human." His eyes grew dark.

"Where are they going to attack the Browns?" Dumbledore asked, removing his glasses and cleaning them.

"I believe they intend to break into the Brown home at midnight and take the girl." Remus said. The room broke into hushed murmurs. Tonks remained silent, visions of a young girl being maimed flying through her mind.

"What do we do?" Tonks said, trying to re-focus the conversation. She did not look up at Remus, but kept her eyes focused on her short fingernails.

"The only way we can stop it, as far as I can see, is if I stop the wolf before he gets to her. I've been so generously supplied with Wolfsbane—"

"It's a suicide mission, Remus!" Tonks blurted, standing up and finally looking at him across the table from her.

"Maybe." He agreed. "But if it saves another life…"

"Tonks is right, Remus." Dumbledore said, intervening. "You are too valuable to this organization—" Snape snorted. "—to throw away your life on this one mission. While we certainly can use your help detaining this wolf, you will not be in it alone. Even if you lived through the fight, the others would turn against you. It must be quiet."

"Kingsley and I will go and provide back-up." Mad-Eye said, nodding at Kingsley.

"I'll come too." Tonks said, to which Remus, Mad-Eye and Kingsley simultaneously said,

"NO!"

"I admire your bravery, Nymphadora." Dumbledore said, grinning despite himself. "But I fear you're needed in Hogsmeade. That's just before term starts." Tonks sank to sit, crossing her arms. Of course he was right, but damn the three of them for making her feel like an infant. Remus was staring at her with the strangest expression on his face…as though he thought she was completely barking and brilliant at once.

"Greyback must never see you." Remus said seriously, looking her straight in the eyes. "He has an affinity for young girls…"

"So what? I'm supposed to stay away just because Greyback likes young girls?" She challenged, leaning across the table to argue with the man she loved. His eyes blazed at her.

"_Yes._" He said. "If he were ever to find out—" He stopped himself, eyes widening. "You have to stay away from him." Turning to Molly and Arthur, he added. "Fleur too."

"Of course." Arthur remedied.

"Leave Greyback and his lot to us, Tonks." Mad-Eye said, looking completely disgusted. Then again, he usually looked like that, so she wasn't sure what he was feeling. "You go be an Auror."

"We will meet you outside the Brown house on the twenty-eighth…" Kingsley said, returning to Remus. "If you can catch him off guard, Mad-Eye and I can catch hold of him and bring him to Dumbledore…and we can offer him a second chance."

"And if he refuses?" Remus asked, sitting again.

"If he refuses, we turn him over to the Ministry and let him deal with it. I'm sure Umbridge would be only too happy to have him." Kingsley said, eyeing the serial number imprinted on Remus's left hand in the area between his thumb and forefinger.

0060802.

It made Tonks seethe with anger at the toad-like woman, who had been welcomed back into the Ministry as a hero, after a year of abusing children. Remus quickly stuck his hand into the pocket of his jacket and sighed.

"This is wonderful, Remus…you've done so well." Dumbledore said. "Once we've finished this mission, we must start trying to bring them to our side."

"I…I don't think it's possible." Remus admitted, paling even more.

"They probably won't believe you anyway." Snape said, folding his hands in front of him. "You would have to make them trust you."

"And how could I possibly do that?"

"Greyback…you have to gain his trust. Possibly even join him."

"No!" Tonks cried. "You can't."

"I could _never_." Remus assured her, leaning across the table and reaching for her hand. She snatched it back angrily.

"That is not the answer Severus. It is far too dangerous." Dumbledore said gently. Snape glared at him.

"_Is_ it, Albus?" He asked, and the two seem to share a wordless exchange, though it lasted for less than a few seconds.

"You will not need to join Greyback that way, Remus, but Severus does have a point. You must gain their trust."

"By doing what?"

"Living completely as they live...going on hunts…"

"You can't want me to hurt anyone." Remus said, horrified.

"Of course not." Dumbledore amended. "But if you go along and simply appear to be interested, they will trust you." He peered over his glasses at Remus. "And you must appear to trust _them_." Tonks watched as Remus's head fell into his hands. A sickening pang of love for him clutched her heart as she suppressed the urge to go to him and comfort him. "I have complete faith in you, Remus. I always have." He winked at Tonks from where he sat, making her blush furiously. She hated that it had come to this for Remus, and though she was mad as hell at him, she loved him.

Of course, Tonks never blamed Dumbledore, who was their beacon of hope, always having the answers. He knew what had to be done, and every sacrifice that was being made was for the greater good. That much had always been clear…even when she was in school. Every member of the Order had known what they were getting into when they joined. Including Tonks.

The remainder of the meeting was less eventful, with more reminders of constant vigilance and extra caution. They had all been instructed to put protective wards on their homes. Tonks would secure her meager room at the Hog's Head when she returned, she didn't want to come back to another ransacked house. Dumbledore adjourned the meeting, allowing everyone to get up and start to leave. Tonks, of course, cracked her knee on Kingsley's chair.

"Be safe, my little gazelle." Kingsley smiled down at her, his dark eyes sparkling with amusement while she rubbed her aching joint. She scowled up at him.

"Sod off, Shacklebolt." She grumbled, making him laugh. A rare sound. She turned to follow him out of the door when she heard her name.

"Dora."

Damn. So close. Crossing her arms as if to defend herself she turned to face Remus, ignoring that Molly was watching them with a look of determination in her eyes.

"What's up?" She asked, impressed with how casual she'd managed to sound. His eyes were tired, but he smiled slightly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you for being on my side." He told her. She looked down, half-heartedly nodding.

"Yeah, no problem." She said, shrugging. Meeting his eyes, she sighed. "Anything else?"

"Yes…I…" He stopped, looking at Molly, who was still watching them. "Would you want to grab a coffee?" Tonks raised her eyebrows, seeing that they were going to get no privacy since, not only Molly was keeping tabs, but Mad-Eye had practically inserted himself beside them.

"Yeah, okay." She agreed testily. "Where?"

"There's this place…on Tottenham Court…an Italian café. D'you know it?" He asked. Tonks nodded. She'd been there once or twice a while before.

"Luchino, right?"

"Yeah." He agreed. Tonks nodded.

"See you in a sec." She quickly bid everyone goodbye and disapparated. He appeared a moment after her, turning with her to enter the restaurant. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she sank into a booth, adjusting her coat, which was too big on her. A waitress appeared within a moment, asking what they were having.

"Coffee. Black." Tonks answered.

"Tea, please." Remus said, folding his hands. He met her eyes.

"I don't blame you for being angry with me…" He began and she made a noise of aggravation.

"Merlin Remus, when will you ever see I'm not mad at you? I'm in love with you." She felt her cheeks redden at this.

"I was referring to earlier when I didn't want you to come with us during the full moon." Remus replied, almost sheepishly. Tonks stared blankly at him.

"Oh, that." She waved her hand dismissively. "It was nice to know you cared, to be honest." Giving him a pointed look, she sighed. "Don't think I don't know that everyone in the Order thinks I'm nothing but a helpless kid." She lifted the sleeve of her jacket, revealing her various bruises and cuts, still leftover from the grueling training that the Aurors had endured. "I'm not. I am an _Auror_. I don't know why I have to keep reminding everyone. "I wouldn't be surprised if Mad-Eye arranged for me to be stationed in Hogsmeade, so I'd be right under Dumbledore's nose…especially now because I'm no use in the disguise department." Remus's jaw tightened as he accepted his cup of tea from the waitress. Tonk wrapped her small hands around the warm, porcelain mug. "The bloody kicker is Dumbledore has a theory about how I can get it back." Looking him square in the eyes, she said, "Any guesses?" Remus closed his eyes, almost as if he were too weary to fight.

"There's no way I can drag you into the mess I am in right now, Dora." He told her seriously. "If you think your training was bad, that's nothing compared to what I'm seeing…grown men fighting over scraps of dead animals…they eat it _raw._" He told her. "The other night, someone complained that there wasn't enough food to go around, so Greyback stabbed him and threw him on the ground and told everyone to help themselves." He looked ill. "He's sadistic. Even more so than I originally thought." Tonks tightened her grip on the mug. "I almost wish that law where the wolves had to submit for testing and Ministry Approved locations for transforming would have stayed, just so I could get away for a night." His eyes were dark, and Tonks could have sworn they were shining with tears, but it was hard to see with his long hair hanging in front of his face. "They're my own kind and I hate them…I see them and I hate myself more."

"But you aren't like them, Remus." Tonks reminded him, sliding her hand across and letting her compassion over rule her resolution to stay cold with him. She wrapped her fingers around his and he held them tight. He shook his head.

"I _am_ like them, Dora, whether you want to believe it or not. Every month…I become the same beast they do. I have to stand aside and watch them maim, rape and consume without saying a word…pretending to _like_ it."

"Dumbledore says it's for the best." Tonks said doubtfully. Remus nodded.

"You know I have nothing but trust in Dumbledore, which is the only reason I'm continuing on with this folly…but sometimes…" He ran his free hand through his mane of brown locks. "Sometimes, I'd quite like to say, 'Fuck the greater good.'"

"Yeah, I know." Tonks said miserably.

"And, with Sirius gone," Remus continued, "It's not like I have anywhere to go…"

"You _know_ that's not true." She said forcefully.

"But that's another thing that makes me sick, Dora!" He said in a hushed, but anguished voice. "Even if I could bring myself to be selfish enough to be with you, I could never support you! I would have to sit at home while you were out, taking care of the wizarding world…"

"Would you resent me?" She asked, dreading the answer. His eyes widened in horrified surprise.

"Bloody hell, Dora, _never!_" He told her, taking her other hand too and clutching them for dear life. "But I feel like a failure…worthless. I can't even take care of the woman I love!" Tonks chose to ignore the fact that he'd just admitted he still loved her, though the thrill still passed through her heart.

"I don't need taking care of, Remus." She assured him. "Why won't you let someone take care of _you?_" She rubbed her thumb over the serial number imprinted on his hand. "All your life, you've had to struggle to get by…you wouldn't have to do that anymore with me."

"It isn't right." He disagreed, though he did not sound angry. "And there's the matter of age."

"Oh here we go." She took a long breath.

"The fact is, I was in my third year of Hogwarts when you were _born._" He reminded her. "Though you find me attractive for some reason now…I will get older…much faster than you—"

"If you finish that sentence, I'm going to stun you right here." She threatened. "Do I find you dead sexy? Yes…do you want to know one thing that drives me wild about your appearance? The bits of gray at your temples. I love that. I don't care that we're thirteen years apart. It's _you_ I love."

"I can't." He told her, looking very remorseful. She couldn't even find the strength to get mad.

"I know, damn you…" She looked in the window at her sad reflection. "I miss it…my hair."

"Dora, you know I loved the pink hair…but has anyone ever told you how absolutely breathtaking you are naturally?" He looked down shyly. It was amazing how he could go from rejecting her to complimenting her in the blink of an eye. "The color of your eyes is brilliant. And that dark hair…it makes your skin look like porcelain." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"You're an arse." She heard herself laugh, though the compliment did not go unappreciated.

"Maybe." He countered. "But it's definitely lovely to see you without a mask…just Nymphadora."

"I'll keep it in mind." She muttered, taking a long drink of her coffee. It was quite good, surprising her. Checking the clock on the wall, she sighed.

"It's almost midnight. I'd better be getting back to the Hog's Head." She told him, pulling out a few bills and throwing them on the table. He finished his tea quickly and rose with her.

"Do you want me to see you in?" He asked. Tonks would have bristled if she hadn't wished so badly he would. Why torture herself though?

"No…I've got it settled." She told him, walking outside. She made to move away from him, but he kept her hand.

"Be safe, Nymphadora." He told her. She nodded.

"You too, Lupin." At his look of surprise, she cracked half a grin. "As long as we're being formal here." He let go of her hand. "I'll see you…well, I'll see you someday." She felt her chin start to quiver with the onset of tears, but managed to push it back down and reclaim the numbness she'd come to know so well.

* * *

**Wednesday, August 28, 1996 7:45 P.M.**

Remus watched as Greyback rounded up his volunteers as they readied for the full moon which was coming. Thanks to Dumbledore, Remus had taken Wolfsbane that day and was therefore, not worried about his transformation that night. What he was worried about, however was the attack that Greyback had planned for the "lucky" werewolf he would be choosing. Remus stayed at the back of the group, acting as interested as the other whooping men and women.

"Our night has finally come." Greyback said, sneering. Remus stood in the crowd, looking up at him with what he hope looked like respect. "I have chosen the man, who will join my pack in a position of honor and glory." Remus suppressed the urge to gag. "If you succeed tonight, you shall be branded forever and rewarded with not only the prey you are given tonight, but with the knowledge that you are better than the rest." Remus looked down at his shredded pants and bare feet. He had taken Dumbledore's advice and tried to make himself appear more untamed. His hair hung long and and in his eyes while his face was unshaven. It was the dirtiest he had ever felt. The warm comfort of a shower seemed so unattainable.

Remus watched the ever lowering sun with the same feeling of dread he felt every month, wishing he could will it to stay in the sky just until tomorrow. From the crowd, Greyback pulled a young man of no more than twenty to stand beside him.

"Sebastian Warner, you have shown great loyalty to me this month." Greyback said, looking him in the eyes. The young man stood proudly, watching the older werewolf in awe. "I have chosen you to join me." He turned to another man who was standing nearby. "And to help you succeed, I will give you the elixir." He told him. A rusty goblet was brought forth and Remus watched Greyback pour the silvery liquid into it. The young man drank willingly, excitedly…Remus knew what he was feeling. A sense of belonging, false as that may be. Greyback would take him and destroy him as he'd destroyed so many others. If he, Kingsley and Mad-Eye succeeded tonight, he would be saved.

Sinking into the shadows unseen, Remus ran through the woods until he came into the clearing where he would transform. They were only minutes from the full moon. Once Sebastian ran through, he would be here to stop him. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he caught a glimpse of a shining blue eye. He nodded to them, knowing they were waiting as the shadows drew near. It was crucial that they be completely accurate, if they missed even a second, it could be too late for Eleanor and her daughter.

The burning began in his chest, though it was somewhat muted from the potion he'd mercifully taken. The sounds of the other wolves' transformations floated through the wood. With it, came the vicious sounds of fighting and maiming. Thankfully he'd managed to get the pants off before he destroyed those too. A sharp pain rang through him as he accidentally scratched himself, but he ignored it looking over at Kingsley and Mad-Eye, who were now completely visible to him. He huffed and nodded his head for them to follow them.

Remus followed the scent of the younger wolf. It was always easy to tell which ones were younger. They were sloppier, and they smelled like fear. Following the paw prints through the mud, he stopped, ducking into the shadows. In the distance he could see lights ahead. The ghost of the young, gray wolf was just ahead. One of the phenomena of being a werewolf was the telepathy that they could communicate with. Though they couldn't suppress their instincts, they could still crudely communicate as animals do. Remus closed his eyes.

_Sebastian…_

The gray wolf swung its tufted tail and turned to look back, eyes gleaming. Sebastian lowered and growled, baring his teeth. Remus stood tall, looking down at him.

_I know this isn't what you truly want._

_**Who are you to tell me what I want? You don't even know me!**_

_I know you're lonely. I know you long for a community of your own…to be accepted. It's what I have always wanted. _

_**No! This is what I am. I'm a killer.**_

_No. _Remus thought, watching the wolf start to foam a bit at the mouth. In a few moments, Sebastian would lose the slight control he had and spring at him. _You didn't ask to be bitten. None of us did. I can help you…_

The gray wolf shook his head, letting out a growl of frustration and lunging at him. More experienced, Remus easily pinned him and stared into Sebastian's eyes.

_This is what Greyback wants…you've already drunk the elixir. If you continue to do it, you will damage your soul. You will look like him! You will be like him! _

Sebastian struggled, snapping at his leg and breaking the skin there. Remus howled in pain for a moment, but did not let up on his grip.

_**I have to succeed!**_Sebastian insisted. _**He's going to kill her anyway, you know…maybe I can just bite her—**_

_No. You didn't ask to be bitten and neither did she. You lost everything because of this, didn't you? _Sebastian looked away, a feral groan leaving him. _It doesn't have to be this way. There are good people…people who are willing to help us. They accept us. _

_**And what? Be alone for the rest of my life? **_

_Join us, and you'll never be alone again…_

_**I can't.**_

Remus growled and looked at Kingsley. Realization came into the younger wolf's eyes.

_**You've set me up.**_

_No, Sebastian. I'm saving a life. Yours._

"Stupefy!" Kingsley cried, stunning the wolf while Mad-Eye used an Incarcerous Charm to bind him. Sebastian went limp underneath him. He felt Mad-Eye's knobby hand on his back.

"Well done, lad." Remus nodded, moving away. Even though he had taken Wolfsbane, he did not want to risk hurting either of his friends. As he stooped to check the unconscious wolf, he noticed another person had come outside.

Eleanor.

A sharp piercing scream left her as she realized there was a werewolf standing in front of her home.

"Mum, what's wrong?" A small voice came from behind her. The small blonde girl with the big gray eyes appeared beside Ellie. The woman didn't waste any time taking her daughter by the wrist and disapparating. Remus sighed in relief, turning and leaving. Mad-Eye and Kingsley would attend to the werewolf themselves. Remus crept back through the woods and noticed a quick movement. He turned around ready for attack and saw a large stag standing there proudly. They locked eyes for a moment before the beautiful creature darted back into the depths of the forest.

* * *

**I hope this isn't getting lame. Thanks for the reviews! I love them. **


	22. Erised

**September 1, 1996**

It was just getting dark when the Hogwarts Express rolled in, full of unsuspecting, carefree children. Tonks looked at her three companions, Savage stood to her left, ignoring the swooning looks he received from the passing girls. To her left, Proudfoot was breaking up a fight between two boys over Quidditch. Dawlish was near the front of the train, ramrod straight and blank faced. She had always thought him to be a bit of a straight laced prat, but she'd come to realize that he simply took his job seriously. Even when he'd gone to help arrest Dumbledore the previous school term, he'd only been following orders. Dumbledore had obviously forgiven him as he had helped to choose the Aurors who were protecting Hogwarts over the school year.

A bright ginger head standing a few inches above everyone caught Tonks's eye. Ron and Hermione appeared – alone – a moment later, followed by Luna. They seemed to be in a heated discussion about something as they passed.

"…acting crazy…" Hermione was saying. Ron rolled his eyes, guiding her around a group of first years.

"Why are you always so worried about Harry?" Ron asked testily. Their voices faded into the crowd.

"Hey, Tonks!" Ginny cried, smiling at her excitedly. Tonks managed to smile. Somehow, over the past year, Ginny Weasley had become a gorgeous girl.

"Good ride over, yeah?" Tonks heard herself ask tiredly. Ginny shrugged.

"Strange, more like." She told her, touching Tonks's arm. "See you soon."

"Okay…have a good feast." Tonks told her, waving. She liked Ginny…it was like having a little sister…and she'd always wanted a sibling. For some strange reason, Ginny seemed to idolize her, which was both flattering and sweet. It made her feel like an adult…like a mentor.

As the last few departed the train, she noticed one straggler exit, looking around. His blond hair was brushed neatly and his robes looked as if they were tailor made for him. Tonks recognized the cousin she had never met at once.

Draco Malfoy.

He looked a bit thin, ill, but still had a look on his face as if he'd smelled something sour. Tonks frowned, biting her lip as he walked away and the station quieted. She hadn't seen Harry get off the train. He was always with Ron and Hermione. Something was off. The sound of the conductor readying the train for takeoff made her decision for her. She stepped onto the empty train and looked down the cars.

Nothing.

Something dawned on her. Harry had an invisibility cloak. She knew because Sirius had loved to boast about he and James using it while they were in school. Obviously, it would have been passed to James's son. Tonks picked up the pace as the train lurched and the engine started. She was about to give up when she noticed one of the cars had all of the blinds drawn.

Suspicious. She began to step forward when her foot touched something solid. Something that wasn't there. Inwardly she groaned.

_Shit._

Using her wand, she removed the Invisibilty Cloak and let it fly to the side of him. He was lying dead still, bleeding from the nose, both eyes bruised.

"Wotcher, Harry." She said with a sigh, muttering the counter charm to _Petrificus Totalis. _Instantly, his body relaxed and he sat up, wiping at his broken nose with the back of his hand while Tonks picked up his Cloak. "We'd better get out of here quickly." She told him as the train began to pull away. "Come on, we'll jump." She put her hand on his shoulder, guiding him into the corridor. Grabbing the handle of the train door, she threw it open and pulled him out with her. Tonks stumbled into the nearest trash bin while Harry managed, just barely, to gain his footing. He looked a bit mortified as she handed him back his Invisibilty Cloak.

"Who did it?" She asked, examining his face gently.

"Draco Malfoy." Harry bit out, making her wince. She wished she was surprised, but the look that had been on her cousin's face had been almost too easy to read. He'd been up to something. "Thanks for…well…" He shrugged, lacking for the right words.

"No problem." She replied, taking his chin into her fingertips. "I can fix your nose if you stand still." The look on his face told her he did not trust her healing abilities and if she had been in a better mood, she would have made a joke about it. It had been one of the things she'd excelled at in training. That he was willing to let her do it anyway, however, touched her.

"_Episkey._" She said softly, pointing her wand at his face. His eyes watered slightly and his hand lifted to feel it. He sagged in relief.

"Thanks a lot!" He said, smiling at her. Remembering that she had to get him safely to the castle with all the extra security made her take a long breath.

"You'd better put that cloak back on, and we can walk up to the school." She gestured to the silky material in his hand. He complied, wrapping it around himself and disappearing. Biting back her pride, she raised her wand and sent a Patronus up to the school for Hagrid, hoping Harry hadn't seen exactly what it was. She didn't need the pity from him too.

"Was that a Patronus?" Harry asked from beside her.

Damn.

"Yes. I'm sending word to the castle that I've got you or they'll worry. Come on," She ran a hand through her limp, wavy hair. "We'd better not dawdle." She led him toward the path to the school, shuffling along in the gravel and looking down at her feet.

"How did you find me?" Harry asked, breaking the silence.

"I noticed you hadn't left the train and I knew you hadn't left the train and I knew you had that cloak. I thought you might be hiding for some reason. When I saw the blinds were drawn down on that compartment, I thought I'd check."

"But what are you doing here, anyway?" He inquired.

"I'm stationed in Hogsmeade now, to give the school extra protection." She informed him. Tonks could almost hear the surprise in his breathing.

"Is it just you who's stationed up here, or—?"

"No, Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish are here too." She answered shortly, hating how bitchy she sounded. Truthfully, she hadn't slept well in a few days. She'd nearly chewed her fingernails off wondering about the mission the other night. Briefly, Kingsley had told her that the werewolf had been caught and questioned thoroughly by himself and Mad-Eye. After a brief conference with the boy, who had been twenty-one years old, he'd decided to turn himself into the ministry for protection from Greyback. Technically, he hadn't come to the Order's side, but he hadn't gone back to the wolves and that was something, wasn't it? Apparently, Remus had been brilliant, though he'd badly cut his leg when the other werewolf had bitten him.

"Dawlish, that Auror that Dumbledore attack last year?" Harry cut into her thoughts, sounding surprised.

"That's right." Tonks confirmed to him. He fell quiet again, the only indication that he was still with her were his footfalls on the road. Her boot got caught in her Auror robes, which were too big on her lately and she nearly tripped. The September wind was surprisingly biting. The barred gates came into view after quite a long trek from the station. Tonks was tired, achy and her feet were killing her. The better part of her day had been spent practicing with Savage. They were working on not just dueling, but physical combat and her small body wasn't used to the strenuous activity. Robards and Scrimgeour wanted them all prepared since they were trying to salvage what reputation the Ministry had left since Fudge had left office.

"_Alohomora_." Harry's voice came from beside her. Expectedly, nothing happened.

"That won't work here." She explained gently. "Dumbledore bewitched them himself." Dumbledore had explained to them that first week why the castle had to be impenetrable. Not only for the students' safety, but for their own. He'd implored Tonks to come stay inside the grounds, but she'd refused, finding strange comfort in the run down inn run by his brother.

"I could climb a wall." Harry offered.

"No you couldn't." She scolded, starting to worry about what she was going to do with him if someone didn't come soon. "Anti-intruder jinxes on all of them. Security's been tightened a hundredfold this summer." Panic began to beat its flighty wings in her chest. _Stay calm for Harry…_She told herself. Remus would have known what to do. Tonks had not felt so inadequate since the first meeting of the Order.

"Well then, I suppose I'll just have to sleep out here and wait for morning." Harry retorted, obviously irritated. Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes. She bit her lip, closing her eyes and swallowing the lump in her throat before she noticed a light coming toward them. A wave of relief coursed through her body, causing her to tremble slightly. That could have been the cold too.

"Someone's coming down for you!" Tonks breathed. "Look." Harry threw off the cloak, obviously relieved. Both she and Harry cringed when they realized who it was.

Snape.

"Well, well, well…" Snape said slowly, using his wand to unlock the gate. " Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."

"I couldn't change," Harry protested, "I didn't have my—" Snape cut him off, however, eyeing Tonks.

"There is no need to wait, Nymphadora." Tonks rolled her eyes at her given name. "Potter is quite – ah – safe in my hands." She scowled at his smirk.

"I meant for Hagrid to get the message." She muttered.

"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead." Tonks closed her eyes, almost knowing what was coming next as he ushered Harry inside the gate. "I was interested to see your new Patronus."

She could feel Harry's confused gaze on her and could only find the will to stare at her boots in shame.

"I think you were better off with the old one." Snape told her acidly, "The new one looks weak."

Her eyes turned up to glare at his pale, smarmy face. How could he? She suppressed the urge to lunge for his throat and remained silent. That's when the tears began to fall…angry, hurt tears. She was grateful Harry couldn't see her any longer in the darkness.

"Good night." Harry said to her. "Thanks for…everything." She sniffed quietly.

"See you Harry." She told him, knowing he could probably tell she was crying. Miserably, she turned away from the gates of her old school and began back down the dark trail toward Hogsmeade and the rickety bed she was occupying. Lethargy made her sluggish and though she could have apparated into Hogsmeade, she walked through the crisp night air, letting the wind whip her hair and hit her teary face like little knives. She didn't wipe the tears away, it was even too much effort to lift her hand and do that.

The second she saw the Hog's Head, she sighed in relief, finally wiping her chapped cheeks with her sleeve. Aberforth was still behind the bar, feeding his goat, Tillie, some vegetables. Tonks half-heartedly waved at him. He raised his eyebrows when he caught sight of her.

"Tonks, you all right?" He called out gruffly. She smiled, despite her misery. Even though he was harsh, she could see in his heart, he was soft like Dumbledore.

"Yeah…long day." She replied, hating how nasal she sounded from crying. He studied her for a moment before soundlessly pouring a Butterbeer into a glass for her and nodding toward the stairs.

"Take it on up…go relax. You Aurors are working too hard."

"Thanks Ab, I really—"

"Bugger it." Aberforth grumbled. "Tonks, can you do me a quick favor? Can you run into the back room and grab me another stack of napkins?" She nodded, leaving her drink on the bar and brushing past to the stairs behind the bar and up into the sitting room. She saw that the room he was referring to was hanging slightly open. Pushing it open, she stepped inside, looking around for the napkins. She found them, shoved onto a shelf. Starting forward she passed a large mirror standing in the middle of the room and reached for them when something strange caught her eye.

She stopped and stared up at the engraving on the gilded frame.

_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi._

Tonks knew about this object, she had learned about it in school and a few students had even snuck into the room it had been kept in and looked into it, but she had never been in its presence.

What was it doing here?

Forgetting the napkins, she looked into it, knowing she should not. She stared back at herself, looking healthy and happy and pink cheeked…she was wearing a long white gown made of lace, sitting just off her shoulders with ruffled tiers on the brilliant full skirt. She recognized the garment from the pictures of her parents' wedding. Her hair was long and dark and elegantly pulled back, adorned with a scalloped lace veil. In her hands was a sweet bouquet of pink roses. Reaching out her hand, she touched the glass. Standing behind her, wearing brand new dress robes, looking happy and youthful was Remus…her groom.

A short time passed before Tonks heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. She quickly tore herself away from the mirror and grabbed the napkins. Aberforth stood in the doorway with a long sigh.

"I meant to warn you about that bloody thing." Aberforth said, gesturing to the mirror. "Sorry…Albus shows up here about five years ago with it, saying he had to get it away from the school and it's been sitting in my supply room every since."

"Oh…it's no bother." Tonks lied, holding the napkins out for him. Bravely, she chanced a look at Dumbledore's brother. "Ab, what do you see in it?" Aberforth looked into the glass, over his glasses.

"I see the three of us as children again." He gestured toward the sitting room. "Ariana, Albus and I. There's nothing I wouldn't give to have it all to do over." Aberforth took the napkins from her.

"I'm sorry." Tonks said, realizing that she wasn't the only person in the world who was sad.

"Me too, my girl." Aberforth told her. "Your Butterbeer is on the table. Get on up to bed. You look positively dead." Tonks nodded, grabbing her drink and heading up the next set of stairs to her room, locking the door behind her and sipping the sweet liquid. The uncomfortable bed had never looked so beautiful to her.

* * *

The air was getting chilly early this year. Since the last full moon, Greyback had not been around much. He had been furious about the failure of his plan and Sebastian's disappearance. That much was clear. Remus had learned, through the others, that he was working with the Death Eaters to help Voldemort in his quest to gather followers, willing or otherwise. In his absence, the werewolves had become less aggressive, almost mild without their leader to rile them.

Remus reached into his bag and withdrew the scarf that Dora had bought him the previous year, quickly wrapping it around his neck. He remembered how she'd looked that day with her pink hair peaking adorably out of the knitted cap she'd had on.

The distant sounds of screaming from in the woods made his skin crawl. He quickly pulled his bag onto his shoulder and crept forward, holding his wand cautiously in front of him. A group of the werewolves he had come to recognize were gathered around, cheering loudly at each other. It looked like a fight had broken out in the center of it. Pushing his way into the crowd, Remus caught sight of a pair of legs and one of the men sprawled on top of her. Remus closed his eyes, swallowing the gasp that had risen in his throat.

The man was raping one of the female werewolves. Numbly, he backed away, tumbling into the others as he did. They were so enthralled with the scene unfurling before them, that they hardly noticed. Remus tried to catch his breath once behind a tree and quickly disapparated.

"You're late, Remus." Dumbledore's calm voice came from behind him. He turned around to see Dumbledore standing calmly there, peering at him over his crescent shaped glasses.

"Yes, there was a…complication." He told his former professor. "So, Diagon Alley?" He asked, gesturing around to the practically empty shopping center. The only place that seemed to have any business at present was Weasley's. Dumbledore nodded toward the store.

"I figured it may do some good for you to have a laugh. Fred and George have quite a business going for themselves here." He winked at Remus and started toward the store. "Have you found out why Greyback has been meeting with Bellatrix?" He asked. Remus sighed.

"He's always gone." He explained. "They tell me that he's helping her track someone, but they don't know who. I'm wondering if she's trying to get to Harry. But why would she need Greyback for that?"

"Perhaps she's trying to trace a scent?" Dumbledore offered. "My instincts, however, tell me she is not after Harry."

"Who then?" Remus asked, frowning. Dumbledore shook his head.

"Who indeed…it's worth looking into." Dumbledore slowed his walk, looking up at the new store. It was lit up like Christmas Day. "Shall we?" He asked, not waiting for a response as he walked into the shop. Remus followed, nearly colliding with a flying object. There were dozens of shelves filled with joke items. Love potions and fireworks, extendable ears. To his surprise, there was a line of shield apparel…among them, hats, cloaks and gloves. It was very impressive. Fred Weasley approached first, grinning in his green suit jacket and blue jeans.

"Gentlemen!" He exclaimed, shaking Dumbledore's hand. "Professor…"

"Hello, Fred. Business seems to be, buzzing for you two." Dumbledore told him amiably, beaming proudly. Remus saw Fred's eyes fall briefly to rest on Dumbledore's infected hand. Though he had not filled Remus in on how it had happened, he suspected it was not a temporary predicament.

"I am completely fascinated with these Headless Hats." Dumbledore said, lifting one and inspecting it. "Which of you devised it?"

"That one was actually me." George Weasley said, meeting them and shaking Dumbledore, then Remus's hand. "Good to see you both." He told them.

"Business has skyrocketed, which is quite a feat, considering Diagon Alley is practically becoming a wasteland by the day." Fred added. "But I'll say, we never lack for dates any more do we, Georgie?"

"Well, _you_ have a girlfriend." George reminded him. "_I_ am the one who is finding dates…and I have to admit, having my own shop does make the job easier." Dumbledore chuckled.

"It's very impressive what you two have done." Remus told them. "I mean…the level of skill it would take to create all of this…"

"Thank you Remus!" Fred said, smiling jovially.

"Please tell our Mum that, because she's still ranting and raving about us leaving school early." George added with a laugh, raising his voice pitch to imitate Molly. "I don't _care _how successful you are, George Weasley…the fact is you dropped out of school and that is just laziness!"

"She's just sour because she doesn't like our big brother's Veela bride." Fred interjected swiftly.

"Ah yes, how are Molly and Fleur getting on?" Dumbledore inquired, now looking at a canary cream.

"They avoid each other mostly." George informed him.

"I think Fleur is terrified of Mum." Fred added. "Wouldn't you be? Poor girl…I'd comfort her myself if—"

"Bill would hex you into your next life." George cut in, looking at Remus. "I have to be honest. Veela isn't really my type. Too high maintenance. You know who's actually pretty good looking…" He met his twin's eyes. "When she's more herself that is, is Tonks." Remus suddenly became extremely interested in the shield cloaks, inspecting one closely. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Dumbledore smiling. "I've asked her out about four times this month and she's turned me down all four."

"I suspect Nymphadora is a bit busy for dating what with her Auror duties." Dumbledore said, winking at Remus with sparkling blue eyes. "She is one of the youngest Aurors ever to be trained. A fierce little warrior, wouldn't you say, Remus?"

"A bit clumsy though." Fred observed. Remus looked up, his cheeks reddening defensively.

"Only when she's nervous. She's very agile when she's confident." He told them, regretting his admission almost immediately. Fred and George shared a smirk and nodded.

"Well, we must be getting back to the shop. Take anything you like, our treat." George told them, following his brother away. Remus looked helplessly at Dumbledore.

"I know _why_ you left her, Remus." Dumbledore smiled, sounding as casual as if they were discussing the weather. "I do admire your selflessness…however, if you want my honest opinion, we all need to be a bit more selfish in the coming months…wouldn't you say?" Remus did not answer him, but let the older wizard put his hand on his shoulder. "You won't be underground forever…I think after the Christmas holidays, it would be wise to leave them. That being said, I am going to ask you one more favor."

"Of course." Remus assured him.

"Could you possibly help me carry this?" He asked, holding up the box of Canary Creams he was taking. "My hand isn't in good condition." Remus quickly complied, glad to have a distraction.

* * *

**This chapter did not go as well as I planned, but it has a point, I swear. Tired, I guess...more to come tomorrow or Saturday, I hope. Also, you will notice I am slowly editing the early chapters of this story. I am going to rewrite the prologue...again...because it sucks. I hate it. So keep an eye on that too. **


	23. A Little Light Reading

**September 14, 1996**

The Hog's Head was crowded for lunch, which was quite astounding as it was usually dead. People avoided the place because of the distinctly goat odor and the sawdust littering the floor. Tonks came down from her room to find Aberforth arguing loudly with a patron, telling him that if he didn't like the way his Firewhiskey tasted, to get out of his damn bar.

Not only was it crowded, but it was loud as hell. People were in some sort of an uproar. Slinking behind the bar to get a word in with Ab, she stood up on her toes.

"What's going on?" She asked. He grunted, pouring a drink and unceremoniously passing it across to a young man sitting there.

"A boy was arrested last night. Stan Shunpike." Aberforth answered.

"I ordered a Dragon Shandy ten minutes ago!" Another man yelled. Aberforth turned a glare on him.

"Did you want an award?" He fired back, looking down at Tonks. "Son of a—"

"D'you want some help?" She offered, looking at the men who were talking animatedly about the arrest. Why they had decided to come here was beyond her.

"No." Aberforth said without hesitation. "You're on duty and Albus would kill me if you were stuck helping a crazy old coot pour drinks rather than protecting the school."

"Yeah…it's Quidditch tryouts today." Tonks said remembering. "I'd better go find Savage…" She walked back around the bar and started out the door when she heard someone call her name.

"Tonks?" Stopping dead, she turned around and found herself looking up into his amber eyes. She recognized him instantly, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment.

"Rowan." She said, managing a polite smile. He smiled warmly down at her as he had the first time Bill had introduced them. Before he'd made her feel like an idiot, that is. "Listen, I'm on duty, I've got to—"

"Just one drink. On me." He told her, gently guiding her by the arm. "Please." Tonks relented and let him lead her to a table in the corner while he went to the bar to get them drinks. She said with her arms crossed uncomfortably, toying with her short plait. He returned quickly, sitting across from her.

"Thanks." She said, taking a sip of the Butterbeer. It was silent for a few uncomfortable moments before Rowan reached out and touched her hand, making her jump.

"Tonks, I owe you an apology. A year late, but I'm still going to do it." Rowan sighed.

"Oh, no…don't worry about—"

"I do worry about it. I ruined my friendship with Bill, who was my best mate in school and I hurt you…and I really never meant to do that. The way I reacted…the way I treated you, that wasn't me." His eyes were kind. "Let me try to explain." Tonks nodded, giving him the go ahead. "Estelle broke up with me right before Bill introduced me to you. He was trying to make me feel better, I know…but I wasn't over her. We'd been engaged." He explained, looking into his beverage. "It was sudden when she left me the ring I'd given her and disappeared. I didn't understand…we'd never even had a real fight." He looked back up at her. "So, when I met you…I was surprised at how much I liked you…and that made me feel guilty. Then, just when I was starting to feel like me again, I get a knock on my door when I'm getting ready to go out with you. It's her." He ran a nervous hand through his hand. "I don't know if you've ever been in love Tonks, but I couldn't tell her to go away."

"No," Tonks said quietly, completely understanding. "I know…and you never give up."

"Right." Rowan agreed, smiling at her. "Well Estelle apologized and fell into my arms and began crying. She told me she'd been scared and she hadn't wanted to risk me being angry, so she'd left me. Of course I didn't understand." He shook his head, remembering. "Until she told me why she'd broken the engagement. She was pregnant." Tonks gasped a little bit, remembering that the girl had been obviously pregnant when she'd seen them in Diagon Alley that day with…Tonks stopped herself before she even finished the thought. Rowan reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small photograph. A smiling baby with dark curls giggled into the camera. He smiled fondly, touching it. "This is Maggie. She's seven months old now…" Tonks smiled, peering down at the photo.

"She's lovely." She assured him. "And I forgive you. It was just a few weeks we were dating and I'd already forgotten it. There's someone…" She sighed, quieting. "It doesn't matter." Rowan's eyes darkened.

"It was that guy…the one who was with Bill that night, yeah?" He said. Tonks nodded, unable to meet his eyes. "He was in love with you then."

"Yeah." She whispered. "We're…it didn't work out."

"Oh." He said, looking a bit lost. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay." She told him. "I'm really busy anyway with work and—" She caught sight of the time. "Shit! I'm ten minutes late to meet with my partner!" In her haste, she pushed back out of her chair and fell in a heap of red robes on the ground. Rowan quickly got up and helped her to her feet.

"Hey, I didn't get to ask…how's Bill?" Tonks actually managed a laugh.

"He's marrying the Veela." She told him. Squeezing his hand, she felt a surge of compassion for the boy. "You should talk to him. I bet he misses having you around too."

"I think I will." Rowan agreed, stooping to kiss her cheek. "Nice seeing you, Tonks."

"You too!" She called back, tumbling out of the Hog's Head into the chilly fall air. Savage was waiting outside, near the Three Broomsticks which was also full to the brim with people. He looked worried.

"You're late." He told her.

"Yeah…sorry…I ran into an old…uh, flame…at the Hog's Head. Talk about awkward." She faked a laugh and pulled him toward the school. "How is Elissa feeling?" She asked, folding her arms. Drew shrugged.

"Seems to be okay…she's starting to show now, and she's stopped trying to hex me if I even blink the wrong way, so I take it as a good sign." He sighed. "I hate being away so much, and I know it's wearing thin with her."

"I'm sure she understands. She loves you."

"It's a boy, Tonks." He said suddenly, stopping. "We're having a son." Tonks's eyes lit up.

"Congratulations, Drew!" She exclaimed, smiling. He smiled too, but he still looked distracted.

"It makes it so much more real." He admitted, walking again. Tonks had to nearly run to keep up with him.

"I don't know anything about babies." Tonks confessed. "I never had any siblings or even cousins that I was close with. My friends who had little brothers and sisters always seemed to know how to handle kids. Me? I'd be a shite Mum." She laughed. "I've never even changed a nappy."

"I helped out with my brothers and sister." Drew said. "Mum waited five years between me and Gregory. Babies aren't too hard to take care of once you learn to read the signs they're given you."

"I think the first and last time I held a baby was right after I graduated from Hogwarts and it cried the whole time. I was traumatized."

"They can tell if you're uncomfortable." Savage chuckled.

"Oh believe me, it could…and I sensed it was just as uncomfortable as me. Since then, I've avoided babies." Tonks shook her head. "I guess I'm hopeless."

"Nah, you're not hopeless, Tonks. My Mum always says that when you have a baby, you just know what to do." He smiled. "That's what she keeps telling me anyway."

"You have to have sex to have kids." Tonks muttered under her breath. Drew must have heard, because he laughed again, but did not say anything else on the matter.

"The Ministry is arresting innocent people now." Savage said, changing the subject. "Stan Shunpike…that guy is not a Death Eater. He can barely spell his last name much less do a killing curse."

"I know…and Robards wouldn't even listen when we showed him that symbol we found in Ollivander's shop. They're in complete denial!" She agreed.

"I've never seen anything like it." Savage said. "Even in Auror training when we were learning about secret societies and cults, I never saw it."

"What about the library?" Tonks asked suddenly, feeling a lift of excitement in her heart. "We're on duty there anyway today! Why not slip into the Restricted Section and have a look? It _is_ work related."

"What about Dawlish and Proudfoot?" Savage asked nervously, looking around as they entered the school grounds.

"They're on the other side of the school." She assured him. "The Gryffindors are out at Quidditch tryouts and everyone is busy because it's Saturday."

"I guess that could be a good idea." Savage nodded. "It couldn't hurt. If we know what they were after, maybe it could help us figure out who else they could target…" He grinned. "Good work, Tonks."

* * *

The werewolves were in an uproar. Greyback had just returned from some sort of assignment and they were all cheering. Since the Ministry had been arresting people, they had been purposely targeting the werewolf community, assuming every one of them was either a Death Eater or on their way to becoming one. Even if they weren't, they were suspicious.

At the last full moon, three of them had been killed by the Ministry due to the newer policy to kill on sighting and the wolves were angrier than ever. They hated anyone who worked for the Ministry, especially the Aurors. Remus was terrified of this fact for obvious reasons since Tonks was stationed in Hogsmeade, living in the Hog's Head and was basically on her own most of the time. Molly told him that they hardly ever heard from her and that she was always working.

Cautiously, Remus edged his way over to another man to ask what had happened. The man, who didn't seem as feral as the others looked a bit grim.

"What's happened?" He whispered to the man.

"They've killed someone. An Auror." The man informed him.

"Where?" Remus asked, wondering who.

"Hogsmeade…they found her body in the Shrieking Shack late this morning." The other man, who Remus thought was named Silas, replied. "Makes you sick, doesn't it? Of course, we could never say that…not here. You aren't cut out for this life with us…I can tell." Remus hadn't heard the last part, however because the first sentence was still running through his brain.

"Her?" Remus asked. "It was a female?"

"Aye." Silas nodded, darkening. "The female Auror. She was the shape shifter…Greyback is really bragging this one up." Remus felt the world begin to spin around him as he stumbled backward. "Are you alright, mate?" Silas asked, He didn't have to knock, Molly was already outside, looking frantic as she spoke to her husband. Noticing him over Arthur's shoulder, she moved away and came toward him.

"Remus!" Her face was pale.

"Is it true?" He asked hoarsely. He grabbed Arthur's robes roughly and looking him in his blue eyes. "_Is_ it?"

"Kingsley just informed us of what's going on." Arthur tried to explain gently. "Nobody's seen the body, so we couldn't tell you, but the place has been burned. All they can tell is it is a female between twenty and thirty and she had dark hair."

"So it might not be her?" Remus asked, clinging to hope. Molly began to cry into Arthur's shoulder. He put a supportive arm around his wife's shoulders.

"Well…Aberforth said Tonks has been gone since this morning. No one has seen her. She's supposed to be patrolling the school today and no one can find her…or Savage. Though, they haven't found his body yet."

"Yet." Remus said, numbness creeping into his body.

"It…" Arthur sighed. "It doesn't look good. Mad-Eye is absolutely beside himself already. No one has the heart to go to Andromeda and Ted yet."

"Bill is inside, trying to calm down Fleur." Molly sobbed. "She was in the room when the patronus came. She's distraught…we all are." And then, Molly was slapping at Remus. "You waited too long…and now she might be g-gone!" She cried, turning to sob into Arthur's chest. He gave Remus an apologetic look.

"We're going to the Hog's Head. See if we can find anything else out." Arthur told him. Remus wanted to die. He felt empty and sick. If she was truly gone…if Dora had been killed, he had no desire to fight this war anymore…he didn't _care_ if Voldemort won, because there was nothing left for him anyway. Nothing mattered…the Order didn't matter…nothing without her. Bill and Fleur emerged from the house, holding hands and joined them. Bill looked solemn while Fleur's eyes were swollen and red rimmed. When she caught sight of Remus she began to cry again, gripping Bill's coat jacket. Molly gave her a look of annoyance, but said nothing.

"We might as well go see." Bill said, swallowing. He disapparated both he and Fleur. Remus followed suit. The Hog's Head was the most crowded it had ever been. People were pouring in and out of the restaurant. Aurors were everywhere, questioning people, looking around. Remus recognized Gawain Robards talking to a reporter. There were some officials from St. Mungo's nearby, underneath a set up tent. His heart nearly stopped. Was the body in there?

_Was Tonks lying in there?_

"Remus!" Kingsley called from inside the Hog's Head, drawing him away from there. He strode across the way to physically pull Remus into the tavern. "Stay away from it." He told him sympathetically. Mad-Eye was mercilessly interrogating John Dawlish.

"I d-don't know!" The man was saying desperately. "She and Savage were stationed across the school from us…we never saw them today, we—"

"Well _someone_ had to have seen her!" Moody growled, making Dawlish cringe.

"I saw her around eleven this morning." Another male said. Remus turned to see the boy that Tonks had dated when he'd first met her. Bill's friend whom he had punched in the face.

"Rowan?" Bill said, looking at his former friend in surprise.

"I came here with a couple of the guys I work with…she was on her way out. Everyone was all riled because of the arrest of that Stan Shunpike. She and I talked for a few minutes and then she ran out." Rowan looked pale. "She had to meet her partner."

"Savage." Kingsley inserted.

"Was she upset? Did she seem upset?" Bill asked, glaring at Rowan.

"She seemed a bit down, yes…but not upset. She and I got back on good terms…I showed her my—" He closed his eyes. "I should have stopped her."

"Have you seen the body?" Moody asked Kingsley roughly. The dark skinned man shook his head.

"They won't let anyone near it. The Healers are saying it's so badly burned and disfigured that they can't tell." Remus could stand no longer, he sunk to sit in a chair and put his head into his hands. This was his fault. Dumbledore's words rang through his mind.

_The harder you try to protect her, the more danger she'll be in…_

If he would have just married her and been done with it, she might not be in this situation. Neither of them would. He could have left her safe with her Mum. Even thinking it, Remus knew that wouldn't be true. Tonks could never sit at home, twiddling her thumbs while others were out fighting. She was an Auror. Remus couldn't imagine the looks her parents would give him if he'd ever asked for her hand. Her father would probably laugh in his face and slam the door.

"They're saying that it wasn't the killing curse." Kingsley added darkly, sitting across from Remus. "They slitted her throat and watched her die." That did the trick. Remus felt warm, angry tears fall into the palms of his hand. Why her? Why not him? She had been so young…only twenty-three…twenty-four in just a few months. He wanted to die. Looking up, he noticed Mad-Eye was staring practically catatonically into space, his eye looking aimlessly around the room.

Molly was talking quietly with Aberforth, who had kicked most of the others out of the tavern and put a "closed" sign in the window. Bill was holding Fleur in a corner while she sighed. Arthur was pacing in front of the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on outside. A large uproar from outside made everyone start as Dumbledore swept into the tavern, looking slightly worried, but still as calm as ever. He leaned over the bar to speak quietly with his brother.

"Scrimgeour has arrived and is inside the tent now." He told Aberforth. "Severus and Minerva stayed at the school so as not to worry anyone. Has anyone spoken with Andromeda and Ted?"

"No." Kingsley said, standing. "We didn't want to worry them if…if it's not her." Albus gave him a sad look.

"Unfortunately, the evidence is just too convincing…we'd better send her a message."

"She's going to be devastated." Molly said, putting her hand to her cheek as someone else came into the room from the upstairs sitting room. "Charlie!" She cried, rushing forward to hug her son, who was covered in soot from the floo.

"Couldn't get a portkey." He explained, breathlessly. "I've been going floo to floo as far as I could for the past hour!" He kissed Molly's cheek and moved toward his brother and future sister-in-law. He looked as sick and pale as Remus felt.

"I will send Andromeda a message." Mad-Eye said in defeat. "Some way to learn your kid's been offed." He pointed his wand and said, "_Expect Patro—"_

"What the bloody hell is going on?" A small female voice came from the doorway. Standing alone, a pale dark haired witch in Auror robes stared in wide eyed horror at the people gathered in the Hog's Head.

"Tonks, we thought you were dead!" Bill finally was able to say as Fleur began to sob even louder. Molly Weasley started forward, but was unsuccessful in reaching her because Remus himself had somehow gotten out of his chair and moved across the room to pull her tiny, thin body against his, burying his face in her dark hair.

"She's not dead." Remus heard someone murmur. Was it him? "She's not dead." He felt her arms reluctantly come up to pat his back.

"Not dead…" She agreed, suddenly pushing back. "Why did you think I was dead?" All hell broke loose. Everyone started speaking at once, inserting their own stories. Dora looked so confused, she might be sick.

"They found a body." Remus explained weakly. "In the Shrieking Shack…it was burned badly in there…they thought it was you…and…and no one had seen you…" He felt his composure fall, bowing his head so she would not see it.

"I was in the _library_." Dora told them. "With Savage…we were looking up a symbol..." She explained, looking at Dumbledore, who was watching her expectantly. "Can anybody tell me what the Deathly Hallows are?"

"The what?" Kingsley asked, standing and coming toward where Molly Weasley had taken it upon herself to inspect Dora. Charlie made his way over and said something too quiet for Remus to hear which made Tonks smile uneasily, but she hugged him tightly for a moment. Another pang of jealousy reared its ugly head on him. He pushed it down, trying to ignore the urge to throw her small body over his shoulder and drag her upstairs to whichever room she was occupying and tell her over and over how sorry he was. He knew, in his heart, that it wasn't happening. Greyback himself was the one who had gone after her. Or so he thought. Granted, they'd killed the wrong girl, but it was still her he'd been after. If he found out that Remus was involved with her after spending so much time with the other werewolves, it would be worse.

Quickly and Quietly, he snuck outside, intending to apparate back to the miserable life he'd been living for the past four months. The sky was just beginning to grow dark. He slipped past the Ministry officials and the St. Mungo's tent, not wanting to know about the poor girl who _had _been killed. He'd just reached the edge of the woods when he realized he was not alone.

"You're always running away from me." Her voice was quiet, reserved. "A minute ago you were glad I was alive and now, you're leaving me again."

"It's not safe for you to be near me." He told her.

"I've heard that one before." She said, moving toward him. "I don't want you to go back to them."

"Yes well, if I had my way, you'd be safe at home with your parents."

"Some life." She scoffed, glaring at him. "This all just goes to show you…I _won't _be here forever."

"Yes, but maybe you'll be here longer if I stay away from you." He told her. She shook her head angrily.

"You're an idiot." She told him. "You're afraid to be happy."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm wrong for you." He told her. "If you knew what werewolves are really like…what _I'm_ really like. I'm a werewolf, Dora. That's never going to change."

"You're a masochistic fool!" She cried. "If you would just let me show you, you would see that it doesn't have to be this way! You wouldn't have to sleep on the ground every night. You wouldn't have to watch people hurting others…you weren't cut out for it!"

"Where will we live?" He asked her, seriously. "You are being tracked. Bellatrix Lestrange wants you dead."

"She wants me dead with or without you, so what's your _point_, Lupin?" She crossed her arm, her gray eyes blazing at him. She reminded Remus so much of Sirius at that moment that if he wasn't so emotionally drained, he would have laughed.

"Your parents would not approve." He told her lamely. She rolled her eyes.

"_Now_ you're grasping at straws Remus." She shook her head. "Well, go on then. I'm done listening to your excuses. Have fun then. I hope you and Greyback are very fucking happy together." She made to turn away, but he stopped her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Dora, I…"

"Don't." She told him, looking at him over her shoulder. "Unless the next thing you're intending to say is, 'Marry me, Dora,' then we're done here." She waited for a moment, not looking up at him, before laughing cynically. "Good night, Remus." He dropped his hand from her shoulder and apparated, though not to the cave where the wolves had moved in response to the coming winter.

He found himself standing in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, looking around the deserted home. It was as if Sirius had never been back from Azkaban. Dust was gathering on the table and mantle. Some cupboards were hanging open and there were a few things missing, but he didn't notice anything of importance.

"What is the half-blood werewolf doing here?" A voice came from the doorway. Kreacher. Remus sighed.

"Just leaving, Kreacher." He sighed.

"That thief, Mundungus Fletcher was just here…took Master Regulus's—"

"Listen Kreacher…I know you were close with Regulus, but it doesn't matter now. He's gone. He doesn't mind whatever it is that was taken." Remus tried to be kind to the house elf, but his patience was worn thin. "If it makes you feel better I can put a protective spell on the rest of the things that Dung left." Kreacher just glared. "If you don't mind, I'm going to sleep here tonight. It's been a long day."

* * *

**This is in need of editing, but I am too tired. So I will get back to it later. **


	24. Induction

Tonks trudged tiredly back into the Hog's Head, looking at all of the expectant faces. Mad-Eye was in front of her first, glaring down at her.

"Don't _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, Nymphadora!" He barked at her. Though his voice was angry, she could see on his face that he was relieved. It was sort of touching.

"I know, I know…" She mumbled, looking down at her feet.

"Oh, Tonks, you just don't know how distraught we all were, dear!" Molly told her, appearing at her side and putting a motherly arm around her. "Charlie flooed all the way in from Romania." Tonks closed her eyes, mortified, before looking over Mad-Eye's shoulder to where Charlie, Bill and Fleur were huddled. Charlie looked paler than she had ever seen him and Fleur's usually bright blue eyes were red rimmed and swollen. Somehow though, it only served to make her more beautiful. Bill held her tenderly, stroking her long, silver hair in a way that made Tonks feel even worse. Charlie got up quietly and made his way over to her, gently brushing past Moody. She hated that he loved her still, because he was so upset. It was obvious in the way he was looking down at her with his jaw set.

"Charlie." She said, feeling her lower lip tremble. He said nothing, only opened his arms to her. Tonks dove into the warmth of his chest, burying her face and letting herself sob into the hard muscle. He held her tightly, taking long deep breaths as if he were trying to hold his own emotions back. She felt his hands rubbing her back and his cheek resting on the top of her head.

"I swear to Merlin, Tonks…" He told her through gritted teeth. "If Remus doesn't come around by this time next year, you'd better marry me, because I can't stand the thought of you being alone…you mean too much to me." Tonks smiled into his shirt, which was soaked with her tears, before looking up at him.

"You're too good for me, Charlie. Please find someone who deserves you, okay?" She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I'm sorry you had to come all this way." She whispered shakily.

"I'd go anywhere for you, Tonks." He told her seriously. "You have to know that." Sadly, she nodded.

"It still doesn't change things…"

"I know." He replied, giving a wobbly grin. "I've always known that…" She squeezed his hand, feeling horrible as he pulled her in for a tight hug. "Don't think for one moment that I blame you…you haven't done anything wrong."

"I fell in love with Remus and he doesn't even want me!" She said into his shoulder. "Why couldn't it have been you?" He chuckled.

"That's not true, Tonks." He told her. "If you think I'm upset…Remus was even more cut up than I was…you should have seen him before you showed up. I thought he was going to commit suicide on the spot."

"A lot of good it does me." She said bitterly. "He thinks he's protecting me. He's a git."

"We all are, Tonks." Charlie assured her. "Be patient…I don't know how much longer he can hold his resolve. It's already crumbling…I can tell."

"I hope you're right, Charlie." She sigh, sagging against him. "Because I don't know how much longer I can live like this."

Kingsley entered the pub again, looking more solemn than ever. Tonks remembered the girl who had been killed and felt an instant flood of guilt.

It should have been her.

"Who is she?" Her voice was small, shaking as she tore herself away from Charlie's solid body.

"Her name is Lucy Towler. The just identified her through her wand. Her family is being notified now." Kingsley shook his head. Tonks gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"I know who she is! She was three years behind me in school…" Her eyes closed. "Why would they…I mean, how could they mistake her for me?"

"She's about the same height as you and has dark hair…the problem is, whoever was sent after you knows you're a metamorphmagus, so they probably have no idea what they're looking for. Chances are, they caught her alone." Kingsley sighed. "The Ministry is going to keep this quiet so that they don't try to come after you further. They will neither deny nor confirm anything…but you'd best know, Robards is pissed."

"What a shock. When is he not pissed?"

"It was a real shit move you pulled, Tonks." Moody inserted, slamming his staff on the ground. "You know better than to slink off without alerting your fellow Aurors…"

"Why don't you reiterate that fact, Mad-Eye?" Tonks said, losing face again, feeling tears well up in shame. "Because I don't feel like a big enough asshole…because there's a twenty year old girl lying out in that tent, _dead_, because of _me!_ It should have been _me._" She told him, uncaring anymore that she looked like a five year old girl.

"Knock it off!" Moody growled.

"He's right, love." Molly added gently. "It doesn't do any good to say things like that. It was just a misunderstanding." She said, more to Moody than to Tonks as she pulled Tonks close to her. It made Tonks miss the warmth of her Mum's embrace something awful. "It's alright, Nymphadora, sweetie…you just let it all out." Tonks saw Fleur over Molly's shoulder and she was staring at the two of them with a look so envious, Tonks actually felt worse. Pulling back quickly, Tonks composed herself.

"Moody is right." She said calmly, wiping under her eyes. "I'm done being this…" She gestured to herself. "This is pathetic. I am a fucking Auror—"

"Please don't use that word, love." Molly said softly. Tonks nodded, cringing in apology.

"Sorry," She amended. "I am an Auror. I am going to act as such. I worked hard to be one."

"There's a girl!" Arthur said encouragingly, pumping his fist in the air in support. She gave him a watery smile.

"Now everyone, please go on home." Tonks pleaded. She looked at Dumbledore, who was still sitting contemplatively at the bar, sharing a look with Ab. She quietly made her way over to him and pulled out a folded piece of paper from the pocket of her robes. Opening it, she showed him the symbol that she had learned in the library, referred to something called "The Deathly Hallows." He did not react to it.

"Can you help me?" She asked. He adjusted his glasses and peered down at it. "I think it has something to do with Ollivander's disappearance."

"Why, dear girl…you already know what they are." He told her pleasantly. "You've probably known your whole life."

"I don't understand…" She said, looking out of the corner of her eye as the others slowly began to move.

"It varies from person to person, but the way I remember it was, "There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight." Tonks stared at Dumbledore slack jawed as he quoted a story she had heard countless times as a child. The tale of the Three Brothers. A fairytale.

"There were three items in that story." Dumbledore told her amiably. "It is _said_ that the Three Brothers is where the Deathly Hallows theory originated."

"Theory?" She inquired. Dumbledore smiled at her, eyes twinkling.

"It is after all, just a story…" Dumbledore looked at her over his crescent shaped glasses. "Isn't it?"

"Well what if someone doesn't think so?" She heard herself ask him. She watched him reach with the hand that was not blackened, into his pocket and draw out his wand. With a simple flick, he produced a handkerchief and carefully leaned forward to wipe her raw, cold cheek.

"Indeed, Nymphadora. You're one of the brightest Aurors the Ministry has." He told her. "Scrimgeour and Robards are lucky to have you on their team." Dumbledore patted her cheek and got up to leave. "Must be getting back. Minerva and Severus will want to hear you're alive." He said, winking and saying goodbye to his brother.

A moment later, she was flanked by Bill and Charlie. Bill pulled her in for a quick hug and kissed her forehead. Fleur reached around him and took her hand.

"Zank goodness you were okay." Fleur told her sincerely. "Zis was ze worst day…"

"Thanks, Fleur." Tonks replied earnestly, smiling at her.

"Let's get bloody drunk, yeah?" Bill said, pulling Fleur in for a quick kiss on the lips. She blushed furiously.

"I'm in." Charlie said, looking more his old self as he lifted Tonks to sit on one of the barstools before getting up into the one beside her."We definitely deserve to get pissed tonight."

"Ab!" Tonks called, feeling the dread in her stomach momentarily subside as she sat between her friends, "We'll take a bottle of Firewhiskey and four glasses."

* * *

**October 12, 1996**

Tonks watched as the kids from Hogwarts filtered into the village, full of excitement and youth. She remembered what it had been like, though it seemed like another lifetime that she had strolled carelessly through with Charlie Weasley and visited Honeydukes and Zonko's, which was gone. It had been gone since before she'd come to stay at the Hog's Head, and boarded up.

It really was quite depressing to be in one of her favorite places from childhood and not be able to enjoy it. Tonks pulled her Auror robes tighter around herself as the wind whipped around her, making her cheeks hurt. A dreary sleet fell from the gray sky, matting her dark hair to her face. It was miserable. She vaguely recognized someone standing near the Hog's Head, holding a bunch of items. Mundungus Fletcher. She instantly recognized the items that he was holding, because she'd spent so much time over Sirius's house the past winter. It made her a bit angry that he could be so tactless, but as another gust of raw wind bit at her, she lost the will to go at him. Sirius was dead. He didn't give a damn, and it didn't matter to her if Mundungus Fletcher wanted to sell her family's antique junk. Nothing mattered to her anymore.

She'd gotten into it with Robards about disappearing that day she'd been in the library. He'd told her that the symbol wasn't important and what they needed to be focusing on was protecting the school. She'd reasoned that if they knew why they were targeting certain people, _they_ could be protected.. It only served to make Tonks feel worse about the whole matter. Especially when the Lucy Towler's family had come after they'd identified her wand. It had been truly awful listening to her poor mother wail over the burnt, broken body of her oldest child. She'd been glad that Charlie, Fleur and Bill had stayed with her that night.

Robards wanted none of it. She'd been instructed to follow _orders_. It's what she'd signed up for. Dawlish, Proudfoot and Savage had bought her a bottle of Firewhiskey to make her feel better. It didn't help much, but the gesture was much appreciated. Truth be told, being an Auror was losing its appeal to her. Since the Ministry had become full of self important pricks, they were fighting for the wrong reasons. The Ministry of Magic, for all of its talk, really was only interested in protecting people without problems. Normal, unafflicted, indifferent half-blood to pure-blood wizards.

"Oi, Nymphadora!" Dung called out to her. She sighed and walked over to him with her arms crossed, giving him her best Auror glare.

"Wotcher, Mundungus…and before you even say it, no I do not want to buy any of the items you stole from my dead cousin's home, so if you don't have anything else to say to me, I suggest you try someone else." She moved closer to him, getting into his face. His eyes widened in surprise. She'd always been generally mild mannered and pleasant around him before. "However," Tonks went on, "If I find out you went back and nicked more stuff, I will fucking hex you into your next life. Understood?" Dung simply nodded and she let him go.

Tonks stalked away from the no-good thief and started walking toward the Three Broomsticks, catching sight of a familiar red head holding the hand of a tall, dark skinned boy.

"Tonks!" Ginny called, waving excitedly to her. Tonks watched as she practically dragged her boyfriend with her across the way.

"Hello, Ginny." She said, trying to sound cheerful. Tonks could tell by the expression on Ginny's face that she had not been successful. Ginny's eyes filled with pity, making Tonks want to bang her head against the nearest brick wall. She forced herself to smile brightly at the two teenagers.

"Did you hear? I made Quidditch again…chaser." She beamed proudly. Tonks nodded, glad for her.

"I was a chaser my last two years in school too." She told her. "Your brother, Charlie, and I used to have an ongoing bet about who was the better player. He claimed he could play any position…I told him he was full of…" Tonks stopped herself. "Crap." She remedied.

"Charlie is probably my most laid back brother," Ginny agreed, "But he's still a Weasley arse." Tonks genuinely laughed at this.

"Well, it's not like you had anything to worry about Ginny…Harry would always pick you." Tonks thought about that for a second, seeing the look on Ginny's boyfriend's face.

"Well, we better go get into the Three Broomsticks before it gets too crowded." Ginny said with a sigh. "Good to see you, Tonks!"

"You too, Ginny." Tonks replied, waving as they walked away from her. She started to move into the Three Broomsticks after them when she heard someone yell.

"OUCH!"

"Harry!" Hermione's frightened voice came from near the Hog's Head. Tonks sighed.

"You took that from Sirius's house!" Harry growled. Tonks picked up speed as she saw he had Dung pinned up against the wall with one hand over his throat and the other on his wand, which was pointed, waiting. "That had the Black family crest on it."

"I – no – what?" Dung wheezed, trying to breathe.

"What did you do, go back the night he died and strip the place?" Harry demanded, looking angrier than Tonks had ever seen him. Dung should have known better, to be certain, but she'd already set him straight earlier.

"I – no—"

"Give it to me!" Harry yelled, choking him more. Tonks sorely wished for a moment that Remus were here. He always knew how to handle Harry. He'd known him longer, had taught him. Tonks felt completely inadequate.

"Harry, you mustn't!" Hermione cried, looking at Ron helplessly, who looked as if he had no idea what to do. Wordlessly, Tonks pointed her wand and used a spell to pull Harry back off of Mundungus. Not a second had gone by before Dung disapparated.

"Damn!" Harry roared, looking round for the man he'd just been interrogating. "COME BACK YOU THIEVING—!"

"There's no point, Harry." Tonks said, wiping her hair out of her eyes. She truly felt bad for Harry, who was still so lost after the death of his godfather. She related…she missed Sirius too. "Mundungus will probably be in London by now…" She told him cautiously, hoping to soothe him. He looked simply murderous, staring daggers at her. "There's no point yelling."

"He nicked Sirius's stuff! _Nicked_ it!"

"Yes, but still…" Tonks said, moving toward him. She really would be an awful parent. She had no clue how to handle an angry teen boy. What would her own mother say? "You should get out of the cold." Tonks wanted to hex herself for being such a moron! That's all she could think of. By the time she figured out that she should try to relate with Harry, the three of them had gone into the Three Broomsticks and left her out in the cold.

"Hello, Tonks." A light voice came from beside her. Looking too her right, Tonks noticed a girl with big blue eyes and long blonde hair was standing there, smiling serenely at her. She recognized the girl instantly as Luna Lovegood from the battle at the Department of Mysteries.

"Good afternoon, Luna…you should probably go inside." She told the girl, nodding toward the doorway to the tavern. Luna's eyes widened.

"I was going to, but I thought I saw a Wrackspurt nest in the corner of the doorway, so I decided to stay out of it." She informed Tonks. Tonks shook her head, having no idea what a Wrackspurt was, but she hadn't the heart to say anything to the girl, whose long hair was soaked through. The sleet began to get worse and Tonks realized that she was trembling from the cold. Even her socks were somehow drenched through her boots and her feet were beginning to go numb. It became obvious that Luna was not going to get out of the nasty, cold sleet, so Tonks sighed and gently took the girl's arm.

"Come on over to the Hog's Head, Luna." Tonks told her. "Before you catch your death…I'll buy you a Butterbeer." Luna smiled dreamily.

"I don't mind rain." She admitted. "It's kind of soothing, don't you think?" Tonks's teeth had begun to chatter.

"I d-don't mind it when it's _w-warm_ rain." Tonks said through gritted teeth, putting her arm around the girl's shoulders and ushering her into the Hog's Head just as they heard a shrill scream. Tonks nearly sagged against the wall in defeat. She caught sight of Savage and Proudfoot across the pub. Savage stood and walked over to her.

"Merlin, Tonks…we'll take this one. Get warm…you're practically blue!" He patted her shoulder and let Proudfoot lead the way out into the sleet. Tonks sighed in relief, slipping into the seat across from Luna Lovegood.

"Ab! Two Butterbeers!" She called. Aberforth grunted in response, which she had come to realize meant, 'Okay!' Luna looked around, seemingly in awe.

"This place is so calming…it feels so safe in here." She murmured. Tonks almost laughed.

"Once you get past the smell of goats and sawdust." She quipped. Luna shrugged.

"I like it. But I love animals…even goats." Tonks couldn't help it, she smiled at the girl as Aberforth set the drinks in front of them. Tonks flipped him a few coins to pay for the drinks. Savage appeared in the doorway again a few moments later, dripping and looking pale.

"Tonks." He said quietly. "You've got to come…we have a problem." Tonks looked apologetically at Luna, who was fascinated by something on the ceiling.

"Luna, I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay…Neville will be along in a few minutes." She assured her. Tonks rose and almost felt tears come to her eyes at the thought of going back out into that weather, which had worsened in the few minutes she'd been inside. Falling into step with her partner, Savage shook his head.

"It's ugly." He told her. "Some girl was carrying a necklace and it was obviously cursed. She flew up into the air…craziest fucking thing I've seen in a while." He muttered.

"This year just keeps getting better." Tonks said, following him and walking with her head down so that the stinging sleet did not hit her face like angry little knives.

* * *

**October 26, 1996**

The air was definitely getting much colder very fast. The ground was already cold and hard, making Remus grateful that he had packed wool socks and the good pair of boots he'd gotten last Christmas. Clothing was no longer a choice…it was a matter of survival. The other werewolves had come to realize this too and had started bundling up. Greyback had taken to giving each of them duties to do, such as hunting and gathering firewood for the cave. Remus did as he was asked without question, doing the least to draw attention to himself. Thankfully, Greyback hadn't said anything else about killing Tonks and he suspected it was because the Ministry had wisely decided to keep the murder of the girl quiet, so the Death Eaters hadn't figured out quite yet that they offed the wrong girl.

Tonight would be the full moon, and Remus was relieved at the fact that they had no plans. Mainly because it was so cold and none of them fancied being caught naked out in the woods with frost in their arse. Remus had made a shaky alliance with the man named Silas, and another man named Braden. The men who were part of Greyback's exclusive pack mostly kept to themselves, though they had asserted that they were in charge.

Remus had set up his meager belongings in a dark corner of the cave, using a cover he'd fashioned out of a ripped awning they had found when raiding an abandoned house. The house had been dilapidated and was practically rotting in on itself, so it had been ruled out as a possible shelter for them. Remus hated these kinds of raids, but he reasoned that no one had lived there for a long time, so it wasn't really hurting anyone. He lived as they did, even had reluctantly begun to eat as they did. Raw meat had always had a sickening appeal to him since he'd been bitten, and it was pretty much all they could find. He'd spent so long denying the nature of his condition, he'd forgotten some of the things that were true of werewolves. He also noticed that they had a slightly higher body temperature than normal humans, especially close to the full moon.

He was carefully stacking wood against the wall of the cave when he heard the sound of heavy breathing from nearby. Turning slightly, he dropped the log he was holding when he saw Greyback standing there, staring thoughtfully at him.

"Lupin, isn't it?" He asked gruffly. Remus could only nod, unsure of why his tormentor was addressing him.

"You're a quiet one." He said. "Hard to read, aren't you?" Remus realized with a start, that he was taller than Greyback, but the man was broad, built like an animal. He reeked of sweat, wet fur and there was a tinny odor to him…maybe blood. His fingernails were quite long and yellow. It was a face that had haunted his nightmares since he'd learned his identity when he'd been a teenager, and yet, it was so much worse in person. Remus kept his head low in submission, looking up at the man and wondering why he was singling him out so close to sundown.

"Just…doing my part." Remus said, swallowing. Greyback watched him closely.

"Do you ever wonder why I bit you, all those years ago?" He suddenly asked, making Remus's heart lurch painfully. He kept looking down at his feet.

"I try not to think about it…" He told the man. "My father told me he had offended you in some way."

"He turned me in." Greyback said venomously. "He found out where I was living and he gave me over to the Aurors…it was him I was going to bite that night, but then I saw you in the window…and I knew that it would be so much more gratifying to bite _you_." Greyback licked his lips. "Take my word for it, Lupin, it's the young ones that taste the best. Especially the young girls." Remus cringed, but somehow managed to swallow it back down as he cowered against the wall, wishing that Greyback would go away and leave him alone to his own transformation.

"Why are you telling me this?" Remus asked in a low voice. Greyback shrugged nonchalantly.

"Just making conversation." He said, leering at him. "And letting you know, that nothing goes unnoticed by me. Every person I've bitten has been bitten for a purpose. I'm starting to wonder how loyal you are to us." The man's voice was gruff, frightening Remus to the bone. Greyback pulled something out of his pocket and held it up for Remus to see. "We don't keep secrets, Lupin." Lifting his head, he nearly lost his footing when he saw Tonks's lovely face staring back at him from the photo he'd had stashed in the pocket of his bag. Greyback must have rummaged through his things, scaring him. Luckily, he'd taken the Wolfsbane earlier in the day.

"Who is she?" Greyback asked. Remus had to think quickly.

"Cecilia Devenish." Remus lied swiftly, naming the Muggle girl he'd slept with years ago.

"She your girlfriend?" Greyback asked, staring hungrily at the picture. Remus hated the way he was practically salivating at the sight of Dora.

"No." He replied, trying very hard to sound casual. "She's dead." He told Greyback, praying he would just give him back the picture. The werewolf literally licked his lips and shook his head, half groaning and half grunting.

"Too bad…I'd like to taste her…in more ways than one." He grinned freakishly, baring his pointed, gnarly teeth. Remus forced himself not to react.

_Please just give it back…just hand it back to me…_

"Here." Greyback said, dismissively, tossing the folded photo at Remus. He very nearly sagged in triumph. Greyback folded his meaty, hairy arms. "I've decided how to prove your loyalty to me…if you succeed, I will bring you into the Brothers of Romulus. Lupin, there is nothing like the sweet elixir…but I like you. I think you could be great for us…be part of our family." Remus wanted to run, but common sense told him that wasn't an option, so he stood still as a statue. He shuddered at the word _family_ coming out of Greyback. As if he knew what family was…or unconditional love.

Of course he didn't, it dawned on Remus, because if he knew anything of love or family, he would not be the way he was. He would not target innocent people for his own sick designs. In a way, he pitied Greyback, who would never know what it was like to be held by a woman who loved him…or to be sung to sleep by his mother as Mary Lupin had used to sing him to sleep when he'd been a little boy.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus asked, meeting the yellowish eyes cautiously.

"You," Greyback said, pacing, "are going to create a werewolf tonight." Remus felt the floor fall out from under him. The very thing he'd sworn never to do was now being forced on him.

"I…"

"This isn't a request, Lupin." Greyback warned. "I don't give second chances. You _will_ create a new wolf tonight, to help us preserve our species." Preserve? He wanted to _preserve_ the fucking werewolves? Remus wanted to heave. He wanted to disapparate straight into Hogsmeade and march up to Hogwarts and tell Dumbledore how far in he was now, but the fact was in less than fifteen minutes, he would no longer be a man. "The rewards will be great." Greyback went on.

"Who?" Remus asked, watching the werewolf leader pace in front of him.

"I've decided on a female. We need to build our female numbers if we want to continue the bloodlines." Greyback smiled. Remus stopped himself from gagging, thinking of targeting a poor, unsuspecting girl. "I will accompany you to a village called Woodlands Mill. Do you know it?"

"I-I've heard of it." Remus agreed numbly, realizing that he had no choice in this matter."

"Good." Greyback nodded for him to follow and began pulling at his clothes. "We'd best go fast so we can be back before sunrise…" Quickly, Remus disrobed, blinking his eyes rapidly against the tears that were burning the corners of his eyes. He knew after tonight, all hope of being with Tonks would be gone, because he would be no better than any of these creatures. He shivered in the cold entrance to the cave, watching as the last ray of sunlight sank beneath the horizon and the pale, silver light of the October full moon drew nearer to them.

* * *

**Yuck...my hair is turning green just THINKING about what's going to happen next...more to come soon. **


	25. Coraline

They moved fast and quietly over the land. Greyback in his wolf form was just as ugly as he had been as a human. He was black and gray, but mangy. His fur looked dirty and matted. His eyes glowed a fearsome yellow color and his tail was a bit sad looking. Remus had caught a glimpse of his own wolf form and though he was not proud of it, at least he didn't mind the way it looked.

Greyback was a predatory creature. Remus doubted that he had ever been anything but. He could not imagine Fenrir as an innocent child. He vaguely remembered what it had been like, so many years ago at Hogwarts, running free with all of his friends and for once, not caring that he was a werewolf. With them, he was no more than a playful puppy. It had made him feel less infected.

The two wolves reached their destination in less than an hour, coming to a dead halt at the outskirts. Remus had no idea who Greyback had in store, and he hadn't quite figured out how he was going to find the courage to actually hurt someone else, but he would work that out later. One thing he did know, his time with the werewolves was either coming to an end for his own sanity, or he would be forced to stay with them forever once everyone else found out what he'd done tonight.

_**There.**_Greyback told him, lurching forward with little control. _**She will be in there. **_Remus stared blindly at the small cottage nestled just on the outskirts of the woods. He wondered who she was…how he'd chosen her. Greyback looked at him, his face twisted into a sneer.

Cautiously, Remus inched forward, trying to look as if he had not taken Wolfsbane. The ground beneath his paws crunched, brittle from the cold. He crouched down and tried to see through the window. The sound of arguing could be heard. Putting his nose close to the warm glass, he saw a man yelling at the girl inside, who could have been no more than eighteen. Remus closed his eyes, hanging his head. He couldn't do it. Greyback would kill him, but he couldn't do it. He huffed in defeat, moving away from the window.

_I can't do this._ He admitted to Greyback, looking back toward the black wolf. Greyback barked in his direction, baring his teeth.

_**You WILL do this, Lupin. Or I will go after her. **_Remus looked back at Greyback in horror. He practically grinned. _**Don't think I don't know who was in that photo. We may have made a mistake the first time, but we have since learned her real identity. The pink hair…we know EXACTLY who she is. If you don't complete this task, then she really will be dead. Bellatrix Lestrange told us to leave her for now, but I promise you, I will not keep my word on the matter. **_

_Why?_ Remus asked. _What has she done that makes her your target? _Greyback made a sound of annoyance.

_**It has nothing to do with HER.**_ Greyback growled. _**It has to do with power…that's the only thing that matters. Lestrange wants her dead to hurt her traitor sister, but I could give a damn about the girl. I don't care if she lives or dies. Make no mistakes though, Lupin, she will not be lucky enough to live a second time if I go after her.**_ Remus sank down into the cold grass and tried to breathe. Greyback had found his weakness and was using it for terrible things. He had done the very thing he was trying to avoid, which was to bring her into this mess.

_I'll do it._ He told Greyback in defeat. Greyback made a noise of scorn.

_**I'll never understand why people fall in love. It makes people weak.**_ Remus made to respond, when the door of the cottage flew open and someone came flying out. It was the girl, but something was off. She wasn't just coming outside, she was being chased. The man she had been arguing was behind her, throwing accusations at her.

"You've always been ungrateful!" He told her, grabbing her by the collar and making her cry out. Remus ducked behind the side of the house, watching from the corner. "I took you in…gave you a home when my sister died!"

"Let me go…" She begged, sobbing. Remus watched in horror as the man's gaze lingered too long on the girl's body. "Uncle, please."

"You're mine!" He cried, pushing her to the ground.

"Stop!" She wailed, though no one would hear her. It was a small village and the houses were very far apart.

"You want to open your legs for other men?" He challenged, putting his hand on her throat.

"Just Jack!" She cried. "We're getting married!"

"You're not doing anything." He told her, in her face. Remus watched him begin to tear at her close and held back no longer. He rounded the side of the house and pulled the man off of the girl by his collar, throwing him aside. The girl screamed and ran, but Remus let her go, keeping his attention on the disgusting lecher lying in front of him. For any man to take advantage of a woman was a sin, but for a man to molest his own niece was purely disgusting. The man swiped at him, reaching for his wand. Angry, Remus snapped forward and broke it with his teeth, rendering the man helpless.

He let out a menacing growl in the man's scruffy face. He could hear the girl's distant screams, but he was too distracted by his rage at this man, that he could hardly contain it. Surprising him, the man pulled a pocket knife out of his pocket and lurched forward, slicing him across the shoulder. Any thought of not biting him had gone as Remus easily knocked that too from his fat, sausage like fingers and sank his teeth into the man's side as easily as if he were made of butter. The man's cries of agony went unheard as the pain in Remus's shoulder burned on. He bit him once more, this time in the leg. It wasn't until the female's screams faded that he regained his train of thought. With a grunt of disgust, he pulled the man, who'd fallen unconscious onto his back and moved toward the woods.

Greyback was waiting for him with what Remus assumed to be some sort of grin.

_**I underestimated you, Lupin. I like the way you think.**_

_You do?_ He asked in surprise. Greyback stepped aside, revealing the bloody body of the girl.

_**Two werewolves are better than one.**_Remus felt his heart stop momentarily. He'd failed. Not only had he created one werewolf, but he had inadvertently created two. What would Dumbledore say? Worse, what would Dora say? He could only stare down at the girl's body.

This was his fault. How could he ever face the Order again? Greyback stooped to pick her up and swung her over his back as Remus had done with the uncle.

_**Best get back before they wake.**_ He told Remus. _**Well done…we'll have an induction ceremony tonight.**_ Remus followed without another thought, careful not to think anything that might give him away.

They settled the two people on the floor of the cave, over a dirty blanket. It was just dawn when they arrived. Remus waited until the sunlight touched the ground, watching the full moon gradually disappear. A moment later, he was shivering in the doorway with no clothing on. Luckily, his abandoned pile of clothes was still where he'd left it. The sounds of others returning filled the cave. Remus barely heard them, he went and sat beside the sleeping girl that had been brought here. He'd tried to save an innocent life and had failed. Her face was covered in dried blood and her arm looked broken. The uncle was not in such bad condition. Remus tore his eyes away from them, blinking rapidly.

He got up and stumbled back to his sad little corner and rummaged through his rucksack. Greyback, he knew, had gone straight to bed, so he would not be disturbed for at least a few hours. Praying it was still there, he sighed when he found his mirror, still intact, still lying in the bag. He pulled it out, holding it in his fingertips.

"Nymphadora Tonks." She was awake this time, staring into a mirror of her own on the wall. He watched as she scrunched her face up, as if she were in pain. Her hands were braced on either side of the bathroom sink and she seemed to be holding her breath. She stopped, gasping to catch her breath and looked determinedly back at her reflection, repeating the same thing. Remus was confused for a moment before it dawned on him what she was doing.

She was trying to change her appearance.

He could see with every attempt she was getting more upset, her gray eyes were sparkling with tears that spilled out from under the lids. Her cheeks were red from her efforts. Once again, she panted for air and bowed her head in defeat, bending over and burying her face into her arms. He watched as her shoulders shook from her sobs and felt even worse than he did already. Dora's head lifted again, her gray eyes angry now. Roughly, she reached back and began to braid her hair, which was now over an inch below her shoulders. She quickly splashed water over her face and dried it with a towel. Remus carefully replaced the mirror in his bag and looked over at the sleeping pair of newly infected people.

Quietly, he moved and eased the girl off the ground and brought her back to his area so that she did not have to wake beside the man who had been attacking her the night before. She stirred as he set her underneath the makeshift awning. A moan left her dry lips. Remus quickly produced a tin cup and conjured some water for her to drink.

"Drink." He told her calmly. "It will help with the fever." Her eyes, a warm brown opened and she looked up at him in fear.

"Who are you?" She whispered. Remus sighed.

"Remus Lupin." He answered. "You've been bitten by a werewolf." Her eyes widened and she let out a small shriek of horror, sitting up too fast and falling directly back down. "You mustn't sit up too fast." He made her drink more water. "What is your name?"

"Coraline." She rasped, staring at Remus with terror etched in her features.

"How old are you?" He asked, mostly to keep her talking.

"Twenty-three." She drank again. Remus sighed.

Dora's age.

"Does this mean that I'm…that I'll be…?" She began. His nod made her stop talking as she dissolved into tears.

"I'm sorry." He said, hanging his head in shame. She stared at him through her watery eyes.

"Was it you?" She asked, pulling away and scooting back toward the wall.

"I did not bite you." Remus informed her. He looked away. "But, I fear it's my fault you were bitten…I went after your…the man. Our leader wanted you…I was supposed to bite you, but I didn't…"

_"Why?_" She asked, pulling her knees up to her chest and holding herself. Remus looked down into his hands.

"Orders." He told her, feeling disgusting. "I'm so sorry…" She glared at him. "I've never done anything to anyone!"

"I know." Remus told her sadly. "He's been watching you for a couple of weeks now." He met her eyes. "He does that with all of his…prey."

"You're no better!" She told him, pointing an accusatory finger. "You didn't even try to stop him!" Remus could only stare at her, unable to argue because he knew she was right. He had become the monster he'd always strove to never be. James would have been disgusted with him.

_If you would have just married her instead of pushing her away, this would have never happened…_Remus's conscience toyed with him, taunting.

"You're right." He told her, exhausted. "I didn't think he would attack you. I should have known better…"

"You're not like most of them, are you?" Coraline said, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I'm exactly like all of them." Remus told her, full of self loathing.

"How did you become one?" She asked, sniffling. Remus sighed.

"I was five. It just…happened that I was outside…in the wrong place at the wrong time." He lied, but he did not want her to feel sorry for him. He didn't deserve it. "Listen, Coraline…you need to get out of here before your uncle wakes up…before Greyback gets to you."

"Is that his name?" She whispered, peering up at him. Remus nodded, rising and noticing that her wounds were still bloody and pulsing. She was radiating with the lycanthropic fever.

"Come on." He told her, helping her to her feet. "I've got to get you to St. Mungo's…no one can see." Pulling his wand out of his coat pocket, he pointed it. "_Expecto Patronum."_ The huge silver wolf looked back at him as if for guidance before gliding away in a few bounds. Putting his arm around Coraline, he quickly side-along apparated with her to what appeared to be a broken down, abandoned department store. She swayed slightly, the fever was obviously worsening, taking control of her small body fast. She was not as small as Dora, and was at least three to four inches taller, but she was rail thin. Remus quickly scooped her wavering body into his arms and stepped inside with her.

"First floor." He said ruefully, eyeing the signs on the way to the lift. "Creature Induced Injuries."

"You know it well…" Coraline observed through chattering teeth. Remus gave her a small, curt nod.

"I spent much of my childhood here." He told her. They arrived with a lurch, Remus quickly exited the lift and called out to the first Healer he could see.

"Excuse me!" He called. "This girl has been bitten by a werewolf!" The man's eyes widened, but he handed his clipboard to a witch in white robes and walked over to them.

"How long has it been since the attack?" The Mediwizard asked, gently examining the bite mark on her arm.

"About four hours." Remus told him. The Healer stared at him, narrowing his eyes.

"And how do you know this?"

"I was there." He told the Healer. "I'm a werewolf…" The man backed away instinctively and Remus sighed. "I'm not the one who did it." He gestured down at Coraline, who was trembling through her full body now. "She needs help!" The Healer gingerly took Coraline out of his arms and looked Remus up and down, noting that he had fresh cuts of his own.

"Go to the outpatient ward and get some salve on those wounds." The Healer instructed. "I will send someone to tell you when she has been settled in." Remus nodded, looking toward the section of the floor, where people came for minor treatments. "Coraline, I am going to stay here!" He called after her, but did not get a chance to say anything else because he was pulled into the outpatient area by a blonde Mediwitch.

"Let's see those cuts…" She said, smiling up at him. "Good to see you, Remus." Focusing on her, he realized it was Ellie Brown. Remembering the night she and her daughter had almost been attacked, he stiffened, but managed to return her smile.

"I forgot you worked here." He said, allowing her to settle him into a chair and scoop out the black goo that he'd had applied to his body so many times in his life.

"Who is she?" He met her eyes carefully and thought of Sirius, who used to rave about how they were the exact color of the ocean.

"Just a girl…I…I saw her get bitten…" He told her. It wasn't a complete lie, but he couldn't tell her that he was spying on the werewolves…namely, Greyback.

"Merlin…" Ellie muttered. "They're getting out of control. Lavender and I were nearly attacked back in August." She told Remus, who of course, already knew this.

"Where are you staying?" He asked her, genuinely worried. Ellie's eyes grew dark.

"Girard's left and gone to America. I've gone to my Mum's house in Hampshire."

"Good." He said, wincing as she opened his shirt and gently used a brush to apply the salve to his open cuts. It stung horribly.

"Is there a Remus Lupin here?" A Mediwizard appeared in the doorway. Tiredly, Remus raised his hand. The man nodded, adjusting his glasses on his nose and leaned back out the door.

"In here, Miss!" A small figure appeared in the doorway and sighed, adjusting her dirty red robes before stepping inside.

"Remus." Dora said, looking very pale and tired. He stared at her in utter confusion, though he could not deny that his heart leapt at the sight of her. "I got the Patronus." She explained, sitting beside him. "Dumbledore's nowhere to be found today. He went on an errand, though to where I don't know."

"Oh." He said, feeling like an idiot. Tonks looked awkwardly down at her fingernails. He remembered watching her trying to morph her appearance this morning, sending another wave of guilt rushing through him.

"What happened?" She asked. Ellie quickly excused herself, disappearing around the corner of the ward. Remus stared ahead, unable to look her in the eye.

"I fucked up." He said quietly. A small gasp left her lips at his use of the curse word. If it had been a better circumstance, he would have chuckled.

"What d'you mean?" She asked. Remus glanced sideways at her. Her gray eyes were huge. Even though he'd spent many a night watching her sleep earlier in the year, he'd never noticed how long her eyelashes were. Of course, her eyes were generally different colored when she had control over it. He quite preferred the natural appearance though. There was no questioning her Black heritage in her features. She looked very much like Andromeda…and consequently, Bellatrix.

"Greyback…he made me…I had to—" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and with a low feeling of shame, he put his head into his hands and tried to breathe. "I can't." He told her…he couldn't bear for her to know. A small, hesitant hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"You know, nothing you tell me could ever make me hate you." She promised. He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. She was so blinded by her love for him, that she wasn't willing to see him for what he truly was…a monster. He met her eyes, boring into them with his and put his hands on either side of her face.

"Listen to me, Nymphadora." He said in a very serious tone. "I am _no_ good for you. Do you really want to know what I did last night? I went on a mission with Greyback to Woodlands Mill. I _bit_ a man. I created a werewolf…and worse, I allowed an innocent girl to be contaminated. A girl who is the same age as you!" Her eyes widened, frightened. It relieved him to a point. She would finally see what he'd been telling her all along.

"Why did he make you do it?" She asked, eyeing him cautiously. "Who did he threaten?" Remus's jaw dropped. She knew him too well…she could read him as easily as Sirius had been able to.

"Dora, he knows about you…" Remus heard himself tell her in a heavy whisper. "He knows…"

"He used me to make you do his bidding?" Tonks asked in a hushed voice. "He's blackmailing you with _me?_"

"Yes."

"You've got to get away from him, Remus!" She cried, gripping his open shirt in her small fists. "He's going to kill you! You've got to come with me! I can protect you! Dumbledore can help—"

"No. That's what he _wants_ me to do, Dora." Remus replied, toying with a loose tendril of dark hair that was hanging out of her braid. "That's what he's waiting for…Bellatrix told him to leave you alone for now, but he wants an excuse to come after you…he wants you—" Remus's voice broke, remembering what Greyback had said about wanting to taste her. "Don't you see? The only way to keep you safe is for me to stay away?"

"I _told_ you not to do this!" She railed at him, teary. "I _begged_ you not to go! Dumbledore would have understood."

"That's not right, Dora. This is the least I can do…"

"Remus," Ellie's voice interrupted them. "The girl is asking for you." He sighed, rising and offering his hand to Dora. She did not take it, but got up and followed him into the room that Coraline had been set up in. She was awake, though it was evident that the medical spells being performed on her were barely keeping her awake. She was at the very least sweating, which meant the fever was breaking. Tonks gasped.

"Corrie Kirwan?" She said, looking at the girl in recognition. Coraline squinted, unseeing.

"Who is there?"

"It's Nymphadora Tonks…from Hufflepuff." Dora answered, moving closer.

"Oh…I remember." The girl agreed before her head lolled to the left.

"It's going to be fine, Coraline." Remus told her soothingly. "They're going to take care of you."

"Mmm." Coraline responded. Tonks looked back at Remus, glaring at him as she returned to his side.

"This changes nothing." She hissed at him. "I can see the wheels of self hate turning in your head, Remus Lupin, and I'm not going to stand for it. You love me…apparently quite a bit. You won't be able to stay away forever. When you're ready to stop being a stubborn arse, I'll be waiting."

"You really should marry Charlie Weasley." He said, though the words sounded all wrong coming out of his mouth. Dora rolled her eyes at him.

"Believe me, if it were just that simple, I would. Merlin knows, he'd be a wonderful husband." Remus had to suck in a breath against the sting of her biting words. "Problem is, I don't love Charlie…could never love Charlie. All the love in my heart has been stuck on this bloody git who won't see reason." She gave him a wry look. "Charlie deserves better than someone who only settled on him so she doesn't have to be alone. He deserves someone that loves him back…_unconditionally._" She shrugged. "That's another subject you need to brush up on." Turning to face him squarely, she squeezed his shoulder with her gloved hand. "Do not stay with him for my sake. Do you hear me? Obliviate him and come home. I'll be waiting." Dora rose up on her toes and brushed her lips across his cheek before turning on the spot and disapparating. Remus sighed, taking a seat beside the bed.

* * *

**I really hope this isn't becoming redundant and corny! :)**


	26. Reflections

Greyback was waiting when Remus returned from St. Mungo's looking positively primal. The other men were lined up as well, ready to back their ferocious leader with whatever plan he had.

"Where have you been?" Greyback asked, staring at him with suspicious, yellow tinted eyes. Remus swallowed, weighing his options before replying.

"I was restless after last night. I needed a walk." He lied, hoping he looked sincere. Greyback pointed a gnarled finger back to where Coraline's uncle lay, dirty and infected. He looked worse off even than she had. Remus felt a stab of guilt, remembering that it was he who had put the man in this position…loathsome pervert or not. What would Dumbledore have said if it had been he and not Dora who had come through the door.

"The girl's gone." Greyback said in an accusing tone, circling Remus. How he managed to remain calm and collected, he would never know. "Do you know anything about it?"

"When I woke up, she was gone." Remus said, looking Greyback square in the eyes and numbing himself so that he could play the part he'd been given. "I tried to follow her scent but lost it outside the cave." Greyback gave him a short look of disbelief, but did not question him further. He gave a dismissive wave of his hand and sneered.

"She'll be back…she will see there is no one out there for her now." His finger moved to point at the uncle. "As for him, I don't think he's long for this world. I think you got a bit carried away, Lupin." Greyback chuckled, a gruesome, horrifying sound. "Don't worry…the first one is always the hardest to restrain yourself on." The smile left his face. "However…I think it best if we put your induction on hold until you get a better grasp of the matter." Remus nearly sagged in relief. His punishment was his salvation. Trying to look remorseful, he bowed his head and nodded.

"I understand." He said, thinking of how soon he could simply do as Tonks had said and Obliviate Greyback so he could go home.

And go where?

He certainly could not impose on Molly and Arthur…Grimmauld was unoccupied, but it belonged to Harry. There was nowhere for him to go.

_Obliviate him and come home. I'll be waiting…_

Her words rang through his head over and over.

Dora. She was so infinitely _good_, quite a feat considering her blood lines. Even her mother, though a wonderful witch and a truly sweet person, still retained a bit of the Black haughtiness. Nymphadora was completely unguarded, accepting…the most wonderfully loving person he'd ever met. In truth, that part of her reminded him of Lily, poor Lily who was so _good_ that she had willingly died to save her son even when she had been offered to be left alone. He now knew how James had felt when she'd chosen him. The only difference was, Remus could not choose Dora because, to choose her would be to condemn her. He could not see Andromeda, for all of her kindness, accepting the fact that her daughter was choosing _him._ Remus was unfamiliar with Ted Tonks and had only met his wife a few times, but she seemed the sort who liked to have a hand in her daughter's affairs. She _was_, after all, related to Bellatrix Lestrange…and Sirius Black.

Remus sank onto his filthy blanket and once again, pulled out the photo of Dora that was no longer a secret. He felt violated…unclean because Greyback had had his hands on her face. Had looked at her sweet porcelain skin and sparkling dark eyes and had actually licked his lips. The thought of him actually _touching_ Dora…hearing her scream…it made Remus want to tear his own eyes out. He agitatedly brushed his long hair out of his eyes and sighed before carefully folding the photo and replacing it in the pocket of his rucksack.

* * *

**November 2, 1996**

"Oi, Nymphadora!" Aberforth's voice barked across the tavern, bringing Tonks's head out of the book she was scouring for clues about the Deathly Hallows. The closest she had come, was a photo taken at Nurmengard of the entrance in which the words _For The Greater Good_ were marked into the wall with the symbol. Tonks knew that was the prison that Gellert Grindelwald had built himself to imprison his victims. She had learned about him in school, though vaguely and then again in Auror training. Grindelwald's cell was in the topmost part of the prison, placed there by Dumbledore himself when he'd defeated him years ago. She had noticed when she'd asked Dumbledore about the Deathly Hallows, that his blue eyes had darkened for a moment before he'd responded. She had brushed it off, but now it was clear why he'd been slightly surprised.

Aberforth was stalking across the room with an envelope clutched in his dirty hand. He smelled of goat when he reached her, making her eyes water a bit. She quickly thanked him and opened the letter that had arrived and was addressed in loopy, girlish script to _Tonks._ Frowning slightly, she wondered what it could be and opened it.

_Tonks, _

_Sorry to bother you, I know you're busy, what with Auror duties and all, but I need advice from a girl. My prat of an idiot brother and his prat of an idiot best friend came upon me and Dean Thomas snogging after Quidditch practice. Anyway, not important…what's weird is the way that idiot best friend looked at me. Ron was being a complete asshole and implying that I am a slag, and it was almost like Harry was…defending me…I guess. I don't know…I was so angry at Ron, I could have imagined it. Still, he gave Dean this look…like, I don't know…like he wanted him dead. Ever since, he's turned red as a beet when he's seen me. Do you think he's mad at me? Or…I don't even believe I'm writing this…jealous? Of Dean and I? Which makes me angry because I spent so bloody long trying to get him to notice me and all I had to do was snog someone in front of him when he practically rubbed Cho Chang in my face last year? Who does he think he is? Anyway…today's Quidditch against Slytherin. Maybe I'll see you there. _

_Ginny_

Tonks smiled, despite herself. She'd long known that Ginny fancied Harry Potter, but to see it all coming to fruition in front of her warmed her heart. It made her miss school and worrying about silly things like whether or not her breasts were big enough…or whether she'd made the infamous list of "hot females." Charlie had informed her that she was top of the list for Hufflepuff in sixth year before he'd asked her out. Whether or not she would score in Quidditch. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It was…six years ago.

"_Hey, Tonks!" Charlie's voice came from behind her. She grinned, despite herself, feeling her cheeks turn pink. Adjusting her yellow and black Quidditch uniform, she turned to look at the Gryffindor seeker, decked out in his red and gold. Flinging her long, dark braid over her shoulder, she grinned up at him. _

"_Weasley." She nodded, trying to look fierce. His face brightened as he leaned down to kiss her and draped an arm over her shoulders. Tonks swallowed, staring up at his handsome face and wished she felt as excited as he seemed to at the sight of him. They were perfect for each other, really…they both liked the Weird Sisters and Charlie even had gotten a tattoo of a dragon that his Mum surely didn't know about. Still, something was missing for them…a spark. She liked kissing Charlie, that wasn't the problem, but she didn't __**feel**__anything other than his lips on hers. He was obviously very good at it…it was no secret that he'd snogged half the girls in Gryffindor senseless. Her friends raved about how sexy he was. Which brought her to her next conclusion…there was something wrong with __**her.**_

_Clearly, if she couldn't understand why she didn't love Charlie as much as every other girl in the school seemed to. It was no secret that his ex Hillary Turner had been running her mouth because Tonks had been overlooked for Prefect the previous year. She liked to drive the point home that she and Charlie had once "shared" the Prefects' bath. She should have been angry…jealous…she should have marched straight up to that prissy little twat and pulled her ugly, straw colored hair out of her head. Instead, Tonks had laughed. She'd __**laughed**__at the fact that __**her**__ boyfriend had allegedly shagged Hillary in the Prefects' bathroom. Not an ounce of jealousy. _

_It wasn't at all that Tonks didn't care for Charlie…he was one of her closest friends. Always had been since their first day of school. Maybe that was the problem, she decided, was that she loved her friendship with Charlie so much, that it was holding her back from truly giving her heart to him. And of course, there was the fact that they were only sixteen and Charlie had quite a reputation for leaving girls high and dry. Maybe it would be better for both of them if she called it off now…before it was too late. _

"_Are you okay?" Charlie asked, pulling her closer by the waist and kissing the top of her head. She forced herself to smile. She would talk to him later. _

"_Yeah…now let's get down to the pitch so I can clobber you at Quidditch." She said, biting her lip. Someday, she would fall in love for real…and someday, she would be as happy as she wished she could be with Charlie. _

_Someday…_

Tonks closed the heavy book she'd been reading and pocketed Ginny's note, checking the clock. It was almost time for Quidditch and she fancied seeing everyone to possibly take her mind off of dark wizards and werewolves. Not that anything was ever going to bloody change. She was starting to fear that she would never see her hair change color again unless she used her wand on it. It had been five months since her hair had been pink. Five months since she last felt her skin against Remus's. Five months since she'd had her own flat…

She sorely wished that things could go back to the way they were before everything had gone wrong. Before Sirius had died and left her alone in her fight to free Remus of his demons. Savage was gone home for the weekend to see his wife while Proudfoot and Dawlish had gone to their respective homes. Dawlish to his wife and Proudfoot to…whatever Proudfoot went home to. Tonks wasn't terribly informed on those two, and she really wasn't interested in their home lives. Her Mum had written her numerous times, imploring her to come home and visit. Tonks sighed, deciding she would drop home for dinner after the Quidditch match.

The November air was biting, creeping down the front of her robes and making her shiver. She wrapped her faded old Hufflepuff scarf around her neck and pulled on a knitted cap, letting her ever longer hair hang in loose waves just below her shoulders. The stadium was packed to the brim with students and teachers. It warmed Tonks to see it as if she'd never left. It had been ages since she'd been to a Quidditch game.

"Nice to see you out and about." A sardonic voice came from beside her. Tonks looked up into the unreadable face of Severus Snape, who wore his usual scowl. She blinked up at him, remembering the hurtful things he'd said about her patronus…and consequently, Remus.

"You too…and in the daylight no less." She quipped, glaring at him. For the smallest of moments, she thought she saw his mouth twitch into a smirk, but it could have just been a trick of the light. "What's your problem with me anyway, Profess—" She shook her head, remembering that he was not her teacher anymore. "Severus." His eyebrows raised at her use of his given name, but he did not correct her.

"On the whole, nothing." He replied dryly. Giving her a look, she thought she saw something in his eyes that she'd never noticed before. Was it sadness? Before she could determine, he was gone…disappeared into the throngs of people as swiftly as he'd come. Tonks decided the closest seat was the best decision and ended up sitting between Minerva McGonagall, who was all decked in her usual tartan headgear and cloak, and her old Head of House, Professor Sprout.

"Why if it's not our Nymphadora." Sprout said, eyeing her warily. Tonks blushed, remembering all the times she'd been caught out of bed, or playing jokes on fellow students, or pulling out her guitar and playing a jaunty tune about how mean Professor Snape was. Once, she'd even snuck into Gryffindor tower and slept on the couch in their common room after a particularly bloody game of Wizard's Chess with Bill Weasley. She was bollocks at it. "Good to see you dear." Sprout told her, and Tonks nearly grinned, knowing what the woman was thinking. Although, for all the trouble she'd gotten into, she'd always been a favorite of her Head of House…her marks had been excellent in all of her classes, and she could have been Head Girl if she'd really wanted. To her Mum's dismay, she wasn't, though Andromeda had never given her anything but praise.

"Captains shake hands." Madam Hooch's amplified voice came from the field. Tonks looked down to see Harry shake hands with the beefy Slytherin captain. He winced a bit. "Mount your brooms. On the whistle…three…two…one…" She blew the whistle and the match began in a whir of movement. Harry took off around the edges of the ring. Ron looked more confident that Tonks had ever seen him and Ginny flew with precise ease, putting pride into Tonks's heart. Her beautiful mane of red hair flew behind her like lovely red ribbons. The commentator began his quite interesting speech.

"Well, there they go, and I think we're all surprised to see the team that Potter's put together this year. Many thought, given Ronald Weasley's patchy performance as Keeper last year, that he might be off the team, but of course, a close personal friendship with the Captain does help…"

"Oh sod off you slimy little git!" Tonks heard herself scream at the boy, eliciting scathing looks from both Sprout and Flitwick. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Minerva McGonagall's mouth twist into a grin. Tonks saw Harry look up at the podium and glare daggers at the blond boy who had a piggy little nose. The boy had a Hufflepuff scarf on, infuriating her more that he was from her old house. It was said that Hufflepuffs were naturally good problem solvers…or "finders" as it were. Tonks thought that little prat could _find_ himself a new attitude if one was really to be honest.

"Oh, and here comes Slytherin's first attempt on goal, it's Urquhart streaking down the pitch and—" Tonks held her breath watching Ron Weasley expertly knock the ball out of the way. "—Weasley saves it, well, he's bound to get lucky sometimes, I suppose…"

"He's very good." McGonagall muttered defensively. "Why people overlook him, I'll never know…" She was saying. Tonks felt a warmth toward her old Transfiguration teacher, agreeing mentally with her. Ron looked so much like Bill had at that age, it was slightly scary. The difference was, Bill had worn his hair long and had always been so sure of himself, whereas, his youngest brother, though just as handsome and talented, was the youngest of six boys who had all made names for themselves. She understood. Harry grinned at his best friend's save and Ginny flew by her brother, slapping him supportively on the shoulder. He beamed at her, scanning the stands for someone.

In a moment, Ginny had wrenched the Quaffle away from the Slytherin Chaser and was flying toward the other end. She barely looked like she was trying as she flipped the ball through one of the loops, scoring ten points. The red and gold side cheered loudly.

Another attempt to score on Ron was foiled when he practically flipped his broom upside down and swatted the Quaffle away lazily, winking down at a group of Gryffindor girls. This must have been amusing to Harry, because he laughed while Ginny rolled her eyes. Tonks sorely wished Bill and Charlie could be here to see how brilliant their baby brother was today.

Twenty-minutes later, Gryffindor was up sixty to nothing with the Weasleys proving fast to be the most valuable players of the game. Tonks spotted Hermione, standing next to Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood, who was wearing some sort of Lion Headdress on her head. Hermione's eyes were glued on the Keeper, her hands up to her mouth, held in a silent prayer. Her big brown eyes were sparkling and full of something quite obvious as she watched Ron enjoy himself.

"Replacing the Weasley twins as Beaters are Coote and Peakes…of course," the Hufflepuff imbecile went on, "Coote isn't really the usual build for a Beater. They've generally got a bit more muscle—"

"Hit a Bludger at him!" Harry yelled to Coote, who presently hit his Bludger at the Slytherin Seeker instead, knocking into the dumb looking boy and disorienting him.

As Ron brilliant continued to save the attempts to score on him, the crowd broke into song.

_Weasley is our king,_

_Weasley is our king, _

_He didn't let the Quaffle in…_

_Weasley is our king…_

Ron did a quick spin around as another Quaffle was thrown his way before he blew a kiss to another group of girls. A blonde screamed loudly when he beamed down at her. Hermione's face turned a shocking shade of pink and her dark eyes flashed. Tonks felt a pang of sympathy for her, remembering how Molly had predicted that her son and Hermione were meant for each other.

_Weasley can save anything, _

_He never leaves a single ring, _

_That's why Gryffindors all sing, _

_Weasley is our king!_

Despite her general depression and exhaustion, Tonks felt her heart swell as Ron stared around in awe, loving every moment of being adored. It seemed like every girl in the stadium was cheering for him…even the Slytherins. The attention was brought off Ron for a moment, however, when the idiot Seeker for Slytherin crashed deliberately into Harry, causing the Gryffindors to yell in outrage. The Slytherin boy smiled meanly at Harry before zipping off with Harry hot on his tail.

"And I think Harper of Slytherin's seen the Snitch!" The commentator said excitedly. "Yes, he's certainly seen something Potter hasn't!" Harry rolled his eyes and Ginny stared at the Hufflepuff as if she were trying to hex him merely with her eyes. Harry realized however, that there was something to the boy's words and bolted quickly up into the blue. Harry yelled something that Tonks could not make to the Slytherin, who almost had hold of it, distracting him. The boy flew past the Snitch, allowing Harry to grab it.

"YES!" Harry yelled unmistakably. Tonks grinned, cheering with the rest of the stadium. McGonagall even turned to her and bent to hug her happily. The whistle to end the game sounded, but Ginny didn't stop to congratulate her teammates. Instead, she flew directly into the podium, destroying part of it and knocking the Hufflepuff boy flat on his arse. McGonagall's face became a mask of anger as she stared down at her star Chaser. Tonks hid her own smirk of amusement, winking at Ginny.

"Forgot to brake, Professor, sorry!" She gave a sheepish grin and pumped her fist into the air, beaming at Tonks before hopping off her broom and straight into Harry Potter's waiting arms. He pulled away from her almost immediately, however, as if she'd burned him. A sharp look of confusion came over both their faces before they went their separate ways…her to Dean for a kiss and he to congratulate his best friend and Keeper on a stellar performance.

Exhilerated and full of energy from her first Quidditch match since graduating, she said a quick goodbye to McGonagall and Sprout and left the Quidditch pitch with haste. Once outside the grounds, she apparated to the back door of her parents' house…the home she'd grown up in. Smiling to herself and humming "Weasley is Our King", she knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" Andromeda called from within, laughing. "Ted, stop!"

"Mum, it's me!" Tonks called. "I have an old guitar with two weird sisters emblems permanently stuck to it that I bought for myself with the money I got for my seventeenth birthday." The door opened and Andromeda smiled down at her, looking so much like Bellatrix, it made Tonks's heart lurch.

"Teddy, Dora's here!" She called, using her old pet name for Dad. Andromeda pulled her daughter inside and into a crushing hug before looking at her closely.

"Your hair…" She said, fingering a wavy tendril. Tonks felt her face flush.

"I've been having some issues, Mum…" She admitted. "Nothing to worry over."

"Nymphadora Elizabeth Tonks." Ted's voice boomed excitedly from behind her mother. Tonks smiled and walked around Andromeda to throw her arms around her Dad. She rolled her eyes at his use of her middle name, which had been her Muggle grandmother's name.

"_And this is Nymphadora—"_

"_**Don't**__ call me Nymphadora, Remus…" She moaned with a shudder, smacking him in the arm. "It's Tonks." She told Harry, folding her arms across her chest. She heard Remus chuckle. _

"—_Nymphadora Tonks…" He winked down at her, "Who prefers to be known by her surname only." _

"_So would you if your fool of a mother had called you 'Nymphadora.'" She said under her breath. The smile of amusement did not leave his face as he turned to introduce Kingsley._

"I feel like we never see you any more, Dora." Ted said, wrapping his arms tighter around his daughter.

"I know." Tonks told her Dad regretfully. "The nature of the job, I suppose." Andromeda raised an eyebrow, but said nothing before waving them into the kitchen, where Tonks could smell something delicious. She'd heard numerous times about how, when Ted and Andromeda had first married, Andromeda had not been much of a cook or housekeeper. She'd been raised in a life of privilege, with house elves at her beck and call. Of course, with those privileges came certain expectations…such as marrying into a pureblood family.

When Andromeda had fallen in love with Ted, a Muggle-born, nobody had been more surprised than she was. Tonks's father always said that once he got past the icy exterior, she'd been quite lovely. It was strange to Tonks to think of her Mum being a part of that family…the same family that Sirius had come from. Even now, she hadn't told Andromeda the whole story about Sirius.

At the sound of people, her Mum's cat came wandering into the room, eyeing Tonks with her big, golden eyes. Tonks stooped to pet her, smiling as the feline pressed into her gentle hand.

"Wotcher, Midnight." She said, scratching the animal behind her big ears. Her mother had received Midnight as a present from her father after Tonks had left home. Andromeda had apparently been suffering from "empty nest" syndrome. The cat was some sort of Egyptian breed, and she was frighteningly smart.

"I'm not used to seeing you with your hair dark." Andromeda said, pulling biscuits out of the oven. "It suits you, but I've always said that."

"Mousy brown?" Tonks laughed, reaching for a biscuit and getting her hand slapped by her mum. She met her dad's eyes across the table. They sparkled conspiratorially.

"You need to wait for the rest of the food." Andromeda scolded, but she was smiling. Tonks felt her cheeks heat as her father patted her mother's bum, looking down at her hands. Their relationship seemed so easy…so natural. It wasn't fair. She longed for that…not to have to fight for what she wanted all the time.

"What's troubling you, love?" Ted asked, seeing Tonks's face. His eyes were full of concern. "Don't tell your old dad nothing, kiddo, because I know you. I haven't seen you without some ungodly hair color for years…you having boy troubles?" Tonks actually laughed, not able to meet Ted's eyes.

"Not _boy_ troubles, Dad." She reminded him. "I'm twenty-four."

"Not until February, you aren't." Andromeda said, setting a bowl of potatoes on the table.

"Yeah." Tonks said, miserably, resting her cheek on her hand.

"Man troubles then…whatever." Ted remedied, watching her carefully, as Andromeda began to cut into the meat she had cooked. Turkey. Tonks did not answer, instead choosing to draw circles on the wood with her finger. "Dora?" She shook her head, wanting to lie to her parents, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. Her Dad could read her like a book.

"Yeah…" She repeated again, so quiet it was almost a breath. "Man troubles…I guess."

"Is it still Remus?" Andromeda asked, looking back at her over her shoulder. Tonks nodded.

"It's always been Remus." She admitted. "Since Sirius…" She stopped herself when Andromeda dropped a fork.

"What about Sirius?" She asked, coming toward her now.

"Mum, I know you've heard he died, but Bellatrix killed him." The silence seemed to vibrate around her…Andromeda's face was white. "He was innocent, Mum. He died defending Harry."

"Harry Potter?" Andromeda asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah." She answered.

"So where does Remus fit in?" Ted asked, putting a supportive hand on Andromeda's back.

"After Sirius's death when I got hurt…when I was in the hospital…he's on a mission…and he's been pushing me away for months. He refuses to be with me because he thinks he's not good enough for me." Tonks just knew her cheeks were red, and judging by her parents' expressions, she knew they were a bit surprised.

"Because he's a werewolf?" Andromeda asked, sitting down and forgetting dinner for a moment.

"That," Tonks nodded, "And he said he's too old and too poor for me…no one will hire him because of his werewolf status. He's—" She stopped herself, not wanting to say too much about his mission. "Stubborn." She decided on.

"You really love him, don't you?" Andromeda asked with her head tilted. Tonks nodded.

"He also thinks you two wouldn't approve of us being together." She admitted. Ted and Andromeda shared a knowing look.

"While I can't say I generally relish the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with a werewolf, it is ultimately your choice, darling." Andromeda's eyes were kind. "I know he can't help that he's a werewolf…but I know what they are capable of…and if he's willing to stay away from you because of it, I'd say he must really love you."

"We know what it's like to face obstacles to be happy." Ted added, taking his wife's hand. "When your mother was disowned because of me—"

"Teddy…" Andromeda tried to stop him, but he gave her a small smile.

"I blamed myself. I even left her for a time." Tonks gasped.

"You did not!" She cried, looking at her mother, who nodded.

"He did…but he came back to me." Andromeda grinned at her husband. "And a good thing too, because I was expecting you already." She sighed.

"I suppose what I'm trying to say, is that I can sympathize with Remus." Ted told his daughter. "But also, that if he loves you half as much as I adore your mum—"

"Ted!" Andromeda protested, blushing furiously. He winked at her.

"He'll come around, love." Ted finished, reaching across to brush Tonks's cheek with the back of his hand. "We always do."


	27. A Very Frosty Christmas

**December 22, 1996**

The welcoming smell of the Burrow nearly washed away the chill that had seemed to sink into Remus's bones. A sickening relief ran through him as Molly practically dragged him inside, eyeing his current state. He knew he was thin and exhausted. Living outdoors had taken its toll on him. Without a word, he was settled in front of the fire. Harry was in a deep conversation with Ginny nearby about Quidditch, while Ron stared into the fire beside Remus, looking positively miserable. Taking pity on his former student, he spoke.

"What's troubling you, Ron?" He asked, leaning back so that Molly could set down a tray of tarts. Ron shook his head.

"It's nothing…" Ron replied, pulling at a loose thread in his sweater. Remus knew better…it wasn't nothing. Something was troubling him, and that something looked to be distinctly female. He knew the feeling.

"Who is she?" Remus asked, expecting to hear Hermione's name come out of her mouth, but Ron swallowed.

"Lavender Brown." Remus actually held in the gasp he wanted to let out. Of all of the girls in their house, Ron had picked Lavender.

"Ugh!" Ginny chimed in from behind him. "Why you went for her, I'll never know." Harry grinned, but said nothing as he glanced sideways at the girl. "You know, I wrote Tonks in Hogsmeade about you." That was Remus's cue to stare into the fire too. Every time he heard her name, he went quiet. What could he say? "I asked her why you would possibly be snogging the face off of Lavender bloody Brown." Ginny laughed. "You know what she said? Men are idiots. She told me if I ever met a man who wasn't a complete dolt to send him on over." Remus cringed, but only slightly. She wasn't wrong.

The moment was interrupted by Fleur dancing in with more food and singing a Christmas song in French. The scowl on Ginny's face spoke volumes. Even Ron, who was usually enamored with her, hardly noticed her entrance. Harry was still staring at Ginny in deep thought. Remus had seen that look before. It would have made him smile if he hadn't been so drained. It was the same look that James used to look at Lily with.

"Oh, Remus love, you'll be sleeping up in Bill's room tonight." Molly said, poking her head in. Remus frowned, looking at Bill, who grinned widely, putting an arm around his bride to be.

"Oh, don't look like that Remus. You know you're not putting anyone out." Bill told him. Fred and George moved to either side of the couple and put their arms around them too.

"We get the infinite pleasure of sharing a bedroom with our big brother." George said, pinching Bill's cheek.

"Merlin help me." Bill replied dryly. Remus longed for this…for the banter of a family. He'd had a bit of this with Sirius, and then more when Tonks had joined their trio…now, he had neither. He had been unsuccessful bringing any of the werewolves to his side, but had managed to keep away from Greyback since their last debacle. The girl, Coraline, who had been bitten was doing well, though still in St. Mungo's after some complications of the lycanthropy. Her uncle had died, mercifully, and Remus was sad to say, he was glad of it. The world didn't need another Greyback.

* * *

**December 24, 1996**

Remus could not believe it was Christmas Eve already. Molly had been bustling in the kitchen since sunrise, preparing for the following day's dinner in advance. Poor Ginny had been dragged in as well, probably to be the buffer between she and Fleur. Throughout the day, numerous platters of sweets and finger foods had trickled out of the room, giving Ginny a reprieve from her mum's complaining.

Remus vaguely remembered the previous Christmas, when he and Sirius had split the cost of buying Harry _Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts,_ since Dolores Umbridge had refused to teach properly. Tonks had been so excited to show he and Sirius the tiny Firebolt she'd found in a novelty shop and was giving to Harry for Christmas. It seemed like a lifetime ago…it had been before they'd ever even slept together. Christmas night she'd given him the mirror and they'd kissed until they were dizzy. It had been the first time he'd held her in his arms.

Christmas.

He missed her…there was no denying that. He missed her bright eyes, her brilliant pink hair, her wide smile…that intoxicating smell of apples and cinnamon that was distinctly her.

The rustling of paper brought Remus back to the present. Ginny had somehow managed to escape the confines of the kitchen and was furiously decorating the living room around them.

"Bloody nutter, that woman." Ginny was muttering while Harry and Ron snickered nearby. Fleur was half sitting across Bill's lap, lovingly petting his long hair. He was just as oblivious to the rest of the people in the room as well. Ginny flipped her long, red hair back while Harry stared at her looking half drunk, reminding Remus so much of Harry's parents that it made his eyes burn. Ron sulked, muttering to Harry about how women were absolutely insane. Ginny came back with a retort that it wouldn't be so difficult to read if he didn't have his head stuck up his arse…or Lavender Brown's. She then proceeded to give her brother the dirtiest look Remus had ever seen on her face. An unexpected smile came to his face, glad for an escape from his black thoughts and his loneliness.

"You'd better learn how to deal with it soon, Ronald, or you're never going to get her!" Ginny replied, flicking her wand and causing a shower of paper snowflakes to decorate the wall she was standing at. "Lavender Bloody Brown…" She growled, making a noise of disapproval.

"Such language!" Fleur exclaimed, grinning, though Ginny gave her another look altogether, her obvious dislike written in her delicate features.

"What's wrong with Lavender?" Ron asked lamely. Harry smothered a laugh, reaching for a blueberry pie.

"Have you _met_ her?" Ginny asked, looking at him in disbelief. "Have you ever tried to have a conversation with her?" When Ron turned red instead of answering, Ginny cringed. "Don't answer that. Disgusting." She shook her head, reminded Remus very much of her mother at that moment. "You blew it." The three of them left the room, with the siblings still arguing back and forth.

"Arthur!" Molly called from the kitchen. Arthur looked up from the paper he was reading.

"Yes, love?"

"Turn on the wireless, it's almost time!" She said, appearing through the door with flour on her apron, carrying another tray of cookies in the shape of snitches. Sighing, Arthur reached over to flip on the wireless, immediately allowing the warbling of Celestina Warbeck to be heard throughout the house. Remus could have sworn he heard a collective groan as the three teenagers reappeared with Fred and George.

"Mum, no…" George complained, stealing a snitch cookie.

"Hush up, you!" Molly scolded, settling beside her husband on the loveseat, pulling out her knitting. Fleur and Bill had settled into a corner of the room, and she was talking animatedly to him about something her sister had written to her while he lazily brushed her hair back from her face. Remus had to look away, it was depressing. Molly kept looking over at them and waving her wand to turn up the radio, which only made Fleur talk and giggle louder. It was all very awkward. Remus and Arthur shared an uncomfortable look.

"Alright, you lot, Exploding Snap, who's in?" Fred called, waving the cards in his hand.

"In!" George called. Ginny glanced over at her brother and Fleur, who were by now attached at the lips.

"Ugh…they're as bad as Ron and Lavender. In!" She said, settling beside Fred around the coffee table. Remus had to look away as well, feeling out of place and more alone than he'd ever felt. At least when Sirius had been around, they _both_ been able to relate to being lonely and miserable. Now it was just him…

_And her…she's in just as much pain as you…_ Sirius's voice seemed to taunt in his mind. Remus pushed the thought away, a feeling of guilt making his stomach turn as he stared into the brilliant flames and wished he could actually enjoy the warmth they gave off.

"_Oh come and stir my cauldron, _

_And if you do it right, _

_I'll boil you up some hot strong love _

_To keep you warm tonight…"_

"Gross." Ginny muttered, shuddering.

"We danced to this when we were eighteen!" Molly said excitedly, nudging her husband in the side. "Do you remember, Arthur?" Arthur, who had devoted his time to peeling a satsuma, nodded, and Remus noticed his ears had turned a bright pink, indicating he was most likely remembering that they'd done a bit more than dance to the tune. "Oh yes…marvelous tune…" He replied, turning to Harry, who was on the other side of him.

"Sorry about this." He murmured, looking at the wireless. "Be over soon."

"No problem." Harry told him, barely containing a laugh. "Has it been busy at the Ministry?"

"Very." Arthur confirmed, "I wouldn't mind if we were getting anywhere, but of the three arrests we've made in the last couple of months, I doubt that one of them is a genuine Death Eater – only don't repeat that, Harry." He warned, eyes widening at his obvious misspeak.

"They're not still holding Stan Shunpike, are they?" Harry inquired. Remus had to give the boy credit. He paid attention.

"I'm afraid so," Arthur nodded. "I know Dumbledore's tried appealing directly to Scrimgeour about Stan…I mean, anybody who has actually interviewed him agrees that he's about as much a Death Eater as this satsuma…" He waved it. "But the top levels want to look as though they're making some progress, and 'three arrests' sounds better than 'three mistaken arrests and releases'…but again, this is all top secret…"

"I won't say anything." Harry promised as a new, slower Celestina song began.

"_You charmed…the heart right out of me…" _Another collective groan came from the Exploding Snap game, making Remus again smile despite himself.

"Mr. Weasley, you know what I told you at the station when we were setting off for school?" Harry said suddenly, surprising Remus. Since he'd been away so long, he was now out of the loop with Harry.

"I check, Harry." Arthur said quickly. "I went and searched the Malfoy's house. There was nothing, either broken or whole, that shouldn't have been there."

"Yeah I know, I saw in the _Prophet_ that you'd looked…but this is something different…well, something more." Remus listened intently as Harry revealed what he'd seen with Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape. Remus sighed, wondering if maybe Harry was more like James than he'd thought. It was exactly like how James had always _looked_ for suspicious activity from Snape. He wanted it to be true so badly, that he was seeing and hearing what he wanted to hear. Everyone in the room had gone silent, wanting to hear. Even Fleur and Bill had quit cooing to each other.

"_Oh, my poor heart, where has it gone? _

_It's left me for a spell…"_

"Has it occurred to you, Harry, that Snape was simply pretending—?"

"Pretending to offer help, so that he could find out what Malfoy's up to?" Harry interrupted knowingly, meeting Remus's eyes for a moment. "Yeah, I thought you'd say that. But how do we know?" Remus could not remain quiet any longer.

"It isn't our business to know." He piped up, turning to face them completely. Perhaps his words were more out of his irritation with Dumbledore sending him to the werewolves, but it came out harsher than he'd meant it. "It's Dumbledore's business. Dumbledore trusts Severus, and that ought to be good enough for all of us."

"But," Harry looked hurt, "just say – just say Dumbledore's wrong about Snape—"

"People have said it many times. It comes down to whether you trust Dumbledore's judgment." Remus told him, feeling badly letting himself be angry at the man who had been so good to him over the past few years. "I do, therefore, I trust Severus." And how could he not? After everything Snape had done for him, despite the mutual dislike they'd shared as young men, he could not believe that Severus was truly cold hearted as he'd led on.

"But, Dumbledore can make mistakes," Harry protested wildly. "He says it himself! And you—" Harry stared into his eyes, oddly reminding him of Sirius in that moment. "do you honestly like Snape?"

"I neither like nor dislike Severus." He answered coolly. Harry's eyebrows raised in disbelief. "No, Harry, I am speaking the truth. We shall never be bosom friends, perhaps; after all that happened between James and Sirius and Severus, there is too much bitterness there. But I do not forget that during the year I taught at Hogwarts, Severus made the Wolfsbane Potion for me every month, made it perfectly, so that I did not have to suffer as I usually do at the full moon."

"But he 'accidentally' let it slip that you're a werewolf, so you had to leave!" Harry reminded him, obviously defensive. Remus felt a pang of gratitude for James's son. He shrugged, defeated.

"The news would have leaked out anyway. We both know he wanted my job, but he could have wreaked much worse damage on me by tampering with the potion. He kept me healthy…I must be grateful." Harry would never know how grateful and he sincerely hoped he would never know what it was to be infected with something you couldn't get rid of.

"Maybe he didn't dare mess with the potion with Dumbledore watching him!" Harry suggested coldly, bringing Remus back to his schooldays while he'd stood by and listened to Sirius and James ream on Severus, even when he'd done nothing to provoke them. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth.

"You are determined to hate him, Harry. And I understand; with James as your father, with Sirius as your godfather, you have inherited an old prejudice. By all means, tell Dumbledore what you have told Arthur and me, but do not expect him to share your view of the matter; do not even expect him to be surprised by what you tell him. It might have been on Dumbledore's orders that Severus questioned Draco."

The Celestina Warbeck song mercifully ended with Molly applauding along with the live audience and, thankfully, ending the conversation.

"Eez eet over?" Fleur asked loudly. "Thank goodness," She giggled, and for the first time, Remus realized she and Bill had been drinking wine all night. "What an 'orrible—"

"Shall we have a nightcap, then?" Arthur asked, rising quickly. "Who wants eggnog?" He practically sprinted into the other room, leaving Remus and Harry to talk.

"What have you been up to lately?" Harry said, sounding a lot lighter than he had a moment ago.

"Oh, I've been underground." He informed him, thinking it best to be straightforward. Harry had been lied to far too much in his short life. "Almost literally," He joked, "That's why I haven't been able to write, Harry; sending letters to you would have been something of a giveaway."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been living among my fellows, my…equals." He looked down at his hands. "Werewolves." He said at Harry's blank stare. "Nearly all of them are on Voldemort's side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was…" He gestured bitterly. "Ready-made." Catching himself, he smiled at Harry. "I am not complaining; it is necessary work and who can do it better than I? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust." He remembered what he'd been forced to do two full moons ago. "I bear the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, wheras they have shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing – and sometimes killing – to eat."

"How come they like Voldemort?" Harry asked in a quiet voice. He looked his age…young and frightened.

"They think that, under his rule, they will have a better life. And it is hard to argue with Greyback out there…"

"Who's Greyback?" Harry asked, interested. Remus stared at him in astonishment.

"You haven't heard of him?" He swallowed, not liking to talk about the man…no, the animal that was Fenrir Greyback. "Fenrir Greyback is, perhaps, the most savage werewolf alive today. He regards it as his mission in life to bite and contaminate as many people as possible; he wants to create enough werewolves to overcome the wizards. Voldemort has promised him prey in return for his services. Greyback specializes in children…" Remus felt himself tense. "Bit them young, he says, and raise them away from their parents, raise them to hate normal wizards. Voldemort has threatened to unleash him upon people's sons and daughters; it is a threat that usually produces good results." Remus thought of poor Lavender Brown, who was now Ron's girlfriend coincidentally, and poor Coraline, who was locked up in St. Mungo's all alone for Christmas. He swallowed hard before looking up at Harry's pale face again. "It was Greyback who bit me." The boy gasped.

"What? When – when you were a kid, you mean?"

"Yes." Remus said affirmatively. "My father had offended him. I did not know, for a very long time, the identity of the werewolf who had attacked me; I even felt pity for him, thinking that he had had no control, knowing by then how it felt to transform. But Greyback is not like that. At the full moon, he positions himself close to victims, ensuring that he is near enough to strike. He plans it all. And this is the man Voldemort is using to marshal the werewolves. I cannot pretend that my particular brand of reasoned argument is making much headway against Greyback's insistence that we werewolves deserve blood, that we ought to revenge ourselves on normal people."

"But you are normal!" Harry cried, "You've just got a – a problem—" Remus could not help it, he laughed out loud, earnestly and for real for the first time in a long time.

"Sometimes, you remind me a lot of James." He told Harry fondly. "He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit." Arthur reappeared beside him, handing him a tall glass of eggnog. Remus noticed that Harry's face had brightened considerably at being compared to the father he wanted so desperately to know.

"Have you ever heard of someone called the Half-Blood Prince?"

"The Half-Blood what?" Remus asked, sipping the sweet liquid, not recognizing the name.

"Prince." Harry told him, making him smile again.

"There are no Wizarding princes." He informed Harry. "Is this a title you're thinking of adopting? I should have thought being 'The Chosen One' would be enough." He teased. Harry's eyes blazed emerald.

"It's nothing to do with me!" He insisted, obviously serious. "The Half-Blood Prince is someone who used to go to Hogwarts. I've got his old Potions book. He wrote spells all over it, spells he invented. One of them was Levicorpus—" Remus almost groaned tiredly. That was still around? He'd hoped it had been forgotten by now.

"Oh, that one had a great vogue during my time at Hogwarts." He told Harry, "There were a few months in my fifth year, where you couldn't move for being hoisted into the air by your ankle." _Mostly by your idiot mates_. Remus remembered affectionately.

"My dad used it." Harry said. "I saw him in the Pensieve. He used it on Snape." The hope in Harry voice was heartbreaking. He hoped James had been the one to invent it.

"Yes, but he wasn't the only one." Remus reminded Harry. "As I say, it was very popular. You know how these spells come and go."

"But it sounds like it was invented while you were at school." Harry said.

"Not necessarily." Remus answered, not wanting him to be disappointed. "Jinxes go in and out of fashion like everything else." Taking pity on Sirius's godson, he added, "James was a pureblood, Harry, and I promise you, he never asked us to call him 'Prince.'" Only Prongs.

"And it wasn't Sirius?" Harry asked, and looked even more hopeful as he stared at him, "Or you?" Remus chuckled.

"Definitely not."

"Oh." The defeat was evident in his voice. "I just thought – well, he's helped me out a lot in Potion's classes, the Prince has." Remus's brow furrowed.

"How old is this book, Harry?"

"I dunno, I've never checked." He admitted.

"Well, perhaps that will give you some clue as to when the Prince was at Hogwarts." Remus offered, wanting to help…wanting to feel useful again. They did not get to speak any more because Fleur began singing loudly to bill.

"Oh come and stir my cauldron—" Molly had just walked back in and gave the girl a look that would frighten a dragon back into its cave.

"Night!" The twins called over their shoulder, leaving Ginny with the Exploding Snap game. Harry and Ron disappeared within seconds and Bill practically carried Fleur up the stairs, giggling all the while.

"I do not like that girl…I've said it before and I'll say it—"

"She's trying, Molly, love." Arthur said beseechingly.

"You won't let her in…she's trying now to make you laugh. Why do you hate her so?"

"She's uppity, she's—"

"She's lovely." Arthur said firmly, looking more firm than Remus had ever seen him.

* * *

**December 25, 1996**

Some way to spend Christmas, Tonks thought to herself as she read her mother's note.

_Dora, _

_Happy Christmas, love! We've just arrived in Greece, (sorry for the short notice.) I know you've been having troubles with your appearance lately, so we decided if you couldn't turn pink, then I would give you pink to wear. We love you so much! _

_Mum and Dad_

Tonks opened the package that her mother's owl had dropped off and gasped at the lovely winter set her mum had bought for her. There was a hat and gloves with a sweater and matching scarf. It was the softest of pinks and it was absolutely lovely to touch. It must have cost them a fortune. She gingerly lifted them out of the box and held them up to herself.

Quickly, she removed her worn T-Shirt and put on the sweater before heading over to the mirror to inspect her reflection. She had to admit, her Mum was clever. The pastel of the sweater made her hair look darker than usual and the gray of her eyes seemed almost silver. Tonks had brushed her hair out today and pinned the front part back. She quite thought it made her look sixteen again, even managing a smile.

She bit her lip, looking over at the alarm clock beside the bed. There were twenty minutes until debriefing. It really was depressing, having to be on duty Christmas day, but she'd volunteered as there was nowhere for her to be anyway. Molly, of course, had invited her over for dinner, but she didn't fancy sitting miserably across the table avoiding eye contact with Remus. Let him enjoy it without her there to make him feel guilty, even though she was still pissed as hell at him.

Exactly one year before, they had kissed for the first time. She had given him the small hand mirror that she had charmed to show him what he wanted to see. A small thought made her wonder for a moment…did he ever use it? More importantly, did he ever use it to see her? A wave of doubt made her mood darken slightly. He'd probably left it at Grimmauld Place for Dung to nick and sell. She pushed the thought away and pushed the pretty pink hat onto her head before pulling her Auror robes on and buttoning them. It was strange to see her reflection with long hair again, even though it was only just below her shoulders, she'd worn it close cropped for so many years, she had forgotten how much she liked it. Her trademark look in school had always been a long, dark braid for convenience purposes since she'd been a Quidditch player. She'd not really played with the color much during school since pink clashed horribly with Hufflepuff colors, though she did turn it red for when she was cheering Bill and Charlie on at their matches.

She pulled on the scarf and gloves, completing the look before leaving her room and walking down into the empty sitting area to floo into work. Aberforth was tromping around below, muttering to himself. Tonks snickered before stepping into the fireplace. The Ministry was a ghost town, but for the group of red robed Aurors gathered near the fountain. Robards was there, as was Kingsley, obviously taking the night off from guarding the Prime Minister.

"What's going on?" Tonks asked Sudekis as she neared the group. He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I guess there was some sort of attack in Birmingham…a house collapsed." He told her. Tonks heard herself gasp.

"Was anyone hurt?" She asked quietly.

"Dunno." He replied, not looking down at her. It was a strange grouping of people, as most were home with their families. Kingsley nodded at Tonks when she pushed her way to the front and nearly fell at his feet.

"Alright you lot, we need to partner up." Robards said, looking over them all. Kingsley held his hand out to Tonks.

"Partner?" He offered. She sagged in relief, glad not to have to deal with Sudekis and his cockiness or Williamson and her eye patch.

"Yeah, definitely." She agreed, taking his hand and letting him apparate them where they needed to go. They ended up across the street from a large pile of rubble. Judging by the lack of spectators in the primarily Muggle neighborhood, she suspected that the Aurors who had already arrived had used some sort of concealment charm on the wreckage. Kingsley shook his head, sighing.

"I am so tired of death, Tonks." He said solemnly.

"I know." She agreed. "Will things ever be normal again?" Kingsley gave her a sideways glance.

"Define, normal." He said, smiling, though his eyes were sad. For the first time, Tonks wondered what Kingsley would have been doing if he'd not been called to work tonight. They had known each other for a couple of years, but she realized she knew next to nothing about him.

"How old are you, Kingsley?" She asked.

"Forty-five." His answer was light, almost amused. She was surprised. He seemed younger, though forty-five was, by no means old. Her parents were forty-three, after all, and they were not old. "Come on." He said, when the others began appearing and starting toward the rubble. Unsurprisingly, her foot caught on the uneven pavement and she went tumbling forward, though she caught herself. Kingsley simply shook his head, leading on.

The first thing she noticed was that the wood had been shattered, not just broken down, which meant someone had deliberately destroyed the home. The sick way the wood crunched beneath Tonks's boot sent a shiver through her spine.

"Here!" A man called out from across what used to be a living room. "Someone's here!" Kingsley sprinted over without hesitation, with Tonks close in pursuit. There was, undeniably, a small white hand poking out from beneath the overturned sofa. Kingsley crouched and felt the wrist, obviously searching for a pulse. He let go after a moment, sighing heavily and shaking his head. Tonks felt tears spring into her eyes, reaching past him and taking the delicate wrist to feel for herself.

"Lumos." She choked, looking under the sofa and seeing a woman lying face down in a pool of blood. She was dead, leaving a cold feeling her Tonks's chest. "Merlin…" She whispered, backing away and stumbling again.

"Kitchen's clear!" Sudekis called.

"Bathroom too." Someone else added. Tonks sagged against a pile of wood, feeling ill.

"Fuck." Another man's voice said nearby, staring at the wall. "Look." Tonks and Kingsley moved behind the Auror named Swanson and saw the word _MUDBLOOD_ carved into the wall. Drawing in a ragged breath, Tonks looked back down at the hand of the woman who had been murdered and crushed beneath the weight of her own home.

"Who is she?" Tonks asked, looking around for a picture or something to identify her with.

"I'm sure her wand was taken." Kingsley said, speaking softly with Robards. "It wouldn't do to leave anything of value behind."

"Are we sure this is the work of Death Eaters?" Robards asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "There's no dark mark."

"It's sloppy too…bloody." Kingsley agreed, once again, crouching to lift the small arm and push up her sleeve. Sure enough there was a vicious bite mark on her arm. "It may not have been Voldemort's doing, but I have the sneaking suspicion of who did this."

"Greyback." Tonks finished for him, staring at the wound. She had to look away. "I saw the same type of bite on the photos of Lucy Towler…the one you all thought was me."

"Sneaking through the files again?" Robards asked, though he looked as if he could care less right now. In fact, he looked like he might be sick.

"Just a peak." She said, reddening. "I had to know—" A loud wail interrupted her, everyone halting abruptly. "What the bloody hell was that?" She asked, drawing her wand and turning toward it. It came again, louder from beneath a pile of wood, and longer this time. Shoving her wand back into the pocket of her robes, she began tugging at the heavy pieces of wood and trying to free whatever it was.

"No, Tonks!" Kingsley said, startling her. "Be careful…we don't want it to collapse further." Tonks stopped immediately and looked around.

"Help me!" She implored her fellow Aurors. There was a small opening she could just get the upper part of her body into if she was very careful, but there would be no room for clumsiness. Dropping to her knees, she inched forward, withdrawing her wand again for light. The wailing had subsided to a small whimper. She thought it may be a cat for a moment, until she heard a definite babble. Embedded to the waist, she leaned forward as far as she could and gasped at what she saw.

"Kingsley! There's a baby in here!"

* * *

**Sorry I keep writing out of the chapters, but these parts are necessary! Part of this chapter is from "A Very Frosty Christmas" HBP. JK owns it. **


	28. A Flash of Pink

"Tonks can you grab it?" Kingsley's muffled voice came from above. Tonks beckoned to the baby, who she could tell was a boy from the blue jumper and socks he was wearing.

"Uh…here baby!" She said, calling to him as if he were a dog. She wished it was in a way. Animals were easy to handle. Babies on the other hand, were unpredictable and cried. "Come on, then…crawl to Dora."

"Dora?" Kingsley snickered. She scowled, but was able to get a hand on the baby's chubby little arm. Using her fingertips, she coaxed him forward into a crawl. He was still whining a bit, but the sight of a woman, however useless that woman might be, was still the closest thing he had to a mum. How long had he been sitting under this rubble? Who knew how much dust and other vile things he had ingested? The sound of cracking indicated that this little shelter was going to cave in any second. His skin was cold, but he couldn't have been there too long, it was still pink. When he was within her reach, she grasped him under the arms, hoping that was the correct way, before easing around to her back. It was quite astounding how heavy he was. Inch by inch, she moved back out of the pile as it began to crumble. Throwing her robes over him, she protected her own head as Kingsley and Robards dragged them out of the mess.

"Shit." Robards cursed, helping her to her feet. "We have a dead mother and a baby…we have no idea who said mother is or who the father is…" He ran a hand through his hair. "It's Christmas fucking Day—"

"Oi!" Tonks said sterny, putting a hand over the baby's ear. "Come on, Robards…watch your language." Robards rolled his eyes at her.

"Don't tell me your maternal instincts are kicking in." He mocked, glaring at her. She returned the look.

"What the hell is a maternal instinct?" She shot back, as the baby gripped the front of her robes and cried harder. Looking helplessly over at Kingsley, she could see he was suppressing a smirk, though the severity of the situation was not lost on any of them.

"What are we going to do with the kid until we can figure out who the mother is? And who the rest of the family is?" Robards asked, looking to the rest of the Aurors for a volunteer. Every set of eyes remained on Tonks and she put a hand up, adjusting the baby to sit on her hip.

"Stop now." She told him when he squirmed. Panic was starting to set in…just as it had the last time she'd held a baby. _They can tell if you're uncomfortable…_

Savage's words echoed through her mind. Swallowing she reminded herself to breathe and decided to bounce him a little like she'd seen other people do with babies. This would have all been moot if her parents had given her the sibling she'd begged for. "Well, don't look at me!" She cried, seeing the men staring at her holding him. "Just because I am a female, does not make me the best candidate—"

"Just till tomorrow, Tonks." Kingsley said soothingly. "He likes you."

"Oh, _clearly._" Tonks retorted as the baby reached for her hair and yanked, resulting in a shriek leaving her and, consequently, him. "Er…there, there." She said awkwardly, patting the boy's back. A moment later, he laid his head against her shoulder, shoving his fist into his mouth. The strangest thing happened to her when he did that…a weird tugging in her chest. Her breath caught and she felt her eyes burn again.

"Get him out of here, Tonks…" Kingsley said, nodding toward the street.

"And go where?" She said, hating that she was emotional over this. "My parents are gone for the week, I no longer have a flat…I can't take him to the Hog's Head—"

"Molly's having Christmas dinner tonight." Kingsley reminded her. Tonks stared at him as if he were mental.

"You have _got_ to be kidding." She said to him. "You _know_ who's over there." Kingsley rolled his eyes.

"I would think that would make you all the more determined." He teased, while she glared at him.

"You're an arse—"

"Ah-ah!" He said, nodding to the baby. "Language Nymphadora…" She growled.

"I _so_ wish I could turn my hair red right now." She said to him, making him laugh again. "How can I get there? Is it safe to Apparate with a baby?"

"I wouldn't." Kingsley agreed.

"Here!" Sudekis said, bringing a worn looking broom to her. "Take this." She nodded, still seething with the fact that she'd gotten stuck on nanny duty simply because she had breasts. Eye-Patch didn't have to step up, so why did she? Removing her Auror robes for a moment, she conjured a harness to hold the baby against her. It would at least last her until she arrived at the Burrow. Once she had him settled into it, she put her robes back on and got on the broom. If she was clumsy on the ground, she was graceful on a broom and for that, she was thankful as she sprung up into the air, making sure her robes covered the baby's face and ears. He did not squirm any longer, nuzzling his face into her chest.

"Okay, I hope you're not trying to eat out of those." She told him when he got a particularly good hold of her left breast. "There's nothing in there, kid." It was late by now, nearly midnight. If someone had asked her earlier today how she was spending her Christmas night, she would have laughed in their face at the thought of bringing a baby to the Burrow. As the house came into view, her heart began to thump loudly in her chest. She eased them to the ground and tossed the broom aside as she approached the back door, making sure not to trip with the baby wrapped in her robes.

The house was dark and no signs that anyone was awake other than the dim light of a candle from within the kitchen, made her hesitate. The baby whimpered against her shoulder.

"All right, kiddo." She said, sighing and knocking on the door. "We're going inside…where it's warm." She put her arm under his behind to hoist him up and rubbed his back with her other hand to keep him warm. Knocking again, she heard voices on the other side of the door.

"Who's there?" Arthur asked. Tonks sighed heavily, hating that people had to resort to questioning their own friends.

"It's Nymphadora Tonks, Auror. Twenty-three years old. Your son Charlie and I were good friends in school and he has a tattoo of a Horntail on his back that only you, Bill and I know about." The door swung open to reveal a shocked Molly. Tonks felt her face heat up. She'd just blown Charlie's secret. Behind Arthur and Molly stood Bill and of course, Remus. She did not look over at him, though her body seemed to react to his very presence, sending her knees into some sort of trembling convulsion.

"Is everything all right, dear?" Molly asked, pulling her in. Tonks had to be careful that the baby did not get jostled as she stumbled forward.

"Sorry for intruding so late…we just were on an investigation—"

"This late at night? On Christmas?" Molly said, quickly casting a _Muffliato_ so that the children were not woken.

"I didn't have anywhere else to take him." She said.

"_Him?_" Molly exclaimed, immediately setting about getting tea ready. Tonks opened her robe and showed them all their second houseguest. A collective gasp emerged from the four of them. The tea was forgotten and Molly was in front of her examining the baby in an instant.

"Bringing our work home with us?" Bill teased, grinning at her. Tonks gave him a scathing look sinking into a chair as Molly took the baby.

"Dumped on me, more like!" She complained, feeling bad. The poor kid hadn't been abandoned on purpose. "The mum's dead and they have no idea who the dad or any other family is…I was the closest female entity, so I ended up getting him as a consolation prize." She glanced at Remus, who had taken over for Molly getting tea prepared. Arthur jumped as Fred and George waltzed in.

"We _thought_ we heard a knock!" Fred said, eyeing his mother who was trying to console the baby. He was agitated, reaching for something. Tonks realized with a start that he was reaching for _her._ Molly's eyes twinkled.

"He wants you, Tonks." Molly looked over at Remus, who seemed very intent on measuring out the proper amount for each cup. Tonks absently put her arms up for him and could not deny the relief she felt when the baby was seated on her lap again. _Weird._ George settled across the table from her as Remus set down a cup of tea in front of her and settled into the seat beside her to Molly's obvious pleasure. Tonks took a sip of the tea, and almost smiled. Remus always knew the exact amount of sugar she liked in it.

"Cute kid, Tonks…yours?" George asked good naturedly. Setting the tea down, she gave him a pointed glance.

"Yes, George. I have the fastest working uterus in the world. Or better yet, I gave birth to him months ago without anyone knowing I was pregnant."

"Hey, you're the one who took the muggle pregnancy test remember?" Fred laughed, waggling his eyebrows at Remus, who reddened.

"Bugger you." Tonks muttered. She would never live that one down, would she? Looking over at Bill, she raised one eyebrow at him. He looked into his tea, though the smile did not leave his face. "My parents are out of town…I had to let the flat go…I couldn't bring him to the Hog's Head."

"Goodness, no!" Molly agreed. "Does he have a name?" Tonks shrugged, taking another long drink of tea.

"The back of his jumper says Elliott." Remus pointed out, nodding to where the name had been hand stitched in. Tonks leaned back to look and was surprised.

"He's so cute!" Fred said in a baby voice. "Look at those wittle blue socks!" Tonks laughed, despite herself.

"He's heavier than I thought." She said shifting him.

"He's making the funniest face!" George added, nudging Fred in the ribs. They shared a chuckle watching him. Tonks felt Elliott let out a grunt…wait, a _grunt?_ Sniffing, she was suddenly affronted by the whiff of you-know-what. Fred and George flew back from the table as Tonks looked weakly at Remus for guidance.

"Molly…" She called, holding Elliott up. "He's gone—it's…" Molly was one step ahead of her, rummaging through a cupboard in the hallway and coming back with a stack of white linens.

"Nappy?" She offered, smiling knowingly.

"I don't know how." Tonks told her, feeling like an idiot. Molly laid a towel on the table and instructed Tonks to lay the baby on his back. Elliott grabbed at his own toes and babbled happily.

"Didn't you ever change Harry or anything?" Tonks fired at Remus, who looked torn between laughter and fleeing.

"No…his parents had that quite in hand." Remus told her, standing and peering over her shoulder at Elliott. "Can't be too hard, though I wouldn't assume anything."

"I'll show you." Molly said, grinning. "Six boys…boys are trickier." She gingerly opened the dirty diaper, sending a truly heinous smell floating through. "You want to make sure you keep it covered until you're absolutely ready." She added, reaching for a wet rag to wipe him with. Tonks was shocked when Molly handed the rag to her and looked at her expectantly.

"You want _m-me _to do it?" She asked, backing up directly into Remus. He steadied her by the shoulders.

"You'll need to learn sometime." Molly said, eyeing the two of them with a determined gleam in her eye.

"For _what_?" Tonks asked, clutching the rag and stepping toward her. Elliott looked up at her with big, inquisitive blue eyes.

"Well, you'll want one someday, won't you?" Molly asked, mischief in her brown eyes. She pulled Tonks, who was now looking to Remus to save her. He put his hands up and backed away, the traitorous male. "Now, you just take him by the ankles and gently lift…" Tonks did as she was told, cringing as the odor filled her nostrils. "Wipe him, but not too hard." Molly told her. "Always make sure you have the new nappy underneath before you get rid of the old one."

"What do you—" A steady stream flew into the air as Tonks began to see exactly what Molly had been talking about keeping him covered. A small laugh left the older woman as Tonks blinked in horror. Molly quickly performed a cleansing spell and helped her straighten the new diaper before fastening it.

"And there you have it." Molly told her, squeezing her shoulders. "You've changed your first nappy, how do you feel?"

"I feel the urge to shower." Tonks muttered, lifting Elliott to face her. He smiled, revealing two bottom teeth. Again with the tugging in her chest. She shrugged it off and settled him back on her hip, but she let her hand smooth down the blond curls at the back of his head. It felt almost right.

"He's tired." Arthur said, sharing a look with Molly as the baby wiped at his eye. "Ronnie used to do that." Molly's eyes filled with tears.

"Can you believe he's sixteen now?" She asked. Fred made a sound that was dangerously close to a snort. "And wearing a necklace that says "My Sweetheart."" He and George grinned at each other, Bill didn't try to stifle his laugh. Even Remus grinned, looking more like himself that Tonks had seen in months. It made her feel hopeful in a way, to see them all smiling.

"Come in here." Molly said quietly, waving them into the living room. She settled Tonks onto the sofa. "Hold him this way." She added, turning the baby so that he was lying facing Tonks and she was cradling him in her arms. "Just pat him and rock a bit…it soothes them."

"I'm not…motherly…" Tonks said, trying to do what Molly told her to. The baby began to fuss again and the same panic welled up again as Elliott squirmed.

"Too bad we don't have a pacifier for him." Molly said. Tonks frowned, unsure of anything anymore… "Why don't you talk to him?"

"I don't know what to say—" She said. Elliott let out a sharp wail, so Tonks did the first thing that came to mind. She sang. It had been years since she'd sung, and she didn't really relish that it was in front of an audience, but she wasn't much concerned with them at the moment. It was the lullaby her mum used to sing her, and to her surprise, the baby calmed, staring at her, locking eyes with her. It was so strange, this sensation…all new and completely frightening, and yet, she never wanted it to end.

* * *

It was the singing that did it…made him fall even further in love with her. He'd never known she could sing, much less like _that._ For all the clumsiness and self doubt she showed, that voice had come straight from the heavens. Dark hair still hanging prettily out of that soft pink cap, her silvery eyes framed by those long dark lashes. Remus wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life. It would be the image he used to conjure his Patronus from now on…the one he would think of at his lowest, Nymphadora Tonks holding that baby and singing to him as if he were her own.

"Breathe, Remus." Bill reminded him quietly, clapping him on the shoulder. Remus hadn't realized he was holding his breath watching them. He had never realized that he was staring at the thing he wanted most in the world…not just her, but _family._ Obviously, this baby would be sent back to its family immediately, but the image would be seared into his mind until he died. Even after she came to her senses and found someone who deserved her, he would never forget this. No one would ever love her as much as he did.

Somehow, even though he was drunk with the need to watch her, his hands found a blanket that was lying across the back of one of the armchairs. He lifted it and made his way slowly across the room, settling it over her and the baby. Looking back, he realized they had been left unmercifully alone. Molly's doing, no doubt. Dora stopped singing, carefully leaning back to look down at Elliott's face. Her eyes filled with triumph.

"Asleep." She whispered as if she couldn't believe it. "I did it." Remus settled next to her and forgot momentarily his resolution to keep away from her. She backed up against him, his arm draping easily around her.

"You were brilliant." He agreed excitedly. Tomorrow, he would care that this was wrong. She was too happy to ruin the moment and he hadn't seen her smile in ages…neither of them had really. Not since Sirius…

Six months he had been gone. It was hard to believe how much had changed. Bill and Fleur would be married by this time next year, perhaps expecting their own baby. Harry, Ron and Hermione would be in their final year at Hogwarts…everyone seemed to be moving forward except for him. Remus had never been able to see a future for himself because he had never allowed himself to. He was not deluding himself. Werewolves were not a happy species who settled down and had kids, which was why it was generally unknown whether the child of a werewolf would inherit the lycanthropy. He wouldn't want to risk it, though the baby sleeping against Dora's breast made it a tempting ideal.

Her head dropped and rested against his shoulder. Remus realized she was still wearing her cap and gently removed it, placing a kiss to the crown of her head and taking in her familiar scent. The sound of chuckling from outside the doorway made Remus look up. He thought he saw the silhouettes of two mischievous eighteen year olds standing there. He realized with a start that there was suddenly a sprig of mistletoe above his and Dora's heads.

"Damn." He heard himself say. Dora looked up at him, her gray eyes wide with question before she followed his gaze.

"Those little bastards." She muttered. "It'll go away soon, I'm sure."

"No…" He said, understanding. "It's enchanted. They've been doing this all night to everyone. Ron and Bill were forced to kiss in order to be able to move." A surprised giggle left her mouth, appealing to him so much that he used his free hand to tilt her face up toward his and in a soft manner, pressed his mouth to hers, closing his eyes. The second their lips touched, the enchantment was broken, but he wasn't ready to stop kissing her. It didn't deepen, of course, not with the baby lying in her arms, but they stayed that way for a few moments, pressing gentle kisses to each other's lips. When he pulled away, she was staring wide eyed at him, but she didn't say anything, instead looking down at Elliott, who remained in contented slumber. Remus gasped, watching her.

"Dora!" He exclaimed in a hushed voice. "Your hair!"

"My hair?" She reached up to touch it.

"It…flashed." He told her. She turned to look back at him again, a new look in her eyes. Hope.

"Flashed?"

"Pink!" He told her, holding her face in his hands. "It went _pink_ for a moment!" His heart had begun to beat wildly in his chest while his breath hitched in his throat.

"It _did_?" She said, excitedly, stopping and obviously trying to change it. Sure enough, after a few moments, it slowly turned pink from the roots down. Letting out the breath she had been holding, it went back to brown in an instant, but the smile did not leave her face.

"I'm out of practice…" She admitted, sighing. Remus remembered something Harry had told him at dinner..

"Dora, when did your Patronus change?" He asked her quietly, feeling her inhale sharply.

"Harry." She said aloud, more to herself than to him.

"I don't know exactly when." Dora admitted, searching his face. "But it did."

"Show me." He heard himself say. Without looking away, she pulled her wand out of her pocket and pointed it, whispering,

"_Expecto Patronum._" The giant silver wolf galloped forward, turning to stare at them. Harry hadn't gotten a chance to tell him about this because Scrimgeour had interrupted them. Remus stared at it, feeling his eyes burn.

He was her Patronus…and she was his.

_Just like James and Lily._ Sirius seemed to say. _Meant to be…_

"An emotional upheaval…" He murmured, watching it fade.

"Don't you see?" She whispered to him, staring at him with teary eyes.

"I see…" Remus nodded, still staring at the spot where the wolf had stood. "But it still doesn't change things."

"I _know_, damn you." Dora sniffed. "But just so you know…it doesn't change things for me either. I meant what I said before. There will be _no one_ else. _Ever._" A long sigh left her as she brushed her fingers across Elliott's cheek, gazing down at him. "My Patronus changed, because I, Nymphadora Elizabeth Tonks, love _you_, Remus John Lupin…and I am proud of the man you are, not the beast you think you are…and no amount of arguing will _ever _convince me otherwise." Her eyes grew darker, more determined and he saw another flash in her hair, this time red. "I am exactly right for you…and you for me."

"Elizabeth?" He managed to say, though it sounded hoarse. "Such a normal name for an extraordinary girl."

"Remus, I am a _woman._" Dora said passionately. "You, of all people, should know that since you are, in all honesty, the last person who saw me naked." A fierce blush came to his face as he remembered their last time together…unromantic as it may have been, on her kitchen table, and rushed. Before he could protest again, she leaned up and caught his lips again, whimpering into his mouth. It made his head spin. The baby made a noise, moving slightly in Dora's arms and pulling them apart. She looked down at him with concern on her face and Remus saw there the seed planted in her. A new desire was forming in Tonks's heart…and Elliott had been the catalyst. She would be a brilliant mother…which was another reason he had to leave her be, despite what his heart was screaming at him. _This _was her destiny…to love and be loved…to have a child, to get married and wear a lovely white gown – Merlin, _there_ was a thought.

_Too old, too poor, too dangerous,_ he reminded himself, though it was a delicious picture, her walking toward him in a wedding dress and veil. He had his mother's engagement ring in his rucksack, just upstairs…

_No._

Tomorrow would be the time to go back to reality…there was no way he was getting up off of this sofa and leaving her alone in the dark. Not tonight. Tonight he was going to enjoy the little time they had together and hold her in his arms and maybe, just maybe, if he squinted hard enough…he could pretend they were his to keep. His arm tightened around her, making sure that he had Elliott in his grasp as well before lifting her into his lap. The fire in the otherwise, dark living room made her skin glow amber. She stared down at him now.

"You know, for someone who doesn't want to be with me, you certainly make a good show of contradicting yourself." Her voice was soft, her eyes were blazing.

"Some hypocrite, eh?" He smiled, despite himself.

"No." Dora said, turning the baby to lay in her other arm so that she could reach out and brush Remus's cheek with her fingertips. "Not a hypocrite…just someone whose actions prove what he really wants." Bringing her forehead to his, she looked into his eyes. "Remus, I _beg_ you. _Stop_ denying me. I can see that you love me."

"I always have…" He told her, choking the words up. "Since the first Order Meeting when you tumbled into my arms." She pressed forward once more, kissing him again and holding his cheek. His hand moved up to rest at the base of her neck, but he did not push her away. It felt right having her here…she belonged here.

_Yes she does…_ Sirius agreed in his mind. _Still here, Moony…and I still think you're wrong for letting her go._ _This could be yours. You could have THIS with her. _

"Happy Christmas, Remus." Dora said against his lips…her voice was tinged with sadness, as if she knew they would both go their separate ways tomorrow morning. Elliott would go back to his own family.

"Happy Christmas, love." He whispered, drawing her mouth back to his and holding her steadily, closing his eyes and getting lost in the moment.

* * *

Kingsley arrived at The Burrow just as the sun was rising, waking Tonks who was still flush against Remus with the baby sleeping in her arms. She rose carefully, so that she would not fall with him. He had woken too, staring around and babbling in his baby talk. Remus stared tiredly at her, as if he hadn't slept at all. She'd stayed awake as long as she could manage, not wanting to miss a moment with him.

"We've found his family." Kingsley told her, red eyed with exhaustion. He nodded at Remus, whose hair was delightfully mussed. Tonks absolutely adored the scruffiness along his jaw, still rugged from the full moon earlier in the week. Tonks held Elliott tighter, pressing her face into the downy softness of the fair curls on his head.

"Are you sure they're decent people?" She heard herself ask, making Kingsley go wide-eyed.

"Don't tell me you've discovered your maternal side." He laughed, patting her head. She scowled.

"'Course not." She said, "But I haven't forgotten Harry's Aunt and Uncle."

"Petunia wasn't always so petulant." Remus said, stepping beside her and shaking Kingsley's hand. "Life was unkind to her."

"Her husband is a cow." Tonks shuddered, thinking of the two going at it. Both men laughed at this.

"We have to go, Tonks." Kingsley said apologetically. "They're waiting for him." Tonks looked down into Elliott's sweet face and felt her heart break a little. After less than half a day with him, she didn't want to give him back.

"Alright." She agreed, careful not to show her disappointment. "Say goodbye to Remus." Remus crouched to brush the baby's pink cheek with one finger.

"Good luck, Elliott. May your life be full of happiness and love." He said, standing up again as the baby chewed happily on his own fist. Tonks kept her eyes on Kingsley as she started out the door, remaining strong only until Remus said,

"Dora." A sob caught itself in her throat as she whirled around and flung back at him, rising on her toes to kiss him goodbye. For some reason, she had a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach…like this was the last time she'd ever see Remus.

"Be safe." She told him.

"You, as well." He rasped, his voice thick with emotion. Their hands lingered together for a moment before she forced herself to drift away and follow Kingsley without another word.

* * *

**Pure Christmas mush...four months early. LOL. Sorry it's SOOO sappy. **


	29. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart

**February 15, 1997**

Tonks tiredly sent her finished weekly report to the Ministry via owl, rubbing her sore neck. Two more months had trudged by and she had heard nothing from anyone lately. Molly and Arthur were busy at home, planning Bill's wedding and readying their home for the summer. Kingsley was still protecting the Muggle Prime Minister while Mad-Eye had virtually gone off the map, attempting to find out information about the whereabouts of Bellatrix Lestrange and where Voldemort was keeping Headquarters.

Tonks had run into Hestia Jones in Hogsmeade earlier in the week when she'd been meeting her sister for a drink at the Three Broomsticks. Other than that, she'd not heard from a soul. No word on Remus or any of the werewolves for that matter. The silence was putting her on edge. Oh, there was talk of the Ministry catching a few here and there, but nothing satisfactory. Since Christmas, there had been a frightening lull in occurrences, which was almost worse. The apprehension was killing her, making it hard to eat and sleep. She knew Bellatrix wanted her dead, but she never knew when.

Tonks suspected Dumbledore had ordered Aberforth to keep a close eye on her, because it seemed like he was always right there when she needed something to eat or drink…or if she'd been late coming back from duty, she'd find Ab's Patronus pacing in front of the Hog's Head. It was oddly touching to her.

Dumbledore was still disappearing frequently, though she and the other Aurors had no idea where he was off to. As an Order Member, she felt a bit irritated because, she felt, that they deserved to know if he was looking for something…or someone. As an Auror, she didn't really mind since she was just following orders. She also thought that maybe his disappearing had something to do with his blackened hand. Perhaps he was seeking treatment?

Tonks kicked the snow off of her boots before trudging into the Hog's Head, not for the purpose of keeping the tavern clean, but so she didn't end up with sawdust all over her shoes as she had numerous times over the winter. The familiar smell of goat filled her nostrils as she walked into the building. The place was dead, by the looks of it, but for one dark haired man at the bar.

"You're late, Tonks." Aberforth barked at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Five minutes, Ab. Just sending in my reports. It was a long day, what with the Apparition Lessons here." He grunted in response as she plopped onto a stool. The man sitting there looked up at her and she gasped. He was disheveled and tired looking, holding open a gold locket.

"Snape?" She asked in disbelief, accepting a drink from Aberforth. Severus Snape quickly closed the locket and shoved it into his robes.

"Nymphadora." He acknowledged her icily.

"You're drunk." She said, though it was not a question. The ardent odor of Firewhiskey coming from him was enough evidence. He shrugged, holding up his glass for another. "I don't think I've ever seen you eat or drink anything…even when I was in school."

"Well what d'you want? A fucking award?" He asked gruffly, surprising her. "We can't all be as sunny and cheerful as _you_." He added, eyeing her and smirking. "Oh _that's _right. You've gone into some fool depression over Lupin." Tonks glared at him, but as she did, she could see that he was purposely being hurtful so that she would leave him alone. An uncomfortable feeling of pity for him crept into her gut when she saw, again, the underlying sadness in his dark eyes. Maybe in another life, a happier life, he could have been a good looking man, but years of emptiness had made him sallow and plain. Hygiene was definitely not his first choice, and he was far too thin for a man of his frame.

"Ouch." She replied, touching her heart, but not firing back with a retort. Sirius would have said all sorts of hurtful things to him, but she didn't have the energy to bicker. Snape stared at her.

"What do you see in him?" He asked. Tonks looked up, meeting his eyes and almost laughed. Severus Snape was trying to have a conversation about Remus Lupin with her…in a bar. Merlin.

"What did you see in her?" She asked, indicating the locket he'd been holding. "A man only looks at a woman that way if he loves her…and I have the sneaking suspicion it's not a picture of your mum in that locket." Snape straightened, looking soberly at her.

"Alright." He nodded. "She was the only person who didn't treat me like I should have never been born. She was the best friend I ever had." Tonks cringed with another wave of pity for him, which only served to make him angrier. "Don't you _dare_ pity me, Tonks." He spat, making her jump slightly. "Your turn." Snape added dryly. "Lupin. Why?"

"Because I _love_ him…because he is good…because he makes me feel like I don't have to be anybody else." She looked down. "It's not easy, being a shifter…people have always taken advantage of my…ability. He sees Dora. Everyone else sees Tonks."

"How charming." Snape said, though Tonks suspected the sarcastic tone of his voice was a cover. Tonks almost smiled into her drink.

"Who was it?" She asked, sort of afraid of the answer. Snape just shook his head.

"Nobody." He replied quietly. "She's dead." Tonks wracked her brain, trying to think of who it could be, but could come up with nothing. Sirius had once mentioned something about Snape having an affair with Narcissa Malfoy, but she suspected he had been full of it. As much as Tonks disliked her Aunt, it had always been clear that Narcissa, for some ridiculous reason, loved Lucius. She could only assume he was good in the sack, since he had the personality of a troll.

"Sorry." Tonks managed to say, taking a long drink of the sweet Butterbeer she had opted for.

"Me too." Snape replied icily, looking forlornly into his empty glass.

"I…uh…" Tonks faltered, trying to fill the silence. "I want to thank you for…Remus…for the Wolfsbane. It means a great deal to him and…and to me." Snape met her eyes squarely, watching her closely. The slightest hint of a smirk showed on his lips.

"You talk as if you're married." He said, not unkindly. Tonks chuckled mirthlessly into her drink.

"If the fool would ever come to his senses, we could be." She muttered.

"A word of advice, Nymphadora." Snape said, looking up now. The usual harsh tone to his voice was mysteriously gone, replaced with raw sincerity. It frightened the shit out of her. "Don't give up easily. You'd regret it."

"I couldn't give up on him Profess—" She shook her head, smiling at old habits. "Severus." He nodded and paid Aberforth before getting up and starting toward the door. "Uh, Snape?" She called after him. He paused, barely turning to look back at her though she could see he was listening. "I just want to apologize for all the trouble I caused in school."

"Nymphadora," He sighed, looking at her now. "Don't apologize. It's tacky. Not to mention pathetic." With that, he stalked out into the snow and left her smiling in earnest.

"Oi, Tonks." Aberforth said when Snape had gone. "This came for you today." He pulled a letter out of his robes, setting it in front of her. Tonks carefully ripped open the envelope and pulled out the parchment which had three words quickly scrawled onto it.

_Happy Birthday, Sweetheart._

She knew it wasn't from her parents, as she had just visited them last week and they'd given her present to her early. The handwriting was instantly recognizable and though it said nothing, it told her everything she needed to know. Remus was alive. Tears filled her eyes as she held the paper to her chest and hopped down off the stool. She'd forgotten today was her birthday.

_The house was dark and quiet. Too quiet. Tonks knew that Sirius had to be here at least if Remus wasn't. Even Mrs. Black seemed to be asleep. Careful not to trip and disturb the peace, Tonks quietly moved up the stairs into the room she was sharing with Remus. She nearly fell over at the sight of the bedroom. Candles were spread over every hard surface and there were rose petals delicately scattered over the green comforter. A bowl of chocolate candies was set on the night table along with a note. Closing the door behind her, Tonks drifted to the bed and sat, picking up the note. _

_**Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.**_

_Looking up, she saw him standing against the closed door, smiling down at her lazily. He was dressed differently, wearing a T-Shirt and sweatpants. He looked delicious in that form fitting shirt, with his dark hair falling into his eyes and his jaw covered with the stubble she adored. _

"_You've been busy today…" She was able to say miraculously since her tongue felt like it had turned to mush. _

"_A bit." He smiled, coming toward her and pulling her to her feet. "Happy Birthday." _

"_Thank you." She replied breathlessly, standing on her toes to kiss him lightly, snaking her arms around his neck. She heard him growl and smiled against his lips as his hands worked to remove her Auror robes. Pulling away, Tonks helped pull her shirt off, revealing the bright pink bra that she had on. Remus stopped, staring at her in awe. It made her giggle. _

"_What?" She asked, running a finger over his chest and feeling the muscle beneath the thin material of his shirt. _

"_This is your birthday, why am I getting the present?" He mused, stooping to kiss the spot where her pulse thrummed in her neck. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes, getting lost in it. _

"_Where, may I ask, did you get that delightful T-Shirt?" She asked, tugging at the hem of his shirt and dragging it upwards to reveal his flat stomach. _

"_It's old." He told her. "Some old Muggle store."_

"_You should wear it more often." She insisted, bending over and gliding her tongue across his abdomen, running her fingertips along the top of his sweatpants. He caught her by the wrist and gently guided her up to kiss him again. _

"_This is your birthday…" He scolded lovingly, scooping her small body in his arms and placing her on the bed. With slow, deliberate movements, he removed her boots and socks, while she reached around and unhooked the bright pink bra, letting the lacy cups fall away from her skin. Remus stopped where he was, staring up at her as if it were the first time he'd ever seen her naked from the waist up. His eyes were wide and hungry, making her tingle from her toes all the way up to her ears. _

Tonks shook her head, as if that would wash the memory out of her mind and plodded tiredly up the back stairs to her room. A good night's sleep made her weak with need. She began to unbutton her Auror robes while she walked, stifling a yawn. She cringed slightly as she heard the sounds of people in the room beside hers, doing what it was that most people did in shoddy inns and taverns.

Fumbling for her key, she reached around her pocket and found it. When she went to open the lock to her room, however, it was not latched. The door swung open. Tonks immediately wrapped her gloved hand around her wand, willing her heart to slow so that she could think clearly.

_Constant Vigilance._ Moody's voice seemed to ring through her head.

She eyed the door, realizing that it had not just been opened, but had been _broken_ into. There was a strange odor lingering in the air…a cross between wet dog and sweat.

"Show yourself!" She said angrily, staying near the door in case she needed to escape. No answer. Creeping forward, she used her wand to fling the closet open and found it empty. She wondered, briefly, if someone had just broken in and left, but the odor was too strong. She could almost feel it breathing down her neck.

Sinking to her knees, she checked underneath the bed and found nothing there either. Angry and more than a little frustrated with having her personal things invaded, she stood and whirled to send a Patronus to Dumbledore.

"_Expecto Patro—" _

"I wouldn't if I were you, girly." A raspy voice came from behind her. Tonks froze, feeling the warm breath on the nape of her neck. Panicking, she feverishly wondered what Moody would do.

_Remain Calm._

"What do you want from me?" She whispered, feeling her bravado slipping. Scratchy, hairy hands with long yellow fingernails ran down her arms. He must have been behind the door, waiting for her to come in. Tonks closed her eyes, trying to think of something…anything.

_Assess the situation. _

"I just want to play with you a little." He growled into her ear, the smell of his breath nearly making her gag. One of his hands ran over her breast. Her entire body tensed. "Maybe taste you…" He added. Her fingers tightened around her wand as she tried to think of something she could do. Maybe she could stun him…his hand closed around her wrist, digging his long nails into her skin. Shaking, she tried to turn the wand toward him, but dropped it. The sound of it rolling away from her filled her with a sickening despair.

There was no way she could physically overtake him. He was twice her size. Growling again, he spun her to face him and she choked again, faced with the full force of his breath. His teeth were bared and his eyes were dark and lusty.

"Did Bellatrix send you?" She asked, trying to stall him long enough for someone to walk by. A snort left him, sending another wave of strong odor into her nostrils.

"She told me I could have my fun with you first." Greyback affirmed, running a long nail from her eyebrow to her jaw. Tears threatened to fill her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she kills you quickly…any last words to send to your boyfriend?" He sneered. Tonks's eyes widened.

"B-Boyfriend?" She asked, looking toward the door. He just grinned down at her and with a single swipe, ripping her robes open and the front of her shirt off. A scream escaped her finally before his mouth crashed onto hers. The tinny taste of blood and dirt was on him as he thrust his tongue into her mouth. It was disgusting that her fear was making him aroused. Bringing her knee up quickly, she caught him between the legs, cringing at the howl of pain he let out. Making a dash for her wand, she was caught immediately around the waist and dragged over to her bed. With apparent ease, he destroyed the zipper and button of her jeans and tore them from her with one arm while the other held her beneath him.

He'd just reached to unfasten his pants, holding his filthy hand over her mouth. Tonks looked away, unable to bring herself to watch this. She was defeated. The sound of a bar scuffle from below, with heightened male voices yelling at each other only served to set her teeth on edge more as Greyback began to reveal himself. Another surge of defiance made her attempt to struggle, but he barely noticed, keeping her pinned beneath his hulking body. He was so involved in his task, he didn't hear the door to her room shatter open, but Tonks did.

"Get your fucking hands off of her…" A low, angry voice murmured.

* * *

Remus was attempting to talk to a group of young werewolves about the possibilities of using their infection for an advantage and was getting nowhere. He'd had to plan this very carefully, making sure that Greyback would be gone for a long time and that none of his disciples would be nearby so that he could say his piece. He'd decided that the newer, younger, more impressionable men would be the ones more likely to agree with him.

Unfortunately, these young men were so embittered by the cruel hand they had been dealt, that they were more willing to follow Greyback and his plan to dominate the wizarding world once the Dark Lord had won. They didn't want to join the rest of their population, they wanted to vanquish them. They wanted to live in a world where they could make others hurt as much as they had been hurt and shunned by their own society, by their own families. It was a really sad thing, but in a way, Remus understood.

He knew what it was like to struggle, and to be judged based on something that had not been a choice. The difference was, that while he did not appreciate the discrimination, he understood it. He imagined being in the others' position and he agreed wholeheartedly with all of the prejudices. Werewolves as a whole, were an unseemly lot, despite Dumbledore's claims that they would come around once they knew they could be accepted and treated as equals. In his heart, Remus knew that day was not in the near future. Even if Voldemort was defeated, and Remus sincerely prayed he would be, the werewolves would never be viewed as acceptable.

"Give it up, Lupin." One young man said. Remus recognized him as the young man who had been bitten around the same time Arthur had been in St. Mungo's after being attacked by the snake. Corbin. His voice was firm, but his eyes were sad. "You're a good man…but it's not enough. They'll never accept us." And Remus knew he was right.

"Maybe not," He allowed, "But I believe that it will be worse if the Dark Lord comes to power. Yes, we must face prejudice and disdain from the wizarding world, but if Voldemort wins, we all die. He's _using _us." Remus told them. "If you don't think he will dispose of any of us the first second he gets a chance, you are mistaken."

"It's a risk I am willing to take!" Another man said, stepping forward. "At least with him, we'll know what we're getting. We won't have to hide from the world in shame."

"You're wrong…" Remus said, shaking his head and turning away, defeated. "Look at us. We're living in an abandoned house. There is no heat…it's freezing. How is this better?"

"It's better than being poked and prodded and tattooed." Corbin pointed out, displaying his own number on his left hand. 021683. "We're reduced to nothing but a number."

"I'm sorry." Remus said, shaking his head and walking away from them. "I hope it all works out the way you planned." He made his way tiredly back to his rucksack and bed roll, sinking to the floor and reaching into his bag. It had been a long night already…he needed to see her. He'd been clinging to the memory of Christmas night desperately, remembering how her hair had returned to pink, if only for a moment. After failing miserably with bringing the werewolves to their side, he needed just to see her face.

"Nymphadora Tonks." He whispered into the reflective glass. He expected to see her sleeping, or even sitting with Aberforth having a few drinks for her birthday. The sight he was rewarded with was horrifying.

Tonks was being held hostage by someone, tears glistening in her eyes. Remus recognized Greyback before he even saw his face. The long, yellow nails were a dead giveaway. Remus did not hesitate to withdraw his wand, grab his bag and Apparate outside the Hog's Head, tearing into the building.

"Which room is she?" Remus gasped at Aberforth, who was in the middle of wiping a glass. He stared at him blankly for a moment.

"Who?"

"Tonks!" He cried, desperate. Aberforth's eyes narrowed until a loud shriek came from directly above.

"Aberforth, which room!" He bellowed, knocking a stool over and flying around the bar to the back stairs.

"Fourteen!" Ab called after him as Remus took the stairs two at a time. The door was already broken, but Remus did not wait to throw it open. He was entreated to his worst nightmare. Greyback had Dora pinned underneath him and was preparing to defile her. Rage consumed him.

"Get your fucking hands off of her…" He said in a quiet, menacing voice. Greyback turned slightly to look, smiling in triumph. Wasting no time, Remus grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck and threw him against the wall. Greyback made to draw his wand, but Tonks, who was lying in tattered clothing, was too quick and snatched it from him. Her gray eyes were wide with fear and relief both. Remus sent Greyback flying into the wall, cracking the wood. Unthinking, he sank his right fist into the werewolf's hairy face. Greyback roared in anger and ran at him, but Remus was beyond restraint. He swung his arm and Greyback was thrown down to the floor. Remus kicked him in the ribs and again in the face.

"Remus!" Tonks cried, terrified, bringing him back to reality. Remus knew that Greyback was not as badly hurt as he should have been, but if he did not act fast, the man would retaliate and possibly hurt them both, so Remus swiftly took his wand from his pocket and pointed it.

"_Obliviate._" He said, adjusting the monster's memory so that he had no recollection of this night or of his attachment to Dora. It was something that he should have done months before. Greyback looked around, disoriented, before Remus took Greyback's wand from Dora and handed it to him. "You were just leaving." Vaguely, the other man nodded and disapparated without so much as a glance at either of them.

Tonks sagged against the headboard of the bed and attempted to cover herself, trembling from head to toe.

"Here." Remus said, moving forward to cover her with her discarded Auror robes. She wrapped them around herself, closing her eyes. Remus realized, with a start, that her teeth were chattering. He did a quick repairing spell of her door and shut it, locking it behind him. There was no way he was returning to the werewolves… the objective was lost.

Sitting beside Dora on the bed, he pulled her over to him, running his hands comfortingly over her shoulders and arms. Her small hands grabbed handfuls of his coat and buried her face there. She was trembling all over.

"I…I'm going to be sick." She muttered, retching forward and heaving. Nothing came out.

"Do you want to go to St. Mungo's?" He asked worriedly, checking her over to make sure there were no wounds or bites. Thankfully, there was nothing. Her favorite "Weird Sisters" shirt had been ripped clean off of her and he'd done the same with her jeans. The only thing that remained were her blue panties and her socks and combat boots. There were a number of small bruises on her legs and arms, but nothing too violent looking. Dora shook her head.

"N-No." She said, gritting her teeth. "You'll stay with me?" It was more a plea than a question. Remus nodded.

"For tonight…but I'm going to have to hide now. If Greyback finds me…"

"You sh-should go to Headquarters." She stammered, letting him gather her closer to his side. "Fidelius ch-charm."

"You're right." He agreed, kissing her temple. "Where are your pajamas?"

"T-Top drawer." She said, shivering again. He rose and walked to the dresser, opening the top drawer, withdrawing her pajamas. He recognized them as the same ones she'd worn when she'd stayed with him at Grimmauld Place. He gently pulled her robes away from her and took off the remains of her ripped clothing, ignoring that she was naked and focusing on getting her warm. Remus had her dressed in no time, laying her on the bed and wrapping her blanket around her. A knock on her door made him jump, but he went to answer.

"Who's there?"

"Aberforth." The other Dumbledore's voice came from behind the door. Remus opened it a crack to be sure and nodded, opening it further.

"What happened?"

"Fenrir Greyback broke into her room and tried to…rape her." Remus spat out. "Please let Albus know." It felt strange to refer to Dumbledore as "Albus," but seeing as the two were brothers, it didn't seem right to call him "Dumbledore." "Also," Remus went on, "Let him know my time amongst the werewolves is over." Aberforth looked at Dora, concerned, but nodded and left without another word. Remus tiredly removed his coat and shoes, almost relieved that he was no longer sleeping among the others of his kind.

After performing a few protective spells on the room, he pulled back her covers and climbed into the bed beside Dora, bringing her small, tense body against his and holding her tightly. She was still shaking, but the tremors were slightly receding. Remus guided her head to lie on his chest and stroked her back in soothing, light circles.

"I want it to be like this always." He said softly, trying to calm her with words. "I want to come home to you every night and wake up beside you every morning." She whimpered in response, making him smile slightly. "I want to give you a baby…I want so much for you…for us…" He trailed off. Her head turned up to look at him.

"Did you mean that just now?" She asked, eyes wide.

"You must know me well enough to know I don't say things I don't mean, Dora." He told her, kissing her forehead. "But I also know the odds are against us. I've already almost killed you once…I'm no good for you…"

"How many times must we go over this?" Dora asked with a sigh, seemingly too tired to fight.

"I'm sorry." Remus told her sincerely. "I just thought you should know...Greyback almost—"

"He didn't." She interjected quickly.

"I'm so sorry…" He choked, tearing up. "I should have left ages ago. I should have known…"

"We all have our duties." She told him, touching his cheek. "You were doing what needed to be done."

"Forgive me." He whispered.

"Always." She said, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. "He kissed me and the only thing that kept me sane was thinking about your lips. It was disgusting – _he _is disgusting."

"I know…I know." He told her lovingly. "I'm here now."

"Why did you come?" She asked. Remus smiled a bit.

"The mirror." He told her. "Your Christmas present to me last year."

"I knew it would come in handy." She smiled into his neck. Remus even managed to smile.

"Happy Birthday, Sweetheart." He told her, drawing her closer and using his wand to extinguish the candle.


	30. Pot and Kettle

**February 16, 1997**

Not surprisingly, Dumbledore was waiting for Remus in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place when he'd finally torn himself away from Tonks. He was seated at the long dining table, twirling a cracked ring through his fingers.

"How is she?" Dumbledore's voice was gentle, imploring and full of fatherly concern making Remus wince.

"She is going to be fine, but she's still just _terrified._" Remus moved to the dusty cupboard and withdrew two mugs. "Tea?" He asked his former professor, who nodded in agreement.

"I can only imagine. The poor girl…" Dumbledore studied him curiously as he moved about to boil some water on the stove.

"I'm done." Remus told him sharply, disliking how ungrateful he sounded. "I won't go back to them."

"No, you can't." Dumbledore sighed. "I was a fool to leave you for so long. I had hoped…but then, I've always been too optimistic for my own good. I apologize, Remus."

"He's going to be looking for me." Remus said, sinking to sit in a chair and wiping the cobwebs from it. "I wish James were here. He would have known what to do."

"He would have told you to marry the girl." Dumbledore said with a smile in his voice.

"I can't do it, Professor." Remus sighed, rubbing his temple. "I can't do it to her."

"Does she want to marry you?" Albus asked, tilting his head and replacing the ring on his finger. Reluctantly, Remus allowed his eyes to meet the older's man's bright blue ones.

"She has indicated that she does." He conceded slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"And do you want to marry Nymphadora?" Dumbledore countered simply, a smile playing at his lips. Sagging in defeat, Remus quickly rose when the faint sound of boiling water filled the kitchen.

"More than anything." He whispered so quietly, he thought for a moment that Dumbledore must not have heard. No such luck.

"You have just answered your own question." He told Remus, grinning cheekily at him when he set the tea before him.

"It's not that easy." Remus insisted, gripping his own warm mug.

"Isn't it?" Dumbledore rose slowly, as if it were a chore in itself. It worried Remus, seeing the subtle signs of decline in a man who he'd always deemed infallible. Albus was not well, that much was clear. The blackened infection in his hand was slowly spreading, with spindly black lines extending outward from the affected area. His cheekbones were more defined than Remus had ever seen them.

"Professor?" He inquired, not voicing his question. He saw Dumbledore smile resignedly.

"Don't worry for me, Remus. I will see to it that measures are taken to protect Tonks. And you…just don't wait too long." He let out a long exhale. "Believe me, I know what it's like to realize too late what you had." Before Remus could ask what he meant, he was gone.

It had been hard enough that morning when they had woken for Remus to disentangle himself from Tonks's delicate limbs. She was too thin still. In slumber, she looked like an adolescent girl, the inky eyelashes a dark fan against the pure ivory silk of her cheek. Her dark head had been nestled into his shoulder, one arm draped across his torso as she clung to him. He had allowed himself to stare at her for a long moment, letting himself remember the feeling of holding her in his arms. Her large silver eyes had opened and had locked with his.

Filled with tenderness, he'd tightened his grip on her and let his eyes flicker toward the window, where the first rays of winter sun began to filter in.

"Don't leave me." She begged, holding him tighter. Remus closed his eyes, trying to strengthen his resolve.

"I _have_ to." He said. "If it had been dangerous for us before…it's become worse now." Tilting her chin upward, he'd brushed his lips over her sweet slip of a nose. "We're much safer apart than together."

"I refuse to believe that." She told him, sitting up and looking down at him. Remus could not help himself, he reached up and combed his fingers lightly through the soft curtain of her hair.

"Then you're naïve, love."

"Don't patronize me, you great prat." She snapped, sounding so much like Lily Evans in that moment that Remus had to fight the urge to grin at her. "I know _exactly_ what it would mean for us to be together and I think the pros far outweigh the cons."

"You'd be an outcast. The Ministry would shun you. Dora, you could lose your _job._"

"I could lose my job for being part of the Order, but that hasn't stopped me, has it?" She challenged, eyes blazing.

"That's different." Remus argued weakly. Dora nodded, glaring at him still.

"You're right. The Order hasn't made me an outcast at all. I haven't been put in harm's way once…oh, wait." She gave him a pointed look. "I love being an Auror, Remus. And I love being part of the Order…but I'd gladly give them both up for a chance as your wife." Her eyes sparkled dangerously. "Because I love you _more_." It was a beautiful declaration, heartfelt and sincere. It was also an offer he couldn't accept. Taking her face into his hands, he gazed down at her with reverence.

"When are you going to realize that I am all wrong for you? What will make you see that I have nothing to offer you? No money…I'm old already and I've almost killed you once." His voice cracked, pleading with her to see reason.

"_Never._" She murmured, resting her forehead against his. "Your limitations…not mine."

"You're so stubborn." He said, smiling despite himself and watching her eyes flash.

"Pot meet kettle." She returned dryly, catching his lips against hers for a moment before she sighed and pulled back. "Go then." She told him sharply, sitting back and giving him a blazing look of longing. "Leave." Remus sadly complied, gathering his meager belongings and pausing once more at the door to look back at her, pressing her into memory.

"Be safe, Nymphadora." He choked.

"Goodbye, Remus." Her voice was low and full of defeat as he closed the door behind him.

Tonks was surprised by not only Dumbledore, but Snape waiting for her in his office at the school, where she would be patrolling the halls that day.

"Nymphadora, I had heard about your assault last night." Dumbledore said apologetically. "Aberforth has assured me that he has reinforced the wards on the tavern as well as individually on the rooms."

"Better me than one of the others." Tonks said, fiddling with her red Auror robes. Snape was staring at her with a hard look on his face.

"How are your morphing abilities coming?" He asked harshly. She wondered, briefly, if he recalled their odd conversation from the night before. Surprised by his question, she nodded.

"I've regained them for the most part, though it takes a bit more concentration than before. It's harder to maintain." She replied, nonplussed.

"Good," Snape went on, thrusting a pile of clothes into her hands. "The Headmaster thinks it best if you disguise yourself from now on. With people on the hunt for you—"

"Understood." Tonks said, agreeing and meeting Dumbledore's vivid eyes.

"How shall I look?" She asked, looking down at the uniforms and scrunching her nose. "Gryffindor?"

"Minerva." Dumbledore explained. "Severus thought it better if you blended in with the Gryffindors rather than the Slytherins."

"So, blonde? Dark?" Tonks shrugged, feeling the slightest impatience with them.

"I've always been partial to auburn." Dumbledore smiled. "It was my hair color once." Letting out a long breath, Tonks focused and closed her eyes, willing her hair to change and grow. When she opened her eyes, a soft length of red hair lay around her shoulders.

"Charlie would never let me live this down." She laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head and changing her face and height so that she was not immediately recognizable. "Is Savage going to be undercover as well?" She asked, eyeing Snape, who was looking at her as if she'd gone mad. Furrowing her brows at him, she turned her eyes on Dumbledore. The smile had left his face.

"I am sorry to be the one to tell you, but I received word today from Gawain Robards that Drew Savage had resigned from his post in Hogsmeade. He's requested to be moved to paperwork while his wife prepares to give birth." Dumbledore explained gently. Tonks could not deny the sharp pang of sadness at the loss of her partner, but she understood. She would have done the same thing.

"Good. It's better." She nodded, sighing and looking down at her disguise. "Well, I'd best change my clothes." Snape moved toward the door with a flourish and gave her a pointed glare.

"Your things will arrive later today. We'll move them up to Gryffindor Tower while you are doing rounds with Proudfoot and Dawlish." He explained coldly. Numbly, she nodded, watching him leave.

"Is he always so delightful?" Tonks muttered to Dumbledore, who was reclining in his chair.

"If you knew Severus as I do, you would know that his cold exterior is merely a mask to hide his inner feelings." Her former headmaster explained.

"You mean the feelings about the woman who died." Tonks inserted, seeing surprise come into Dumbledore's eyes. "He was in the Hog's Head last evening. Slightly intoxicated."

"Oh dear."

"Do you know who it was?" Tonks asked curiously. Slowly, the man nodded, but he did not offer any other information to her.

"You'll want to try not to draw attention to yourself." He went on, ignoring her question.

"Of course." Tonks sighed, closing her eyes. Would things ever be normal again? "Professor? What about the Order? We haven't had a meeting in a long time."

"Everyone has their assignments, Nymphadora. There's just no time at present." He replied regretfully. "In the meantime, I have assured Remus that you will be safe. And I am going to offer you the same promise for him." His eyes twinkled knowingly.

"Thank you. I only wish you could knock some sense into that thick skull of his." Tonks muttered. "How will I get into Gryffindor Tower?"

"Seventh Floor. The portrait of the fat lady is the entrance into the Common Room. The password at present is Felix Felicis." Dumbledore stared at her over his half moon spectacles. "The girls' dormitory is the staircase to the right."

* * *

**February 22, 1997**

Tonks had never thought she would be walking through the halls of her former school in uniform again when she'd graduated. And she had been fine with that. She didn't miss school. She had never been one for teenage drama and all of the underage drinking. What surprised her most, however, was the amount of sex going on. The seventh years were slightly worrisome with the way they carried on. Half of the girls in the seventh year Gryffindor dormitory were hardly ever in their beds as they spent nights in bed with their male counterparts. When they weren't doing that, they were talking about it.

A girl named Nerissa Hodgeham went on for an hour only this morning about missing her monthly. The girls exchanged everything from condoms to contraceptive potions. Tonks felt extremely naïve, even though she was a woman of twenty-four, as she had never experienced this sort of thing while she was at Hogwarts. How she missed the comfortable Hufflepuff Common Room and her old bed. She didn't know anyone here. If they had questions about who she was and where she had come from, they didn't ask her. In fact, most of them acted as if she wasn't there, which suited her fine.

The worst part of being holed up inside Hogwarts was being cut off from everything. She did slip out to Hogsmeade on weekends, but with Savage gone, she had no one to speak to. Remus was gone from Grimmauld Place, now trailing Fenrir Greyback and his pack of werewolves. Kingsley was still protecting the Muggle Prime Minister. Mad-Eye was working on assignments. It wasn't as if she could form friendships with the girls that she was rooming with. She found solace in watching Harry and the others live their lives.

She watched Ginny and Hermione look on in absolute disgust while Ron continued to snog Lavender Brown. It was when they weren't looking that Ron seemed uninterested in his pretty blonde girlfriend. It almost seemed like Ron tried to scope out places in which he knew Hermione would be.

Tonks threw on her faded jeans and slipped out of the castle. It had been over a week since she had had a drink and the need was sort of consuming her. Sixth years were at Apparition Lessons anyway. Slipping into the Hog's Head, she grinned at Aberforth, who was staring at her unrecognizing. Her boot had come unlaced and caught underneath her sole, making her lurch forward.

"Son of a bitch." She groaned, knocking into the back of a man on a barstool. "Sorry!" Her long braid hung heavily over her shoulder. At the sight of the bright auburn locks, she realized why Aberforth had no idea who she was.

"Can I help you, Miss?" Ab asked impatiently, eyeing her suspiciously, no doubt wondering if she was of age.

"Ab, it's me. Tonks." She told him, smoothing her jacket and pink scarf. His eyes widened, but he only grunted in response to her appearance. Sliding the man at the bar a sideways glance, she saw Snape…again. Looking murderous.

"Who got your knickers in a twist?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He winced at the sight of her and scowled.

"Nobody." He muttered, looking into his empty glass. "Forget it."

"Okay…" Tonks said, grinning at Aberforth. "I'll take a Firewhiskey."

"Me too." Snape agreed, pushing his glass toward Aberforth.

"You look about seventeen, Tonks. It feels wrong to serve you booze." Ab said, testily. "Place has been real quiet since you went on up to the school."

"I hate it." She groaned. "I feel like a prisoner rather than an Auror."

"It's for your own good, Tonks." Snape reminded her. "People want you dead just as much as they want Potter."

"Yeah. I get the picture." She rolled her eyes, accepting her drink and taking a long sip. It burned delightfully going down her throat.

"I used to have that color hair." Ab said, leaning against the bar and eyeing the rest of the empty establishment. "Albus and I both had it."

"Yeah, it's pretty." Tonks said, distracted. She was really itching to go up into his supply room and look into that damned mirror. Loneliness was getting the better of her. She needed to see Remus's face.

"Why did you choose green? For the eyes?" Snape asked, giving her another look. Tonks frowned in bemusement, shrugging.

"I guess because I figured I would look more Irish or something. I actually got the idea from Ginny. She's always talking about Harry's eyes when she writes me." She offered. "I can turn them a different color if it bothers—"

"_Don't._" Snape insisted vehemently, looking slightly desperate. Tonks felt her heart beat wildly as she wondered what had gotten him in such a snit.

"Okay." Tonks shrugged, looking back at her drink. "Hey Prof—" She shook her head. "Severus?"

"What?" He asked moodily, making her grin.

"Remember that time in my seventh year when that idiot Ravenclaw Anson Devenish stole a potion from your stores thinking it was Felix Felicis and it made him grow breasts?" She was grinning impishly at him. He stared at her as if she were putting him through sheer torture, though she could not deny the flicker of amusement in his eye.

"How could I forget?" He replied dryly, drinking his Firewhiskey. Tonks laughed out loud.

"And you made him walk around the school for a week like that as punishment before finally giving him the antidote?" Another choking giggle left her. "That was bloody brilliant. I've never forgotten. I think you have more of a sense of humor than you let on, Severus."

"Rubbish." He spat. Tonks bit her bottom lip when she saw the smallest twitch of his mouth into a smile. It was gone before she could be sure.

"Some of the girls fancied you, too." At his look of mild horror, she held up her hands. "Not _me!_" Sighing, she shook her head and took a swig of burning alcohol. "Marguerite Colman used to talk about you repeatedly though. You were so young for a teacher and she used to talk about sneaking down to your office and waiting for you with no clothes on." Snape grimaced, shaking his head vigorously.

"She always did seem like an awful tart." He retorted, frowning.

"What would you have _done?_" Tonks laughed, feeling slightly giddy from her drink.

"I would have given her detention…with Minerva and taken fifty points from Hufflepuff of course." He answered, sounding perfectly serious. Tonks shook her head in disbelief.

"So you don't carry on affairs?" She inquired nosily. Snape gave her a withering glare.

"With _whom, _Tonks?" His voice was still the same monotonous tone he always used, but his face had somehow changed. There was a slight flicker of life in his eyes.

"There was a rumor about you and…" Her eyes darted around before she lowered her voice. "Narcissa Malfoy." Black eyebrows rose on the pale forehead and Tonks knew she had astounded Snape. It took all of her self control not to laugh out loud.

"No." He was shaking his head. "No." He repeated, gaping. "Just – _no."_ Tonks burst into laughter, unable to contain her amusement anymore.

"Too prissy?" She joked, flipping her auburn braid off of her shoulder. His did not dignify this with an answer. "Who then? Come on…"

"I will not discuss my sex life with _you._" He told her acidly.

"Oh come _on_, Severus. You can't have been living celibate all these years." She pointed out.

"I didn't say that." Snape admitted without emotion. Tonks felt her mouth drop open, staring at him slack jawed. "Please don't look at me like that." He told her in a different voice.

"Like what?" Tonks asked confused. "It's hard to tell. I'm not used to looking like one of the Weasleys."

"Trust me, Tonks. You don't look like a Weasley." He assured her. "Aberforth, a Butterbeer please. Hard liquor is not agreeing with me."

"She looked like this…didn't she?" Tonks guessed, remembering his locket and feeling suddenly very naked. When he didn't answer, she closed her eyes. "Fuck. I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know. Let me change—"

"_No._" He growled, grabbing her slender arm. Tonks stared at his cold hand in wonder. "You don't look just like her, but yes. There is enough of a resemblance at first glance." He cursed under his breath. "It's the damned eyes."

"I'm sorry, Professor." Tonks told him seriously, watching him drink half of his Butterbeer in one drink. She didn't dare tell him that he had foam on his lip. "I'm sorry she's gone."

"Tonks," Snape sighed. "I lost her long before she died. Truth be told, I let her go. I was too stupid to see what was right in front of me until it was too late and she'd moved on." Tonks did not like where this conversation was going, ignoring the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. He was too candid, revealing too much. She suspected that it was simply the way she looked, but she was uncomfortable with how much he was telling her.

_It's the damned eyes…_

_She's always talking about Harry's eyes…_

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Fuck.

Tonks had never seen a pair of eyes like Harry Potter's. So brilliantly emerald green and almond shaped. They were absolutely stunning. They would have been even lovelier in the delicate face of a beautiful redheaded girl.

_Shit_

"Well, I have to get up to the castle." Tonks said, hopping off of her stool hastily. "Reports. Auror duties. Please tell me why I signed on for this bloody occupation."

"Tonks, don't even talk to me about problems, right now. You have no fucking idea. It's not—" He took a breath. "I can't." Snape responded, sounding just as cranky as usual, though his black eyes were wild with what could only be described as panic.

"Eat some chocolate." Tonks instructed him, hesitantly patting his shoulder. "Remus always says that helps." Offering him a half grin, she sighed. "Goodbye, Snape."

"Tonks." He inclined his head slightly to her, watching with tired eyes as she called a goodbye to Ab and turned and stumbled toward the door.

* * *

**UGH. Sorry it took so long. And it's bad. Oh writers block. BAD. :( The next WILL be better. **


	31. Twelve Fail Safe Ways To Charm Witches

**March 1, 1997**

Tonks cringed at the sight of the Auror Department at the Ministry. She fidgeted absently with her Auror robes and ran a hand through her waving dark hair. Keeping up a separate appearance for so long had taken its toll on her, leaving her exhausted and weak. The thought of the plush four poster bed in Gryffindor Tower made her ache with need. Robards had sent a cryptic message to her during her morning rounds.

_Tonks-_

_You are needed at the Auror Department immediately._

_Robards_

She prayed silently that there hadn't been another incident like the Brockdale Bridge. It had been extremely quiet for the past few months and Tonks was on edge, waiting for the ball to drop. She knew it was only a matter of time before Voldemort made his next move.

She expected to see the rest of the Aurors, but found the Department practically empty. A few of the others were at their desks, but most Aurors did not come into the office on Saturdays. She saw Robards immediately standing with Scrimgeour and a woman dressed all in pink—

Oh _no._

Tonks halted in the doorway to the Auror Department and realized that she had been brought in not for orders, but for some sort of interrogation. Or worse, she was going to be sacked. Umbridge smiled widely at the sight of her. Scrimgeour's mouth was set in a grim line while Robards just looked pissed. She wished fervently that she could Patronus Mad-Eye or Kingsley, but there was no way at this point.

"Ah, good. Auror Tonks." Dolores Umbridge said, stepping forward and beckoning to Tonks with her stubby little finger. Tonks almost cringed at the sight of her pink manicured fingernails. Giving her boss an expectant look, she felt herself wither under his hard gaze. Robards's jaw was set and his eyes were cold. Something was terribly wrong.

"Have a seat, Tonks." Scrimgeour said, looking extremely uncomfortable. Tonks felt her breath hitch in her throat as she sank into the hard wooden chair, looking up at the three Ministry Officials. "You are not in trouble." He added, to which Umbridge only smiled wider.

"Yet." Her voice was almost gleeful. "We have been informed by a reliable source that you are an integral part of a secret alliance with Dumbledore. Does the name Order of the Phoenix ring any bells, Auror Tonks?" Umbridge's voice was sickly sweet, dripping with arsenic. Tonks managed not to even blink and heard Moody's voice in her mind.

_Never let them break you. Be convincing. _

"Order of the Phoenix?" She asked, making sure to sound completely confused as she stared between the three of them. "I've never heard of anything like that. The Order of _Merlin_, maybe." Tonks forced herself to chuckle. "What is it?" Scrimgeour gave her a disbelieving look, but stepped forward.

"It is a secret society believed to be headed by Albus Dumbledore. It was officially disbanded after the death of the Potters and the subsequent arrest of Sirius Black, but we have reason to believe that, in light of recent events and tension, that Dumbledore has revived it in the hopes of taking the Ministry." Scrimgeour explained darkly. Tonks wanted to laugh in his face. Dumbledore didn't want anything to do with the damned Ministry. His only objective now and forever was to defy the will of Voldemort and to keep Harry safe. How the Ministry had managed to employ such imbeciles to govern Wizarding Britain was beyond her knowledge.

"And you think _I_ have time to be a part of some secret society?" Tonks gave them a tired look. "I spend the entirety of my time patrolling Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. I haven't seen my own _parents_ in months!" Even she was impressed with the anger in her voice. Robards seemed to soften slightly at this, while Scrimgeour turned pale. Umbridge simply stared at her, unmoved. Tonks began to get up. "You know, I have better things to do than sit here and be insulted." She spat, glaring at Robards. "If you're not going to sack me, then let me get back to my duties. Surely you remember than I'm on my own without a partner now that Savage has taken leave." Tonks started toward the door.

"_Hem hem."_ Umbridge's high pitched throat clearing made her skin crawl. "We aren't finished, Auror Tonks." Tonks reluctantly looked at the stout woman who gestured for her to sit again. Swallowing the bile in her throat, she sat at the edge of the wooden chair and folded her arms. "Before you go, I feel it best to inform you that you will be monitored. As of today, you are on a probation period with the Auror Department. Because of Dumbledore's insistence and Aurors Robards and Shacklebolt's high opinion of you, you are permitted to go about your duties as usual. But know this, Miss Tonks. You _will_ be watched. And as I told you before, if you are revealed to be a part of The Order of the Phoenix or any other rebellious organization, you may consider yourself sacked and you can look forward to spending time in Azkaban." The woman's eyes were sparkling with sick joy, a gold and green locket hanging from her neck like a pendulum ticking down the seconds to her fate. Tonks willed her heartbeat to go back to normal.

The anger that she and Sirius had both inherited from the Blacks threatened to rise to the surface and bubble over. She wanted to hex the bitch into distant oblivion or, better yet, strangle her.

"You have no proof." Tonks bit out at the woman, looking at Robards, who was examining his sleeve. Scrimgeour just looked unsure of what he should do while Umbridge called the shots.

"Perhaps you would be willing to take Veritaserum and answer more questions?" Umbridge challenged back. "Or we could try another method—"

"Dolores." Scrimgeour's voice cut in weakly. "Tonks is right. We have no proof and it isn't as if she's had time to be a spy for Dumbledore. Probation will be sufficient."

"Probation for something you can't even prove!" Tonks argued, standing again. "I thought things were going badly enough what with your head of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures now turning the Werewolf Capture Unit into a damned assassination effort—"

"Speaking of werewolves, Auror Tonks." Umbridge said disdainfully, cutting her off. "I would stay away from Lupin if I were you."

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked, narrowing her eyes at the woman.

"He attacked two innocent people some months ago in Woodlands Mill. The girl lived, though she is still incapacitated at St. Mungo's, but the man died from the wounds inflicted." There was no way to describe the fury pulsing through her veins. No doubt Greyback had found a way to pin both attacks on Remus as revenge for deserting the werewolves. "The girl confessed to it herself. He is, at this moment, being hunted for capture and extermination."

"_Extermination?_" Tonks cried, feeling her eyes burn suddenly. "You mean to…to _kill_ him?"

"It's policy." Robards interjected regretfully. "Any werewolves who attack humans will be destroyed."

"Yet Fenrir Greyback still roams free!" Tonks challenged. "Remus Lupin is the most civilized werewolf I've ever seen."

"None of them are civilized." Umbridge insisted shrilly. "Filthy half breeds, the whole of them—"

"You wouldn't know the first thing about civilized." Tonks growled at her, giving the woman an intense stare. Biting back the string of curse words in her throat, she managed to compose herself impatiently. "Anything else?" Umbridge gave her a triumphant smirk.

"You may go." She said, while Tonks looked once more at Robards and shook her head in absolute revulsion. Stalking from the Auror Department, she stormed to the nearest fireplace and flooed into the Hog's Head. Aberforth gave her a look of alarm, seeing her current state of rage and presently put a glass of Butterbeer in front of her.

"Bad morning?" He asked grumpily, to which Tonks snorted.

"You have no idea, Ab. The fucking Ministry is a joke. Being an Auror means nothing anymore because you can't trust anyone." She downed her drink and quickly paid him, even though he protested. "You've given me too many freebies, Ab. Let me." She quickly changed her clothing and appearance back to the green-eyed redhead and began the wintery walk back toward the castle. The cool air did nothing to assuage her anger, instead provoking her further. She had no clue where Remus was at present, but knowing that he'd been marked for death by Umbridge scared the hell out of her. She had to speak to Dumbledore, tell him what was happening.

_You are being watched…_Umbridge's words rang through her head over and over again. She looked over her shoulder and picked up the pace, feeling the wind whipping up her pleated skirt. It had begun to rain again, mercilessly. Tonks hated Saturdays inside the Castle. It was so quiet and gloomy, especially with the weather rolling each gray day into the next with no change. She silently thanked her lucky stars that nobody from the Ministry knew about her disguise.

She had just rounded the corner near the hospital wing, when she saw a dark cloak pacing nearby with a grim look on his face.

"Severus!" She called out, rushing toward him, hoping that he could help her find Dumbledore. Turning toward her, she saw his body lurch slightly forward before catching himself.

"Tonks." He said in a tone that sounded as if he were reminding himself of who she was.

"Where is Dumbledore? I need to see him. It's urgent." She insisted, but he shook his head.

"I'm afraid that's impossible, Tonks." Snape told her in his usual dry timbre.

"It's a matter of life and death—"

"Ron Weasley has been poisoned." Snape cut her off sharply.

"What?" Her eyes widened as she looked toward the doorway to the Hospital Wing, where she could hear adolescent voices talking quietly together. "How?"

"He drank some sort of mead which had been poisoned."

"Merlin…" Tonks exclaimed, momentarily forgetting her purpose. "Is Ron going to be all right?"

"I don't know anything for sure." Snape shook his head, glancing around. "Molly and Arthur are in Dumbledore's office right now, talking to him." Pulling her away from the door, he made sure they were out of earshot and lowered his voice. "What happened?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows and biting her lip. Snape sighed heavily, looking away for a moment.

"At the Ministry. What is life or death? And if you tell me they have Padfoot at the place where it's hidden, I may have to slap you." He muttered. Tonks reeled, trying to think.

"Remus has been marked for extermination!" She whispered. "He's been set up by someone for the death of Corrie Kirwan's uncle and her contamination. He wasn't the one—"

"I know." Snape nodded. "No doubt Bellatrix and Greyback set him up as revenge for his desertion."

"We have to do something…keep him safe!"

"Dumbledore is already aware of the situation and Remus is perfectly safe where he's staying."

"Where _is_ he?" Tonks asked desperately, wanting to go to him.

"With Shacklebolt." Snape answered, eyeing her suspiciously. "What else happened?"

"I—" She stopped, staring at him in bewilderment. "How did you…?"

"I can just tell there's something more." Severus stated. Uncomfortable with their nearness, Tonks stumbled backwards and leaned against the cool stone of the brick wall.

"I'm on probation. They suspect me of being in the Order. Someone tipped them off…we've been betrayed."

"They could have been bluffing to try and get you to confess, Tonks. It wouldn't be the first time they've done something like that." Snape pointed out.

"That awful toad threatened me with Veritaserum." Tonks growled, making Snape's eyes harden in anger.

"Yes she does have a certain…affinity for the potion." Severus agreed through gritted teeth.

"I am at the point where I don't want to be an Auror anymore, Severus." Tonks admitted candidly, breathing. "I joined so I could do good…but now I feel like the Ministry is harming more than helping. I feel so useless."

"You're not _useless_. But you _are_ in a bad situation. I can't solve your problems for you, Nymphadora. But you can't be on two sides at once. _Believe_ me, Tonks. It will eat you alive and they _will_ find you out." To her surprise he patted her shoulder resignedly. "Go get lunch with the rest of the students. I'm sure there's still plenty to go round."

"Will you tell Dumbledore I'd like to speak to him later, Severus?" She asked hopefully.

"I shall give him the message. I cannot predict what he will do from there." Snape allowed cautiously.

Much later, after the students had gone off to bed and Dumbledore had made no attempt to contact her, Tonks called it a night for patrolling and decided to go see Ron. She changed her appearance back to normal so that she would not be questioned if caught in the halls. Molly and Arthur must have retired to their home with the twins, leaving Ron alone for the night. No doubt they would return in the morning.

Seeing poor Ron lying pale on his bed, she settled into the seat beside it and looked down at him, thinking of Charlie and Bill. He was nearly identical to Bill, though he wore his hair shorter and his preferred style was more athletic. He was also slightly more rugged than Bill, which was a Charlie trait. God help Hermione when Ron realized he was an attractive boy and learned to actually seduce her. A book sitting upright on the bedside table caught her eye.

_Twelve Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches._

A gift from Fred and George undoubtedly. It was clear on first sight that the book was used. The corners were bent and worn and some of the pages were folded. Gingerly, Tonks lifted it and opened the front cover and gasped.

_Charlie-_

_Maybe this will help you grow the bollocks to ask Tonks out finally, you git. If you're not careful, she's going to slip through your fingers. _

_-Bill_

Underneath that was another note, written in Charlie's barely legible scrawl.

_Percy-_

_I think if you got laid, you would be a much happier bloke. Think about it, Little Brother. Remember, life isn't always an exam. _

_-Charlie_

From that, another note was written beneath in extremely neat script.

_Fred and George-_

_Normally, I don't approve of such frivolous and silly gifts, but I can vouch for this particular book. It's helped me more than I could say. Please don't abuse it and take proper precautions. You know what I mean._

_-Perce_

Finally, the last note from the twins to their baby brother was written at the bottom, a joint venture.

_Ronnie-_

_If this doesn't help you get yourself together and learn how to talk to Hermione, we can't help you. You'd be an idiot to let her go. _

_Fred and George_

_P.S. See Bill's note to Charlie for further instruction._

Tonks could not hold back the grin on her face as she closed the cover of the book and set it back down on the table. As she drew back, a strong hand wrapped around her wrist and made her shriek. Ron had grabbed her.

"Er-My-Knee." He murmured, dazed and unconscious. Tonks turned a fabulous shade of pink. "Hermione…" He whispered, trying to open his unfocused eyes.

"Ron it's me. Tonks." She told him. He did not listen.

"Hermione," He rasped. Tonks quickly helped him to drink some water, scanning the room to see if Madame Pomfrey was still about. "You 'ave to forgive…so sorry…it's you…S'Always been you."

"Okay." Tonks said, swallowing. His hand still gripped her wrist. "Okay, Ron."

"Yule ball…'member? Looked so pretty…loved you then…knew I did." He went on, babbling even though his eyes remained closed. "Don' leave me, 'Mione." He murmured fretfully, holding her arm harder. Tonks bowed her head tiredly.

"No. Not going anywhere, Ron. Sleep…okay? Just go to sleep." She assured him. As his grip slackened, she eased her wrist from his long fingers and stepped quietly away from the bed. Turning toward the opening to the door, she nearly collided with someone around the same height as herself with a mane of dark, bushy hair.

Hermione.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Tonks asked her worriedly, looking around the vacant hall.

"Couldn't sleep." She told Tonks with large brown eyes, glistening with tears. Flitting her eyes toward the door again, Tonks put a hand on her shoulder.

"How much did you hear?" She asked the girl, whose silence spoke volumes.

"Enough." Hermione said in a choked voice. "He's out of his head…he doesn't know what he's saying."

"I don't believe that." Tonks assured her. "I think he's finally speaking the truth."

"He'll never talk like that when he's awake." Hermione said bitterly, making Tonks smile despite herself.

"Of course he won't, love. He's a man. They're frightening idiots, the lot of them. But we can't help but love them, can we?" She smoothed the wild brown curls unsuccessfully. "Come on, Hermione. Let me take you back to Gryffindor Tower. It will do him no good to visit half dead when he finally does wake up."

"Do you think he'll chuck her?" Hermione asked, leaning into Tonks's side and letting her guide her toward the Common Room. "Lavender."

"Hermione, I don't think he's ever really wanted her. You know he only dated her to make you jealous." Tonks pointed out, squeezing Hermione's slender shoulders.

"I just don't understand _why._ Everything was going so well before Christmas. We were going to go to Slughorn's party together and then he was angry with me." The girl sniffed. "I can't even apologize because I don't know what I did!"

"Don't you _dare _apologize to him." Tonks told her vehemently, thinking of her own pig headed git. "He's the one who needs to apologize to _you._" For the first time, Tonks saw a smile twitch at the corners of Hermione's lips.

"Thanks, Tonks. Ginny said you knew what you were talking about." Tonks almost made a face. A cynical laugh was on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it. If only these two knew how hopeless she was with men, then they would never have asked her for advice. Hopeless with men, cooking, children…

Well, maybe not _so_ hopeless with children.

The memory of the blond haired little baby boy from Christmas still plagued her daily. It was becoming a right nuisance, seeing pictures of babies. She'd passed a young mother with an infant in Hogsmeade the other day and her fingers had actually _twitched_ with need. It was disgusting. Tonks had never wanted a child…never wanted to be a mother. Being an only child had sheltered her from babies and maternal instincts. Where had it come from? Why now? It was terribly inconvenient to get this urge right now, when the world was on the verge of being torn apart. Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she made sure that Hermione had gone inside before changing her appearance back to her disguise and following.

* * *

Remus stared blankly at the wall of Kingsley's guest bedroom, trying not to let himself fall into a despair. He'd known he was in trouble when Moody and Kingsley had come to Grimmauld Place and informed him of the manhunt that was in operation. For _him._ Though Greyback had no recollection of the encounter with Tonks on her birthday, he certainly would not forgive desertion of the werewolves. Especially since he'd been itching to induct Remus into that disgusting cult of his.

Mad-Eye insisted that Remus was to lay low for a while and stay away from the rest of the Order. A Fidelius Charm had been put on Kingsley's house, protecting him. Kingsley assured Remus that the issue would be taken care of by him and Moody.

He had also received word from Dumbledore that Tonks had been moved safely into Gryffindor Tower under the guise of a student. It helped him to sleep a bit better, knowing she was in a place that was safe. It also would have please Sirius to know she was so near to Harry in case something were to happen. He wanted so badly to write to her, but he knew it would do no good to risk it. If it had been hard for them to be together before, it was impossible now. Not only was he an outcast, but a fugitive.

He longed for the days when his biggest worry was slipping out to the Shrieking Shack with his three friends unnoticed. When they'd all been nothing but students with their lives ahead of them. He was the only one left and he had never felt more alone.

"_Where is Prongs?" Sirius asked irritably, looking at the clock for the third time in two minutes. "It's almost midnight." _

"_Maybe he fell asleep." Peter suggested, poking at the pile of cards on the floor. _

"_It's a bloody nuisance since he's become Head Boy. The arse is so busy with his damned duties—"_

"_We all have to grow up sometime, Padfoot." Remus chuckled, rolling his eyes. His dark hair hung in his eyes annoyingly. "Even Prongs." _

"_What say we go wake him up?" Sirius said with a devilish look, digging in his bag and producing a bottle of Ogden's. _

"_Oh leave him be." Remus sighed, but he stood, knowing exactly where this was going. Sirius, once determined, could not be deterred in his mission. They were going to find James whether they liked it or not. _

"_You coming, Wormtail?" Sirius asked the third boy, who shook his head nervously. _

"_I've got to get some sleep. McGonagall gave me detention for falling asleep in class again." He admitted sheepishly. Remus and Sirius shared a look of amusement. _

"_Dumbass." Sirius grinned, ruffling the shorter boy's hair. Remus gave Peter an apologetic look before following Sirius out of the portrait hole. Pulling out the Marauder's Map, Sirius let out a gasp. "Fuck!" Remus winced at his friend's curse. _

"_What?" _

"_Look at this, Moony." Sirius thrust the parchment into Remus's hands and pointed with his wand to James's name. He was in the Prefects Bath, but he wasn't alone…there was another name beside his and it wasn't Moaning Myrtle. _

"_Oh. My. God." Remus murmured, feeling himself smile slowly. _

"_That sneaky little pervert!" Sirius said, unable to suppress a chortle. "I can't believe it."_

"_Do you think he drugged her?" Remus laughed, handing the parchment back to Sirius. _

"_You know what this means, don't you?" Sirius said with a smirk._

"_No…" Remus eyed his friend cautiously. _

"_It means we have a chance to mess with them." Sirius's gray eyes glittered dangerously. _

"_What are you two doing out of bed?" A small female voice came from nearby. Remus nearly jumped out of his skin, turning with his wand drawn to face their slender intruder. Sirius went pale at the sight of the Ravenclaw Prefect. _

"_Craven, what are you doing up?" He asked in a different voice. The girl's blue eyes narrowed suspiciously at the boy, but Remus saw her swallow. _

"_I was using the toilet. Ours is out of order since some idiot clogged up our toilet with her – er – female toiletries. The whole place is flooded." _

"_Gross." Sirius replied, cringing. Eleanor nodded, folding her arms and looking from him to Remus expectantly. _

"_Well? Your excuse, Black?" She challenged, raising an arched eyebrow. _

"_I was…sleepwalking." He said, giving her a rakish grin. Remus exhaled in exasperation. _

"_With Remus?" Eleanor asked, unable to suppress her own smile. _

"_We do things in pairs." He offered, making Remus punch him in the arm. "Hey, Craven…what are you doing for Hogsmeade Saturday?" Taken aback, the girl looked confused. _

"_I'm going. Pari Kahn and I were going to have lunch and then, I don't know…why?" _

"_Why don't you and Pari have lunch with Remus and I?" Sirius elbowed Remus in the ribs, making him grunt. Pari Kahn was a pretty girl, but she was a bit too involved in Divination to enjoy her company. Remus had always been a practical thinker and it was no secret that he and his friends thought the subject was complete rubbish. _

"_Are you asking me out, Black?" Eleanor asked, giving Sirius a quizzical smile almost as if she hadn't heard him right. Sirius leaned lazily against the wall and looked down at her, brushing his long black hair off his shoulder and shrugging. _

"_Yeah…I guess I am." Tilting his head, he studied her. Her pale cheeks had gone pink, making her hair seem even blonder. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise. "Are you going to answer?" _

"_Well, of course I can't speak for Pari, but I—" Eleanor nodded feverishly. "Yeah. I'd love to go." She let out a nervous laugh. "With you, I mean." _

"_Meet outside the Great Hall, say…ten?" Sirius inquired, winking at her. Remus saw her breath catch, but she nodded again. _

"_Ten." She agreed airily. "Well, I'd best get back." She nodded to both of them and turned back toward her dormitory, giving Sirius one last hopeful look. When she was gone, Remus noticed his usually collected friend also looked slightly thunderstruck. _

"_I'd never have guessed you'd ask out a sweet girl like Eleanor Craven, Padfoot. Usually, you go for girls of the faster variety." Remus observed. Sirius did not look at him, his gaze still fixated on the spot where Eleanor had stood a moment ago. _

"_Neither did I…I don't know where that came from." He told Remus with his voice full of question. When he met Remus's eyes, they were not the same as usual. They were lighter, gleaming with something Remus had seen often in James's eyes when he looked at Lily Evans. _

_Longing. _

_Remus had had crushes on attractive girls of course, but he'd never wanted someone so badly that he couldn't speak. He'd never taken one look at a girl and felt lightheaded. Truth be told, he wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she was standing in front of him. He had slightly more experience than Peter, but that wasn't saying much since Peter had never even held hands with a girl. Suddenly, he felt like everyone had been invited to a party and he was the only one who was stuck outside. Someday, he would meet a girl who took his breath away and maybe, someday he'd meet a girl who was okay with his condition, who looked at him the way Eleanor had looked at Sirius when he'd asked her out. And who was to say that there wouldn't be treatment for lycanthropy by that time? He was only seventeen after all. He had time. _

He was out of time. Remus changed quickly into his pajamas and lay on the double bed with his hands folded under his head. How different things were from that simple time when he had been a young man with a future. Before anyone had known the truth about his ailment. Before he'd been in love. How he had longed for love while he'd been around James and Lily and Sirius and Ellie. When he had snuck out that night with Sirius, Dora had been four. _Four…_

Agitated, Remus reached under the bed to his rucksack and withdrew the glass that he'd wrapped in a shirt to protect it. Holding the reflective piece in his hands, he murmured her name. She was lying in bed, but he did not recognize her immediately although he knew it was her. Remembering she was in disguise, he could not help but notice that she greatly resembled Lily with the dark red hue of her long hair and even the green eyes which were staring forlornly up at the ceiling. He saw her murmur something into the darkness and somehow knew it was meant for him.

"I love you too, Dora." He whispered, slipping the mirror back into his bag and falling tiredly into the pillows.

* * *

**Better…I just couldn't help myself. I've been itching to write a scene from Remus's days at Hogwarts. After I finish this (If ever, lol) I am going to write a Lily/James story much in a similar style. The scene I wrote will be included and elaborated on. Constant Vigilance.**

**Thank you for reading and for the alerts and favorites and REVIEWS. Reviews make my days brighter. **

**We still have a long way to go! **

**Onward and Upward.**

**Syd**


	32. Draught of Peace

**March 23, 1997**

Tonks was awake before the sun even rose, lying covered in a layer of sweat. Her hair was matted to her forehead and her chest heaved with exertion from the nightmare she had just awoken from. She had been at her parents' home, enjoying dinner with them but when her mother had brought the food to the table, Tonks realized it was Bellatrix instead. On the platter she was carrying was her father's head. When she set it down and raised her dagger to attack Tonks, her eyes opened. It was the worst dream she'd had in a while.

Staggering from the bed, she made sure none of the other girls were awake and retrieved her bag from beneath the bed before heading down the stairs. She was nearly around the corner into the girls' bathroom when she stubbed her toe on the doorway and cried out in pain. Cursing under her breath, she waited until she deemed the coast clear and continued inside, opening the leather satchel. Absently, she reached for her potion and uncorked it. It wasn't until she lifted it to her lips that she realized it was empty. Tonks set the empty vial down on the counter and stared at it as if it were a variety of odd object. A wave of frustration made her swipe her arm angrily across the smooth tile of the counter and she barely heard the glass shatter as it hit the floor. Looking into the mirror, she realized that she had reverted back to her natural appearance.

With a sigh, Tonks held her breath and made to change back into her adapted red haired student. To her utter dismay, nothing happened.

"No, no, no…" She groaned. "Not again!" Her worries were finally catching up with her. She hadn't heard from anyone in the Order, save for Severus Snape in the past few weeks, and she suspected he only tolerated her (barely) because she resembled the dead mother of Harry Potter.

Bloody Hell.

Scrunching her face again, Tonks gripped the counter and tried to concentrate. She thought of Christmas and the baby…and the entire three months of her relationship with Remus…and spending time with he and Sirius.

Nothing.

"Fuck!" A sob wretched from her throat. Raising her wand, she did a quick repair spell so that the broken glass would not hurt another student. Tossing the empty potion away, she sighed. The Apothecary in Hogsmeade had been shut down. The one in Diagon Alley had long since been abandoned. Tonks did not trust her own potion making skills enough to make a contraceptive potion and she sure as hell wasn't going to ask Snape.

Quickly, she changed her clothes into her Auror uniform and ran a comb roughly through her thick hair. Tonks noticed it was getting light outside and slipped quietly out of the bathroom. She was nearly to the portrait hole when she heard murmuring coming from one of the sofas. Looking toward the fireplace, she saw a pair of feet hanging over the side. It became clear there were two people on the couch.

"…have to end it." A male voice was murmuring. "She's a bit crazy, that one."

"You're telling me." A tired female voice responded. "We can't keep staying up all night like this just to spend time together alone, Ron."

Tonks froze, eyes wide.

"You're telling me. I think I had an entire conversation with Harry yesterday, but I can't remember one bloody thing we talked about." Ron yawned as Tonks continued to inch toward the portrait hole.

"Well, it has to end." Hermione's voice said louder this time. "How are we supposed to concentrate at Apparition lessons this morning when we've been up all night long?" Tonks was sure her own face had gone red.

"We haven't done anything—"

"Ron, this is _not_ fair to Lavender and you know it." Came Hermione's stern reply. "And if you tell me that this is nothing—" her voice became thick, "—I may have to kill you."

"Hey…shh…" Ron murmured softly. "You _know_ this is not _nothing._ Lavender's been a mistake from the beginning. I'm sorry it took me being bloody poisoned to realize it. I will end it. I promise, and then…" He trailed off, and it went silent for at least thirty seconds.

"We shouldn't tell Harry yet." Hermione said after a while. "He has enough to think about." Ron sighed.

"He's going to find out sooner or later, 'Mione."

"I know, and I want him to, believe me, but..." She breathed. "I don't want to jinx it. It's been six years, Ron. We can't screw it up."

"Let's just take things one day at a time." Ron agreed. "First order of business. Chuck Lavender." Tonks heard a slap, followed by Ron's chuckle.

"That's rotten, Ronald!" Hermione admonished him, but Tonks could hear a giggle in her voice. She did not stay to hear any more, feeling as though she were intruding too much already. It only served to depress her further anyhow. She ducked out of the portrait hole, saying a good morning to the Fat Lady, who stared at her without recognition.

To her surprise, she was not the first one out of bed, and found several other early risers in the Great Hall for breakfast. Though she was not hungry, she sank down onto the bench and noticed a copy of the _Prophet_ lying there. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she pulled it over and sipped as she unfolded it. She began to read the numerous articles – one about a spotting of Fenrir Greyback, one about a Muggle who apparently had found out they were not a Muggle after all at forty years old…

_CRIMINAL WEREWOLF FOUND DEAD_

Tonks spilled her coffee in her lap. With shaking hands, she did a quick cleansing spell and forced herself to read the paper.

_After a raid of a werewolf community near Morgram Creek, the body of a known werewolf was found. This werewolf is wanted for at least two attacks and one death. The name has not been disclosed at this time, but it is confirmed to be male. Details will be published when they are released by the Ministry of Magic. _

_MURDERING CHILD ADMITTED TO ST. MUNGO'S FOR EVALUATION…_

Tonks stared, unseeing at the paper in her trembling hands. She wanted to tell herself that it wasn't him. He was with Kingsley, wasn't he? Unless he'd gone back underground or worse, had done his usual idiot noble thing and had slipped away so as not to endanger his friends. She flung the offending piece of paper away from her, tears burning her eyes.

Rushing toward the door, she was _going_ to see Dumbledore whether he wanted it or not. He'd ignored her for weeks on end now, and she was tired of it! Irritation gnawed at her bones as she rushed through the hall, tripping up at least two stairs as she tried to reach the Headmaster's Tower. Professor McGonagall was near the entrance when she heard Tonks's footfalls on the floor.

"Tonks, he's not here." McGonagall sighed, seeing her distress. "He's gone to the Ministry." Tonks nodded, willing her eyes not to overflow.

"He's always gone." Tonks said in ragged voice. McGonagall's eyes were soft with sympathy.

"Nymphadora, I'm sure it isn't—"

"Don't." Tonks shook her head. "It's just stress I'm sure. Been a bit of a bad morning thus far." She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and forced herself to smile at the Transfiguation teacher. "I'll just go sort out my head. I've got patrols this morning anyway." Sniffing, she hurried away and up more stairs, wandering aimlessly. Settling into a window seat, she made sure she was alone before she let herself cry again, letting her hair fall down in lank waves. The raw need to be held by her Mum was overwhelming. Everything about this war and her Auror duties was unappealing anymore. What had once seemed an exciting and fulfilling career had become a burden, making her question everything she had always wanted. The Ministry was nothing but corrupt.

She was unsure how much time had passed before she heard a shrill scream followed by a clatter of something falling to the floor. Tonks somehow found the will to stand and rounded the corner to where the commotion had come from.

"OUCH!" A tenor male voice growled. Tonks looked on in confusion, seeing no one until…

Harry's Invisibility Cloak fell to the floor, revealing him on one foot, clutching the other in his hands.

"Harry?" She asked hesitantly, holding her wand firmly in her hand. He hopped around to face her and fell to the ground, a sight which might have been comical to her once. Sirius probably would have chuckled anyway. She didn't even smile, plagued by misery, moving toward him.

"What're you doing here?" He asked testily, standing up and flushing in embarrassment.

"I came to see Dumbledore." Tonks replied vaguely, feeling detached from her own body as if she were hearing her voice through a door. One of his eyebrows raised and his eyes flashed brilliant emerald behind his glasses. He really was a handsome boy.

"His office isn't here." Harry said, looking down at her with pity. When had he gotten so much taller than her? "It's round the other side of the castle, behind the gargoyle—"

"I know." She sighed, shaking her head. "He's not there. Apparently he's gone away again."

"Has he?" Harry replied, sounding uninterested as he carefully placed his foot back to the ground. "Hey – you don't know where he goes, I suppose?" His voice was hopeful. Miserably, she shook her head.

"No."

"What did you want to see him about?" Harry asked, sounding curious. Tonks felt uncomfortable being analyzed by a sixteen year old boy, but she swallowed and began to toy with a loose thread on her sleeve.

"Nothing in particular. I just thought he might know what's going on…I've heard rumors…" She thought better of saying anything about Remus, knowing Harry would worry and possibly overreact. "…people getting hurt…" She finished lamely.

"Yeah, I know, it's all been in the papers. That little kid trying to kill his—"

"The _Prophet_'s often behind the times." She said quickly, almost trying to convince herself that it was wrong. That she would have surely heard from Kingsley or, especially Mad-Eye, if something had happened with Remus. Looking up, she studied the young man in front of her, absently messing up his black hair with his hand and looking at the floor. Would Remus have written to him? Tonks knew how important Harry was to Remus. "You haven't had any letters from anyone in the Order recently?" She blurted, seeing his lovely eyes darken as he shook his head.

"No one from the Order writes to me anymore. Not since Sirius—"

He hadn't heard from Remus either. Which could mean…

"I'm sorry." Harry said instantly, seeing her distress. She reached up and realized she was crying again. "I mean…I miss him, as well…" He touched her shoulder when he said this, making her jump.

"What?" She replied, unhearing. "Well, I'll see you around, Harry…" Pulling away from him, she rushed around the corner again and flew down the stairs. Air…she needed air. The courtyard was nearly empty as she walked out into the brisk spring air. The vague sounds of students returning echoed over the grounds as Tonks continued her aimless journey until she saw what she hadn't known she was looking for.

The Whomping Willow.

Remembering what Sirius had told her about it covering a secret passage into the Shrieking Shack, she closed her eyes before quickly performing an _Immobulus _charm and slipping into the opening beneath. She could hardly believe four teenage boys had once been able to fit in here together, much less in an animal form.

"_Lumos_." She whispered, seeing the worn passage come into view. Scrapes and scratches adorned the walls. Gazing around the walls, she noticed every now and again, there were things written on the walls with magic.

_Marauders, Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail…_

_Moony._

Tonks ran her fingers over the glowing letters as if touching them could make her feel him. Pressing her forehead against the dingy wall, she let her tears soak the back of her hand. She wished she could have seen him while he had been a student. Young and unburdened by the disappointments of life with bright blue eyes and a grin that promised mischief. Not unlike the grin he wore when he drank Firewhiskey. Opening her eyes, she continued toward the opening she knew would come.

She came into the Shrieking Shack after what seemed like hours, cringing at the disarray. The girl who had been found dead here and thought to be her filled her mind. It became obvious that whatever had been done to Lucy Towler had happened elsewhere, because there was no evidence of a fire inside the house. Broken furniture and glass littered the dingy wooden floor. Claw marks ravaged the walls and fabric. There were awful stains on the furniture and carpet that Tonks somehow knew was his blood. A stab of melancholy pierced her heart. Remus had been here…changed here…suffered here. Without question, if she could, she would gladly take his place and give him the chance at the normal life he so craved. Looking down at her red Auror robes, Tonks sighed resignedly. One thing she did know…_this_ was not working anymore. What she once used to want so desperately was nothing but a memory of the girl she had been before. She was no longer that person. She had changed. She was better than before even if she was broken at present.

Because of him.

* * *

_Remus, _

_Remember the first thing I said to you. If people judge you for something you cannot control, then it is because they are judging themselves for something that they CAN control. Never doubt your goodness. _

_Meet me at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at 11:00 A.M. Kingsley knows what to do and Alastor will meet you there. _

_Dumbledore_

Remus may have found some pleasure at the look on Umbridge's face if his heart had been beating slightly slower. He followed Moody and Kingsley into the lift at the Ministry of Magic. Remus had finally reached his breaking point the night before when he'd heard of the werewolf who was killed for the crimes he was wanted for because of Greyback. He refused to sit back and watch others suffer. He would face his problems head on instead of hiding from them. James and Lily had never shied away from their fears, not even when they'd been cornered and Death Eaters had tried to recruit them to their side. Lily had only consented to hide when she'd learned about the danger she was in from the Prophecy and even then, the only thing that had urged them to hide was their unborn baby.

And so, here he was for a hearing on a crime he certainly did commit, though only partially, and he fully intended to take responsibility.

"Don't say anything until Dumbledore finishes." Moody instructed gruffly, thumping him on the back.

"But I did bite that—"

"Quiet, Lupin!" Moody hissed. "We all know it was done in defense of Coraline Kirwan."

"Regardless…it's human life."

"That wastrel was no more human than my eye." Moody growled, giving him a look. "You're too bloody noble, you know. It would do you good to be a little crooked." Kingsley badly suppressed a smirk, receiving a pointed look from Mad-Eye.

"Bloody Auror department is so corrupt now. I'll bet the Wizengamot is not better. What they've done to Tonks is fucking absurd!" Moody added, shaking his head vigorously. Remus felt his stomach drop.

Had Dora been fired?

"Umbridge is out to get her, Moody." Kingsley said quietly, avoiding Remus's questioning stare. "And Tonks can handle herself."

"What happened?" He heard himself ask.

"They put her on probation." Kingsley responded swiftly, cutting in before Moody could start cursing. "Umbridge is determined to get through to the Order. Apparently Tonks really got her going this time though. Started railing at her about the Werewolf Capture Unit and basically told them they're wasting their time with small matters while Fenrir Greyback continues to attack and infect." The grin on Kingsley dark face made Remus vaguely aware of the fact that his jaw had dropped. He quickly sobered and sighed.

"She shouldn't endanger her job or reputation on my behalf." He said, looking at the ground.

"Lupin, her job is on the line regardless. She's a double agent right now anyway between the Ministry and the Order." Moody reminded him. "She's probably in more danger than most, _and _rumor has it that You-Know-Who told Bellatrix to keep her hands off because _he_ wants to recruit Tonks. Bring her over to his side."

"_What?_" Remus cried, reeling back and staring between his two friends. Moody's eye turned curiously on him.

"Her gift hasn't gone unnoticed by him. Having a shapeshifter on your side is a good thing if you remember." He gave Remus a wary look. "There hasn't been a registered Metamorphmagus in sixty years. Ted Tonks said that keeping track of Nymphadora at the playground when she was a child was a nightmare, because she liked to mimic the other children around her. He once told me that he brought home the wrong child by accident once. Andromeda was livid." Moody barked a chuckle. "That girl was always a little firebrand." Remus could not deny the affection in the man's gravelly voice. He remained silently, ignoring the painful beating of his heart as they stopped outside the door to the Wizengamot. "Constant Vigilance, Lupin."

The three of them walked in, while Remus saw the look of alarm pass over Dolores Umbridge's wide features as if she had not expected him to come. Dumbledore stood idly nearby, giving them a nod. Remus sat in the center of the room, folding his hands in his lap and taking a long breath.

"Remus John Lupin." Rufus Scrimgeour drawled, looking at him with hard eyes. "You have been accused of not only attacking Coraline Kirwan and her uncle, Goliath Barrack, but killing the latter. How do you plead?" Remus waited for half a second before replying.

"Guilty." He stated firmly, astounded by his bravado. Umbridge's face lit up with glee while Scrimgeour paled.

"Guilty?" The Minister asked as if he had heard wrong.

"If you want the truth though, I never attacked Coraline Kirwan. Only her uncle…and only after I deemed him a danger to her life." He responded honestly, watching the members of the Wizengamot turn to each other and murmur.

"How is that possible? Everyone knows that werewolves have no control over their actions whilst in that form." Scrimgeour pointed out.

"I had taken a dose of Wolfsbane." Remus said quietly.

"So, you're saying that you _knowingly_ attacked a wizard." Dolores Umbridge's high voice came from beside the Minister.

"I did." Remus told her, suppressing the urge to lunge at her with his bare hands. "Like I said—"

"I'm afraid that's irrelevant." Scrimgeour agreed. "The fact is, a man was bitten and _died_."

"Minister, if it pleases the court, I have brought two witnesses to testify on Lupin's behalf." Dumbledore said.

"Who?" Scrimgeour asked.

"Coraline Kirwan and Corbin Holden." Dumbledore said easily. Scrimgeour gestured for them to enter, while Remus was instructed to sit beside Moody.

"We need to talk about your lying skills, Lupin." Moody muttered under his breath, but kept his eyes on the two young werewolves who had been shown in. A general hiss of disapproval met their arrival, making Remus angry. To his surprise, Corbin was holding Coraline's hand and murmured something into her ear, before taking a seat nearby. He gave Remus a warm smile, surprising him.

"Name?" Scrimgeour asked the girl, who seemed to shrink in the chair.

"Coraline Marissa Kirwan." She answered in a tiny voice.

"Did this man attack you?" Scrimgeour asked, leaning toward her as if he could better see whether she was telling the truth by doing that. Coraline glanced over at Remus. He saw her swallow.

"No." She whispered. "He _saved _me."

"Saved you? How?" Scrimgeour interjected, looking skeptical.

"My uncle…he was abusive. My parents died recently and I'd been living with him. He was—" She cut off, giving Corbin a pained look. He nodded encouragingly with tender eyes. "He wanted me," Her voice dropped. "_Sexually._" A general murmur of disgust came from the Wizengamot, though Umbridge looked unmoved. "Mr. Lupin purposefully stopped my Uncle from hurting me. Fenrir Greyback was the one who caught me when I tried to run. I suspect if it hadn't been for Mr. Lupin being there that night, Greyback would have hurt me worse." Her eyes were full of tears. "I see that now…he brought me to St. Mungo's."

"Greyback is the one who attacked you?" Scrimgeour said, looking down at Umbridge and rubbing his temples. The woman had gone pale with her lips set in an angry line. No doubt reliving the verbal thrashing she'd received from Nymphadora Tonks. Remus wanted to grin at the thought, despite the grave mood in the room.

"Thank you, Miss Kirwan. That is all that's necessary. Mr. Holden." Scrimgeour gestured for him to come forward. "Name?"

"Corbin Gregory Holden, sir." Corbin said, sitting in the spot Coraline had vacated.

"And what can you tell me about the werewolf Lupin?" Remus cringed.

"I first met Mr. Lupin when I was in St. Mungo's with my own bite." Corbin replied. "I was very upset. My family had disowned me, my fiancée had abandoned me and I was very despondent. He approached me and was very kind to me." Pausing, Corbin went on, "I saw him again recently when we were both living amongst other werewolves. As you must be aware, it is not easy for our kind to find work and keep homes, so naturally we sort of band together to help each other. Only, Fenrir Greyback is not really helping them. He's using them to hurt others. Mr. Lupin had been trying to convince the others not to listen to him."

"And was he successful?" Scrimgeour asked, sounding tired. Corbin looked at Coraline again, this time turning pink.

"With me, he was." He said in a gentle voice.

"Thank you, Mr. Holden."

"If I may say something, Rufus?" Dumbledore said, stepping forward. The Minister weakly waved for him to continue.

"I think it is clear to everyone in this room that Remus Lupin is no killer. In fact, if one were _truly_ being technical, his efforts could be called heroic. He is an upstanding citizen of the wizarding community and has never treated anyone with anything but respect, whether they deserve it or not."

"Laying it on thick, Albus…" Moody said under his breath, making Remus smile despite his terror.

"I think, if you are really looking out for the best interests of the wizard community, you should turn your eyes toward Fenrir Greyback and his band of followers. Not," He remedied, "because they are werewolves, but because they are a threat to society and to innocent lives. And Miss Kirwan was right, I fear. If Remus Lupin had not been there that night with a cool head, Fenrir Greyback would have done more damage than he did. It is no secret he has a passion for the young…and female."

"Point taken." Scrimgeour cringed, looking around. "Let's call the question."

In the end, Remus was unsure of how Dumbledore had pulled it off, but he had been cleared of the charges, though the incident would remain in his permanent file with the Ministry. He, Moody and Kingsley began to make their way toward the lifts again, when he felt a small tug on his arm and turned to the two people who had helped to save him, despite the risk to themselves. Moved, he smiled down at them both.

"I cannot thank you enough for both your bravery and your kindness." He said sincerely. Corbin grinned, putting an arm around Coraline.

"How did you…?" He began.

"How did we meet?" Coraline asked softly, looking up into Corbin's pale face.

"After you left that day, when you were trying to convince everyone to leave Greyback, I…got to thinking and went looking for you. Of course, I had no idea where to go, so I went back to St. Mungo's to see if they would tell me where to find you and found Coraline instead."

"We got to talking about how my nickname is Corrie and _his _nickname is Cory, and it just sort of, _happened._" Coraline added. "My old boyfriend Jack had ended it with me already by this time, hearing about my…my…affliction. But then, Cory came into my room and I don't know…things just sort of fit. You know…sometimes you just meet someone and everything just…"

"Comes together." Corbin finished, smiling again. "You know?" Remus nodded, trying not to allow his face to crumple.

"Yes. I know exactly what you mean." He said hoarsely.

"We owe it to you." Coraline said, taking his hand and squeezing it. "We never would have met. Everything would have been different."

"I am so very happy for both of you." Remus told them sincerely. "And thank you again. I am in your debt."

"Consider us even." Corbin insisted, shaking his hand. Remus watched them round the corner before joining Kingsley and Moody. They all returned to Kingsley's after saying a quick farewell to Dumbledore who said he had a very anxious witch to attend to, whatever that meant. Gathered around Kingsley's kitchen table, he was given a glass of cold pumpkin juice while Moody opted for something stronger.

"Well, just another day, eh boys?" Moody asked, raising his glass and not even wincing as he drank. Kingsley shared a look with Remus.

"This just came for you." He said, thrusting a note toward Remus and raising his eyebrows in amusement. "Molly." Smiling, he opened the parchment.

_Remus, _

_Why don't you come stay with us until after the Easter Holidays? The children would love to see you and so would Arthur and I. _

_Molly_

Remus smiled genuinely, for the first time in weeks and looked up at Kingsley.

"You know, I think I might like some of that Elven Scotch." He said to Kingsley, who nodded and quickly brought it over to pour a drink.

"Let's toast." Kingsley said, raising his own glass. "To—"

"To setting things right." Moody intruded, giving Remus a look full of meaning. "I changed my will." He grunted.

"Did you?" Kingsley asked, unsure whether to look irritated or completely amused.

"I'm leaving my house to Tonks." He said sharply. "Don't have much, but at least I've got that. A little bit of money put away too. My own daughter's been gone for years."

"I never knew you had a daughter." Kingsley mused, his dark eyes widening.

"Had a wife and a daughter once, Shacklebolt. I don't anymore." He said, challenging the man to question him further.

"I'm sorry, Alastor. I didn't know." Kingsley said soberly, looking into his drink.

"She was twenty-two when she died. Still in Auror training." Moody went on, obviously driven by the effects of the alcohol.

And suddenly, a lot of things made sense. The reason he had made a prodigy out of Nymphadora Tonks and had been so upset at the prospect of her death months earlier. She reminded him of the daughter he'd had and lost.

"I think Tonks would be really touched." Remus assured Moody, unsure how he should react to this revelation. Moody merely grunted his agreement and the three fell silent, each man looking into his own glass.

* * *

_Nymphadora-_

_Please forgive my neglect of you. It was not intentional I assure you. I have written to tell you that Remus has been cleared of all charges and will be staying safely with the Weasleys until after the Easter Holidays. _

_I apologize again for the inconvenience. _

_Dumbledore_

Tonks sagged in relief against the wall of the hallway she was patrolling and shoved the note back into her pocket before looking back up at Snape, who had brought her the letter. His eyes were intense as he watched her.

"Minerva said she saw you earlier and you were distraught." His voice was just as callous and unfeeling as normal, but Tonks had come to learn recently that it didn't necessarily mean he felt that way. "About Lupin, no doubt."

"Yeah." She replied miserably, tightening her Auror robes. "I had trouble with morphing again this morning. Couldn't do it at all." There was the slightest raise of black eyebrows on his face as he reached into the pocket of his robes and produced a small vial.

"One dose of this should help, for now…it's not a permanent solution, but for the time being it may help." Snape told her.

"What is it?" Tonks asked, eyeing the murky liquid with a wary eye.

"Draught of Peace." He answered smoothly. "Let me know if it works and if you continue to have problems shifting."

"I—" Tonks stopped, at a loss for words. "Thank you, Severus." She quickly uncorked the vial, careful not to drop any and emptied it, swallowing the bitter liquid with little difficulty. A feeling of ease washed over her instantly, making her muscles relax and her mouth twitch into a small smile. Closing her eyes, she willed her appearance to change and felt her hair grow past her shoulders again. When she opened her eyes, the look on Severus's face told her she had been successful. Tonks turned to look at her reflection in a nearby window and nodded. "Thank Merlin."

"It's late, Tonks." He told her in a clipped voice, looking distractedly toward another hallway. "You should go get some sleep." She quickly reached back to put her red hair up into a tie and nodded.

"Thanks again, Sev." She said, digging through her pocket for her wand. Bringing her eyes back up, she noticed he was staring as if she'd slapped him. "What?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows together.

"Nothing." He growled before sweeping away and leaving her bemused.

"Okay…" She told him in a serene voice, unable to feel anything but relaxed because of the potion she'd taken. Tonks decided to worry tomorrow and looked forward to a good night's sleep.

* * *

**I can't decide if I'm happy with this or not, but I am excited because we're close to getting into the Deathly Hallows timeline (FINALLY). **

**Anyway, things will be getting more exciting soon. I hope. **

**Thank you, as always, from the bottom of my heart for reading and especially REVIEWS. Love them. **

**Syd**


	33. Rock Bottom

**April 4, 1997**

_Please report to the Auror Department immediately. This is an order. There has been an emergency. _

_Robards_

Tonks felt her heart sink as she strode out of the castle with Proudfoot and Dawlish, both of whom were silent. She pulled her robes tightly around her as they made their way toward Hogsmeade to the nearest Apparition point. They had not been called together like this since they'd been given their station orders in July. She'd tried to keep to herself for the most part, knowing that she was on thin ice with the department as it was. All of them were on edge and it seemed like nobody really knew what was going on.

The three Aurors apparated to the employee entrance and showed their badges to a nearby guard, who gestured for them to pass.

"Bloody Hell, what now?" Proudfoot grumbled as they all stepped into the lift. Tonks stumbled forward when someone pushed her from behind. Turning her head in irritation, she glared at Albert Runcorn, who gave her a withering glance before sliding into the lift with them. She barely was able to swallow her anger when they arrived at Level Two, where the Auror Office was located. Following Dawlish and Savage, she looked once more at Runcorn, who was skimming some papers.

"Tonks!" Dawlish snapped, pulling her by the arm and guiding her toward the open door to the Auror Department. If she'd been in a bad mood before, she felt no better when they all entered.

"Why is she always bloody around now?" Tonks muttered to Proudfoot, who looked down at her with a sympathetic glance.

"Not your favorite, eh?" He asked, patting her back. "Cheer up, lass…look who's here." He pointed forward and Tonks turned to see a grinning Drew Savage standing there. Her heart sped up in happiness at the sight of her former partner and friend.

"Hey, Shorty!" He chuckled, coming toward them and giving her a quick hug.

"Hello, Dad." She smiled, looking up into his tired eyes. "How are you?"

"Exhausted, truth be told. But ecstatic. He's perfect, Tonks." Savage told her, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a photo to show her. A newborn baby with bright open eyes stared at the camera while gumming his tiny fist. She could not help herself, she melted.

"Look at his chubby cheeks!" She gushed, feeling a pang of longing at the sight of the dark haired infant. "Oh, he's so adorable, Drew! Elissa must be thrilled!"

"We both are! She was absolutely amazing…I never thought I could love her more than I did already, but it's like he made me love her ten times more." Drew explained, drawing a dreamy look on his face. "His name is Jacob."

"Lovely." Tonks nodded sincerely, swallowing the lump in her own throat as she hugged Savage again. "I missed having someone to talk to during patrols though." Savage darkened, patting her shoulder.

"I know. I'm sorry…but it looks like you won't have to worry about that anymore." He assured her in a low voice, making her brighten.

"You're coming back?" She asked hopefully, but he shook his head, confusing her.

"They're pulling us out of the whole operation. Hogwarts, St. Mungo's, everywhere…" He informed her, looking around to make sure no one heard. "Said the Aurors have more important things to worry about."

"Like _what?_" Tonks hissed angrily, her earlier surliness returning with a vengeance.

"A little boy was killed, Tonks. Early this morning…Simon Montgomery. Five. Years. Old." He said, shaking his head. There was a husky, choked sound to his voice. "By Fenrir Greyback." Tonks reeled backwards, tumbling into Proudfoot's arm.

"No…you're sure it was him?" She asked to which Savage nodded with a grim look.

"He'd tried to recruit the mother for You-Know-Who…apparently, she's some sort of expert family historian. People go to her when they want to trace their lineage back. When she refused him, he used _Petrificus Totalis _and made her watch while he bit her son. Luckily, her girls are at Hogwarts. Simon was taken to St. Mungo's but Greyback snagged the main artery. Poor little thing died within an hour." Tonks stared at Savage unable to speak. Words ran through her mind like a faucet she couldn't stop.

_I was five years old…_

_He bit me as a punishment to my father…_

"Tonks? Hey…" Savage's voice brought her back into focus. He had a look of brotherly concern on his face. "You're crying, Shorty. Here…" He handed her a tissue. "Didn't know it would affect you so badly."

"I just…can't help it." Tonks sighed, shaking her head. "That poor little boy. His mother must be _ill_ with grief…he was practically a baby."

"Okay." Savage said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Okay…they're going to start. Let's head over." Embarrassed, Tonks pulled away from Drew and crossed her arms tightly as if that could keep her emotions in check. Robards stood beside Umbridge and Scrimgeour just as he had the day she had been put on probation. Her stomach began to roil with apprehension.

"As you all have heard by now, a five year old boy was killed by Greyback. The death report this morning confirmed that obviously, he was not in transformation at the time as the next full moon is the twenty-second, but there were still traces of lycanthropy in the blood along with something we haven't seen before. Fairy blood…it looks like we have another uprising of the ancient werewolf cult on our hands." He looked down at his clipboard and sighed. "Fairy blood is a silver substance which enhances sensations and strength. It is illegal to use or obtain it as fairies are an endangered species. It has also been found to alter one's appearance with each use. This is our perpetrator." Robards brandished a photo of Greyback. "Which brings us to our next order of business. A new procedure…Dolores?" He turned to Umbridge, who cleared her throat in that sickening way of hers.

"If you come into contact with any werewolf whatsoever, it is your responsibility as an Auror to the Ministry of Magic to detain and incarcerate said werewolf in Azkaban. There have been enough attacks lately." Her eyes fell on Tonks momentarily. "Which is also why we have written an addendum to the Ban on Experimental Breeding."

"Oh no." Tonks muttered, looking sideways at Savage. His face was pale.

"Lycanthropes are hereby forbidden from reproducing. Failure to comply with this Ban will result in imprisonment as well as sterilization along with the extermination of the offspring."

"You're saying you're going to kill babies?" Tonks heard herself say, stepping forward.

"Tonks, _no._" Savage whispered fearfully, but Tonks gave him a look. Umbridge smiled sweetly at her, tilting her head slightly.

"Auror Tonks, why am I not surprised to hear you have an opinion on this matter?" She said, eyeing Tonks. "It would do you well to remember your current position, Miss Tonks."

"Why am _I_ not surprised that you could just murder a baby without any consideration? Or have you never read the article by Newt Scamander on his theory about Lycanthropy not being a genetic trait?" She challenged, ignoring the murmurs around her and Savage trying to grab her arm.

"We are in no position to take chances on theories, Auror Tonks, and if I were you, I would be—"

"No, so instead we would murder an infant rather than test the theory by the most renowned expert on Magical Creatures in the world…why would we chance actually _learning_ anything?" She glared at the woman, advancing on her through the crowd. "I know exactly why." She growled at the woman, feeling her anger bubble over dangerously. "Because you might be proven _wrong_ and then your ridiculous misguided campaign against anything different than you may come to a fucking end!"

"_Miss_ Tonks, if you think—"

"Why don't you just start rounding up Muggle-born witches and wizards and executing _them_ too? We all know how much you would _love _that!" Tonks cried, unhinged. "Why don't you execute _me?_ I'm a half-blood shape-shifter!"

"Tonks, you may _not_ speak to your Under-Secretary that way!" Robards thundered at her, giving her a look that would have made anyone else shrink under his piercing gaze. Tonks stood to her full five feet three inches and looked up into his eyes without any fear. Her blood was tingling through her veins with something she could not identify. Silently, she pulled her badge out of her pocket and chucked it at Robards before ripping her red Auror robes off.

"She is _not_ my Under-Secretary and I will _never_ take another order from her…or from _you._" She dropped the robes at his feet and looked at Dolores Umbridge, who looked a cross between furious and thrilled.

"I hope you fucking _rot_, you old hag." She spat, before spinning on her heel and storming back through the crowd of Aurors, who stared at her in horror. Fueled by her adrenaline, Tonks walked quickly to the visitors' exit and left the Ministry for good, feeling oddly free despite the pang of fear in her chest. Three things occurred to her.

One, she was unemployed.

Two, she was homeless.

Three, she had no clue how to tell her parents.

Tonks stared at the door to her parents' home for a full two minutes before dragging up the courage to ring the bell. Andromeda's voice came cautiously from behind the door.

"Name yourself."

"Nymphadora Tonks. Your daughter." Tonks said, swallowing her sigh as the door slowly opened.

"Where were you born?" Andromeda asked in a tired voice.

"St. Mungo's. It was Thursday…day after Valentine's Day. Three in the morning. Middle name, Elizabeth for Grandmother." She answered before being pulled inside by Andromeda. Her face was drawn and pale. "Mum…"

"They were here, Dora." Andromeda told her quietly. "They were looking for you."

"Who?" Tonks asked, looking around at the house, which was in a bit of a mess. Her heart sank.

"Two Death Eaters. Rodolphus and Goyle." Her Mum answered with a sigh. "They want you."

"Bellatrix wants me dead, I know." Tonks winced, but her mother shook her head feverishly.

"No, Dora…they _want_ you. _He_ wants you to join him!" Andromeda said, bursting into tears. "They want your ability."

"What? They said that?" Tonks cried, feeling physically ill. "Oh Merlin…" She sank onto the sofa and put her head between her knees, feeling her eyes well up. She looked up at Andromeda again and noticed the circles underneath her eyes. "What did they do to you?" She asked, standing and moving to inspect her mother's lovely face.

"Not as much as they could have." Andromeda reluctantly said, shaking her head. "Your father went to fetch some food. Why don't you stay for dinner?" She asked, putting an arm around Tonks.

"Mum, I quit my job." Tonks blurted, feeling her eyes well and spill over. "I'm unemployed, homeless…I have nowhere to go and I'm being pursued by You-Know-Who. I've officially hit rock bottom." She burst into tears and let her mother soothingly stroke her hair until her sobs had subsided. "I'm sorry." She told her tearfully. Andromeda took her daughter's face in her hands and met her silver eyes with her own identical ones.

"What happened?" Her voice was smooth, calming. Tonks began to recount the tale of the morning and what had happened with Umbridge. To her surprise, a slow smile had spread over Andromeda's face while she listened.

"Spoken like a true Black." She said with a smile. "Not the insane, murderous kind…the rebellious, family defying kind." Her mother corrected, chuckling finally. "I'm proud of you, Dora."

"Really?" Tonks asked, holding her mother's soft hands tightly…

"Of _course._" Andromeda insisted. "And naturally, you'll move back in with us until you get yourself settled. We'll put stronger protection wards on the house."

"Oh, Mum…I am so lucky for you!" Tonks cried, sobbing into her mother's shoulder again. Andromeda kissed her forehead and pulled away to look at her.

"Why don't you go relax in your bedroom and when you get up, I'll have dinner fixed." She said. Tonks nodded, springing up and feeling slightly more hopeful.

* * *

"We need to have an Order Meeting." Dumbledore said, pacing in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place before Remus, Kingsley, Moody and Arthur. "Some new developments have complicated things."

"Such as?" Moody inquired. Dumbledore nodded at Kingsley and Arthur, who took off his glasses and began to wipe them absently with his sleeve.

"The Aurors have been pulled out of Hogwarts." Dumbledore informed them.

"Not only that, but there was a big blowup in the Auror Department this morning, which I unfortunately was absent for. Umbridge has succeeded in passing a new addendum to the Ban on Experimental Breeding due to the death of Simon Montgomery." Kingsley explained, giving Remus an apologetic look. "Lycanthropes are forbidden to reproduce now. Any children born to a werewolf will be…" Kingsley stopped, steeling himself obviously. "Exterminated." His voice was just above a whisper, but it seemed to echo through Remus's mind. "Not only that, but all Aurors are required to imprison any werewolf in Azkaban until proper action can be approved by the Under-Secretary."

"Oh, that's a load of horse shit!" Moody roared, dropping his fist on the heavy wood of the kitchen table.

"There's still more." Kingsley told them in a grim voice. "One of the Aurors retaliated to this news…in front of everyone. The department is now two Aurors shorter."

"Oh no…" Remus said, feeling ill. Tonks had no doubt railed at Umbridge again. If she had lost her job because of him, there was no way he could ever forgive himself…

"Tonks threw her badge at Robards's face and quit the department in front of everyone. She then proceeded to tell Dolores Umbridge—" Kingsley nervously cleared his throat. "I believe the exact words were 'I hope you fucking rot, you old hag.'" Moody began to clap his hands proudly, grinning from ear to ear. A terrifying sight, to be sure.

"There's a _girl_!" He cried, sharing a look with Dumbledore, who remained quiet. Dumbledore seemed very withdrawn tonight, worrying Remus. He never showed his actual age, but lately, it was as if he were growing more feeble before their eyes. Moody roughly clapped Remus on the shoulder, making him wince. "Well, what do you have to say about _that_?"

"Nothing." He told the older man, furrowing his brow.

"Remus, she quit her job in support of _you_." Arthur said quietly, folding his arms and setting his mouth in a disapproving line. He looked very much like his son Percy just then.

"Yes, the very thing I never wanted to happen!" He told them, agonized. "It's why I've left her alone! I wanted her to have a chance at a normal life!"

"Son, hate to break it to you, but Tonks never had a chance at that. She's a shifter." Moody said. "She's one of a kind practically…and she's never wanted any different. She's always been proud of being different. Maybe this is your chance to _not_ leave her alone…if you catch my drift."

"No." Remus said firmly, putting his hands on the table to brace himself. "I've fought too hard to save her from myself. She wants babies…something I can't give her. She deserves something more—"

"She wants _you_, you damned stubborn arse!" Moody roared, glaring at Remus. "My God, Lupin! If you had the strength to live without her, don't you think you can find the courage to live _with_ her?"

"Don't you think I want that?" Remus asked, provoked by Moody's words. "Don't you think I wish every bloody day that I could? But look at this entire mess with the eye of a _father_. Imagine Tonks were your daughter."

"_Don't, _Lupin." Moody warned. Kingsley slowly stood up, ready to interfere if things got too heated. Arthur looked ready to climb beneath the table.

"Just listen, Alastor." Remus begged. "If you were Ted Tonks, would you want your daughter in the situation she would be in if I were to resume our relationship? What if she got pregnant and was forced to abort it? Or worse, if she had a baby and it were born like me?"

"Everyone knows werewolves are made not born." Moody told him dismissively with a roll of his eye.

"That has never been proven." Remus reminded him. "She would be a fugitive…an outcast."

"Remus, she called Umbridge an old hag and told her to fucking _rot._" Kingsley inserted. "She's already done that to herself. It's something to consider."

"I can't." Remus insisted, looking away.

"Ah, to the devil with you." Moody waved his hand and disapparated with a pop. Arthur muttered something about being late for dinner. Kingsley sighed and muttered his own goodbye, leaving Remus alone with Dumbledore.

"Aren't you going to lecture me too, Professor?" Remus asked bitterly, looking into the blue eyes of his former Headmaster.

"No, I am not." Dumbledore said sadly. "But perhaps one small word of wisdom, if I may." Remus weakly nodded. "Life is fleeting, my boy, but true love is eternal. If you are lucky enough to find it, I would say it's worth the risk. Nymphadora knows that."

"She's still young—"

"Remus, I should think you of all people would understand that love knows no bounds, be it age or money or danger. The world could do with more of it." Dumbledore nodded kindly at him. "Be well. I shall send word soon…"

Remus sighed after he'd gone and trudged up toward his room, the former bedroom of Regulus Black, but stopped noticing that Sirius's bedroom door was hanging slightly open, which was odd since it had been closed since the last time Sirius had been in there. It had been nearly a year now…

He pushed the door open and took a hesitant step inside, feeling his eyes burn at the familiar sight of the posters on the walls and the Gryffindor colors. His desk was pushed against the window, a layer of dust collected over it. There were some scattered papers and a few photos on it. The bedclothes were still rumpled from the last time it had been occupied. Remus drifted past the bed to the desk, looking down at a picture of the four Marauders at their graduation before the sight of a baby on a broomstick caught his eye.

Remus picked up the picture of Lily, James and Harry with trembling fingers. They were all smiling, a complete family with a future. He set it back down, recognizing Lily's handwriting.

_Dear Padfoot, _

_Thank you, thank you for Harry's birthday present. One year old and already zooming along on a toy broomstick, he looked so pleased with himself, I'm enclosing a picture so you can see…_

Remus sat down at the desk and closed his eyes. He felt truly alone now. They were all gone…and where did that leave him? What would their advice have been to him. Oh, he knew exactly what they would have said.

"_What good are you doing either of you by denying yourself and her happiness, Remus? Life is too short for regrets, you dolt!" _

That would have been Lily.

"_Man up and do the right thing, Moony." _

James would have said that with an unmistakable air of friendly arrogance to which Lily would have smacked him and suppressed a grin.

"_She gets her stubbornness from me. If you don't make an honest woman out of her, I'm going to figure out how to haunt you forever." _

That would have been Sirius, of course. Remus swallowed his despair, resting his head on his hand and looking down.

_Sirius, _

_I've written this letter so many times, I can only hope it finds you now that I know you're out of that awful place. I know I should have come clean long ago, but as you know, complications can arise. Sirius, when you left me fifteen years ago on New Years Eve when we fought, I had a secret. I wanted to tell you, but I panicked. _

_Sirius, I was pregnant. With your child. Please forgive me for keeping this from you. Her name is Lavender. She's beautiful…she has your eyes. My parents found out before I could tell you and sent me away. You know how controlling they were…I married Girard for my freedom from them. She was born on August 29__th__ 1980. She's fourteen and in her fourth year at Hogwarts…_

_She's a Gryffindor, Sirius. Just like you. Sometimes, she reminds me so much of you when she smiles or when she's angry. She does that thing where she combs her fingers through her hair and tosses it back. _

_I'm not asking you for anything, Sirius. I lost that right when I allowed my parents to send me away. I just thought you deserved to know. _

_I have enclosed some pictures for you to have. _

_Thank you for my daughter and for loving me once. _

_I will always love you._

_Ellie_

An assortment of photos were scattered over the table, from a blonde baby smiling and waving at the camera to the girl Remus recognized as his former student. Cold realization crept into his stomach.

Sirius had known he was a father before he'd died. Who knew how long he had spent staring at the pictures of the daughter he would never know? And yet, he'd never told Remus that he'd known. He understood why, but seeing the proof now made Remus want to reconsider losing chances. Setting the letter and pictures aside, he shook his head.

Now was not the time.

Perhaps tomorrow things would look different.

* * *

**Trying to move things along here so we can get to the next part. I don't want to rush things though! That's the fastest way to kill a story is to rush it. Sorry it's sooo slow. It will pick up within a few chapters. **


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